[Otal Nimrodi]

Disclaimer: The following is a work of satire, parodying college rejection letters on the wall of rejection at my school. Harvaleton and Oxbridge is a school completely in my mind. However, Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Oxford, and Cambridge Universites actually do exist. Or so I'm told.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------






April 1st, 2006




Dear Mr. Lou Zur

We have analyzed your letter in detail, and we regret to inform you that you are quite possibly the least qualified person on the planet for our college. You are an idiot, incompetent, and, worst of all, unable to afford admission. In fact, we would have rather had Homer Simpson at our college. You may have thought that you were qualified, based on something said by your mother, father, or cat. As I’m sure you are aware Harvaleton and Oxbridge is one of the most prestigious schools in the nation. Therefore we are shocked that you thought you even had a chance of getting in. We get a great deal of applications for school every year, and yours was, thus far, the worst. In fact, we wonder how you even manage to get your shoes on the right feet in the morning. We suspect you do not. However, we will keep your application in our database, so that we can laugh at you when we are feeling down. Your application will also be posted around the campus for all students to read, because everyone needs a laugh. Even the freshmen. The first admissions officer to read your letter collapsed and died. You may feel that this is unrelated to you. However, it is worth mentioning in this letter. Our college can not accept everyone who applies. In your case, we feel that this is a good thing. You may take this as a letter telling you to apply to another school. However, it should be taken as a letter telling you to jump off a bridge, So please do so. At this point in a letter, we would usually be letting you know that this is not a judgement on you as a person or student. However, it is a judgement on you as both. Every year we get many applications, each of them offering unique opportunities and advantages. In your case, however, only disadvantages were offered. You may take the date at the top of the page (April 1st,) to mean that this is only an April fool’s joke. However, it isn’t. You really are this lame. We thank you for your application, and sincerely hope that you never apply here again. Ever. Or to any other school. Or in fact count yourself as a member of the human race.



Completely Sincerely


Otal Nimrodi.
Senior Admissions Officer
Harvaleton and Oxbridge.

[Sailor Abbey]

Fabulous!

[floppydisk]

:D

That was great! Shoulda been a JPL update.

[Otal Nimrodi]

Oh, yeah, I really should have sent it to him.

But I've been working on a JPCBLS article, actually.

[floppydisk]

Uh oh, I'd better start on one.

I'm going to make it on Gmod. I'm going to spend all week in Gmod taking screenshots of the hilarous things people make, and let me assure you, they're hilarous.

If you want to help, Slade, we can hook up on a server somewhere.

[Deepsycher]

I got plenty of real rejection letters before, but the excuse was generally about funding and "Supply and Demand" if they have nothing negative to work against me such as low performance in the grades.

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 05 April 2006 - 07:36 PM

[Slade]

I would, but I've had work up to my ears for the past 3 weeks, and it looks like it's going to continue.

[barend]

then expect a rejection from Oxfam university as well...

[floppydisk]

I would, but I've had work up to my ears for the past 3 weeks, and it looks like it's going to continue.