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The Story So Far Have I got this right?...

#1 User is offline   azerty Icon

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Posted 11 March 2006 - 01:47 PM

In the beginning...

A guy named Darth Plageiouous has an apprentice named Darth Sideous.

Sideous kills Plageiouous and decides to TAKE OVER THE GALAXY, and our epic tale commences...

He influences the force to create Anakin on the planet Tatooine. He waits 8 years on the planet Naboo. Meanwhile, he gets a temporary apprentice named Darth Maul. He changes his own name to Palpatine.

Episode 1 Begins.

Palpatine organizes a blockade of his own planet, in order to somehow get made chancellor of the senate. He "Wants that trade treaty signed!", which will somehow make him chancellor.

But, unexpectedly, the Queen Amidala gets the Jedis to come and help her out. Qui Gonn and Obi Wan rescue Amidala from Naboo, but (unforseen by everyone) they luckily end up on Tatooine where they luckily happen across the aforementioned Anakin. They take Anakin to Coruscant, and Palpatine ends up chancellor anyway, (depite the fact that his "sign the treaty" plan fails). Also the Jedis have Anakin, which may or may not have been his plan in the first place. But the first phase of his fiendish plan is now in place - he now runs the Senate! He also controls a Droid Army, Yipeee!

Episode 1 Ends.

Now that Maul is dead, he gets another temporary apprentice named Dooku / Tyrannus / Sifo Diaz. Dooku, (As Sifo) ordrs up a clone army from a bunch of alien looking spacemen. Sideous STILL requires a dead Amidala to fulfill his 'Take over the Galaxy' plan, as well as this Clone Army, and Drioid Army so he...

Episode 2 Begins.

...Attempts to blow up Amidala, but fails. Had he succeeded, what would have happened? Obi Wan and Anakin are assigned to protect her. Sideous now hires Jango, a famous bounty hunter, and father of the aforementioned clone army, to try and kill Amidala again. Jango hires some useless alien chick to use some kind of centipedes to kill her in her bed.

This plan is thwarted by the Jedi, who capture the useless alien chick , and as she is about to reveal who hired her, is killed by Jango. Luckily Jango uses a special dart, so unique in all the galaxy, that it is instantly recognized by a short order chef, who (with skills like that) should really be working in the CID department of the intergalactic space-police. Could he recognize a Curari dart from the Amazon rain-forests of Earth, a FN-FAL casing from Kolwezi, and a gaffi stick from the Jundland wastes? Just asking...

Using this information, Obi wan goes to the mysterious planet Kamino (which doesn't exists in the records) and finds the aforementioned Clone Army. Meanwhile Anakin takes Amidala (who is also called Padme) back to Naboo for her protection. Also Anakin is really trying to get a root with Padme, but she ain't into it. Meanwhile, Jango goes to that Bug Planet, where the Bug Men are building a Death Star. Obi Wan follows Jango to the Bug Planet, and runs into the aforementioned Dooku, who is up to something devious. Meanwhile, Anakin senses that his mother is in trouble, so he goes to Tatooine and watches her die, and kills a few sand people. Anakin and Padme sense Obi wan is in trouble and go to help him. Unfortunately they are all caught, but are rescued Yoda and the mysterious clone army, who are now working for the good guy side.

Sideous's plan is really fucked now since, A) Amidala is still not dead, and B.) The good guys know about the Clone Army that he tried so hard to keep hidden. Also there are some separatists involved in all this mess too.

At the end, Padme decides that Anakin is in fact worth the price of a root, so they get married.

Episode 2 Ends.

A quick review of the situation so far. Either Sidious's plans are going horribly wrong ( ie Amidala is not dead, the Jedi have Anakin, Anakin is in love with Amidala, the Jedi know about Kamino, know about Jango, and know about the Bug Planet, and know about the Clone Army) or else this was his cunning plan all along. But if this was his plan, he should have let Useless Alien Chick just tell Obi Wan that Jango Fett of Kamino hired her, and not bothered with all the rest of his convoluted plan of darts and missing planets.

Meanwhile, a war starts up between separatists and the rest of the galaxy.

Episode 3 Begins.

Anakin kills Dooku, despite all his Jedi training. The Jedi don't want Anakin to be a Jedi, much to Anakin's surprise, despite the fact that he is a psycho killer of Sandpeople, Dooku and is illegally married, and has knocked up his wife too, all of which are "against the Jedi way".

Anakin is dreaming that Padme will die. Palpatine tells Anakin that he can stop Padme from dying, but in order to learn this trick, Anakin must become a Sith. No problem, says Anakin. Palpatine reveals himself as a Sith, and kills a bunch of Jedi's. Anakin kills a bunch of cute little kids, but doesn't consider himslef a bad guy, in fact quite the contrary. Then he goes to Volcano Planet to kill those Trade guys, who have outlived whatever use they ever had.

Padme follows Anakin to Volcano planet and Obi Wan hitches a lift, because he knows Anakin is a rotter. Anakin chokes his wife, kills the Trade guys, and starts a fight with Obi Wan, because from his point of view Obi Wan is evil, (even though Obi Wan has never massacred Sand People, decapitated a defeated foe in cold blood, rooted the girl he was meant to be protecting, disobeyed his vows and gotten married, sliced off his own boss's hands, killed a bunch of 8 year olds, and throttled his own wife, and slaughtered those Trade guys). So Obi Wan leaves Anakin for dead and goes home.

Yoda gives up and goes to live in a swamp. Fuck the galaxy he says, I'm outta here. Me too, says Obi Wan, fuck 'em! Padme gives up too. Fuck all of you, I'm just going to lay down and die, I don't give a fuck and I don't care! But wait, Padme has 2 kids! Let's hide them from Anakin, and send one to live back on Tatooine with Anakin's Mum's Husband's kids. Very clever.

Episode 3 Ends.

20 years pass, but nothing worth mentioning happens.

Episode 4 Begins.

Luke Skywalker, son of Anakin intercepts secret plans from sent his own sister, and meets up with Obi Wan. They both meet up with loveable scoundrel Han Solo, and rescue Luke's sister from their own father. Obi Wan is killed, and the Death Star is blown up. Sidious's plans are screwed again!

Episode 4 ends.

3 years supposedly pass by, and nothing happens.

Episode 5 begins.

Han Solo and Luke's sister are deeply in love, only neither one bothered to metion this for 3 years. Anakin (Now known as Darth Vader) want's to get his son back and chases Han Solo and Luke's sister across the galaxy in order to torture them so that Luke will rescue them and get captured. Luke is learning to become a Jedi "like his father", but it is taking way too much time and effort, so he gives up, and is almost captured by his dad. He also learns what a rotter his dad is, and learns that Obi Wan and Yoda have lied throguh their teeth basically the whole time they have been speaking to him. But Solo has told Luke's sister that he loves her (sort of), but he is taken away frozen in carbonite. We must rescue him!

Episode 5 ends

3 more years supposedly pass, and nothing happens. Lando and Chewie go to rescue Solo, but get sweet fuck all accomplished before the next movie starts. In fact Chewie appears with Luke's sister later on in a different place, though this one is never explained.

Episode 6 begins

The plan to rescue Solo is a huge shambles. But wait, Luke appears, and because of his 4 day course in Jedi Ass Kicking, he defeats all the foes and escapes. Also Jango Fett's own son (father of all the Stormtoopers) is on the scene and is killed accidently. Well, that rounds things off nicely.

There is a new Death Star! Solo and Luke's sister got to the Planet of the Teddy Bears to help destroy the sheild protecting Death Star, and a chap named Lando goes to destroy the actual Death Star itself. Luke goes to the space station to see if his father really is as bad as everyone makes out. Well, the teddy bears turn out to be some bass ass dudes, and Anakin recognises that he has been a bit of an ass all these years, and decides to go straight. "Fuck you, Sidious, you wanker, I'm changing sides again! From my new point of view the Sith are evil and so are you! Into the bottomless pit you go ! Yippee!"

Written and directed by George Lucas...

Did I miss anything?
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#2 User is offline   Sailor Abbey Icon

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Posted 11 March 2006 - 02:15 PM

QUOTE (azerty @ Mar 11 2006, 01:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Meanwhile, Jango goes to that Bug Planet, where the Bug Men are building a Death Star.


Oh my god! Is that what they were doing on that planet? I never could figure out what the hell the big factory was for and why they needed all the bugs to sit in the arena.

I think I may have fallen asleep at some point.

QUOTE (azerty @ Mar 11 2006, 01:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
In fact Chewie appears with Luke's sister later on in a different place, though this one is never explained.



What part was that?
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#3 User is offline   Gobbler Icon

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Posted 11 March 2006 - 02:35 PM

QUOTE (Sailor Abbey)
What part was that?

The beginning of Episode V, when Leia, disguised as a bounty hunter, visits Jabba's place, demanding the bounty for her newly accquired prisoner - Chewbacca.

I was wondering about that too, azerty... hmmhmm... but did the bugs really build a Death Star? All we ever saw was a big factory producing droids for their war... sure, they had the plans, but still... umm... nevermind.

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#4 User is offline   KurganX Icon

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Posted 12 March 2006 - 04:49 PM

QUOTE (Gobbler @ Mar 11 2006, 03:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The beginning of Episode V, when Leia, disguised as a bounty hunter, visits Jabba's place, demanding the bounty for her newly accquired prisoner - Chewbacca.


You mean Episode VI (ROTJ is episode 6, ESB is episode 5).


Also, the time line is slightly off... (nitpicking I know)

Episode I
then 10 years pass...

Episode II
then 3 years pass...

Episode III
then 19 years (I think the new officially retconned age of the Skywalker "twins" is 19) pass...

Episode IV
then 3 years pass... (at least according to the official timeline before the prequels, not sure if this has changed)

Episode V
then 1 year passes...

Episode VI
the end.

And supposedly each movie takes place in a short time frame (days or weeks) even though extending that to weeks or months might make more sense in some cases, but oh well.

I'm not sure the time frames for the classic trilogy really are that set in stone, but the time frames in the prequels are implied in context dialouge ("It's been 10 years since I've seen her master," etc).

Also, since Palpatine claims he doesn't know this magic power to "cheat death" he may also not know the "create life" power he BSes Skywalker about, so perhaps Plagueis creates Anakin, then Sideous kills him and makes his bid for power. wink.gif

According to to the EU, supposedly, officially (and stupidly in seeming contradiction to AOTC's dialouge), Sifo Dias is an actual person that Dooku gets to buy the clone army and then kills, rather than his just assuming the identity of a (conveniently dead) Jedi Master. Dooku is the one who erases Kamino from the archives shortly before he leaves the Order around the time of TPM (unless they decided to make this another task for Sifo Dias the chump to do, which would suck... I mean, did Dooku do ANYTHING besides trick the Trade Federation and get himself killed? I thought he was supposed to be the "man of action".. while Palpatine is the schemer/manipulator).

This post has been edited by KurganX: 12 March 2006 - 05:09 PM

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#5 User is offline   Jejef Thgaron Icon

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Posted 15 March 2006 - 12:17 PM

QUOTE (KurganX @ Mar 12 2006, 03:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Also, since Palpatine claims he doesn't know this magic power to "cheat death" he may also not know the "create life" power he BSes Skywalker about, so perhaps Plagueis creates Anakin, then Sideous kills him and makes his bid for power. wink.gif

According to to the EU, supposedly, officially (and stupidly in seeming contradiction to AOTC's dialouge), Sifo Dias is an actual person that Dooku gets to buy the clone army and then kills, rather than his just assuming the identity of a (conveniently dead) Jedi Master. Dooku is the one who erases Kamino from the archives shortly before he leaves the Order around the time of TPM (unless they decided to make this another task for Sifo Dias the chump to do, which would suck... I mean, did Dooku do ANYTHING besides trick the Trade Federation and get himself killed? I thought he was supposed to be the "man of action".. while Palpatine is the schemer/manipulator).


Palpatine's a liar and a deceiver... all part of being a Sith Lord. Either Plagueis made Anakin, or it was the Force.

Palpatine dupes Jedi Master Sifo Dyas into creating the Clone Army. Dooku kills Sifo Dyas in his sleep to show his allegiance to the dark side. Dooku and Sifo Dyas used to be friends. Dooku does erase the Kamino records around the time of TPM. In the Archive scene on AOTC, there is a subtle hint at who erased the records. There is a bust of Dooku sitting behind Obi-Wan and Jocasta Nu, when Obi-Wan asks, "Who could have done this?".

Some say the EU is not canon, but the data bank on Starwars.com gives this same information, and more. It also claims Dooku kept Sifo Dyas cryogenically frozen in order to give General Grievous a blood transfusion.
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#6 User is offline   Revan-47 Icon

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Posted 15 March 2006 - 05:40 PM

I always figured that Sifo Dyas had a vision through the force, and that he made the army, not sure what it was for.

Either that or since sifo dyas had been killed 10 years ago, and couldnt of made the army, it must have been dooku posing as him, not nessecarily having killed him.
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#7 User is offline   KurganX Icon

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Posted 16 March 2006 - 02:31 AM

QUOTE (Revan-47 @ Mar 15 2006, 06:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I always figured that Sifo Dyas had a vision through the force, and that he made the army, not sure what it was for.

Either that or since sifo dyas had been killed 10 years ago, and couldnt of made the army, it must have been dooku posing as him, not nessecarily having killed him.


It's not essential to the plot for us to know who "Sifo Dyas" is really, but AOTC strongly implies that Sifo had nothing to do with the plot, he's just a dead guy, and Tyrannus (Dooku) is the one who commissioned Jango, and we know he's a powerful Jedi who left the order. It's strongly implied then that he simply assumed the identity of this guy in order to secure the order of the clone army.

But, as usual, the heavy handed approach of the EU is to eliminate all mystery and logical deduction, dumbing things down, by making Dooku actually befriend this Sifo Dyas (and let me guess, he really was a prominent member of the Jedi Council at the time, even though we never saw or heard of this guy in TPM) and trick him into really ordering the clone army for the republic because he thought it was the 'right thing to do' (or whatever) IN SECRET and then murders him, without getting caught in this convoluted mess. And all this remained unknown at least until the time of ROTS or something... despite never being mentioned anywhere in the movies.

Dooku walks into the morgue, palms the ID of recently deceased high level guy, uses it to do something secretly. Works for me.

Or he just creates a fake ID using the name of somebody that sounds important to fool the Kaminoeans who don't ask questions so long as somebody pays for the product.

Some have tried to point out (not sure if this is official or just fan speculation) that "Sifo Dyas" kind of sounds like "Sideous" if you mumble or something, but that's silly in terms of the plot (and the fans all know that Sideous was behind the clone army being ordered, it's painfully obvious to the audience who is paying attention).
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#8 User is offline   Sailor Abbey Icon

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Posted 16 March 2006 - 08:39 AM

Because it must be real difficult to assume someone elses identity to clone an army. Obi wan just shows up at El Camino, and nobody asks to see some ID? Dooku probably didn’t have to put fourth a whole lot of effort into impersonating Sifo Dius.

I always figured SD did actually die a long time ago - probably nothing too mysterious - fell out of a speeder or something - Dooku, knowing a handful of deceased jedI, chooses a random name from the list to impersonate, and goes and gets himself a bounty hunter to clone.

Either way, count Dooku is such a lame character, I’m ashamed to say I wasted this past three minutes of my life writing about him.
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#9 User is offline   KurganX Icon

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Posted 16 March 2006 - 11:00 PM

Well I like Count Dooku, but that's probably more to say that I like the actor who plays him. It's the same situation with Mace Windu. The characters are rather wasted onscreen as little more than a warm body to introduce an action sequence (done mostly by stuntmen or cg anyway).

This post has been edited by KurganX: 16 March 2006 - 11:01 PM

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#10 User is offline   KurganX Icon

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Posted 16 March 2006 - 11:42 PM

That's weird, can you only edit your posts within a certain amount of time after posting? Anyway, I should add that I think Lucas & his creative team are great at creating cool looking characters, just not so great at utilizing them effectively, at least in the prequels...
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Posted 28 May 2006 - 06:17 AM

You are wrong, Palpatine's plans aren't going wrong, they are going right. He needed Anakin to fall in love with Padme, so he was trying to threaten Padme but not actually kill her. That's why the attempts to kill her don't work - he just wants to get Anakin as her body guard so that he has time to fall in love with her. That is his plan all along.
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#12 User is offline   Cobnat Icon

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Posted 28 May 2006 - 06:11 PM

Thats one epic story... but how does Maul fit into the picture?
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#13 User is offline   georgelucas4greedo Icon

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Posted 28 May 2006 - 08:13 PM

QUOTE (Black Dog @ May 28 2006, 07:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You are wrong, Palpatine's plans aren't going wrong, they are going right. He needed Anakin to fall in love with Padme, so he was trying to threaten Padme but not actually kill her. That's why the attempts to kill her don't work - he just wants to get Anakin as her body guard so that he has time to fall in love with her. That is his plan all along.



How do you make two people fall in love?
It seems like everyone is over the nitpicking. Too bad.
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#14 User is offline   Otal Nimrodi Icon

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Posted 28 May 2006 - 08:21 PM

Through Fanfictions!
Want a Tarot reading?

PM me, we'll talk.
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Posted 28 May 2006 - 11:00 PM

dooku wasn't sifo, plagus was.
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