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Joke Thread

#1 User is offline   Cobnat Icon

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Posted 01 March 2006 - 09:56 AM

I looked all over the forum but couldnt find an official joke thread, I found this:

Strange Questions That Will Always Remain Unanswered.

1. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

2. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going
as ghosts but as mattresses?

3. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

4. Is there another word for synonym?

5. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?"

6. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

7. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

8. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

9. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?

10. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain
silent?

11. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

12. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?

13. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

14. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

15. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

16. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

17. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

18. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

19. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?


If there is an Official Joke thread then please dont hurt me crying.gif
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#2 User is offline   Cobnat Icon

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Posted 01 March 2006 - 10:12 AM

Goddamn funny article I found:
---------

The Liberal Media

LIBERAL MEDIA



Lemme see, have I got this straight............

Clinton awards Halliburton no-bid contract in Yugoslavia - good...
Bush awards Halliburton no-bid contract in Iraq - bad...


Clinton spends 77 billion on war in Serbia - good...
Bush spends 87 billion in Iraq - bad...

Clinton imposes regime change in Serbia - good...
Bush imposes regime change in Iraq - bad...

Clinton bombs Christian Serbs on behalf of Muslim Albanian terrorists - good...
Bush liberates 25 million from a genocidal dictator - bad...

Clinton bombs Chinese embassy - good....
Bush bombs terrorist camps - bad....

Clinton commits felonies while in office - good...
Bush lands on aircraft carrier in jumpsuit - bad...

Clinton says mass graves in Serbia - good...
Entire world says no WMD in Iraq - bad...

No mass graves found in Serbia - good...
No WMD found in Iraq - bad...

Stock market crashes in 2000 under Clinton - good...
Recession under Bush - bad...

Clinton refuses to take custody of Bin Laden - good...
World Trade Centers fall under Bush - Bad...

Clinton calls for regime change in Iraq - good...
Bush imposes regime change in Iraq - bad...

Terrorist training in Afghanistan under Clinton - good...
Bush destroys training camps in Afghanistan - bad...

Milosevic not yet convicted - good...
Saddam in custody - bad...

Ah, the liberal media is so confusing!
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#3 User is offline   Otal Nimrodi Icon

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Posted 01 March 2006 - 11:10 AM

Well well *claps* COBNAT does something constructive for the forum... amazing.



So... Who wants to bet that someone, possibly JM, will respond to the liberal media statements, and ignore the jokes. Actually, I will... Did ANYONE blame Bush for the WTC falling? And if it had happened under Clinton, would we be clapping? That's the only problem I can think of. As far as I know, with my limited knowledge of any thing relevant to anything at all, are all true.

Oh, and some of those were good questions up there. Some of them were slightly immature.
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#4 User is offline   Deepsycher Icon

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Posted 01 March 2006 - 11:34 AM

Interesting, some of those to me makes sense in that image, but I am wondering if there are those who see an inverse of the "good" or "bad" after each of those statements, like Bush himself may see his actions as "good" and Clinton's actions as "bad" along with the people who are siding, just seeing whether that is a coincidence or if it is true.


QUOTE (COBNAT @ Mar 1 2006, 09:56 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
1. There sense of touch maybe compensated for blindness.

2. Yes, maybe hot chocolate can be poured over them half way through their journey.

3. Maybe if the mother is like that.

4. Dictionary can help or you could make up your own words with relation to a verbal sense.

5. Perhaps yes, if there are practicing on money.

6. Ha, I once asked why aren't people given strong parachutes and breather masks with gas tanks considering the weight. I do not think they value the lives of people to that extent, as they appear too busy of supply and demand on the cheap.

7. Yes and maybe his land.

8. Another name could be called hovering.

9. Yes, thinking in the terms of rats or criminals who hide in there to clean their supply.

10. Normally but sometimes they can use excuses at busy times.

11. To put business first in front of the poor is one reason.

12. Life cycle, perhaps in a previous life people could be another creature, and in time they may be reborn as people.

15. If they are in competition without air.

16. To state when product gets out of control before serious mould growth.

17. Perhaps the simplest.

19. Astroids are not falling to the joke.

If there is an Official Joke thread then please dont hurt me crying.gif

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 01 March 2006 - 12:03 PM

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#5 User is offline   Deepsycher Icon

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Posted 01 March 2006 - 12:15 PM

So sorry, wrote too quickly and did not have time to edit the quote properly and the mistakes:

I mean "there" as to their and "poor" as to blind.

13. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
They could attract the deer with preferred colours.

14. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
One guess I have is brown mushy bread.

18. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
I was thinking of people who feels sorry for those with "lisps" and classed them as "small" mouthed or "silent" lipped.

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 01 March 2006 - 12:23 PM

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#6 User is offline   Gobbler Icon

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Posted 01 March 2006 - 12:28 PM

My oh my, some people really do know how to suck the fun out of everything...

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#7 User is offline   Deepsycher Icon

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Posted 01 March 2006 - 12:50 PM

Well it is fun to me and I can not see anything taken away.

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 01 March 2006 - 12:55 PM

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#8 User is offline   Slade Icon

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Posted 01 March 2006 - 01:53 PM

Why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway?

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#9 User is offline   Gobbler Icon

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Posted 01 March 2006 - 01:58 PM

Who do 24-hours-open-gas-stations even have locks on their doors?

Quote

Pop quiz, hotshot. Garry Kasparov is coming to kill you, and the only way to change his mind is for you to beat him at chess. What do you do, what do you do?
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#10 User is offline   Deepsycher Icon

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Posted 01 March 2006 - 02:06 PM

Could be that there is not legal parking space or trying to find space to park on someone else’s parkway. I suppose not having locks on the gas stations doors can easily be targeted by more than mice.

Should home and flat owners take responsibility for the paper wastage of unsolicited junk mail?

And also for the needle littering of male junkies?

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 01 March 2006 - 02:16 PM

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#11 User is offline   Slade Icon

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Posted 01 March 2006 - 02:42 PM

DS: The point is that it's word play. The verb "park" is in parkway, and one would assume that you'd use the verb of what you actually do in the noun that it's used for. But instead, you drive on a parkway. The same principle works on the word driveway.
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#12 User is offline   Deepsycher Icon

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Posted 01 March 2006 - 02:55 PM

I used mail and male in the noun sense due to verbal sounding.

Oh so the interpretations of the verb in the words: "driveway" as a noun, drive here is the verb.
So for "giveway" as to give in the form of a verb.
"Speakers" as to speak.
"Standing" as to stand.

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 01 March 2006 - 03:03 PM

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#13 User is offline   Emu Icon

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Posted 01 March 2006 - 05:53 PM

QUOTE
6. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

because it would make the plane too heavy.
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#14 User is offline   Otal Nimrodi Icon

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Posted 01 March 2006 - 06:02 PM

So... Are they now strange questions which will partially remain unanswered?

Oh, and did you think of all these yourself?
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#15 User is offline   Jane Sherwood Icon

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Posted 01 March 2006 - 06:55 PM

Why do they name inedible objects after food, like packing peanuts?
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