Bad Luck
I was on my way to the supermarket to buy a new mirror. Upon entering the store, I walked nonchalantly on the cracked tile floor, underneath a large construction ladder, and I tripped over a black cat and, in an attempt to regain my balance, knocked several large salt containers off the top shelf.
The next day, I woke up face down on the floor in my own vomit. The power was out in my house, so the milk had gone bad, and, in a desperate and foolish attempt to eat Cap’n Crunch without milk, the roof of my mouth was lacerated beyond recognition and my hair burst into flames. Upon further investigation, I found that my toilet was backed up and I had jury duty.
Soon, my main concern was restoring my luck, so I scheduled an appointment with a superstition expert. I asked him if I should get a rabbit’s paw, but he stated that rabbit’s paws are not luck charms. In fact they are actually bad luck. It made sense, I mean, take a look at rabbits. They’re not the luckiest creatures in the world. They get eaten by wolves, run over by race cars, and occasionally, their mansions are destroyed by freakishly large blonde girls. He also said that horseshoes aren’t lucky either. Horses wear them all the time and they end up pulling wagons and being spurred by rednecks. In fact, the only object in the world that carries good fortune is apple pie, but the bakeries were closed and I had no electricity.
I asked him if there was anything I could do to restore my luck. He told me he knew an ancient incantation that would restore a persons luck…for 80 bucks. I was astonished that he would extort people like that, so I told him to go jump in a lake. On my way home, I wondered about what he said, but then I realized, this superstition stuff is nothing more than a series of coincidences that resulted from my own imagination. Nothing but a phenomenon resulting from paranoia and expectations. I suddenly felt better about the whole ordeal, and realized there was nothing to worry about.
That’s when the bear attacked me.
Page 1 of 1
Bad Luck Humorous Short Story
#2
Posted 25 February 2006 - 02:52 AM
Nice, I especially liked your ending.
Apparently writing about JM here is his secret weakness. Muwahaha!!!! Now I have leverage over him and am another step closer towards my goal of world domination.
"And the Evil that was vanquished shall rise anew. Wrapped in the guise of man shall he walk amongst the innocent and Terror shall consume they that dwell upon the Earth. The skies will rain fire. The seas shall become as blood. The righteous shall fall before the wicked! And all creation shall tremble before the burning standards of Hell!" - Mephisto
Kurgan X showed me this web comic done with Legos. It pokes fun at all six Star Wars films and I found it to be extremely entertaining.
<a href="http://www.irregularwebcomic.net/cast/starwars.html" target="_blank">http://www.irregularwebcomic.net/cast/starwars.html</a>
"And the Evil that was vanquished shall rise anew. Wrapped in the guise of man shall he walk amongst the innocent and Terror shall consume they that dwell upon the Earth. The skies will rain fire. The seas shall become as blood. The righteous shall fall before the wicked! And all creation shall tremble before the burning standards of Hell!" - Mephisto
Kurgan X showed me this web comic done with Legos. It pokes fun at all six Star Wars films and I found it to be extremely entertaining.
<a href="http://www.irregularwebcomic.net/cast/starwars.html" target="_blank">http://www.irregularwebcomic.net/cast/starwars.html</a>
Page 1 of 1