Chefelf.com Night Life: Ask Jesus! - Chefelf.com Night Life

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Ask Jesus! Jesus & Pals Presents: Ask Jesus!

#31 User is offline   StarWarsIsUs Icon

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Posted 09 February 2006 - 11:40 PM

QUOTE
*Sigh*
Jesus, I'm having some trouble. You see, I've recently been labelled a convicted sex offender. The problem is, this charge is bullshit. I know they say that "only 16 year olds can give consent-" but I swear she was behind everthing! She practically begged me to do it! Or at least, she didn't ever tell me to stop! When you're soliciting sex from minors in head trauma wards in childrens hospitals, you'd expect them to give you some negative feedback, but nooooo. They just can't be bothered.
Please Jesus, all I ask is that you use your devine powers to sway the jury. And maybe to get me a good job in a daycare.




Michael? Michael Jackson? Is that you? I thought I told you to stay in Neverland Ranch! Just because you start working on children who are older this time doesn't make it right. Now stay where you are, buddy, while I call the police.

You just can't stay out of trouble, can you Michael?



QUOTE
Well, a last question for Jesus:
Someone of Chefelf is going to the Heaven?




That is a good question. Many wonder where I stand on the issue of this website (chefelf.com). Well, my child... *phone goes dead*

Technical trouble guys. We should remembe to pay the phone-bill more often. Sincere apologies!

((((((I've toned his comments down and made it less offensive, to the point that Jesus himself would probably give them a chuckle.))))))

This post has been edited by StarWarsIsUs: 09 February 2006 - 11:39 PM

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#32 User is offline   Sailor Abbey Icon

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Posted 10 February 2006 - 09:10 AM

QUOTE (StarWarsIsUs @ Feb 9 2006, 11:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>


Michael? Michael Jackson? Is that you? I thought I told you to stay in Neverland Ranch! Just because you start working on children who are older this time doesn't make it right. Now stay where you are, buddy, while I call the police.


biggrin.gif



QUOTE (StarWarsIsUs @ Feb 9 2006, 11:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
[b]That is a good question. Many wonder where I stand on the issue of this website (chefelf.com). Well, my child... *phone goes dead*

Technical trouble guys. We should remembe to pay the phone-bill more often. Sincere apologies!


laugh.gif
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#33 User is offline   Otal Nimrodi Icon

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Posted 10 February 2006 - 12:20 PM

Well, this isn't ACTUALLY as bad as I expected. Go Jesus!
Want a Tarot reading?

PM me, we'll talk.
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#34 User is offline   StarWarsIsUs Icon

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Posted 10 February 2006 - 03:32 PM

smile.gif *thumbs up*
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#35 User is offline   Wayne Icon

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Posted 10 February 2006 - 04:49 PM

Haha! I am the most tasteless!
And we want to be free to ride our machines without being hassled by the man! And we want to get loaded!
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#36 User is offline   Revan-47 Icon

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Posted 10 February 2006 - 06:20 PM

QUOTE (StarWarsIsUs @ Feb 8 2006, 10:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>


No, my child. Contrary to very popular belief, I was not a homo. Instead, I chose to be a polygamist. Just ask the Mormons... Mary Magdalene and the 'other' Mary spent much time with me. Simply because I and my 777 wives were very much "in love".

Love they 777 wives like you love yourself, and sexy nights can never go wrong, my friends! Bye-bye for now.


BTW:

You aren't supposed to pray to Jesus Christ. You are supposed to pray to God THROUGH Jesus Christ.

All your prayers to JC Pimp Daddy are devoid if you pray just to him without the father! Silly children.
Funny. I don't see you replying to my George Lucas threads that often. They must be not in poor taste, right?

I'm an equal-opportunist. Just like you guys do to other people, no one is safe from my satire. No one. That is what made South Park one of the strongest selling and popular animated shows. They joke about EVERYTHING.

You people are attempting to play the hero by coming in here and standing up for your beliefs. That is somewhat hypocrital, IMO, considering some of the stuff you say in the other threads/forums.

Oh well. Life is not perfect. Life is funny, though. HAHAHAHAHAHAH

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G0d is jesus christ.
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#37 User is offline   looktothesky Icon

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Posted 10 February 2006 - 06:42 PM

This thread is in poor taste, everyone is right. I feel kind of sick just looking at it. sad.gif

Also, how could you not know who Jon Gutner is?

Gutner > You.

You know why I don't come by these forums anymore? People like you. Yea, that's right. wub.gif
PRECIOUS VELIUS....
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#38 User is offline   Laughlyn Icon

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Posted 10 February 2006 - 07:11 PM

Was that last line a compliment or and insult? (The smilie kinda confuses things.....)

Currently I'm fighting the desire to start a ask Starwar5isus thread, where I'll pretend to be someone else and answer peoples questions in 'hilarious' 'satrical' and 'mocking' fashion.

Any takers?
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I want to go back to the films of the 80's, where plots were simple, and explosions happened regularly....
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#39 User is offline   Otal Nimrodi Icon

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Posted 10 February 2006 - 07:31 PM

Hey, I suppose it's all fair game.
Want a Tarot reading?

PM me, we'll talk.
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#40 User is offline   StarWarsIsUs Icon

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Posted 10 February 2006 - 08:39 PM

Is everyone here bipolar?


Nothing wrong with that, just wondering. My grandpa was Bipolar, so that makes me one-quarter Bipolar.

This post has been edited by StarWarsIsUs: 10 February 2006 - 08:40 PM

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#41 User is offline   Otal Nimrodi Icon

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Posted 10 February 2006 - 08:52 PM

I never said I was disagreeing with the thread, I was just saying that if you do stuff like this, you get said stuff done to you.
Want a Tarot reading?

PM me, we'll talk.
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#42 User is offline   Slade Icon

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Posted 11 February 2006 - 01:36 PM

QUOTE (StarWarsIsUs @ Feb 10 2006, 08:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Nothing wrong with that, just wondering. My grandpa was Bipolar, so that makes me one-quarter Bipolar.


Your amazing grasp of genetics astounds me. But for the record, I'm mildly obsessive compulsive with schitzotypal tendencies and slight social anxiety disorder.
This space for rent. Inquire within.
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#43 User is offline   Spoon Poetic Icon

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Posted 11 February 2006 - 02:55 PM

Have you been diagnosed, ir is that from that silly internet quiz floating around? tongue.gif I've got chemical imbalances, too, though I'm not going to go into details.
I am writing about Jm in my signature because apparently it's an effective method of ignoring him.
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#44 User is offline   Zatoichi Icon

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Posted 11 February 2006 - 03:32 PM

*supresses desire to do all of you (as in everyone) harm via an asterick battle*

*Reads through whole thread*
*sigh*
btw the second response was kinda funny, but I really don't think this was a good idea. Sorry sad.gif
(I could be wrong)

This post has been edited by Zatoichi: 11 February 2006 - 03:33 PM

Apparently writing about JM here is his secret weakness. Muwahaha!!!! Now I have leverage over him and am another step closer towards my goal of world domination.

"And the Evil that was vanquished shall rise anew. Wrapped in the guise of man shall he walk amongst the innocent and Terror shall consume they that dwell upon the Earth. The skies will rain fire. The seas shall become as blood. The righteous shall fall before the wicked! And all creation shall tremble before the burning standards of Hell!" - Mephisto

Kurgan X showed me this web comic done with Legos. It pokes fun at all six Star Wars films and I found it to be extremely entertaining.
<a href="http://www.irregularwebcomic.net/cast/starwars.html" target="_blank">http://www.irregularwebcomic.net/cast/starwars.html</a>
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#45 User is offline   ion eon Icon

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Posted 11 February 2006 - 04:21 PM

You're not wrong
OH NO!!!
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