[azerty]

So I'm back in the good old USA for a couple of months. I've got a couple of questions for any citizens we might have lurking around this site...

Is it American standard to drive at night with your brights on all the time? Do you all drive slowly in the fast lane as normal procedure, flipping the bird to faster drivers who come up behind and who then have to pass on the right? Would the average American rather wait 10 minutes in their car in the car park rather than walk 10 feet, while blocking the entire lane and flipping the bird to anyone who tries to go around them? Why do you put up with having to show a drivers license to prove that you are 21 every time you want to drink a quiet beer in a pub? Do all American girls talk in a cutesy sweet high-pitched voice all the time, because somebody once told them they have to be permanently "perky"? Has "Please" been edited from the language, or is it acceptable to just say, "I'll take a cheeseburger, no onions", without giving offense? When you stop the car to let a pedestrian cross the road, are they trying to wind me up by actually slowing their pace down to make me wait longer, or is that just the done thing? Do Americans really not grasp the concept of "merge like a zip" when 2 car lanes come together, or do they actually enjoy gridlock and beeping their horns as they try to ratfuck each other by creeping up the inside lane so that they can gain a car length? And does "Excuse me" really mean "Hey asshole", does "Sir" really mean "Dick head", and when someone says "Thank you" I get the feeling that they really mean "Fuck you", but I'm not sure.

For Instance, " Excuse me, did you just stereotype all Americans as selfish and ignorant?
Thank you, sir for showing us all what ignorance really is," really doesn't mean what it says, does it?

[Revan-47]

May i ask, my fellow azerty, where be thy from?

[Slade]

I'm wondering where in the US he is. Sounds like one of those big ornery cities to me. People are overly friendly in the southern US, and most places generally ambivalent. There's no "fuck off"s any place I've ever been to...

[barend]

slade... your from the south?

*does banjo sound*

[WalkingCarpet]

I have to say from my experience most of those gripes are trans-atlantic.

Apart from the cheeseburger thing, I always have onions.

[Mirithorn]

In regard the the voice, I think that's what happens when you try to talk with your mouth wide open and in an empty-headed grin. I always wondered how they managed to do that, and I found it's much easier when attempting to imitate their exp​ressions at the same time.

[Slade]

No, but I've been there due to relatives living there, and my girlfriend has lived there for a good portion of her life.

I'm born and bred in Upstate New York, sadly...

[Zatoichi]

Is it American standard to drive at night with your brights on all the time?
Yes, I found that I rarely need to do it myself. I try to avoid it because sometimes I forget to flick them off when another car is coming. I hate it when other people do that. It's just as bad when they're behind you, because you get blinded by your mirrors.
Do you all drive slowly in the fast lane as normal procedure, flipping the bird to faster drivers who come up behind and who then have to pass on the right?
A lot of people do that. I usually keep it at 10 miles over the speed limit in the fast lane, so that I won't get pulled over. I hat it when other people ride my ass expecting me to go faster whilee there is a car in front of me and cars on the side so that I can't change lanes. It's like they expect me to drive into another car so that they can keep going really fast.
Would the average American rather wait 10 minutes in their car in the car park rather than walk 10 feet, while blocking the entire lane and flipping the bird to anyone who tries to go around them?
I haven't had much experience with this, but I would say yes.
Do all American girls talk in a cutesy sweet high-pitched voice all the time, because somebody once told them they have to be permanently "perky"?
I think that it is understandable if they are in a good mood, but after awihle I start to get annoyed
Has "Please" been edited from the language, or is it acceptable to just say, "I'll take a cheeseburger, no onions", without giving offense?
Working at a fast food joint, I've noticed that very few people say please, thank you, or your welcome, often or at all. The people that come all of the time are usually polite though. They usually tip as well (I work at a Dunkin Donuts)
When you stop the car to let a pedestrian cross the road, are they trying to wind me up by actually slowing their pace down to make me wait longer, or is that just the done thing?
I don't know about slowing down on purpose, but I know they don't hurry up a little and instead try to shove your kind gesture in your face. It is like when you hold open a door for someone and they don't thank you for it, like it is totally and completely expected of you. One of these days I'm going grab someone by their hair and haul them right back through the doorway.
Do Americans really not grasp the concept of "merge like a zip" when 2 car lanes come together, or do they actually enjoy gridlock and beeping their horns as they try to ratfuck each other by creeping up the inside lane so that they can gain a car length?
Not as often as you might think. Some people are complete inconsiderate assholes about it. I would understand if there was some kind of emergency though.
And does "Excuse me" really mean "Hey asshole", does "Sir" really mean "Dick head", and when someone says "Thank you" I get the feeling that they really mean "Fuck you", but I'm not sure.
Only if the person saying it is doing so with an attitude. Otherwise, they generally mean what they are.
For Instance, " Excuse me, did you just stereotype all Americans as selfish and ignorant?
Thank you, sir for showing us all what ignorance really is," really doesn't mean what it says, does it?
Was that a bit of irony against your self at the end?

Slade, there is nothing too wrong being born and bred in Upstate NY. I have generally found that there is a pretty even dispersal of awful people where ever you go. I've been all over the place in terms of area on a map and concentrations of population. I've been to every state on the East Coast, a state or two out west, parts of Canada, and London and New York City.

[barend]

I'm born and bred in Upstate New York, sadly...

*sigh* fine...

i got yer nu yawk right here pal!

[azerty]

Sure, that's irony against myself at the end. I guess I can be just as rude as the next guy...

All this is being written from a big ornery city Southern California. Maybe you will tell me that is the problem. My home is in Spain at the moment, and everybody there is insane, but there's no rancor in their insanity. They just like to drive fast, but its all for fun. Here in the USA it seems that people like to drive slowly, but they don't want anybody to get ahead of them either. A very odd situation, and one without a solution.

Double parking is standard in Spain, but you leave your brake off, the car out of gear, and the wheels pointing forward so that your car can be pushed out of the way. If someone can't push a car by themselves, you help out. Nobody makes a fuss, or goes out of their way to be a pain in the ass. People say thank you when you've helped out, too, and they seem to mean it. Same thing in Italy.

And having to be 21 to drink alchohol! I'm surprised people put up with it - especially here in the land of the free, and all that.

So I have elvolved a bullshit theory, and it is this: In the USA, the citizens more or less expect things to work. There are laws for everything, and so there are lawsuits, and political correctness: People worrying about flying the flag, having chirstian crosses in local hills, nudity on the beach, and burning Dixie Chicks albums, and Janet Jacksons tit's, and all that kind of crap. You know, the kind of things that the rest of the world laughs it's ass off over. Everybody is always getting lawyers involved in everyday life because their neighbors are pissing them off, and they are screaming "They're oughta be law! Something's gotta be done! I have rights!" or whatever.

In these other countries, people just expect things NOT to work; everybody just feels that they're all in this mess together, so they just get on with living their own lives. The light is red, but no cars are coming, so drive on. What sane person would wait? You need to stop your car, but there is no legal parking close by, so double park. But nobody blocks anybody else in, because that would be bad form. The pub is full, you need a drink, so you get one and stand out on the curb. There are no signs saying "no loitering", or whetever the phrase is. And if girls want to get their tits out on the beach, whose business is it other than theirs?

Just relax, people of America, and it will all work out...

[Slade]

If only... I've never been to the west coast, so I can't vouch for them. But I can tell you that the 21 drinking age is on paper and in liquor stores only.

Barend: Upstate New Yorkers do not sound like people from NYC at all. It's mur of a country-folk accent an we've gotta clip are words and stuff I figger.

*shudders* It hurts my brain to type or talk like that.

[WalkingCarpet]

Isn't it impossible for New Yorkers to pronounce 'New Jersey' in any way other than 'Noo Joyzey'?

[Slade]

No, that's people in New Jersey. Zatoichi, back me up here: THERE'S MORE TO NEW YORK THAN THE DAMNED CITY! We don't all speak like that! Look at a map. See the 53,000 square miles of NOT the Bronx?

I'm being a little melodramatic. It's not that big a deal.

[WalkingCarpet]

Heh heh, stereo-typing is fun!

I understand Slade, I'd get the same way if someone suggested I live in London, talk like Dick Van Dyke and partake in regular games of croquet with the Queen.

That's merely a half-truth.

[Zatoichi]

Back up has arrived. There is way more to New York then that city. Much more.

Out of the entire US we've got the most wildlife preserves and parks. In general public transportation is better. Our public education system is the best in the World. The state for the most part has cleaner air and water than just about any comparable sized place on the face of the planet. New York is generally the most liberal state. Only one out of four seasons causes major problems for us. As for how we talk outside of the cities, it is a mix of countryish and cityish accents with a few peculiar quirks.

I'm not making this up either. This is knowledge based on years of travel, learning, conversing, and reading. That, and there is many more things I could point out.