Let's Play A Game

There's too much here for me to do everything, but I'll try and do some of the standouts:

Dragonforce
Sixty hour guitar solos do not a good band make. Ever. These guys are pretty much solid proof of that fact. Just because they can play guitar really fast and do all sorts of crazy solos, that doesn't mean that they're any good. They just bore me with all that ridiculous guitar wankery.

The Doors
To sum up the entire life of Jim Morrison, and quote Denis Leary at the same time:
"I'm drunk, I'm nobody; I'm drunk, I'm somebody; I'm drunk, I'm fucking dead."
For a band that people seem to jump all over and proclaim to be geniuses, they didn't really do much of anything that interesting. Additionally, any band that gets back together and tours 20-some-odd years after their vocalist dies are pretty fucking rude. Morrison may have been a drunk, drugged out hippie asshole, but he wrote all of those lyrics himself, and it's incredibly disrespectful for Ian "Hey, guys, I'm in The Cult, remember?" Astbury to just waltz in and start raping them with his vocal chords.

Tool
Yeah right. If anyone in the world deserves to be stripped of whatever minute shred of credibility they still have as an artist, it's Maynard James Keenan. He somehow morphed from being an insightful, thought-provoking lyricist to just being a pretentious, self-absorbed fuck with a lot to say about things he has no knowledge of. Toss in a handful of musicians who have been playing the same old shit for the past decade and you pretty much have the makings of one of the most boring, over-rated bands in the history of everything.

Green Day
Oh how the mighty have fallen. I fell in love with Green Day when I was in the fourth grade. I grew up listening to their albums from the mid to late 90s. We drifted apart for a bit, and I didn't hear too much from them that I was all that interested in. Then along came American Idiot and I was cautiously interested again. The music was fine, borderline pathetic, but at least it was acceptable. They somehow managed to come back and put out a half-decent album to make up for two or three records of complete shit. Their image, however, made me laugh uproariously when it first hobbled onto my television screen. Grown men wearing eyeliner and entirely dressed in black? Were they serious? Who, exactly, are Green Day trying to kid? I don't think even Green Day is fully convinced that this new image of theirs is meant to be taken seriously. Who could look at these guys and not laugh? Well I mean, aside from the masses of 14 year olds who suddenly started caring about a band that was putting out music before they were even born...
Green Day, Green Day, Green Day. If only you hadn't decided to "grow up" and then realized what a stupid idea that was. Maybe then you wouldn't have tried to rejuvenate yourselves with a shoddy, half-assed grasp at retaining your youthful vitality.

Lynrd Skynrd
There's a reason "Freebird" has become a joke amongst modern concert-goers. I think that about says that.

Everything Zewb said
Fuck off. I can tell you everything about those bands without even looking them up. Juvenile, slope-browed Neanderthals who think they're "extreme" or "shocking" because they use offensive words and phrases in their band name and song titles. Everyone in every single one of those bands should do the world a favor and shove a power drill through their skull.
The ones you mentioned on the previous page deserve a casual shrug of the shoulders, at best.

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