[J m HofMarN]

I could never quite understand the boundless rage that George Bush has against all of humanity. Never, that is, until now. My fall was not caused by a melty-faced old man telling me to kill children so my girlfriend would love me. No, it was caused by digitaleyesDVD, an ebay seller.

I embarked on my oddyssey of Ebay discovery wide eyed and innocent, and returned a mere husk of a man. It began very well. Every non-digitaleyes seller I met accepted my payment and sent my item in a decent amount of time in an operational state.

Then I decided to buy a copy of Six String Samurai. I sent off my payment and waited. Two weeks later I got a letter asking for more information. I quickly sent it. Two MONTHS later I got a letter saying that the item had been discontinued and my money order was sent back.

Now unless you're a banker or a money order expert, or God himself, you don't know about refunding money orders. It can't be done. It dosnt matter that you bought the thing and filled it out and your signature and DNA is all over it. You're not getting your money back. They made some vague statement that my bank might be able to help me, but if I had a bank and credit cards and all that nonsense I wouldn't have been wandering around convenience stores making money orders, now would I?

Anyhow, I had a marvelous idea. I would send the money order back to pay for another DVD! This idea was foolproof, since one cant possibly cancel so many sales. I found another listing for a different version of Six String Samurai that digitaleyes was offering and sent the money order back. It came back today. The item was canceled. Again.

So I decided to forget about Six String Samurai and purchase Four Rooms. I sent the money order back today along with a lengthy note which I transcribe here:

Dear digital eyes dvd,

Hello, I've sent you payment for a dvd two times now, and have yet to receieve anything at all. The money order I am paying with can only be cashed by you, or possibly god. So, as sad as it is, I am forced to send you my money once again in hopes that maybe, just by mistake this time, you might somehow send me a DVD. Hell, it dosn't even have to be the DVD I'm asking for. Any DVD. If you cant find a DVD I like candy too, and I could use a stapler I guess. Really I don't care. But send me SOMETHING so that you can cash this money order and I'll have some sort of object to show for it. Under no circumstances are you to send me back this money order, which, as we have already established, is useless to me. If I see the money order again I will eat your soul.

-J. M. Hoffman, customer

[banned]

That was a amazing but sad story... If you get too full of souls, I could help you with some.

This post has been edited by banned: 17 October 2005 - 04:01 PM

[floppydisk]

Some people are assholes.

Wonder what he'll say.

[J m HofMarN]

I'm looking for him to respond with something along the lines of "Here is A DVD, not the one you've waited for a quarter of the year for, but still a DVD. Please do not have me or my family killed as you are surely justified to do."

[Mirithorn]

But what you'll probably get is another money order.

[SimeSublime]

Or a duck.

[Zatoichi]

I hate to laugh at the expense of your misery, but

It is sometimes funny when these sorts of things happen to other people, but is usually sucky when it happens to ourselves. I have had a similar experience by the way.

This post has been edited by Zatoichi: 18 October 2005 - 09:35 AM

[J m HofMarN]

Hey no worries, I meant for it to be funny.

[Slade]

Souls go down easier with a dash of paprika.

[civilian_number_two]

It's for the best. SIX STRING SAMURAI sucks. Everyone thinks it's good because the soundtrack is so kick ass. Here's the trick: buy the soundtrack. Then you can enjoy it while walking or driving, cycling or working out on the gym. You won't have to waste time watching the dumb story bits to get to the songs.

If you're really ambitious, you can download for free everything the Red Elvises ever recorded, and then delete the crap. Trust me, it ain't all "Love Pipe."

[J m HofMarN]

Why is it that every post you make has an "I should be hung from a lamp post" subtext? Gargh! SSS is a brilliant movie! I think I'm going to start calling it "It's Excellency the Six String of Samurais"

[Slade]

Hehe. I nicknames given in spite.

Surely it sucks in a B-Movie context.

[civilian_number_two]

SIX STRING is an action movie with dumb action, and a comedy with no jokes. The best thing about it is the awesome awesome soundtrack. And for the record, filming out in the desert because you have no budget is a poor excuse for setting your movie in some alternate future. At best, you're just ripping heavily off MAD MAX.

What might have been interesting would have been if the movie had some comment to make about its central fiction: that there was a King of America, and he had dies, and his reign was based on music. Some narrative about the rise and fall of pop music superstars might have at least contained some meaning. Instead all we get from that is pointless narrative wankery, like all those rtoleplaying games that have these cool backdrops and no workable game mechanics. You know what I'm talking about.

Good B movies make you forget along the way that they're B movies: you get drawn in to the pace or the characters or the story. RHPS, before the audience participation, was one of those. SSS is horrible, and I wanted to like it: I knew a guy who did all of the compositing, who'd gone to high school with the director. I really wanted that thing to be good.

Anyway, give this guy negative feedback, so we can all read it and find out what your ebay ID is.

[J m HofMarN]

I found Six String Samurai to be a lovably bad movie. I really can't defend the characters, plot, or anything really, but the people who made it had fun, and you could see that. They did the movie on a budget less than my yearly income, and you have to admit some of the scenes were artistically done (such as the opening sequence in the reeds) if not a bit nonsensical. The main character was played by an excellent actor who really had a cool thing going on.

And no, I'm not giving this jackass any negative feedback until he finally gives me my DVD. Imagine what he might send if I piss him off? I don't need to be getting anthrax or something.

[civilian_number_two]

And no, I'm not giving this jackass any negative feedback until he finally gives me my DVD. Imagine what he might send if I piss him off? I don't need to be getting anthrax or something.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Good point. If you're lucky he'll send you one of these:

http://cgi.ebay.com/...AMEWA%3AIT&rd=1

You could have loads of fun playing army men with this fine American soldier and your Excellency doll.

ebay rocks!!!!!!!