[Chyld]

Lets be honest, apart from the people comparing accents in Amy's thread, this forum is deader than a dissected dodo's dick. So here's my plan.

From whoever can be arsed, I want a short (100-200 words or so, although I'm not counting) rant on something that pisses you off. Only a few rules though.

1.) It must at least be slightly funny. A chuckle from somewhere is all I need.

2.) It must include one of the following phrases:
"On my dick"
"(Of/Off) my tits" (choose one word from the brackets)
"silent ninja geese"
"designing the future of tomatoes"

3.) For bonus points, smuggle in as many song titles by one band as you can. Any band you like, I'll even allow gangsta rap, subject to Rule 1.

There. I'll even put some/the best/all of them on the site, and the one I like most will get about 53p and an odd sock. A fine prize, to be sure. So hop to work!

[Marky]

Oef! Hard to pick one... I can't repeat myself on photo-phones or swimming, can I?

[Chyld]

Long as you play by the rules, go mental. I mean, its not like anyones looked at the old site in 50 years, is it?

[Chyld]

I'm going to pin this, so that there's a 3% chance its noticed, as opposed to a 2.5%

[Marky]

I'm too happy to write rants at the moment.

[Patrick Bateman]

Anyway, In My Life there are many things that drive me so crazy I can't wait to race home and get off my tit's drunk.
Yesterday for example, I was driving down The Long and Winding Road when this Bitch - let's call her Julia - cut right in front of me (Baby You Can Drive My Car I thought before dismissing the option) without as much as a Hello Goodbye.
"Hey Jude" I cried, for that is the Saint who I favour, "I'm So Tired, Something inside is going to snap even if I am without your favour, even if She Loves You more than I do."
Tommorow Never Knows what will tip me over the edge, and so I proceeded to calm myself and ... fuck it, Happiness Is A Warm Gun, I shot the bitch and drove merrily home, pausing to grin at the O'bloody O'blada mess I'd made.

[Chyld]

Egads! Someone noticed! We'll give those penises a run for their money, that we will...

[Marky]

Your pinning paid off, Jennings.

[Chyld]

Closed due to seemingly global ranting apathy...