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ICQ A tool for great EVIL!

#1 User is offline   Icey Icon

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Posted 26 August 2005 - 07:02 AM

Hello all, you might not know this, but there is a great evil tool online called ICQ, it allows you to CHAT to PEOPLE on the INTERNETS! It might appear to be a sweet deal and all, but it really isn't, because some people are just born dicks and like nothing more than adding you and feeding you evil tainted LIES! Like this guy:

QUOTE
Icey: Hillo!
heretic_princess:
Icey: hi
heretic_princess:
Icey: how are you young pretty lady?
heretic_princess: im good u?
Icey: i am very good!!!
heretic_princess: asl please
Icey: ASL? I no understand.
heretic_princess: where you from?
Icey: I am originally from Promithia southeast of Latvia! Very small countries!

you pretty lady?
heretic_princess: i guess i am

how old are you?
Icey: i am nineteene yeares olds. My english not very good, I only live in America for three yeares now!
heretic_princess: what part of the us you live in?
Icey: I live in small town of Barryville in New Yorks!

You???
heretic_princess: arkansas
Icey: never heared about it. Is that in Afrikaland?
heretic_princess: in the united state

s
Icey: oh yes! I am sorry, I know little outside of Barryville! I only been there and my olde hometowns Rugbraud!
heretic_princess: ok
Icey: I am sorry, I must appear very stupid to you American edukationated peoples. I just work the computer machine.
heretic_princess: ok
Icey: Where do you works?
heretic_princess: at a bank
Icey: So you handles the moneys! You must be very richs!
heretic_princess: nope im poor
Icey: You live in box like ungle Niordzel?
heretic_princess: no i live in a house

just poor b/c of the bills i have to pay
Icey: Bill ruined Niordzel's life, always pay bill so he don't break legs or hands like on uncle!!!
heretic_princess: yeah
Icey: Teh police sheriff doesn't do nything cuz he's Bill's brother. So we all pay Bill money so he don't put our tent on fire while we sleeps.

I am thinkening of making him an accident.
heretic_princess: well that is fucked up
Icey: he is very bad man, worser than Boris Yeltsin.
heretic_princess: lol

that is the dude with the thing on his face

birth mark right?
Icey: Yes, he also make babie freeze outside to lower taxies.

My auntie Hagkaup lived there and lost both babies to Boris Yeltsin!
heretic_princess: well all countries have thier bad...america aint that great
Icey: YEs. You got Bill!!!
heretic_princess: clinton?
Icey: huh?
heretic_princess: what u talking about bil?
Icey: Bill he threaten to burn my tent if I no pay!!! He break my ungle Niordzel for not payening!
heretic_princess: u lived in a tent?
Icey: yes, I lives in a tent.

with my papa, mama and five sisters.
heretic_princess: now?
Icey: yes
heretic_princess: in new york?
Icey: Barryville New York!

Bill and sheriff Gregor rule evereythings!

sometimes they take mama outside and kick her around while laughing when they gets drunk but I can'ts do anythings because then we end like uncle Niordzel!!!
heretic_princess: well seems to me u need to move the fuck away from them
Icey: I ask mama to let me move to Arkansasnas?

American women are very frontal!!!

My mom says she no trust American womans sad.gif

Hello!? Pretty lady!?
heretic_princess: well
Icey: I am thinkining of running away on my bike. How fars to Arkansasnas?
heretic_princess: well way south

like near louisianan

louisiana
Icey: sixteen kilometrics?
heretic_princess: a few days drive in a car
Icey: OK, so if I steals car, I can come live?
heretic_princess: well u will be in prison then if you steal a car
Icey: but we cants afford car or gasolines! We only eates cold noodls. I needs a way to get theres to flee Bill before he puts things in me agains!
heretic_princess: what does he put in you?
Icey: all kinds stuff! Like bottles and man parts and like.... vegatibles!
heretic_princess: u have got to be kidding me
Icey: No!!! It very painful! I gots to do it or he burn tent and we sleeps on road when raining!!!
heretic_princess: ok
Icey: I have nightmares.
heretic_princess: how are you talking to me on a computer if you live in a tent?
Icey: I am hidings at my friend Jarmusch's place so they donts find me, his mama will kick me out soon. She says I'm a foreign dogman.
heretic_princess: why you a dogman?
Icey: I don't know, maybe because dogs come in our tent and pee all over clothes sometimes.

sometimes we catch and cook. good change from noodls.
heretic_princess: lol
Icey: They taste like lamb! I once had lamb in Rugbraud with auntie Hagkaup's kids funeral after Boris Yeltsin killed them with lower taxies!


She then stopped talking, but she will return, she must!
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#2 User is offline   Heccubus Icon

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Posted 26 August 2005 - 08:12 AM

I laughed at how he got Gorbachev mixed up with Yeltsin.
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#3 User is offline   floppydisk Icon

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Posted 26 August 2005 - 10:51 AM

That was funny, Icey.
QUOTE (Theodor Herzl)
If you will it, it is no dream.
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#4 User is offline   Icey Icon

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Posted 26 August 2005 - 10:54 AM

smile.gif I'm very glad. You can find all kinds of people that believe anything you tell them on ICQ. Managed to wrangle a person from thinking I was a joke, to total believe. I did however cross a line I did not want to cross ever, but I got too much into character and lost control snap. Am working on formatting.
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#5 User is offline   Al Creed Icon

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Posted 26 August 2005 - 01:14 PM

QUOTE (Heccubus @ Aug 26 2005, 09:12 AM)
I laughed at how he got Gorbachev mixed up with Yeltsin.


So did I. Both are bumbing goofs, but for totally different reasons.

I used to do stuff like this on Napster, back when it was popular. However, instead of being Latvian, like you, I was Mexican.
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#6 User is offline   kdogg Icon

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Posted 26 August 2005 - 02:31 PM

You guys familiar with bloodninja? Funny stuff.
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#7 User is offline   Slade Icon

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Posted 27 August 2005 - 01:09 AM

Hehe. I can't wait until the Icey vs. German guy who really can't speak english well is legible. It will be the Internet equivilent of two deaf old men shouting at one another.

Also, although Icey simply made up Barryville, NY, it is actually a real town on the NY, PA border!

Kdogg: Yeah, I've seen that one before. Damned hilarious though. I tend to do stuff like that, except erotic sci-fi style, upon occasion. And uh... usually with people I know I've never seen before...

This post has been edited by Slade: 27 August 2005 - 01:11 AM

This space for rent. Inquire within.
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#8 User is offline   Icey Icon

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Posted 27 August 2005 - 10:36 AM

Here is the escapades I had with the poor German kid, what shocked ME the most is that he's fourteen years old, has an internet connection but did not know about a lot of things I've heard 10 year olds speak of (making me want to beat up parents) I almost felt great respect for his parents, if it wasn't for the obviously unmonitored internet usage.

QUOTE
Giantmaster: wer bist du?
Icey: Is that some interweb slangs?
Giantmaster: what? i come from german

who are you
Icey: I am Niordzel and I live in California in USA! I did not knows you had computer machines in Germany with your communisms.

I am new to this interweb thing, can you help?
Giantmaster: aha

is this programm new for you?
Icey: Yes! Very! I have never used the interwebs before todays!
Giantmaster: aha

do you have icq 5?
Icey: I originally comes from Latvia and my family very poor, like my english! Haha! I made a jokes!

Yes!
Giantmaster: why you add me?
Icey: I was looking for interweb friends that are willing to help me on them interwebs and with learning the english because I has hard time learning, yes?
Giantmaster: im bad in english
Icey: We can learns togethers, yes?
Giantmaster: k
Icey: Only ten minutes on the interwebbs and already I has friends!
Giantmaster: ^^

at right on this window you can make a smyle

for example :-)
Icey: WOW!!!! biggrin.gif

THIS IS SO COOL SO I CAN LIKE SHARE MY FACE WHEN i TALKS?
Giantmaster: yes

at right of the smyle are the settings for writings

or type size
Icey: cools! You are liek a interwebs wisard!!!
Giantmaster: no
Icey: You know liek all the magic stuff for this program!!! I only liek upload an old photo of grandpa Rugbraud from Latvia!
Giantmaster: you want to send a photo to an other people?
Icey: how does you do that?
Giantmaster: right klick on a file, then "Send to user"

very easy
*sent him the Latvian flag*
Icey: Wow!!! COOL!!!
Giantmaster: when an other peple not avaible you cant send a file
Icey: I sees!
Giantmaster: yes
Icey: it is Latvias flag, where I comes froms!
Giantmaster: i have see
Icey: You ever visits?
Giantmaster: no

or what?

wait
Icey: don't do, Boris Yeltsin did bad things to country!
Giantmaster: who is Boris Yeltsin?
Icey: He lowered the taxies and it all gots cold and big part of family die in cold!

Very bad man! He ruled Latvia!
Giantmaster: of your family?
Icey: yes! MAma's and papa's part all dieds! Only wes survived because we run away to California!

We now live in the small town of Barryville, it is not better but we don't freeze to deaths!
Giantmaster: really?
Icey: Yes! Very bad things!
Giantmaster: =-O
Icey: Very hard for me to talk about, always cry.

:'(
Giantmaster: i understand

thats not good
Icey: Uncle Rugbraud taught me how to draws but now he ded!!!
Giantmaster: thats a bad story.
Icey: very sad, i have never lived safe!
Giantmaster: what is this for a country
Icey: I donts understands?
Giantmaster: wait, i make a better sentence
Icey: OK! We learns together english!
Giantmaster: yes

my country is in contrast to your country a paradise
Icey: You got good communism like Cubaisland?
Giantmaster: what? can you make an other sentence? i dont understand this sentence. sorry for my bad english
Icey: You say you are in happy happy country like Cuba?
Giantmaster: yes
Icey: Wow!!! Cool! I want to lives there so I don't have to pay Bill!
Giantmaster: we have in this country a few nonworker, but all lucky with the live (not all lucky but many)

we have to example 2 computers and an dsl 2000 connection a car two tv´s and more

you have more?
Icey: WOW!!! I lives in a tent! We only gots on Amiga computor which I ams using now.
Giantmaster: =-O
Icey: it is pluggeded to the Telemavision!

Yes, we have to pay Bill so we no afford house.
Giantmaster: we have not a house, we have a apartment

(flat)
Icey: we do not affords that eithers! Bill take all money or I need to sell kidney again!
Giantmaster: oh
Icey: Yes, Bill badder than Boris Yeltsin! But I can not go back!
Giantmaster: where you have energy for this computer?
Icey: We have cables from a nearby energybox!

It is wireless!
Giantmaster: aha
Icey: Yes, we live next to coffee shop, it has wireless interwebs!
Giantmaster: ah
Icey: Yes, now i can finally learns of the world outside of Barryville Cali!
Giantmaster: and you not change the country?
Icey: I flee to California when Boris Yeltsin take over LAtvia and kill family!

I want to flee to happy happy communist Germanyland!
Giantmaster: do you know bavaria?
Icey: Very littles!

I heard about a drink called bavaria, it coffee, yes?
Giantmaster: no

that is in germany, but at the time is flood. but in three days is no more flood
Icey: Oh my god! That does not sound like a happy happy communist land! Sound like Boris Yeltsin be doing bad things to Germany!
Giantmaster: i mean high water
Icey: Ahhh! I think I understands now!
Giantmaster: flood is englisch and is high water
Icey: sometimes I mix things up! I thought Flaoud from LAtvian, which means exploding houses!
Giantmaster: lol
you thought false

:-)
Icey: I am very glad! You do not want Boris Yeltsin in Happy HAppy communist Germanyland!
Giantmaster: we have a president

not communist

thats good
Icey: Cuba communist and has president! Castro is President, yes?
Giantmaster: in germany?

oh
Icey: Happy happy Cuba!!!
Giantmaster: we have an chancellor

what the time in your country, now?
Icey: it is 8 PM!
Giantmaster: 3 am here

how old are you?
Icey: Wow!

16
Giantmaster: im 14

ok, i must go in bed
Icey: You sound so old and wise!
Giantmaster: ^^
Icey: Will I sees you agains!?
Giantmaster: yes, tomorrow
Icey: If you never hear me again, I can not pay Bill!
Giantmaster: then go in a other land
Icey: I can not! Bill takes all moneys!

I need help!
Giantmaster: i can not help

my mother said i must come in the bed.
good night
Icey: bye, friend!!!
Giantmaster: k, bye friend, too!


To be continued!
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#9 User is offline   Al Creed Icon

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Posted 27 August 2005 - 01:06 PM

LOL Communisms.
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#10 User is offline   floppydisk Icon

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Posted 27 August 2005 - 02:23 PM

Hehe. Flaoud.
QUOTE (Theodor Herzl)
If you will it, it is no dream.
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#11 User is offline   Ninja Duck Icon

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Posted 27 August 2005 - 04:45 PM

Slade was right. Very powerful stuff.
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#12 User is offline   Icey Icon

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Posted 27 August 2005 - 07:58 PM

Hahaha biggrin.gif thanks, I enjoy this far too much, and just reading through it makes me all giddy on the inside. I am a very bad man and am going to Hell (Switzerland).

This is where the part about him being 14 and not having ANY idea what I'm talking about. Creepy to the max.

QUOTE
THE DAY AFTER...
I recieve a picture of Boris Yeltsin

Giantmaster: is this Boris Yeltsin? (the file where i send you)
Icey: YES!
Giantmaster: he is looking not bad
Icey: He is though, he is all lies!

Hi kill my family when taking over Latvia!
Giantmaster: and why he make that?
Icey: Because he enjoys powers and womens and moneys!!! And most of all DEATHS of people that say he stupid cigar smoker and fat!

He look very fat, yes?
Giantmaster: yes
Icey: Like fat stupid chinaman!! Hahaha!

Giantmaster, do you likes sex?
Giantmaster: why you ask me this?
Icey: I am curiouses about other peoples experiences.
Giantmaster: im 14 years old
Icey: My sisters all lost virginity when 8! And Bill make me have sex with him when I first come to Americaland and I was 12.
Giantmaster: here is this other

in germany we not have sex with 12 years

germany is an other land
Icey: America laws say no sex till 18, but people break thems all the times.
Giantmaster: nobody in germany have sex with 12 years.

that is not custom in germany
Icey: I read otherwise in newspapers!
Giantmaster: 2 people in 1 year make that. but the most make that not
Icey: I did not choose to be used. I just could not pay Bill so he use me. sad.gif
Giantmaster: i have pity with you

can you tell me what you make all of the day?
Icey: I sell ecstacy on the street and pickpocket them riches!
Giantmaster: what? you sell drugs?
Icey: Yes, otherwise Bill puts things in me again sad.gif

it really hurt!

hmm
Giantmaster: i can understand
Icey: Yes, sometimes I bleed!

I wants to run away to happy happy communist cuba or Germany sad.gif
Giantmaster: you said you live in california?
Icey: Yes!
Giantmaster: i have thougt california is not bad?
Icey: Barryville California very bad! I cannot run away from Bill if I in Americaland!
Giantmaster: do you have an picture from there where you live?
Icey: In California?

Let me checkers!

*googled a picture of an 'old west town' and sent it*

Giantmaster: yes
Icey: TAken outside of the internet café haous
Giantmaster: you have a digicam?
Icey: not anymore, I did for a short while but Bill took it when I had to pay!
Giantmaster: and this photo you have make?
Icey: Yes, only photo I manage to take and put on my amiga computor machine.
Giantmaster: the place is very vacant
Icey: It was very cold that day.

And winter
Giantmaster: you have not snow in winter?
Icey: No, I have not seen snow for many many years!
Giantmaster: i live in the mountains
Icey: Wow! So you like ski drive and stuff!?
Giantmaster: yes

i like snowboarding
Icey: Like in the movies!?
Giantmaster: what?

i dont understand

you mean the word movies. you mean movies from cinema or what?
Icey: oh shit, bill is coming!!! BRB!!! if he talks here, don't answer ok!?

Don't say anything till I say it is safe!!!
Giantmaster: k

*two minutes pass*

Icey: Hello!

*silent minute*

It is me, Niordzel, I am back here to talk.
Giantmaster: k

what he say?
Icey: Haha!!! I tricked you! It is me Bill!

I found out all about Niordzel's scheme to run away from Barryville, so now I'm punishing him!

Do you know what oral sex is Bobby?

Talk to me Bobby, or I'll hit him!
Giantmaster: what i can say to you
Icey: Answer my questions Bobby, do you know what oral sex is?
Giantmaster: i dont know

im bad in english
Icey: It's what Niorzel is giving me right now! He is giving me pleasure with his mouth Bobby.
Giantmaster: i dont understand many sentences. i come from german
Icey: I don't care Bobby, just answer my questions.

If you don't, I'll hit him, hard.

No answers hey?

I just hit him because you don't halk.
Giantmaster: ich weiß nicht was du von mir willst

ich komme aus deutschland
Icey: You give me some commie terrorist talk, eh? I'll hurt him more for that!!!

I'm going to put this glass bottle into him now Bobby, because you failed him.
Giantmaster: i dont know what you say

i come from german
Icey: I think you lie Bobby.

I think you are smarter than you act.
Giantmaster: thats my language:
ich bin der aus deutschland
Icey: Bobby, are you a terrorist? Are you getting niordzel into terrorist commie stuff?

We don't like terrorists here in America! We are the land of the Free Bobby, not land of Terror like you communist countries like... Germany and France and.... Africa!

Whoops, the bottle broke.
Giantmaster: i can say only. i come from german and im not good in english
Icey: Try Bobby, if you fail, Niordzel get hurts. I have already put things into him and kicked him several times.

I think his nose broke.
Giantmaster: boah, i dont know what your qestion

im 14 years old and i can not understand you
Icey: Bobby, I want you to tell me a story.
Giantmaster: who is bobby?
Icey: You are, Bobby.
Giantmaster: are you bobby?

no
Icey: Don't play smart with me Bobby!

That costs Niordzel another kick.
Giantmaster: why

i dont no whats your question
Icey: Tell me a story Bobby!!!

Now!!!

Story Bobby! Tell me a story!
Giantmaster: what for an story?
ok, i come from german, im 14 years old, and i like gaming computer, and i live in a apartment with my parents. i have 2 computers 2 tvs and a car
Icey: Oh yes, that's interesting, what do you do Bobby!

Tell me a story about the car!
Giantmaster: the car is a german ford

the car is black
Icey: It has super powers.

Tell me a story about the car's super powers.

Now Bobby!!!
Giantmaster: the car have 180 km/h
Icey: I don't speak Kilometrics! Imperial system Bobby, use the Imperial system!
Giantmaster: in germany we have not mph
Icey: that costs Niordzel another hit.

His face bleeds a bit now.
Giantmaster: i dont interests in car. i am a silly boy
Icey: Well, I guess I'll have to put another bottle into Niordzel, because you obviously don't care for him.
Giantmaster: can you speak german?
Icey: I hope it won't break too like the last one and cut him.

I don't speak terrorist!!!
Giantmaster: im not a terrorist
Icey: don't fuck with me bobby!
Giantmaster: my father work in millitary
Icey: It's American or Terrorist!
Giantmaster: wait a moment

it is not american not terrorist. it is europe

terrorists are live in bagdad
Icey: Bobby, you have failed, now I'm going to have to use your friend as my little sex puppet because his friends are horrible.
Giantmaster: aha

im in germany

bombers from germany fly to your house! hehehe

i have said my father works in the military

2 europe fighters flying to YOU

i can abbort this

and we have an  Lamborghini

verry fast

*twenty minutes pass*
Icey: Bill just left. I think I bleed a bit now.

He never answered me again.
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#13 User is offline   Slade Icon

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Posted 28 August 2005 - 12:53 AM

Hehe. That was great up until the end. I think you went a little too far there, man...
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#14 User is offline   floppydisk Icon

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Posted 28 August 2005 - 09:22 AM

*laughs*

That was funny. You should try to contact him again.
QUOTE (Theodor Herzl)
If you will it, it is no dream.
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#15 User is offline   SimeSublime Icon

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Posted 28 August 2005 - 09:53 AM

That ending was a bit creepy, but overall it was excellent.
The Green Knight, SimeSublime the Puffinesque, liker of chips and hunter of gnomes.
JM's official press secretary, scientific advisor, diplomat and apparent antagonist?
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