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Sir Moxious The guy who threw your mom off the roof

#1 User is offline   Icey Icon

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Posted 12 August 2005 - 05:12 PM

SimeSublime gave me the rights to use Lord Xento, the arch nemesis of Sir Moxious, so how can I not use him for something? This is what, at the time, sounded small, turned into something monsterous and evil!

Enjoy, if you can/dare.


Sir Moxious was an influential and wealthy man. Usually people get influential because they are wealthy, but Moxious did it the other way around. He had this odd power about himself, to convince anyone of anything. Sometimes all it took were words, sometimes it required less. Sir Moxious was also the cities most known Superhero and if saving the world for a small fee wasn't enough, he also ran a succesful multi million company with a very hands on approach.
When our tale starts, he was negotiating at the top of a building with someone who had done something unspeakable to Sir Moxious' business. "Neil! I told you this was not something I would let you get away with." He stood at the edge of the roof, holding onto a woman in her sixties who half hung over the ledge.
"Sir Moxious, you can't expect me to comply with something so fascist!" Neil yelled back, edging closer to him, his white waistcoat flapping in the wind over his black t-shirt. He wore tight black leather pants that showed off every curve. Those were the curves that put off a fat gay man with a dangerously low self esteem.
Moxious let go and the woman fell down sixtie stories and made a crater into the pavement, covered with crimson. "I just threw your mom off the roof, so don't wear that to work again." He hissed at him, "now go home and change you little shit."
"You monster!" Neil shouted at Moxious with tears in his eyes, he lost the fight to follow his orders and charged Moxious. His head impacted with Moxious' gut and they both went over the edge, charging down.
"You forgot that I fly, but you don't." Moxious said as he stopped falling and Neil lost his grip on him, joining his mother in a deep red puddle. "Fucking morons," he said to himself, "can't hire anyone that knows how to dress properly nowadays. Bloody idiots."

He went straight back to his office and told his secretary to hire a new mail boy, and wear a longer skirt. He sat down in his executive chair and opened up a first edition of The Picture of Dorian Gray, he had not finished ten pages when his phone lit up.
"What?" He responded and slammed the book shut.
"Some supers kidnapped the major and are keeping him hostage in our hotel at the other side of the town. Apparently there was some press conference or something." His secretary answered him sweetly
"What floor?"
"The thirtieth."
"Payment?"
"Three millions."
"I'll be there in a few, I'll get you a new ironing board as a bonus."
With those words he changed from his office suit to his business suit. The difference was that while the office suit was blue like the sky just an hour after noon at summer, the business suit was an offwhite with a faint blue tint. He flew out, straight to the hotel and observed from the outside. He recognised the costumes, and didn't even bother to wonder why they got through security. It was obvious. He lifted a brick through his pocket and tossed it through the window, smashing it completely and striking the mayor in the back of the head, knocking him out cold. He flew in and just looked the kidnappers over. They were pale, wore eyeliner and wore nothing but leather blacker than their dyed hair. If allowed, they would recite bad poetry and ruin an Open MIC night. Moxious' eye trailed off them over into the room where the press conference had been held. His instinct had been right. They'd taken over the speaker system and read poetry.
The leader jumped forward in front of him, wielding a revolver. "Moxious, you can't stop us. The blackness of our inner fire burns stronger than your... uhh..."
"Fist?" Moxious said as he punched him in the eye. The leader fell to the floor and curdled himself into the fetal position where he wept silently. "Don't you Goths have anything better to do, like whine about how no one understands your desires to look like corpses in cowskin?"
A female goth walked up to him and put a revolver in his face, "you're just like my parents!" she cried.
The back of his hand impacted with her face and she joined her leader on the floor. "Shut up, no one listens to women. The only reason you got up here is because security feels sorry for you stupid kids." He gave the two remaining standing goths harsh looks and they scattered. He kicked the lying Goth till they stopped crying and dragged the Mayor to a nearby hospital where he dropped him off at the ER. Once back at the office, he showered and put on a clean office suit, sending the two others previously worn that day to the dry cleaners. Then the phone lit up again. He kicked the chair, sending it flying out the window, before he answered the phone. "What now?"
"Lord Xento, sir."
"Put him through."
Lord Xento's voice came through the line "if it isn't my arch nemesis Sir Moxious."
"Make it quick you diabolical life saver."
"A 13 year old Nirvana fan is going to jump out of a window seven blocks to the east from here in fifteen minutes, and I'm going to make him survive the fall."
"Not if I can help it you fiend!" Moxious said and slammed down the phone. He quickly changed into a business suit and jumped out, two minutes before said boy would jump out. He arrived on the scene and the boy had already stepped out on the ledge, below, Lord Xento stood grinning. He had to act fast, so he swept down to Lord Xento and drew a silk glove from his pocket. It impacted with Xento's cheek, insulting his honor. "You will not stop this boy you nefarious villain."
"You can't stop me Moxious, I have already put down motion detector triggered ultra mattresses that will not only save his live, but will also keep his body intact so he will have the power to go around and be on the news, spreading his life story to everyone within this city."
"Save this!" Moxious said as he flew into action grabbed the boy from the ledge, whisking him high above the city.
"Dude! I was totally going to jump and you ruined it for me!"
"Don't be stupid you little shit, you were going to be saved, believe me, I hate your stupid guts enough as it is. Nirvana? You listen to fucking Nirvana!? Do you know how unspeakably bad fashion they promote?" Moxious spat out, shifting his grip from the boy's waist to his feet, making him hang upside down as they hovered above the city.
"Man, I think I'm going to hurl." The kid said, his stoumach beginning to rebel against the food inside of it, trying to force it back from where it came from.
Moxious started flying towards the docks, "we should get you something to drink then."
"Man, you'd do that for me?"
"Observe" Moxious said as he dropped the kid, sending him spinning down towards the oily sea. Something blew up below him. Something castle shaped. Lord Xento had foiled his plan again. He flew down towards the docks, rage building up inside of him, he landed on a peer, in the middle of Lord Xento's henchmen. They turned and faced him, wielding large hammers.
"Oy, it's Moxious!" one of them said, in case someone hadn't noticed. Moxious answered him by kicking him in the balls. The guy then threw upp all over himself where he lay weeping.
"Look, guys, you're all on fire. You should jump into the water or something." Moxious falsely stated, and convinced the group of henchmen. A nearby DND master Kirbed that he must've gotten a 20 on his bluff test.
"So you've defeated my henchmen yet again Moxious."
"Yes, that tends to happen when you'll hire any moron that you cross on the street." Lord Xento glared at Sir Moxious, trying to think of a witty reply, but utterly failed.
"Well, you should know!"
"I can't believe you just said that."
Lord Xento looked down at the ground and kicked a small rock in front of his shoe. "You killed the ones that had some style you bastard!"
"They were in my way."
"So you blew up a goddamn Zeppelin over Berlin?"
"Whatever it takes to stop you diabolical schemes."
"Stop this!" Lord Xento extended his leg towards the crotch of Sir Moxious who gracefully did a backwards sommersault, making those advances futile. When he landed, Xento then extended his fist towards the face. With a quick grab, impact was averted and the tables turned. He spun and released his grip sending Xento running towards the end of the dock. He was however not untrained in the arts of combat and quickly stopped. Moxious ran after him and shot out a searing light from his fingertips, Xento's eyes felt like gasoline that had been introduced to fire. He went on a rampage, pulling out a scimitar hanging from his belt. Sir Moxious swung back like the chosen one, avoiding the lethal yet clumsy swipes from his blinded foe. "You cunt!" Xento shouted into the air "that was below the belt!"
"Much like your pathetic kick." Sir Moxious said and kicked him off the dock, sending him flailing onto the bouncy castle floating there. "You may have gotten away with your nefarious plans, but no one stops me from sending crime falling for it's death."
On that note, he flew away to his office and yet again, changed his clothes.
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#2 User is offline   SimeSublime Icon

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Posted 13 August 2005 - 08:25 AM

Bravo! I was curious as to what you had in mind when you asked last night.
The Green Knight, SimeSublime the Puffinesque, liker of chips and hunter of gnomes.
JM's official press secretary, scientific advisor, diplomat and apparent antagonist?
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#3 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 18 October 2005 - 03:00 PM

Finally got around to reading this. I have no clue what its about but I likes.

Quote

I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#4 User is offline   Otal Nimrodi Icon

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Posted 18 October 2005 - 06:27 PM

I was finally bothered to read this. It was... interesting. Rather goldenrod, in fact.
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PM me, we'll talk.
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#5 User is offline   Mirithorn Icon

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Posted 18 October 2005 - 07:29 PM

I really love it. I can't say quite why, but....yeah....*stares happily*
"YOU'RE MISSING A PERIOD. YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY, DON'T YOU? YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY THAT YOU FUCK WITH GRAMMAR? WELL, FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR MISSING PERIOD! I HOPE IT MEANS YOUR SLUTTY, NON-PUNCTUATED WAYS HAVE GOTTEN YOU TEEN-PREGNANT!"

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#6 User is offline   Icey Icon

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Posted 19 October 2005 - 09:48 AM

Thanks all, I was going to make Lord Xento in CoV, but instead made an AlterEgo for myself that looks far too much like Moxie.

That being said, I had no idea what it was about originally, but evolved into something that pleased me.
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#7 User is offline   Dorothy Icon

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Posted 19 October 2005 - 09:50 AM

Its lovely, Boss.

Edit: I just noticed that all the little links at the bottom of the page are about skin tight jeans... huh.gif sick.gif

This post has been edited by Dorothy: 19 October 2005 - 09:51 AM

"The problem is, you're not a kangaroo... that's a bear... and he's in your pants."
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