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Earth Pwns Comet Pwned!!!1!11!

#1 User is offline   Hari Seldon Icon

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Posted 08 July 2005 - 01:00 PM

QUOTE
PlanetFargo: Earth Pwns Comet
This week, an important news brief from PlanetFargo.
By Dave 'Fargo' Kosak | July 7, 2005


Pasadena, California -- NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory has announced the successful completion of their "Deep Impact" mission to the Comet Tempel 1, resulting in the comet getting completely pwned. As planned, a flyby spacecraft jettisoned a smaller impact probe, which came up behind the comet and totally put the smack down.

After the impact, the flyby probe swung into action. Its job after the collision was to pull out a combat knife, run up to the comet, and then stab the corpse repeatedly while waiting for the next round to start. It also jumped up and down.

"The pwnage of comet Tempel 1 represents an enormous and important milestone in our efforts to understand -- and ultimately to completely cream -- the known universe," JPL Director Charles "sl@md@ddy" Elachi explained in a press conference immediately after the impact. "Lollerz!!!!!" he added.

"WTF?" the comet reportedly said.

 
The historic pwnage is another in a long string of recent JPL successes, which included the Mars landing of the Spirit and Opportunity rovers (read GameSpy's less-than-glowing review).

Tension was high in the mission control center during the final crucial minutes of the match. All eyes were turned on the large monitors showing visual feeds and data from the flyby satellite. Then the room erupted into cheers and screaming as the mission control voice boomed, "Headshot!"

"Teams!" the comet yelled.

NASA has been undergoing a series of changes in recent decades as space exploration continues to shift toward unmanned missions. The 'old guard' of staunch engineers and scientists who cut their teeth during the space-race and Apollo missions are gradually being replaced by eager young scientists raised on video games, many of whom believe the moon landing was faked after they saw that one show on Fox News. These younger scientists are eager to catalog and systematically pwn the known universe. "That's right, bitch!" Director of Flight Operations Samuel "|<rayzee|<1ll3r" Brockman screamed into voice chat after the impact. "You go back to the oort cloud you snowy mother[expletive deleted]." Then he started high-fiving.

The President, who had been closely monitoring the pwnage from Airforce One, called shortly after impact to personally congratulate the team behind the win. "GG," he said.

"Werd," Elachi replied. "Thx."


Found it here!

Lollerz!!!!
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#2 User is offline   Kirby Icon

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Posted 08 July 2005 - 03:41 PM

Thats a great way to look at it. If more news stories were told like that, I'd be much more informed.
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#3 User is offline   Hari Seldon Icon

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Posted 08 July 2005 - 03:55 PM

QUOTE (Kirby @ Jul 8 2005, 08:41 PM)
Thats a great way to look at it. If more news stories were told like that, I'd be much more informed.


Like:

Bush claims: "We're totally after the weapons of mass pwnage!!1!1!
"I prefer rationalism to atheism. The question of God and other objects-of-faith are outside reason and play no part in rationalism, thus you don't have to waste your time in either attacking or defending."

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#4 User is offline   floppydisk Icon

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Posted 08 July 2005 - 04:01 PM

Bush: We fount that d1rr7y haxXXx0r at the bottom of his spider hole!
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#5 User is offline   Kirby Icon

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Posted 08 July 2005 - 04:12 PM

Dick "L0ngJ0n" Cheney: That n00b 0s@m@ is still camping
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#6 User is offline   Hari Seldon Icon

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Posted 08 July 2005 - 04:24 PM

QUOTE (Kirby @ Jul 8 2005, 09:12 PM)
Dick "L0ngJ0n" Cheney: That n00b 0s@m@ is still camping


0sa|\/|a: Unlimtd pwnaaage!1!!1

This post has been edited by Hari Seldon: 08 July 2005 - 04:25 PM

"I prefer rationalism to atheism. The question of God and other objects-of-faith are outside reason and play no part in rationalism, thus you don't have to waste your time in either attacking or defending."

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#7 User is offline   Slade Icon

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Posted 08 July 2005 - 10:38 PM

0s4m4: STFU n00bs!!!!1111
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#8 User is offline   floppydisk Icon

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Posted 08 July 2005 - 10:48 PM

*allies use radar to locate Osama*

054m4: OMG ch3473r5!!!!! m0d3r470r !!1!!!1!
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Posted 08 July 2005 - 10:55 PM

No, it's:

0s4m4: OMFG h4x!!!!!11!1
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#10 User is offline   Otal Nimrodi Icon

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Posted 19 July 2005 - 06:13 PM

Hu553in: Cr4p!!!1 Bu5h c0uldn't fine 054m4, and now h3's g0nn4 pwn me!!!!111 h4x!!!
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#11 User is offline   Laughlyn Icon

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Posted 19 July 2005 - 07:34 PM

You know,I have a feeling there's a really good reason why everyone let this thread slide.
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#12 User is offline   Slade Icon

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Posted 20 July 2005 - 10:09 PM

I thought it was marginally funny for a few seconds...
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#13 User is offline   Ninja Duck Icon

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Posted 21 July 2005 - 09:57 AM

8u5h: 1nv1S4blty spl01tzzz! f4g h4xx012d dis m4p!
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#14 User is offline   Hari Seldon Icon

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Posted 21 July 2005 - 08:12 PM

QUOTE (Ninja Duck @ Jul 21 2005, 02:57 PM)
8u5h: 1nv1S4blty spl01tzzz! f4g h4xx012d dis m4p!


Lollerz!1!
"I prefer rationalism to atheism. The question of God and other objects-of-faith are outside reason and play no part in rationalism, thus you don't have to waste your time in either attacking or defending."

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#15 User is offline   Emu Icon

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Posted 21 July 2005 - 08:41 PM

omg roffle!
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