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Alternate ends for Jar-Jar an exercise

#1 User is offline   ernesttomlinson Icon

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Posted 03 July 2005 - 03:45 AM

OK, now the point of this isn't merely to come up with some creative way for Jar-Jar to die. However much you might lie to say you'd tie Jar-Jar to a post and shoot him full of arrows like St. Sebastian that's not the point of this exercise. The point is to imagine how events could have gone only slightly differently from how they went in the movie to result in Jar-Jar's death.

Nothing too obvious. Saving for example that Sebulba pounds Jar-Jar to death in that confrontation is a little easy. I'm looking for more imaginative ways and they must be based on something that actually happens in the movie.

For example: imagine that, during the pod-race sequence, Jar-Jar is so excited that he runs out to see Annie zoom by into the third lap. Unfortunately he trips and stumbles and falls right into the path of Sebulba's pod. No more Jar-Jar.

Or what if Jar-Jar, after getting partly paralysed by putting his head into the power coupling or whatever it was of Annie's pod, fumbled a little too long for that wrench he drops. Annie starts up his pod and, Isadora Duncan like, Jar-Jar gets his arm caught in the turbine...

Or when Jar-Jar is reeling about in Watto's workshop, playing with that little droid that's jumping around, Jar-Jar accidentally backs into a convenient sharp metal part.

Any others that you can think of?
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#2 User is offline   diligent_d Icon

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Posted 03 July 2005 - 04:15 AM

(excuse the crudeness here)



Jar-Jar gangbanged to death by fifteen dozen Trade Federation battle droids. Then we can see that two-headed annoucer from the podracers pop up onto the screen: "Ouch, that's got to hurt."
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#3 User is offline   Darth Player Icon

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Posted 03 July 2005 - 06:36 PM

In ATOC, after being the special envoy to the Galactic Senate and raising the motion to grant Chancellor Palpatine special emergency powers to deal with the crisis and raise an army, Palaptine becomes impressed and calls Jar Jar into his chambers saying, "You're the only one I can trust, Jar Jar...." He tels Jar Jar about the Dark Side of the Force and how he's already abetted it, and Jar Jar becomes Darth Heinous. Soon, Palpatine sees Anakin and his abilities with the Force, and he tells Anakin to kill Jar Jar. Before Anakin can do so, Obi Wan storms into the room and decapitates Jar Jar in to time flat, shouting "Another Useless Lifeform!!!"

Only by making Jar Jar a Sith Lord can you hope to get rid of him.
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#4 User is offline   Despondent Icon

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Posted 03 July 2005 - 08:30 PM

Jar-Jar reveals he has stowed away (Hallo Ahnnie) and is in the part of Grievous/Palpatine's ship that ripped apart from Annie's landing craft. JJ burns upon entry to the atmosphere, making Annie's safe landing an even happier moment for all.
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#5 User is offline   barend Icon

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Posted 03 July 2005 - 08:54 PM

they should have had someone club him in the back of the head with a shovel at the funeral of padme and yell: "thanks for okaying those clone troops, asshole!"
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#6 User is offline   SithAvenger Icon

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Posted 03 July 2005 - 08:56 PM

I imagine Jar Jar falling of one of those Senate platforms and die in a horribly way. smile.gif
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#7 User is offline   barend Icon

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Posted 03 July 2005 - 08:59 PM

or when he sticks his tongue in that pod current. instead of numbing his mouth, it should have made him combust...

that would have been funnier...
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#8 User is offline   SithAvenger Icon

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Posted 03 July 2005 - 09:01 PM

Or maybe have some Gungan electrocute Jar Jar to death with one of those electricity poles.
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#9 User is offline   WalkingCarpet Icon

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Posted 04 July 2005 - 03:27 AM

He gets sat on by Jabba.

Seriously, visualise it!
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#10 User is offline   SithAvenger Icon

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Posted 04 July 2005 - 06:10 PM

Or maybe have Salacious Crumb eat his eyes and then his body....
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#11 User is offline   Otal Nimrodi Icon

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Posted 04 July 2005 - 06:15 PM

Gets lost, walks into the senate chamber, and takes a lightning bolt for Yoda.
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#12 User is offline   Coco Icon

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Posted 04 July 2005 - 08:07 PM

Simple one: Qui-Gon Jinn doesn't save him from the droid tanks (or whatever the hell their name is) at the beggining of TPM. Jar Jar dies trampled by the tanks and the rest of Naboo's fauna.

And we get rid of him pleasently soon.
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#13 User is offline   SithAvenger Icon

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Posted 05 July 2005 - 12:18 AM

Or have him at Alderaan when it explodes... but don't put that on the next DVD.
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#14 User is offline   Harvey Globetrotter Icon

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Posted 05 July 2005 - 03:21 AM

Jar Jar says "Whosa are yousa?" to the wrong guy - a gangsta with serious gripes with anyone who does an impression of a negro slave.
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#15 User is offline   WalkingCarpet Icon

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Posted 05 July 2005 - 03:27 AM

Greedo's first shot in the Mos Eisley cantina ricochets off the wall behind Han Solo and strikes Jar Jar, on a weekend break to Tatooine, right in the centre of his stupid, floppy-eared, ridiculously-tongued head.

Finally, justification for the digital editing of this scene.
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