Chefelf.com Night Life: My Post Office Can Bite Me - Chefelf.com Night Life

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My Post Office Can Bite Me Thursday, June 23, 2005

#1 User is offline   Chefelf Icon

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Posted 23 June 2005 - 09:06 AM

In keeping with the tradition my neighborhood has established of having the worst variety of everything imaginable, my neighborhood contains the country's worst post office. I've been in plenty of other post offices in plenty of other cities and states an never had any problems other than occasional long lines. My post office has long lines that lead to windows which showcase surly people. It's as if each bulletproof window is actually a frame honoring another heroic asshole.

Given that my local post office is opposed to actually ringing my bell or knocking on my door, I get a lot of notices saying that they tried to deliver a package but were unable to. Often these notices will slip under my door or be stuffed into my mailbox while I sit at my computer, not ten feet from said door.

Inevitably I have to end up walking to the post office quite often to attempt to retrieve my package. This always results in a power struggle between me and the woman on the other side of two panels of bulletproof glass. Under normal circumstances the woman on the other side of the glass is playing a game. The game goes like this: She will do anything in her power to make sure you don't leave with your package. If you leave with your package you get 2 points. If she keeps the packaged, she gets 2 points. If you get your package she can insult you or criticize the way you did something in order to earn 1 point and save face.

Here's how today's game went:

I took my slip signed by Jen (who I was picking up the package for) along with her ID and my ID and slid them under the tiny slit in the glass. She eyed them both suspiciously (both out of state IDs from different states) then she looked at the slip and immediately stated: "You didn't sign th--" then cut herself off when she used her big, fat, stupid fingers to turn the card over to the proper sign that held the signature.

She then peered up at me over her glasses so that there were only two panes of glass between us and not three, a gesture which I perceived this to be somewhat threatening for unknown reasons. “All right. Doing all right so far.” That last statement was made clearly to show me that while I may have passed her first test she was still going to do her job which was apparently to do anything at all to stop me from getting the package.

The woman turned over both IDs, looking at both of our pictures and scowling the way she would if she had discovered that the IDs had mysteriously turned into some dog poop. Her sour look was so strong that I looked down to make sure that the IDs hadn’t actually turned into some dog poop. They hadn’t.

It was looking bad for the post office lady but she wasn’t going to go down without a fight. She slammed the IDs onto the tabletop then slid them back to me under the glass and said, “This package is made out to you care of her. So you didn’t even need to sign this.” All though she didn’t say it it was implied that she had said, “So there!”

I thanked her for her rudeness and was on my way. I’d won the day. There’ll be plenty more battles in the future but for now I am victorious. I have a package of things that I am supposed to have.

Nate: 2, Post Office: 1.
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#2 User is offline   SimeSublime Icon

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Posted 23 June 2005 - 09:57 AM

I'd suggest putting in a formal complaint next time it happens. Check the clerks name badge, and write a letter to the post office...assuming they can deliver it to themselves.
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#3 User is offline   Despondent Icon

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Posted 23 June 2005 - 11:37 AM

Nice rant. Liked the Panes part especially.

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Hope they don't make that mistake again. tongue.gif
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#4 User is offline   floppydisk Icon

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Posted 23 June 2005 - 12:37 PM

I'd leave a note on my door that said "To the post office: Ring the fucking bell when you have a package for me."
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#5 User is offline   Jen Icon

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Posted 23 June 2005 - 01:05 PM

Our post office is grand! Once Nate took a properly endorsed, completely filled-out package delivery slip to the same window, along with a note I had written explicitly naming him as my agent to collect my mail, and was denied because he didn't have my driver's licensce.

Just for the record, here is the USPS's official policy about having someone else pick up your mail, as detailed on their website:

"An individual may pick up mail for someone else (including restricted delivery) if it has been indicated on a Standing Delivery Order (Form 3801) or if the individual has written authorization from the addressee. Authorization can be written directly on the delivery notice (PS Form 3849 - either Peach or Yellow colored) or plain paper."

Notice that it does indicate identification of any kind. Damn you, our post office!
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Posted 23 June 2005 - 06:32 PM

I know when I walk into my local post office its like walking into a morgue, ask for a book of stamps and its like the end of the world, I guess its a prerequisite to work there you have to be miserable and snippy. Be happy you have a good job that pays well guys, dealing with customers is a fact of life for you get over it.
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Posted 23 June 2005 - 11:05 PM

I'm pretty sure it's actually illegal to have someone else's Driver's License with you, especially if they do not have an altternate. Not only have you someone else's legaql identification, but they have no way to identify themselves if they need to. It's illegal in Canada.

I think your post office asked you to break the law, just so they could be assholes. Too bad you couldn't have received that demand in writing, ie "I forget sometimes; could you please write out, on Post Office stationery and with your signature, all of the things I will need to pick up this package?"
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#8 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 24 June 2005 - 02:44 AM

haha I'm about to have some fun with my local post office, trying to ship a package that could easily be holding a person my own size. I'll definately mention how it goes.

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#9 User is offline   floppydisk Icon

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Posted 24 June 2005 - 10:46 AM

Just to throw them off, you should put one of your friends in there.
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#10 User is offline   Madam Corvax Icon

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Posted 27 June 2005 - 04:53 AM

Is it illegal just to CARRY somebody else's driving license? How very odd.

Anyway, I used to have problems like that, but they disappeared since I moved to the small village I am living now. Here everybody knows me, my first name and surname, address and who I am married to. As the village has its own post office, it goes for them too. I was able to pick up letters for my husband without any IDs -the woman behind the glass knew me, somehow, and did not require any ID. I find it very sweet.
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Posted 27 June 2005 - 10:43 AM

QUOTE (Madam Corvax @ Jun 27 2005, 04:53 AM)
Is it illegal just to CARRY somebody else's driving license? How very odd.

Yes, it's illegal. no one would ever enforce it, but the point is I bet it's illegal in New York as well. And if so, this Post Office could not have it as a published requirement, hence Jen and Nate are right that this Post Office is a dick.
"I had a lot of different ideas. At one point, Luke, Leia and Ben were all going to be little people, and we did screen tests to see if we could do that." -George Lucas, in STAR WARS: the Annotated Screenplays (p197).
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#12 User is offline   Jordan Icon

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Posted 27 June 2005 - 04:20 PM

That story was hilarious. Reminds me of your older rants. I NEVER need to go to the post office. If I ever do get a package, I get a note or a guy in person telling me to pick it up. But that hardly ever happens, usually it's shipped right to my door.

American postal workers have a real bad image. Son of Sam, Seinfeld, and now... CHEF!

PS- is it true that some postal workers can carry defensive weapons, like mace or a tazer?
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#13 User is offline   SimeSublime Icon

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Posted 28 June 2005 - 01:13 AM

QUOTE (Madam Corvax @ Jun 27 2005, 05:53 PM)
Here everybody knows me, my first name and surname, address and who I am married to.

But everybody knows your married to Civillian Number 2. Although if your picking up his mail, it seems a bit odd that they're sending it to the wrong country tongue.gif
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Posted 28 June 2005 - 03:21 AM

I am afraid you are mistaken. The nature of our bond is above such mundane arrangements as marriage. innocent.gif
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#15 User is offline   SeanJ1 Icon

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Posted 08 July 2005 - 09:44 PM

QUOTE (Jordan @ Jun 27 2005, 04:20 PM)
PS- is it true that some postal workers can carry defensive weapons, like mace or a tazer?


The one that delivers to my office does. I always put my letter opener down when he drops mail on my desk so he doesn't have an excuse to mace me. "He came at me with a letter opener officer, I was just defending myself."

Nate, I go through the same hassles with U.P.S all the time. It took me three days to get my laptop which was 3 blocks away from my office. They almost sent it back to Dell. biggrin.gif
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