Batman: Returns...begins...rears his ugly head

In nature, the bat relies on its hyper-sensitive hearing to navigate an environment using internal radar. So, logically, Batman covers his ears with thick rubber.

- - -

Vertical top-mounted ears create a slimming quality to the face and draw attention away from under-worked areas, like your quads or your script.

- - -

The thick rubber neck is specially designed so Batman is unable to see anywhere but dead centre. This way he remains focused on moving forward in his never-ending mission, instead of thinking about what he just did to that mugger in the alley.

- - -

Batman must strike a balance of sorrow (from his mommy's death), disgust (at the liberal stance on criminals needing "trials" instead of vigilante beatings) and anger (on failing the police exam). This petulant pout sums up all those feelings ... and more.

- - -

The ears might be that of a Doberman and the cape could just be a goth accessory, so Batman needs a clear image of a bat on his pecs to remind criminals of that which they fear most: blind flying rats.

- - -

A skin-tight outfit with added muscle definition shows the frightened populace that you will also do your best to protect the gay community.

- - -

Arm knives are probably illegal. Hell, everything to do with Batman is probably illegal. Someone should probably arrest him, don't you think?

- - -

Having no pockets is hard, especially for a man like Bruce Wayne who must have a ton of keys. Several incarnations of a Bat-Purse were developed before settling on a utility belt, with a downward design that draws some well-deserved attention to Batman's manstuffs. This has absolutely nothing to do with crime fighting.

- - -

A cape brings people back to a simpler time, a time of elegance and civility. Criminals can ponder this as they swallow their own teeth, courtesy of Batman.

- - -

In Batman Begins, The Dark Knight's rubber footwear is equipped with a high-pitched frequency emitter that can summon thousands of bats to flock to his side and overwhelm his enemies. After all, what self-respecting superhero goes out without a pair of flock-me boots?

He's your basic supertrooper in black and your judge and jury, with people like Batman, who needs Gitmo? So is it possible that Bush, Ashcroft and Rumsfelt had been reading too many comic books, for as their archtype had inspired: vigilante justice is american as apple pie. (Even if that pie is a green hairy moldy mess rotting in a stinking cave called Fascism.)

This post has been edited by Vampsmasher: 15 June 2005 - 08:43 AM

QUOTE (Vampsmasher @ Jun 15 2005, 01:40 PM)

He's your basic supertrooper in black and your judge and jury, with people like Batman, who needs Gitmo? So is it possible that Bush, Ashcroft and Rumsfelt had been reading too many comic books, for as their archtype had inspired: vigilante justice is american as apple pie. (Even if that pie is a green hairy moldy mess rotting in a stinking cave called Fascism.)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I thought Batman was just a comic book character I liked (and I enjoyed the movie, too!).

Then again, I'm from a country which more than half of the USA population thinks is part of Spain (except for the ones who come here for the sunny beaches and blah blah blah) - so my opinion wouldn't count too much, I guess.

And I would be inclined to say that the rotten green pie was the USA itself - good ol' oil-sniffin' gun-slingin' stupid-excuses-for-war-makin' USA (or maybe just the hypocritical "good men" who run the country).

Was that off the topic?