78 Reasons to Hate Episode I The Phantom Menace articles...
Posted 15 August 2008 - 01:31 AM
The only new thing I learned from watching the prequels once again - and let me tell you that it was a painful experience, especially the Anakin/Padme romance in AOTC - was the word Poodoo. It's uttered twice to my knowledge, once in TPM and once in AOTC. And the thing I like about it is that it describes the series PERFECTLY.
I call it the series because I personally believe that the Prequels and the OT are different beasts, altogether. The OT wasn't perfect, but it was engaging and a load of fun to watch, unlike the POODOO that is the PT.
Posted 30 December 2008 - 04:22 AM
I am sure some people could read your articles and think that some of your gripes are "nitpicky", and they may even be right on some points, however these movies were so bad & dissapointing how in this world (or that one for that matter) could anyone complain about anything you had to say? I can definately understand how in your frustration that the greatest movie franchise of all time was being raped of it's mystique and innocense right before our very eyes, that you had to vent! I am actually surprised at how complete your list is, although these movies are so bad many, many more problems/inconsistencies could be pointed out. I could literally go on for the rest of my life about how bad these movies are. It's almost as if George Lucas didn't even watch his own orginal trilogy before he made the prequels!!! That's how inconsistent they are...you would also think that after 15 years in-between Return of the Jedi and The Phantom Menace, that he could have come up with something at least somewhat close to the originals. Alas, no.
Your gripes are more specific, but I wanted to point out some of the broader issues with the entire prequel franchise altogether...these basic things could literally cover every gripe you had about the movies. I know ALL of these things have been covered before, but I have been waiting for nine years now to gripe, and I have to get this off my chest or I will go to my grave hating G.L. (I can't even say his name) with everything in me...okay I will still go to my grave hating G.L. with everything in me...but here goes anyways, these are the things that bother me the most about the prequels:
1) Why is it the spaceships, cruisers, speeders, basically anything having to do with technology, is more advanced in the prequels, than in the original trilogy, which happened in a later time period??? Shouldn't this type of mistake be covered in "how to make a prequel 101"??? From the get-go it makes these movies inconsistent and DUMB...not withstanding the fact that none of the spaceships in the prequels are nearly as cool as the ones in the original trilogy...and that's NOT just my childhood talking. What kind of idiot would make this simple mistake in logic?
2) Dialogue Dialogue Diaglogue...or should I say lack of it. In this aspect these movies suffer from two distinct shortcomings. #1, the original trilogy had some of the best and most original dialogue ever put on film and equalling their greatness would be difficult for any filmmaker and #2, these movies just don't have any. Even if the original trilogy didn't exist for us to compare them to, the dialogue in these movies would still be among the worst dialogue I have ever heard in a movie. It just doesn't compare to the original trilogy on ANY level. It's almost as if George got everyone on set and just said, "ok, ad-lib". A prime example of this is when Qui-Gon (who by the way is the worst Jedi ever) wants Queen Amidala to go to Coruscant with him, and he sais to her "If you stay my feelings tell me that they will kill you". That's it? Are you kidding me? I heard that and it was painfully obvious that we were not in Kansas...er...Dagobah anymore.
3) Probably the most painful thing that happened for me in these movies, and the only scene/instance I will touch specifically, is the whole ridiculous midi-chlorian thing. It may very well be the dumbest idea G.L. has ever come up with, and after seeing all three prequels, that is a long list of dumb ideas. Qui-Gon said the word(s) midi-chlorians, and suddenly the movies of my youth lost any magic that hadn't already been destroyed in the first hour or so of The Phantom Menace. Doesn't G.L. understand that that's part of what made the original trilogy so great! He gave the Force a scientific explanation, and completely ruined it in less than 10 seconds. I must admit it was at this point of episode I that I realized where this saga was going, and I already knew I wouldn't like episodes II or III. It is this stupid midi-chlorian thing that gets me the most angry when I think of the prequels, so I'd better stop before I get too worked up and damage another laptop.
4) The acting. It could not have been more deplorable. Just as the dialogue, I can honestly say that if the original trilogies didn't exist, this would still be some of the worst acting I have ever seen. And I am a guy who thinks acting is overrated as a major barometer as to the quality of a movie. The only guy that was decent at all was Ian McDiarmid as Senator Palpatine, and he was only salvagable. It was obvious that G.L. only cared about special effects, and that every single other aspect of this movie was rushed, because the special effects is the ONLY thing about these movies that's any good. Everyone was equally horrible...Liam Neelson (I take the "equally" part back, he was definately the worst), Natalie Portman (even though she is still smoking hot), Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen...and these are well-known, respected actors! That's how I know that the only thing G.L. cared about was filming this as quickly as possible so he could get back to the studio and replace the "blue screen behind them". Who am I forgetting??? Oh yeah EVERYONE ELSE!!! The only thing that G.L. actually took time to think about was how he wanted the film to look...wait...that doesn't explain Jar Jar Binks.
There you go...sorry to take up so much of your time repeating things you have probably heard and thought about a thousand times, but I just couldn't take it anymore, I had to release...by the way I do have a bit of advice for you. You said in your review of episode I that you had been a Star Wars fan for the first 21 years of your life, and that you are now only a fan out of obligation. I am from Michigan, so I know a little bit about learning how to deal with being a fan of a terrible franchise (Detroit Lions) and I have learned that the only way to still enjoy original Star Wars Trilogy the way it should be enjoyed is to do what I do with the Lions...pretend they don't exist...I don't watch them, I don't acknowledge them (other than this post), I simply do like I do with the Lions and I ignore the prequels. Because let's be honest about it, the original Star Wars Trilogy is still the greatest movie franchise ever made...and you SHOULD be able to enjoy them. I hope this helps you in your search for peace from the prequels. By the way I am now a Patriots fan...and alot happier!
This post has been edited by Hoth: 30 December 2008 - 04:33 AM
Posted 29 June 2009 - 08:23 PM
#79 - Qui-gon takes the word of the obviously underhanded, sneaky and slimy alien salesman (watto), that he is the only person on the planet which has a nubian hyperdrive....a bit hard to believe. But i geuss qui-gon was too infuriated that his mind-tricks didnt work.
#80 - in the final battle scene, the battle droids walk very slowly towards the gun-guns, while being fired at. They are still more capable than they are in future episodes.
#81 - I dont have english subtitles, so im not sure exactly what he said. But at one point jar jar says something which sounds like "You'd say: Boomdiasa, then crashed into the bosses headliber, then banished" to qui-gon and obi-wan. im pretty sure they wouldnt speak like that.
#82 - Why exactly the trade federation feels that (according to the title sequence) resolving the problem of "aation of trade routes to outlying star systems" by creating a "blockade of deadly battleships" around naboo is beyond me.
#83 - Darth maul spends a good deal of time going all the way to naboo to kill the jedi, only to get there in time to watch them take off. Which also brings up the question, why did he go there in the first place.
#84 - Why didnt watto take up qui-gons threat to take their problem to the hutts. Im not sure how much the hutts would like jedi messing around in their territory.
#85 - Why is the gun-guns official language 'bad english'.
#86 - In the deleted scene with greedo, qui-gon says ""You know the truth... You will have to tolerate his opinion, fighting won't change it. ". A bit rich coming from qui-gon, what he meant to say was ""You know the truth... You will have to tolerate his opinion, fighting won't change it. But jedi mind tricks will". As qui-gon loves using his fancy jedi mind tricks, using them as much as he can.
Posted 23 July 2009 - 01:20 PM
As far as I can determine, 'The Phantom Menace' refers to Sidious, and how he is pretending to be the nice Palpatine. This would be a lot more effective if we didn't already know that Palpatine and Sidious are one and the same. They could have done a better job of adding a bit of mystery though. For example: don't give Sidious the exact same costume the Emperor wore.
That is interesting about the original title. Not only would it have been better, but it would've given hope to SW fans by giving them a recognizable phrase. 'The Phantom Menace' just screams "THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH STAR WARS!!!!!!!"
Posted 23 May 2012 - 02:07 PM
QUI-GON: ...my only conclusion can be that it was a Sith Lord.
MACE WINDU: A Sith Lord?!?
KI-ADI: Impossible! The Sith have been extinct for a millenium.
YODA: The very Republic is threatened, if involved the Sith are.
MACE WINDU: I do not believe they could have returned without us knowing.
YODA: Hard to see, the dark side is. Discover who this assassin is, we must.
KI-ADI: I sense he will reveal himself again.
MACE WINDU: This attack was with purpose, that is clear, and I agree the Queen is the target.
YODA With this Naboo queen you must stay, Qui-Gon. Protect her.
MACE WINDU We will use all our resources here to unravel this mystery and discover the identity of your attacker... May the Force be with you.
So let's think about the reactions here... Mace flips out, Ki-Adi is in doubt, Yoda is fearful, Mace is arrogant, Yoda points out that Mace is an idiot, Ki-Adi = Captain Obvious. Then later on there's a scene once again with the Jedi Council in which Mace says this:
MACE WINDU Go with the Queen to Naboo and discover the identity of the dark warrior. That is the clue we need to unravel the mystery of the Sith.
So now it is the Sith? You don't know the assassin's identity and neither does anyone else on the Jedi Council, but there's a "mystery of the Sith" to unravel. We all know this script was terrible but using speculation and implication as a plot device in such a way is pretty shallow. Also Mace goes from wanting the Queen protected to wanting the Jedi to use her as bait it seems, or else how does he know that the assassin will be there or that their idetity would be discovered? Nonsensical George Lucas bullshit if you ask me.