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my ROTS review - hi from europe revenge of the sith comments/review

#1 User is offline   A Concerned Jawa in Brussels Icon

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Posted 25 May 2005 - 10:54 AM

Hello from Brussels. I really enjoy this site, and give a big thanks to all who post their opinions here. It really makes my day to read this site. And thanks/best wishes to M. Elf, who I am certain is holed up working on "Reasons To Hate Episode III," which I am looking forward to even more than I looked forward to the actual movie.

Anyway, I'm not usually a web poster type, but earlier today found myself ranting and writing a longer-than-I-realized-I-had-in-me negative review of "Sith" for some European chat room thing I look at at the office sometimes (in a probably vain effort to warn Europe about this movie I suppose) Since much of my sarcasm was honed by my peeks at chefelf.com, and indeed I put in a link in my review to the Vader "NOOOOOOO!" site provided by one of the posters here, Failureboy2, I thought the least I could do was paste my review here. Enjoy if you like, and hope you all are well...

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A Review of "Sith"

oh god this was sooo horrible, the same type of boring rubbish as Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones . I can't believe Lucas has continued to destroy one of the best parts of my childhood like this. Same crap as episodes i and ii: awful writing, acting , needless kung-fu jumping-around Matrix-style moves by characters like Yoda and the Emperor that, in the original films, used to have some dignity, but here just make you laugh out loud because it's all so ridiculous! Overwhelming CGI special effects throughout that are pointless and actually look worse than the simple more graceful model spaceship sequences in the original trilogy. More awful acting from Hayden Christiansen, who succeeds only in sporting a Jedi teen hairdo that's always about 5-10 years behind real-life American boy band culture! (in 2002's Clones he had a New Kids On the Block rat-tail that was popular about 1989-90; in this new film it's a messy perm circa 1998 from Backstreet Boys/NSYNC! Wow how cool!) "Important" characters you already thought were dull in the previous 2 films are now even more goddamn outright boring! See the excitement of Natalie Portman moping in her apartment for almost every scene in the two hour and twenty minute film! Experience the worst wooden acting ever by Samuel L. Jackson, in the entirely unnecessary major role of "rather like watching paint dry" Jedi Master Mace Windu! Cool! Just when you think you've endured the worst, and that it will soon get better, and that no film director could mess up an automatic, "we've waited for almost 30 years to see this", crowd-pleaser like the "birth of Vader" sequence near the end of the film, Lucas again screws it up with bad acting, stupid scripting, and needless special effects!! Go, Lucas!!! You're already about to cry/vomit/laugh with frustration/shock/disappointment at what a bad movie this is, you then finally endure the Vader creation scene hoping to god maybe this one lone important scene can redeem the film along with the insipid episodes i and ii , and you instead end up with Anakin/newly built Lord Vader doing this histrionic "Noooooooooooooooo!!!!" yelp upon re-awakening as Vader and learning of the (thank god) death of his (boring as hell) wife. It's like something you'd see on an "outakes" dvd bonus feature for "I Know What You did last Summer" or "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" or "Charlie's Angels Full Throttle" -- it would be fitting if it were an outtake or blooper and it was, say, drew barrymore campily shrieking "Nooooooo!!!" as an outtake from a real movie fight scene. Um, but no, it's not a blooper or outtake, rather this is the major concluding moment of perhaps the most critical scene of this 6 part epic: George Lucas has entirely failed to sustain our interest throughout the film, has managed to rouse not even a fraction of curiousity about the end of Anakin/birth of Vader (surely Vader is the coolest movie villain of all time--how can finally seeing his creation be boring?--yet Lucas makes it trivial and boring), and as if to affirm what a sloppy bit of junk "Revenge of the Sith" is, we get this ridiculous "Nooooooo!!!" moment from Vader (seriously if you have sound on your computer check out this quick link to experience it: http://darthno.ytmnd.com/ ). I'm not sure if they actually used James Earl Jones' voice for the "Nooooooo!" -- it may have been an uncredited guest voice appearance by Bette Midler or Jim Carrey.

I should also mention that, for no apparent reason, Wookies and Chewbacca himself appear in the film. It makes no sense whatsoever, but at one point Yoda more or less says "I'd better go to the Wookie planet to see what's happening there..." so Yoda goes there, nothing really happens, Chewbacca appears, it's an entirely needless part of the movie, nothing really happens or changes as a result of Yoda going to the Wookie planet. Then, to make sure his audience understands 100% that we've just met that lovable Chewbacca (to encourage us to go out and buy Wookie Snickers Bars or a Chewbacca Burger King Large-Sized Coca Cola no doubt), George Lucas ends the (entirely pointless) Wookie planet bit, where the one obvious thing that anyone with a brain has taken from the sequence is that, ok, that shaggy tall familiar creature is CHEWBACCA, we like him and vaguely recognize him as a character from some movies we once enjoyed, by spoon-feeding the audience with a touching good-bye scene as Yoda leaves the Wookie planet after basically accomplishing nothing but wasting 30 minutes of screen time in this already meandering mess of a film, so (in case you missed this! - it's Chewbacca, how do you spell that?) Yoda basically says, "I will miss you, CHEWBACCA!!" as he departs, in a sort of meaningless way, emphasizing the name, Chewbacca!, that makes it clear that the line was just inserted into the movie in case in any kids in the audience who might be potential purchasers of Star Wars action figures wanted to be sure of Chewbacca's name to help with purchasing film-related products! Like, really, considering what an awful movie "Sith" is, and how the director long ago sold out and trampled on our dreams, George Lucas should have just felt free to take yet another liberty in the Yoda-leaves-Wookie planet scene, and, instead of having Yoda say "I will miss you, Chewbacca" Lucas should have had Yoda say, "I will miss you, and you are Item #324991557-G on the Toys R Us website, part of a limited edition action figure set with removable bandolier." I mean, really, that's what Lucas meant, is it not?

Oh I should mention at the end here that although I am completely against people easily downloading illegal copies of movies for free off the internet and depriving filmmakers and studios of justified income from their treasures, I have heard from a friend that "Revenge of the Sith" is available easily online, for free. But please don't do this, when you can so easily pay to go out and see it in a cinema.
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#2 User is offline   Lord Melkor Icon

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Posted 25 May 2005 - 11:55 AM

I am from Poland and really enjoyed this movie. As did my friends, and my girlfriend. And I wasn`t bothered by this NO part at all!

Actually, I think I may like ROTS more than the OT.
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#3 User is offline   Primetime Icon

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Posted 25 May 2005 - 12:18 PM

"I shall miss you Chewbacca," is probably one of the dumbest lines I've ever heard in ANY movie. Yes, the whole Wookie planet stuff was pointless. Pure chefelf fodder.
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#4 User is offline   Lord Melkor Icon

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Posted 25 May 2005 - 12:20 PM

But they were supposed to show those Clone Wars, didn`t they?
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#5 User is offline   HeckHouse Icon

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Posted 25 May 2005 - 01:14 PM

Gah, WALL OF TEXT.
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#6 User is offline   Storm Icon

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Posted 25 May 2005 - 01:27 PM

As soon as I view "God, this movie was horrible" as the first thing someone says in a review, I don't even bother reading it because it's guaranteed to be poor writing.
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