Chefelf.com Night Life: Systems of Measurement - Chefelf.com Night Life

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Systems of Measurement A game and a fact-finding mission.

#1 User is offline   Mnesymone Icon

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Posted 24 May 2005 - 08:40 PM

Systems of measurement are interesting. We can measure tangible scientific things like heat, distance, weight etc.

But we can also measure completely intangible and non-scientific ideas.

Here's how the game goes.

Create a system of measurement to measure something that no rational measurement yet exists for. Create a unit of measurement and a value for it.

Two examples - the measurement of female beauty in Helens - the amount of beauty required to launch a thousand ships. Thusly a millihelen is the amount of beauty required to launch one ships.

The measurement of coolness in Fonzies - the amount of coolness required to/generated by ski jumping a shark while wearing a leather jacket.

Let the game begin.
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#2 User is offline   Kirby Icon

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Posted 24 May 2005 - 09:06 PM

So, does it go like this?

The mesurement of messyness in Trashometers: The number of sentient beings spawned by the mould and gunk under your bed.

If I don't catch on, then feel free to yell
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#3 User is offline   Mnesymone Icon

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Posted 24 May 2005 - 09:11 PM

Doin fine kirbs.
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Posted 24 May 2005 - 09:13 PM

Barendesque. The Amount of Postal Authority one has over a forum in terms of post count clubs. One Barendesque means, one K above the highest posters, with the person counted excluded. Two Barendesque places the person 2 thousand posts over the highest poster.

It can also measure your chances against Godzilla in a fight. One Barensesque means you're equal, two that you're twice as strong and Centibarendesque makes you a hundred times weaker than Godzilla.
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Posted 24 May 2005 - 09:40 PM

True story. I eat slowly. I mean incredibly slowly. I also hang out with physics students. As such, one day we were having lunch(it was a birthday thing, so there was an all you can eat buffet). Anyway, most people were on their third plates whilst I was finishing off my first. Ever since that day, we've denoted the SI unit for eating speed as the "Simon". I eat at one simon, and everybody else has an eating speed >1 simon.
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 06:13 AM

Boredom is a great one with many possible versions.

A Jon, based off Jon out of Garfield, is the amount of boredom required to willingly submit to/generated by watching linoleum curl. Thusly the millijon means you would have to be a thousand times as bored as you currently are to watch lino curling.

The measurement of being hated. Just as Kelvin begins at absolute zero, the measure of reception of hatred ends ultimate one: the ming (named for a guy I knew who back at school who was a racist racial-supremacist suisupremacist egotistical maniac with no sense of tact who, like the beatles claikmed to be bigger than Jesus but unlike the Beatles, wasn't the Beatles and claimed to be able to mastermind September 11 more effectively than thereal thing... says it all really) zero mings is someone like say Emu who has a zero reception of hatred while eight decimings is someone like Use the Force, who becomes hated by 80% of everyone he encounters.
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 07:47 AM

Got one! Got one!

I propose the "DSTC" measurement, or "Didn't See That Coming", for soap operas. I propose the "Harold Bishop" system, which measures the number of obvious, stupid and implausible plotlines per month. So something like Eastenders is going to have, say, 20HBs, due to stuff like fires, explosions, and people coming back from the dead 20 years after being shot.

I chose Harold Bishop, since who gets swept out to sea, and comes back months later with amnesia?
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 07:56 AM

So, how many DSTC's would the shower scene in Dallas be worth?
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 08:05 AM

Find me a copy, and I'll become unignorant enough to answer...
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 08:15 AM

I don't know where to look, but to bring you up to date on the very worst of america soap opera. Patrick Duffy's character died, following season was a flop, next season began with his wife waking up, discovering him in the shower, and realising it had all been a dream.
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 08:16 AM

EDIT: Random double post.

This post has been edited by Laughlyn: 25 May 2005 - 08:16 AM

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#12 User is offline   floppydisk Icon

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Posted 25 May 2005 - 03:54 PM

That's an even lamer plot device than any of GL's.
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 04:59 PM

Was that where the end of that episode of Family Guy came from? The episode with the nuclear holocaust?
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Posted 25 May 2005 - 10:02 PM

i like iceys best so far...

here's one.

system: crononomics.

purpose: to accuratley calculate film grossing value between films that were released more than 5 years apart without falling into temporal-loopholes resulted by the failure to intergrate inflation, evolved economic structure, devaluation of monitary units, raising cost of theatre tickets, etc.

Units:
YCOS: Year (in question) Cost Of Soda [1x Can]
CCOS: Current cost of Soda [1x Can]

table: YCOS multiplied by 'X' = CCOS
film gross = given figure multiplied by 'X'

so (for example) if a film made $13million in 1970 and a can of coke cost $0.20(probably less), then by todays standards where a coke costs $1.90, the film technically made $123.5million.

so before people try and tell me that some new film beat the shit out of the Original Star wars, we'll have a better rule of thumb to by.

(there are more cinemas now, and movies play in more places aswell, so older films will always be at a disatvantage,,, i will need more figures to accuratley work this...)
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#15 User is offline   Mnesymone Icon

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Posted 25 May 2005 - 10:49 PM

Good one... but how do you take into account the cost varying of a can of major-company soft drink from place to place. A can of coke can cost between 1.00 and 1.50 where I've seen them.

Also, the multiplex cinema thing needs to be considered as well...
also most older films made their money over a space of two years or more while most modern films make their money over two weeks.
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