Chefelf.com Night Life: Classic Troll VS Plastic Troll - Chefelf.com Night Life

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Classic Troll VS Plastic Troll Monster takes on midget.

Poll: Who would win in a fight between a mythological scandinavian monster and an annoying plastic novelty?

Who would win in a fight between a mythological scandinavian monster and an annoying plastic novelty?

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#1 User is offline   Voodoo Dog Icon

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Posted 08 May 2005 - 06:42 PM

Which would win in a fight between a classic troll and one of those freaky little plastic things with the marge simpson hair and horribly disturbing eyes? At first glance things look bad for mister plastic, with the other guy wielding a huge club and everything, but said plastic cunt would have speed on his side and would probably be able to dodge it. Fast little thing will win against slow big thing any day of the fuckin' week. I therefore have to put my money on the plastic guys even though I HATE the little freaks. Except those ones you could put on the top of a pen because I rather enjoyed repeatedly sodomising the bastards. This is really distressing for me because I love club wielding trolls and I hate those little plastic twerps. But sadly we can't let sentimentality get in the way of warfare. We must let nature take its course. "Survival of the fittest" and all that.

For the purposes of this fight, I'll define a classic troll to be the ones out of Tolkien. Y'know the stupid slow strong ones with a big club and the rather unfortunate habit of turning into stone at sunrise. A plastic troll will, of course, be made of plastic with all the strengths and weaknesses that entails. If there was any horrible spin off cartoons and similar that said more about the advantages and disadvantages of being a little oil-based twerp, then please, let me know. I'll add it up straight away as soon as I can confirm it.

Oh yeah, the dark entity known as "floppydisk" has already made the point that plastic trolls are not alive so could not win any fight by definition. Thought we were so smart now didn't you? Well what do you think of THIS good sir? If you think plastic trolls are not alive, then you are picturing this fight as happening in the real world not a fantasy one. However, in the real world, CLASSIC TROLLS DO NOT EXIST!!! Therefore the plastic cunt would win by default simply due to actually existing. If you want any chance of winning, you have to grant my hideous little freak the right to life. Get outta THAT one, you cocky wee bastard.

For some annoying reason, I couldn't post any pictures. That's one reason this poll is inferior to Puffins VS Lemurs right there. Of course Sherwood can do it, but not me, oh no. WHY THE FUCK ARE WOMEN ALWAYS SMARTER THAN MEN?!?!? GRAAGH!!! Oh well. Fell free to use the power of your imaginations boys and girls. Give in to the wonder...

IN THE RED CORNER...

Classic Troll

Height: 8ft
Weight: 650 lbs
Name: Dur?

Strengths:
Um...strength
Skin made of rock

He can kill the little bastard
by just stepping on him.

Weaknesses:
Slow
Stupid
Turns to inanimate stone at sunrise

Weapons: Great big wooden club with nail through it.

IN THE BLUE CORNER...

Plastic Troll

Height: 4 inches
Weight: 3 ounces
Name: Annoying Plastic Cunt

Strengths:
Speed
Evil animal cunning
Razor sharp fangs
Ability to milk kids out of their allowance
Can't be kicked in the genitalia because it doesn't have any

He can kill the big bastard
by just scurrying up his back
and bursting his eyeballs with his teeth.

Weaknesses:
Very frail
Very weak
Completely hollow
Weird eyes
Annoying hair
Tendency to run about naked

Weapons: Razor sharp fangs and claws.

LETTSA GEEETA READY TO RUUUMBLEEE!!!!!

This post has been edited by Voodoo dog: 08 May 2005 - 06:56 PM

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#2 User is offline   Chyld Icon

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Posted 08 May 2005 - 06:53 PM

Boy, you want to host pictures on somewhere like Imageshack.us, then link to said pictures. That's what you want to do.
When you lose your calm, you feed your anger.

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#3 User is offline   Yahtzee Icon

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Posted 08 May 2005 - 07:27 PM

The trouble with most internet forums is that they're full of people who agree with each other, and henceforth actual debates are pointless and short-lived. Then it becomes a breeding ground for dross like this.
As I walked through the valley of the shadow of death, I realised that it could do with a lick of paint.
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#4 User is offline   Jane Sherwood Icon

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Posted 08 May 2005 - 07:38 PM

(*ahem*)

vs.

We also have nothing better to do whatsoever, and have to find stupid ways to keep ourselves amused.

Boredom = Crap like this.

EDIT: Goddamn troll doll picture won't work anymore...

This post has been edited by Jane Sherwood: 08 May 2005 - 07:52 PM

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Chyld is an ignorant slut.

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#5 User is offline   floppydisk Icon

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Posted 08 May 2005 - 07:45 PM

Definetly the traditional troll. The other one's an inanimate object that only mocks life. He can't even move.
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#6 User is offline   Voodoo Dog Icon

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Posted 08 May 2005 - 08:53 PM

QUOTE (floppydisk @ May 9 2005, 01:45 AM)
Definetly the traditional troll. The other one's an inanimate object that only mocks life. He can't even move.


Dar! Did ye not hear me man? Plastic trolls are alive in a fantasy world, just see Toy Story or the works of Enid Blyton if you don't believe me. You have to consider this fight taking place in a fantasy world if you wish to win, see my first post for details. PLASTIC FUCKING TROLLS ARE NOT FUCKING INANIMATE AND THEY CAN SO FUCKING MOVE YOU FUCKING PRICK!!!!!!

Goddam it it woman! You still got one picture up and thats more than this stupid male could do! GRRAAARR!!

I'm sorry, I seem to be suffering from the male equivalent of PMS.

This post has been edited by Voodoo dog: 08 May 2005 - 08:56 PM

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#7 User is offline   Jane Sherwood Icon

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Posted 08 May 2005 - 10:17 PM

There's a very simple reason why I can post pictures like that, VD:

I know magic.
Check out my crappy drawings!

Chyld is an ignorant slut.

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#8 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 09 May 2005 - 12:28 AM

Dude, there are better ways to get chicks than converting to female supremism. Besides, they don't make those white robes with the chick symbol on the front in male sizes, so if you even did get in to their secret society you'd have a bunch of fabric hanging off your chest.

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Posted 09 May 2005 - 03:01 AM

Classic troll.

Squishyflatten.
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#10 User is offline   Chyld Icon

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Posted 09 May 2005 - 06:27 AM

QUOTE (Jane Sherwood @ May 9 2005, 03:17 AM)
There's a very simple reason why I can post pictures like that, VD:

I know magic.


OR you already knew what I talked about in the very first reply to this thread...
When you lose your calm, you feed your anger.

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#11 User is offline   Voodoo Dog Icon

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Posted 09 May 2005 - 10:41 AM

Big troll can only squishyflatten little troll if little troll stands still long enough for him to. Due to survival instinct, that ain't very likely now, is it? Plastic would only have to keep duckin' and dodgein' until daybreak, which causes big troll to turn into stone forever more. OUR GUY WINS AND ALL HE HAS TO DO IS KEEP MOVING!!! ALL HAIL THE PLASTIC CUNT!!!!!!

Q-FUCKING-E-FUCKING-D MUTHAFUCKAS!!!!!!!!
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#12 User is offline   Jane Sherwood Icon

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Posted 09 May 2005 - 12:48 PM

QUOTE (Chyld @ May 9 2005, 06:27 AM)
OR you already knew what I talked about in the very first reply to this thread...

No, tis magic.

Now silence, or I shall turn you into a newt.
Check out my crappy drawings!

Chyld is an ignorant slut.

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#13 User is offline   Emu Icon

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Posted 09 May 2005 - 04:23 PM

Definitely the mythical troll, simply due to weight ratios. The mythical troll wouldn't even have to *step* on the plastic one, he'd just have to sit down or even fall down and the plastic troll would be flattened.
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Posted 10 May 2005 - 03:07 AM

I disagree. Plastic Troll, even assuming that he's an inanimate object, is plastic. Tough, rubbery plastic. Have you ever tried to fuck up something that's made of that shit? Classic Troll can step on Plastic Troll as many times as he likes, and Plastic Troll's just gonna keep on grinning up at him, scratched and battered and trodden three feet into the ground, but still more or less intact. Classic Troll could try ripping him to bits, but Plastic Troll is way too small for him to be able to get a decent claw-hold. Classic Troll could even eat Plastic Troll, and he'll pass through undigested, most likely tearing up Classic Trolls bowels along the way. Unless Classic Troll's claws are literally razor-sharp, or he has a microwave handy, Plastic Troll's just gonna win through sheer perseverence. He's still gonna be around, grinning and glassy-eyed, long after Classic Troll has died of old age.

Plus no Classic Troll has ever managed to instill this much sheer horror and loathing within me.
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#15 User is offline   Voodoo Dog Icon

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Posted 10 May 2005 - 04:52 AM

Just to back 'Barb up, who weighs more between a piranah and a tiger? The tiger of course! Who would win in a fight?(Assuming it was underwater) The piranah! Tiger would be literal mincemeat in about 10 minutes. The only way the tiger would ever win is if the fight took place on dry land, where the piranah would suffocate. I'm pretty sure that don't apply here though. Plastic can function normally on land, underwater, slushing through radioactive goo, even in space. The only place plastic would be at a disadvantage would be in a place of extreme heat, like a volcano mouth or something. Plastic would melt into a little pile of goo in less than a minute. I suppose you could say the same thing about classic eventually, but rock melts a lot slower than plastic. Still, there are a lot more places where plastic has the advantage, therefore my guy is superior.

And regular trolls never scared me shitless like those plastic twerps did. I was staying over at a friends house once, and for some reason she had put a troll doll in the guest room. I woke up in the middle of the night and saw this thing staring at me. It's demonic little eyes filled with a savage and hateful intelligence. I couldn't sleep until I put the fucking thing in the bathroom.
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