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Evil will always triumph because good is dumb A mini-essay

#1 User is offline   Helena Icon

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Posted 02 May 2005 - 06:13 AM

I believe it was Roger Ebert who came up with the term ‘Idiot Plot’: A movie plot that only works because all the characters involved are idiots. As far as I can see, this describes the political subplot of the Prequels to a T. As a bored Politics student with far too much time on my hands, I thought it would be fun to point out all the ways in which Palpatine’s ‘brilliant’ plan would have failed (or at least been seriously hampered) if the good guys had a single brain cell between them.

Part 1: TPM

1. If the Republic had its own army.
I will brook no argument on this: the Republic should have had an army right from the beginning of TPM. I don’t care if there had been peace for a thousand years; they should still have retained at least some military capability. Even outside of full-scale war there are all sorts of other situations where an army might be needed: strikes, civil unrest, large-scale organised crime, terrorist attacks, skirmishes between planets, threats from outside the Republic, and of course, incidents such as that featured in the film. If the Republic had been able to back up their diplomatic efforts with a couple of warships, the ‘crisis’ would most likely have been over in five minutes flat.

What’s worse is that ten years later, the Republic still doesn’t have an army, and Amidala is actively trying to block any moves to create one! You’d think she’d have learned her lesson after TPM, but apparently not. God knows how the woman managed to get re-elected; having their country (or in this case, planet) invaded has a tendency to make even the most die-hard pacifists think twice about their objections to the military.

2. If the Republic had proper procedures for dealing with such incidents.
I’m not sure how many systems there are in the Republic, but I’m guessing there must be thousands at the very least. Inevitably, incidents such as the Trade Federation blockade must happen on a regular basis – so why is it allowed to paralyse the entire galaxy and precipitate the Supreme Chancellor’s removal from office? Let’s go through what provisions a sensible government would have:
• A Constitution making it clear that such blockades are illegal, and will be dealt with by force if necessary.
• Clear procedures defining how to proceed in such cases, making the calling of an emergency Senate meeting unnecessary.
Regional departments to handle small-scale problems which only involve one or two planets.
• A proper diplomatic corps, removing the need to rely on the overstretched Jedi Order. Obi-Wan is still an apprentice at this point, for God’s sake!
• The ability to back up their diplomatic efforts with military sanctions (see point 1 above).
• The ability to keep track of their diplomats, so that little incidents like an attempt to murder them will come to the Republic’s attention. I hardly need to mention that in such a situation, the attempted murder of diplomats should be grounds for immediate military intervention.

3. If the Republic didn’t allow the TF their own army and Senate representatives.
Since the Republic doesn’t have an army, allowing special-interest groups their own military forces is simply asking for trouble – especially when these forces are large enough to invade and occupy a planet. Likewise, allowing them a seat in the Senate is ridiculous – such bodies exist for the people’s elected representatives to decide policy, not for NGOs to further their own interests. Real-life democracies, run by (relatively) intelligent people, have a lobby system or something similar.

4. If Naboo had its own army.
Given that the Republic isn’t prepared to protect the systems under its control, they should at the very least have proper military forces of their own. In fact, they should have those anyway – the Republic couldn’t be guaranteed to act immediately even if it did have an army. And what about regional alliances? Oh, I forgot: Naboo is governed by a fourteen-year-old. Well, that explains it.

5. If the Senate had believed Amidala’s account of the invasion.
Don’t give me all the crap about ‘procedures’; the evidence was overwhelming. They had eyewitness accounts from the planet’s elected leader and two Jedi Knights, and there was surely some visible battle damage to the Queen’s ship. Then there was that message from Sio Bibble – which, whether fake or not, was clear evidence that something fishy was going on. What exactly would it take to convince them – Nute Gunray turning up in a T-shirt with ‘Yes, we’ve invaded Naboo’ written on it?

6. If it weren’t quite so easy to get rid of the Supreme Chancellor.
Valorum is removed in a spontaneous, informal vote, apparently by a simple majority. If that’s all it takes to get the Republic’s supreme leader kicked out of office, I feel sorry for any Chancellor who faces a real crisis. Not to mention that the Republic’s own procedures were supposedly responsible for Valorum’s inaction; if he couldn’t find a way round them, why should Palpatine be able to do any better?

7. If Obi-Wan hadn’t agreed to train Anakin against his better judgement.
Obi-Wan tells Qui-Gon in so many words that he thinks Anakin is dangerous. Presumably he must be aware by now of the dangers a fallen Jedi can pose, particularly one as strong in the Force as Anakin. What’s more important: making your dying Master happy, or the fate of the entire galaxy?

8. If the Jedi Council hadn’t agreed to let Anakin be trained against their better judgement.
Even though the Council do not want Anakin to be trained, when Obi-Wan announces that he is going to do so they just shrug and say “Okay then”. Rather than “No you won’t, because we’re throwing you out of the Order for disobeying a direct command.”

9. If the Jedi (or anyone else) had freed Anakin’s mother from slavery.
Given how worried the Jedi were about Anakin, you’d have thought they’d want to remove the most obvious source of conflict for him. As Chefelf pointed out, Anakin is a huge hero at the end of TPM; how difficult would it be to find someone who’s willing to buy Shmi’s freedom? And what does it say about the Jedi that they don’t even attempt to free her?

Part 2: AotC coming soon. Feel free to add any points of your own!
QUOTE
The sandpeople had women and children. We know this because Anakin killed them how could he tell? The children might be smaller but I never saw a sandperson with breasts. Did they hike their skirts and show him some leg or something?

QUOTE
Also, I can see the point of wanting to kidnap a human and use her as a slave, but they didn't. They tied her to a flimsy easel for a month. It's assumed they had to feed and give her water. What for? Was she purely ornamental? I can understand them wanting the droids, you can sell those for a lot of money, but a chick who's only skills are finding non-existand mushrooms and getting randomly pregnant, you're not going to get much.

- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
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#2 User is offline   Lord Aquaman Icon

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Posted 02 May 2005 - 07:03 AM

True, Helena. All very true. Good job. thumbsup.gif
I am the Fisher King.

I'd like a qui-gon jinn please with an obi-wan to go.
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#3 User is offline   StarWarsIsUs Icon

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Posted 02 May 2005 - 08:15 AM

Yeah. Flawed politics.
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#4 User is offline   HK 47 Icon

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Posted 02 May 2005 - 09:34 AM

Number 9 annoys me the most since Anakins fall hinges on this point. When they travel to Coruscant Anakin makes it pretty damn clear to Amidala that he really, really misses his mom. But she seems to think that a ceremony involving a blue ball is far more important than the freedom Shmi, mother of the boy who saved her planet. Obi-Wan or Padmé or even a damn envoy from Coruscant should go and save his mom. I just *hate* that.

The saddest part is that even though Lucas uses events that are highly improbable and could easily have been avoided as triggers for Anakins fall, he still fails to create a plausible scenario for it. Pathetic.

This post has been edited by HK 47: 02 May 2005 - 09:39 AM

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#5 User is offline   Paladin Icon

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Posted 02 May 2005 - 09:41 AM

Brilliant!
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#6 User is offline   rangwe Icon

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Posted 02 May 2005 - 11:13 AM

Helena, in my "Why I Hate AotC" thread, I mentioned "safeguards" that a developed system of government would be expected to possess. I'm really psyched to see you get into the nitty-gritty reasons.

1. If the Republic had its own army.
The Republic is obviously a highly advanced form of government that doesn't rely on force to maintain public order.

2. If the Republic had proper procedures for dealing with such incidents.
The Republic must be modeled after the Klingon Empire, where Diplomatic Immunity and the Supreme Crime mean very different things.

3. If the Republic didn’t allow the TF their own army and Senate representatives.
The Senators are clearly operating off the "middle-ages town council in a feudal oligarchy" model.

4. If Naboo had its own army.
Obviously, the Naboobs are all too busy spending the money they save on controlling shares in the TF, or hiring mercenaries to keep the hyperspace bypasses open.

5. If the Senate had believed Amidala’s account of the invasion.
Because, as you know, the Republic does not have any forms of mass media. There are no 'holo-video recorders', 'space phones', or 'galactic-internet'.

6. If it weren’t quite so easy to get rid of the Supreme Chancellor.
Of course, being Chancellor, he has absolutely no political friends, favors or resources to draw upon.

7. If Obi-Wan hadn’t agreed to train Anakin against his better judgement.
"Trust Your Feelings" only applies to Luke Skywalker.

8. If the Jedi Council hadn’t agreed to let Anakin be trained against their better judgement.
This is normal behavior for members of an approved social institution that steals babies.

9. If the Jedi (or anyone else) had freed Anakin’s mother from slavery.
The government of the Republic accords "valuable" status only to women who are single, pretty, and under the age of 25.

I love Republics!

- rangwe
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#7 User is offline   StarWarsIsUs Icon

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Posted 02 May 2005 - 12:22 PM

""The saddest part is that even though Lucas uses events that are highly improbable and could easily have been avoided as triggers for Anakins fall, he still fails to create a plausible scenario for it. Pathetic.""

You're right. There was nothing really stopping anyone from checking up on her. Maybe if Lucas made a reason. Like perhaps, he could make it where people have been looking for her, but couldn't find her for the past 10 years, and Watto died, so he couldn't have been a source. Instead, he totally screws it up. The scenario, as you say, was not plausible. And it is indeed very pathetic.This part had potential.
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#8 User is offline   HK 47 Icon

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Posted 02 May 2005 - 12:51 PM

QUOTE (StarWarsIsUs @ May 2 2005, 12:22 PM)
There was nothing really stopping anyone from checking up on her. Maybe if Lucas made a reason. Like perhaps, he could make it where people have been looking for her, but couldn't find her for the past 10 years, and Watto died, so he couldn't have been a source.


A few seconds of afterthought and you've already solved a large part of the problem. smile.gif
She'd been sold off-planet by the Hutts for example, thus very difficult to track. But then again, Qui-Gon not freeing her when he had the chance raises a few questions too...

This post has been edited by HK 47: 02 May 2005 - 12:52 PM

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#9 User is offline   ernesttomlinson Icon

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Posted 02 May 2005 - 03:08 PM

If I remember rightly the Idiot Plot isn't Ebert's; he attributes it in his "Little Movie Glossary" (required reading) to James Blish.

Some of these points deserve further commentary.

1. If the Republic had its own army.

There's no real-life model for his "thousand years of peace" - and perhaps that says something; even the most "peaceful" of empires in human history have been beset by war, even if it's just skirmishes on the borders. (Incidentally the notion of the Pax Romana is completely bogus; the Roman Empire was bleeding to death from the moment of its creation and there was no time during its centuries of existence when it was not at war.)

Possibly Lucas was thinking of the early days of the American government and its conviction that there should be no standing army. This isn't to say that the early United States thought they'd never have to go to war, however, but rather that it would be able to rely on militias raised by the separate states in time of war. This was how the Civil War started; the regular army was very small and the first troops in the field were members of individual militias. Only later, after the humiliation at Bull Rull, did the U.S. begin to build a properly unified army by conscription.

This "no standing army" method might have worked for a nation as small as the U.S. was in its first decades. But the Republic is enormous and far-flung, comprising hundreds of "states" or rather star systems. What's more, the peoples of these systems are all of different species - you're not going to convince me that these differences wouldn't lead at times to war. (Hell, how long have Pakistan and India been at it?) The Republic would have to have some military force available. Even our own U.N. can resort to force. But the Republic can't?

2. If the Republic had proper procedures for dealing with such incidents.

Again the comparison with the U.N. is apt. It has a procedure (whether it's a good one or not is irrelevant here) of actions leading up to the deployment of troops if necessary.

On a related matter - hasn't the Republic some sort of "executive", whether one man or a small group, capable of acting even in a limited manner by fiat without needing to wait on immediate legislative approval? Chancellor Valorum is not that executive.

3. If the Republic didn’t allow the TF their own army and Senate representatives.

Again, perhaps Lucas is thinking of the confederate nature of the early U.S. in which the separate states could raise their own troops.

Lucas doesn't seem to be sure what, exactly, the Trade Federation is. Is it, in fact, a separate star system (or "state"), like Naboo or Malastair, that happens to have gained a monopoly over galactic trade? This seems unlikely - imagine a country here in the 21st century named "Trade Federation" - but it's the only way to explain the Trade Federation's having a representative in the Senate.

4. If Naboo had its own army.

It does seem to have a Air Force of sorts - otherwise why would they keep those fighters around? And it does seem to have "security forces" (led by Capt. Panaka.) But they're in no way evident when the Trade Federation is deploying its army at the beginning of the movie. You think there'd be at least some fighting.

5. If the Senate had believed Amidala’s account of the invasion.

This is just dumb. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are almost killed and yet the Republic's government dithers? The whole business makes even less sense considering that nearly instantaneous communication is possible in the galaxy. If Valorum rang Naboo's number and Nute Gunray answered the phone, wouldn't that suggest that maybe Amidala was telling the truth?

Oh, and what happened to Amidala's "I will not let my peeeple suffer and die" accent?

Ugh, I'm too tired to answer the rest. Maybe later.
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Posted 02 May 2005 - 06:31 PM

All these points are strong and valid, Helena.

Also - whenever the good guys win, they lose.
This was one of the things that robs the prequels of any potential strength - everything they do is irrelevant.
The trade federation is defeated in Phantom Menace and Maul killed, but then we find the Federation is stronger than ever and full of beans when Clones comes along, and Dooku replaces Maul and is even stronger and more dangerous - then they break Dooku's army and drive him off, but we are told that because of the army they used to win they are going to lose - "Begun the Clone War Has" - and Dooku goes to Coruscant and is revealed as Darth Tyrannous and everything the good guys did - the dead Jedi, armless Anakin, Yoda's Super Grover Attack, the victory on the Geonosian battlefield is all useless.

The good guys suck.
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Posted 02 May 2005 - 07:03 PM

Go Empire!
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Posted 02 May 2005 - 07:34 PM

Brilliant, Helena....and every one else! Absolutely brilliant... yet morer great essays to add to my growing book of brilliant ponderings on the PT's.

Take care, folks. I'm going to leave for awhile.

This post has been edited by CowboyCurtis: 02 May 2005 - 07:35 PM

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Posted 02 May 2005 - 07:44 PM

QUOTE (CowboyCurtis @ May 2 2005, 07:34 PM)
Brilliant, Helena....and every one else!  Absolutely brilliant... yet morer great essays to add to my growing book of brilliant ponderings on the PT's.

Take care, folks.  I'm going to leave for awhile.


Be good. Come back soon. smile.gif
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#14 User is offline   Helena Icon

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Posted 03 May 2005 - 05:27 AM

QUOTE (ernesttomlinson @ May 2 2005, 09:08 PM)
1. If the Republic had its own army.There's no real-life model for his "thousand years of peace" - and perhaps that says something; even the most "peaceful" of empires in human history have been beset by war, even if it's just skirmishes on the borders.  (Incidentally the notion of the Pax Romana is completely bogus; the Roman Empire was bleeding to death from the moment of its creation and there was no time during its centuries of existence when it was not at war.)

Yes, and if the EU is to be believed (KOTOR, for example), there were indeed many devastating wars during the course of the Republic's history. Which is all the more reason for it to have its own army.

The UN is actually not a very good comparison - the Republic is a strong economic and political alliance, with its own currency, elected Senate and laws which are enforcable throughout the galaxy. If the Republic is comparable to any real-world institution it's the European Union, which is already developing a common defence policy after only 30 years, and would have done so long ago if it weren't for the existence of NATO. The Republic has been around for over twenty thousand years, and we're supposed to believe it doesn't have its own army?

QUOTE
Lucas doesn't seem to be sure what, exactly, the Trade Federation is. Is it, in fact, a separate star system (or "state"), like Naboo or Malastair, that happens to have gained a monopoly over galactic trade? This seems unlikely - imagine a country here in the 21st century named "Trade Federation" - but it's the only way to explain the Trade Federation's having a representative in the Senate.

As far as I can work out it's just a pressure group, a bit like the CBI. How could one star system gain a trade monopoly over the entire galaxy? Again, even if this is the case, it certainly shouldn't have been allowed.

QUOTE
It does seem to have a Air Force of sorts - otherwise why would they keep those fighters around? And it does seem to have "security forces" (led by Capt. Panaka.) But they're in no way evident when the Trade Federation is deploying its army at the beginning of the movie. You think there'd be at least some fighting.

Yes, but I'd hardly call their 'security forces' a proper army - they must be pretty pathetic if they can't even stand up to the bloody Trade Federation. It's as if a small country were invaded and occupied by Microsoft or McDonalds.

Anyway, more coming in the next post...
QUOTE
The sandpeople had women and children. We know this because Anakin killed them how could he tell? The children might be smaller but I never saw a sandperson with breasts. Did they hike their skirts and show him some leg or something?

QUOTE
Also, I can see the point of wanting to kidnap a human and use her as a slave, but they didn't. They tied her to a flimsy easel for a month. It's assumed they had to feed and give her water. What for? Was she purely ornamental? I can understand them wanting the droids, you can sell those for a lot of money, but a chick who's only skills are finding non-existand mushrooms and getting randomly pregnant, you're not going to get much.

- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
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#15 User is offline   Helena Icon

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Posted 03 May 2005 - 05:32 AM

Part 2: AotC

1. If the Republic had its own army, part 2.
I know I mentioned this in the previous section, but let me say it again: Ten years after the events of TPM, the Republic still doesn’t have its own army. It should have been obvious that they needed one after the events of TPM, so why the hell are they only just getting around to creating it? Has Amidala been blocking it all this time? That woman deserves to die; I am not joking about this.

The Republic’s lack of an army means that they have to rely on the Jedi (who tell Palpatine flat-out that they’re not up to the task) and on the clones (see point 11). Unsurprisingly, this turns out to be a disaster.

2. If the Republic had a truly independent judiciary.
How on earth Nute Gunray managed to avoid imprisonment, despite four trials in the Supreme Court and overwhelming evidence against him, is utterly beyond my comprehension. Presumably Palpatine had somehow packed the court or manipulated the judges, but how could he possibly have done this? Whatever the explanation, it shouldn’t have happened – period.

3. If the Jedi hadn’t continued to train Anakin, despite the fact that he clearly isn’t suited to the Jedi path.
The OT made it clear that being a Jedi is not just about Force ability; self-control, maturity and responsibility are equally important. I’m not going to go into a character study of Anakin here, but let’s just say that he does not possess any of these qualities in the slightest degree – and what’s more, he doesn’t even show any evidence of extraordinary talent. Anything he does in Episode III will not help explain why the Jedi bothered with him for so long in the first place, prophecy or no prophecy.

4. If the Jedi hadn’t allowed Anakin to associate with Palpatine during his training.
An important politician wanting to offer ‘advice’ to a talented apprentice should immediately have set alarm bells ringing amongst the Jedi – especially Obi-Wan, who claims not to trust politicians. What reason could Palpatine have for this? There is no reason for him to have any involvement in the training of Jedi; he’s not a Force-user (as far as they know), and he should be far too busy with other duties. If nothing else, they shouldn’t want Anakin to have his already planet-sized ego boosted yet further through a friendship with the Chancellor.

5. If the Jedi hadn’t assigned Anakin to protect Amidala.
Amidala is an important member of the Galactic Senate. Assigning an arrogant, emotionally unstable apprentice to guard her – especially when it's obvious that he's sexually attracted to her – is entirely inappropriate, and has predictably serious consequences. The two should have been kept as far apart as possible until Anakin had got over his stupid teenage crush.

6. If Amidala hadn’t chosen Jar Jar to stand in for her in the Senate.
Possibly the stupidest decision made by anyone in the entire PT, and that’s saying a lot. Wouldn’t you have thought she’d want to choose a deputy who could be guaranteed to vote the way she herself would have voted?

7. If the Senate hadn’t permitted Jar Jar to stand in for Amidala.
The guy is clearly not qualified to be a politician, and what’s more, it’s obvious that he has a subnormal level of intelligence. He shouldn’t be allowed any position of responsibility, let alone that of deputy Senator in a crucial vote.

8. If the Jedi had noticed the change in Anakin after the Sand People incident.
Despite the fact that he should be well on the way to the Dark Side after this, the Jedi apparently don’t notice that their Chosen One has become a genocidal sociopath. Apparently they can feel his ‘pain’ but not his psychotic rage, or the pain of all the people he murders.

9. If Amidala or Qui-Gon had told the Jedi about the Sand People incident.
Amidala clearly doesn’t feel Anakin’s act of mass slaughter is worth mentioning to the Jedi, or indeed anyone else. (Did I mention that she deserves to die?) And Qui-Gon, who supposedly appears in ghost form to Yoda in Episode III, didn’t see fit to tell them about it either for some reason.

10. If the Jedi had listened to Dooku.
Dooku tells the Jedi that the Sith now control the Republic (though what he hopes to achieve by this is beyond me), but it apparently doesn’t occur to them that he might be telling the truth. They don’t even consider who this high-ranking Sith might possibly be, despite the fact that both the Trade Federation and Seperatist incidents very clearly benefit one person – Palpatine.

11. If the Republic and Jedi had been more wary of taking on a clone army.
It seems that no one sees any potential problems with adopting an army of mindless automatons, created under mysterious circumstances without the knowledge of the Republic or Jedi leadership. You could argue that they had no choice during the fight on Genosis (though again, this wouldn’t have been a problem if they’d had a proper army), but the clones should have been decommissioned and replaced by a regular army as soon as possible.

Stay tuned for Part 3: RotS!
QUOTE
The sandpeople had women and children. We know this because Anakin killed them how could he tell? The children might be smaller but I never saw a sandperson with breasts. Did they hike their skirts and show him some leg or something?

QUOTE
Also, I can see the point of wanting to kidnap a human and use her as a slave, but they didn't. They tied her to a flimsy easel for a month. It's assumed they had to feed and give her water. What for? Was she purely ornamental? I can understand them wanting the droids, you can sell those for a lot of money, but a chick who's only skills are finding non-existand mushrooms and getting randomly pregnant, you're not going to get much.

- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
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