[J m HofMarN]

Scene 7: Gina and Nigel are in his appartment

Gina: How did you learn to cook like that, that was incredible!

Nigel: Oh I read a few of Julia Childe's books and picked up some recipes.

Gina: You read a lot then?

Nigel: Oh, constantly! Don't you?

Gina: Well, does people magazine count?

Nigel: Did Faulkner win a Nobel prize?

Gina: [Looks around helplessly] Ummm...

Nigel: No.

Gina: Alright then... So do you have sex a lot?

Nigel: That's a bit rude, it's proper to make a bit of small talk you know.

Gina: If you're gay or a pervert I have a knife with me. I really do.

Nigel: Oh I hardly consider myself a pervert and I wouldnt have you here if I were gay. I'm simply well read.

Gina: [Relieved] Oh, I thought you were going to ask me to pretend to be Lady Chatterly or something.

Nigel: Oh heavens no! I only do that on Tuesdays!

Gina: [Stunned] Oh... so... so today you just want to make love and then smoke a cigarette right?

Nigel: How Hemingway of you! No, today is Wednesday and that means you get to pretend to be Henry Morton Stanley.

Gina: Excuse me?

Nigel: Oh you know the old story, even morons have heard of "Doctor Livingstone I presume"

Gina: So this involves sex right?

Nigel: Oh of course! But you have to find me first!

Gina: Alright, I guess...

Nigel: Oh great fun! Come on, Ujiji and lake Tanganyika await! [He darts off to his bedroom]

Gina: [Chases after him] Oh playing hard to get, this is kind of fun I guess! [She catches him and he flops down on the bed]

Nigel: Oh no! It's that sexy sexy Henry Morton Stanley! I'm sure you were sent by James Benett to spank my bottom!

Gina: WOT?

Come on then, I've been a very, very naughty Scottish missionary and you have to flog my arse!

Gina: I... I...

Nigel: Oh I've been a very bad Doctor Livingstone!

Gina: I think I left my Ujiji in the car, let me just run and get it... [she runs out of the door]

Nigel: Confustication! I wonder why I always have better luck when I do Romeo and Juliet...

This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 12 May 2005 - 04:54 AM

[J m HofMarN]

By the way, if noone lays claim to this quote

Oh no! It's that sexy sexy Henry Morton Stanley! I'm sure you were sent by James Benett to spank my bottom!

I'm going to be a self indulgent prick and quote myself just because thats such a beautiful line. I don't want to do that, so someone call dibs real quick.

[SimeSublime]

Excellent chapters, by I'm using my sig for self indulgent purposes at the moment.

The dialouge works quite well, and I'm interested to see where it's going.

[Slade]

DIBS! And I laughed muchly.

[J m HofMarN]

Scene 8 At Vincent's office. Vincent is talking to Tom.

Tom: You know, people are asking when you're going to make a video.

Vincent: I've alreadt written two books full of nonsense.

Tom: Yes, but your customers are mostly idiots, they don't have time to read that much nonsense.

Vincent: That's exactly the point. Books are purely ornamental but if I start doing videos people will actually watch them and realize what a bunch of nonsense it is.

Tom: They'll have to buy the video to do that.

Vincent: Alright you've sold me, when can we start production.

Tom: I'll talk to some people I know.

Vincent: Is there anything one cannot get by talking to people they know?

Tom: Aside from herpes, not much.

Vincent: I see. So is there anything else I should know about?

Tom: Not much going on really. Security's been having a good time.

Vincent: Oh, did someone come in in a coca cola jacket and pretend to take our vending machine to be repaired again?

Tom: Thankfully not, I dread the thought of another day of substituting Mr. Pibb for Dr. Pepper! No, some strange woman's with a broken arm's been lurking about.

Vincent: [going pale] Oh no...

Tom: Exactly! They taste completely different!

Vincent: No, no the woman! She's been stalking me for a week! Someone hit her with a car and she just kept going!

Tom: Have you talked to the police?

Vincent: They ask too many questions and never get things done!

Tom: Have you talked to the mafia? I have a friend who...

Vincent: They dont ask enough questions and get things done too well!

Tom: What about that window washer?

Vincent: They're not involved in settling disputes at all!

Tom: No I mean look at the window washer!

Vincent: Fuck!

Laura: [Quickly tries to hide her face behind a rag she was using to wash the windows]

Tom: I'll get security [he picks up the phone]

Laura: No no don't do that!

Vincent: Stop stalking me!

Laura: Stop running so much!

Tom: [Into the phone] stop sitting on your butts and arrest this lunatic!

Laura: [Starts looking panicked and as the door opens to reveal two security guards she hops off the window washing platform]

Tom: Go get her quick! [exit the guards] It's a right good thing you only had a second floor office or she might be dead right now!

Vincent: Good point. If this new video sells you owe me a sixteenth floor office.

[SimeSublime]

Stop running so much!

[J m HofMarN]

I am dreadfully sorry for the lack of work but please don't think I've been lazy. I've been working on later parts of the play as well as some other side projects. I can tell you that the plot of this play actually does get a bit interesting. I've also revised the form and cast of the play. It will now require a narrator, whose lines will be fairly minimal. Also, every single character in this cast will be dating another character by the end. Here's the final casting.

Vincent: A self help guru and columnist
Gina: Vincent's girlfriend
Henry: A chef at a restaurant the two leads frequent
Laura: A woman who is stalking vincent
Tom: Vincent's boss
Cyntia: Henry's wife
Charles: A Wisconsin fetishist.
Nigel: An intellectual and avid reader
Scott: He's not a very good homosexual
Matthew: An avid gamer
Brandon: A thoroughly divorced man
Helga: A strongly opinionated lesbian
Andrew: A conspiracy theorist
Marie: A resntaranteur and rival of Henry

[Slade]

Zounds, a narrator?!

[J m HofMarN]

Scene 9: At the Wizzledorf, Gina meets Bradley

Bradley: Oh, hi you must be Gina

Gina: Alright freako, spill it. What's your story?

Bradley: Beg your pardon?

Gina: What is it? Whats wrong with you??? Professional mudwrestler? Are you a cop performing a sting? Are you an Iowa fetishist? Confess you bastard!

Bradley: There's nothing wrong with me. I'm a successful single parent and an advertising executive.

Gina: And?

Bradley: Please, I really don't like to talk about this on the first date.

Gina: You can tell me now, or I can jab you with a fork when you turn out to be a freak.

Bradley: Calm down Gina.... The thing is... I've been divorced.

Gina: That's all? You got divorced once?

Bradley: Four times actually.

Gina: [rather stunned] four times?

Bradley: You see it always happens as soon as I tell anyone they get suspicious...

Gina: What happened with them?

Bradley: That's the thing of it. I didn't do anything. It all dates back to my first wife. We had two beautiful twin children and when they were very young she just decided to divorce me and run off.

Gina: And the others?

Bradley: I know it sounds weird... but, well, they were suspicious of me because they just didn't believe that my first wife divorced me for no reason. And every time they found out they'd start looking at me weird and trying to figure out what was wrong with me and eventually they all got so creeped out that they all divorced me. My kids are old enough to leave the house now, and rather badly scarred from all the weddings, so I'm out looking for a new woman who can ignore my past and just have some fun.

Gina: So they just divorced you for no reason?

Bradley: [sorrowfully] oh no... please, can we change the subject?

Gina: Alright I guess. What do you think of the war in Borioboola.

Bradley: Oh I'm not at all in favor of it.

Gina: Well someone has to police the world, and we're the biggest country there is.

Bradley: The leaders of the police are elected, they don't just pop in wherever they please because they're stronger than anyone. That's more like a criminal than a policeman.

Gina: Maybe, but most criminals don't wear suits.

Bradley: The best ones do.

Gina: [Chuckling] Good point I suppose.

Bradley: So what do you want to have for dinner?

Gina: Is that it? Is it an eating disorder?

Bradley: I swear to you nothing is wrong with me it's just an unfortunate string of events and suspicion and--

Gina: It's nothing sexual is it?

Bradley: Oh damn it all I'm running away to become a monk! [Runs out of the restaurant, covering his face as if crying]

Gina: Maybe it was because he was so emotional... [she shrugs and calls a waitress over to place her order as the scene closes]

[SimeSublime]

Nice to see you back on the job. Self fullfilling prophecies are always great.

[J m HofMarN]

Thanks for checking it out Sime, there will be more soon

[J m HofMarN]

Scene 10

Gina sits at a booth waiting for Alex, her blind date. Henry and Cynthia are talking with her.

Henry: I tell you business has been terrible since that new restaurant opened, they're positively killing my restaurant!

Cynthia: Their food isn't better, it's just classier! They've already got a reputation for it. Maybe you just need to do more exotic things. You still have those snails in the cupboard you ordered.

Gina: I wasn't aware that snails could keep so long.

Henry: They don't.

Cynthia: Don't you throw anything out? You're such a pack rat!

Henry: The ant and the grass hopper, Cynthia. The ant and the grass hopper.

Cynthia: The ant stored actual food that could be of some use, not rancid escargot!

Henry: It could be of use!

Cynthia: -She hops up and grabs the can of escargot from the cabinet, setting it down testily infront of her husband- Than eat them if that's how you feel or do something with them!

Henry: Maybe I will! -He's interupted by a food service delivery. The delivery man, a freind of his, walks in and sets down a package of spices and the like- Ah it's good to see you again, and good to see I'll have more saffrom as well, I'd been running low.

Delivery man: Ah I hardly have time to talk, look at all the deliveries I have to make! -He flashes a pad towards Henry, who manages to make out the name of his rival on it, and then looks down to the snails-

Henry: Hmmm... you sell to them too, well I don't mind sharing. Hey, I'm sure you don't have time to talk, but maybe you'd like a drink? I got a can of snails recently that I didn't order and I was hoping to return it. No no don't get up, Cynthia can get you your usual, on the house, and I'll toss the can in the truck.

Delivery man: Well I can't argue with that!

Henry: -He goes offstage for a while, during which time he replaces the snails that his rival has ordered with the old ones he had and then promptly returns to find that the delivery man has finished his beverage. They pass on the way out.-

Delivery man: Thanks for the drink, I've got to hurry on, this food isn't getting any fresher!

Henry: -Aside- I certainly hope not.

-Just as the door closes from the delivery man it opens to reveal Alex, a rather butch looking female. Cynthia and Henry excuse themselves to give the couple their privacy.-

Gina: YOU'RE Alex? I thought... when I talked to you... you'd be more...

Alex: That I'd have a dick?

Gina: Well, yes.

Alex: Don't tell me you're under the impression that women need men to survive. Although I do love a challenge...

Gina: What now? Please don't be a freak don't be a freak don't be a freak...

Alex: -Sigh- Another victim of male propaganda. Listen baby, I can do anything a guy can do twice as well, and what's more, I don't pee all over the toilet seat. You can't argue with that.

Gina: So you're a lesbian... Ok, I can deal with that. Are you at least a practicing lesbian. I mean, you have sex with women right?

Alex: How can you be a lesbian without having sex with women?

Gina: You'd be surprised.

Alex: So you're up for it then?

Gina: Eeeeh... Why not!

Alex: Well I'm just out for a little fun until my girlfriend gets back from a female supremacy event in Amsterdam, I hope you don't mind.

Gina: They have everything in Amsterdam don't they? Oh yeah I'm fine with that, I'm just out for a little fun until my boyfriend realizes that I'm better than him.

Alex: That's the spirit, let's get back to my place!

[SimeSublime]

Excellent as always, though the gap between episodes was a bit stretched.

[J m HofMarN]

as I said I've been working on long term plot and later scenes that cant be posted yet, but the play is being worked on.

[J m HofMarN]

Scene 11
Vincent and Gina meet in the French restaurant to talk a bit.

Vincent: It's good to see you again Gina, do you like the place? I thought it would be nice of me to take you some place different for once, unpredictability makes one difficult to follow.

Gina: I've been eating at the Wizzledorf mostly, I like to have a bit of stability.

Vincent: You don't seem like yourself, have you been well?

Gina: Oh yes I'm doing god-damned delightful. In the past week I've been insulted by men who fantasize about the green bay packers, credited with turning a man gay, asked to spank Dr. Livingstone, and then I slept with a lesbian just to avoid another night alone!

Vincent: Hmmmm?

Gina: It wasn't exactly cheating since we weren't dating at the time!

Vincent: Oh of course, it's not cheating as long as you do it with another woman. Or two or three for that matter! But did you take any pictures?

Gina: Of course not!

Vincent: It's a little bit cheating but I'll forgive you.

Gina: You're still as much a pig as ever.

Vincent: Oh well at least there aren't lunatic Christian groups trying to ban what I did last night.

Gina: And what did you do last night?

Vincent: I was hiding in a hotel room trying to lose some woman who's been following me, I was too worried to go home. You would have to see this person to believe her, anyone else would have died by now it's like I'm being stalked by the terminator.

Gina: Oh that's so terrible for you. Things are looking up for me though.

Vincent: Oh, have you found another woman to seduce?

Gina: No, actually he's a doctor. A real doctor.

Vincent: Well I'm sure you'll have a very good time with him.

Gina: -hesitantly- you know if you'd ask me to I could cancel the date.

Vincent: And if you'd ask me to I'd go back to you.

-They stare at eachother for a while and it seems as though both are about to speak when a waiter appears, out of breath and making a general announcement to all the diners-

Waiter: Excuse me but may I have your attention? We've just discovered that our escargot have somehow gone bad tonight. If anyone's ordered them please do not eat anymore!

Laura: -Jumps up and glares at him accusingly, the newspaper she'd been hiding behind being moved aside to reveal her. She puts her hands over her mouth and starts to limp for the door-

Vincent: YOU!

Laura: -Looks to him briefly before continuing on her way out-

Gina: SHE's the one who's been stalking you?

Vincent: -By now not listening to Gina at all- Get the police, quick!

-Vincent moves off to phone for the police as the restaurant seems to sink into general confusion between the escargot and the police being summoned.-