[J m HofMarN]

Scene 4: The Wizzledorf

[Vincent enters, slamming the door behind him and leaning heavily against it]

Henry: Is that pesky army of flesh eating zombies after you again?

Vincent: No I'm being stalked, quick quick close the curtains!

Cynthia: [clearly amused] To be honest I think it looks better with them open.

Vincent: Honesty is only a virtue when its convenient for someone!

Henry: -Closing up the curtains after peeking out a bit- And it only exists when it's inconvenient for at least one person.

Cynthia: I hardly think I inconvenienced him that much!

Vincent: As long as she dosnt get in here you can inconvenience me up down and sideways!

Henry: That sounds interesting, can I join in?

Cynthia: HENRY!

Vincent: Keep it down, keep it down I have the damned gestapo following me!

Cynthia: She dosn't look German.

Vincent: What?

Cynthia: Well she's standing right over there! [Vincent swirls to look behind him but sees noone]

Henry: You my dear, are horrible.

Cynthia: I know, I know, let's see what further tales of woe our friendly customer can relate to us alright? -Moving to a seat as a waiter comes over with a bottle of wine.

Vincent: I was just walking down the street today when I noticed someone following me. So I tried to lose her. I doubled back a couple of times and got into the office to interview a few people for that new therapy I'm coming up with, and then when I got done she was after me again. I managed to dart through some traffic to get here and the last I saw of her she'd just run into the side of a Volkswagen.

Henry: I wouldn't count on a Volkswagen to stop her. If I were going to run over someone I'd want a ford or maybe a dodge.

Cynthia: Remind me to make sure you're not the beneficiary on my life insurance anymore.

Vincent: A dodge you say?

Cynthia: Oh calm down, it could just be a coincidence you know.

[There's a knock at the door and Vincent jumps]

[Enter Gina]

Gina: Well it's good to see you've gotten more lively since we split up.

Vincent: I'm not lively I'm terrified, some woman is persuing me with the tenacity of a...a... [struggling for a word]

Henry: A scottish soccer fan whose team lost the game?

Vincent: Well, not quite, but that'll do.

Gina: I was kind of hoping to find you here actually, I have some news that might cheer you up.

Vincent: [Visibly brightening] You're asking me to take you back?

Gina: Oh no, not at all. I just thought you'd be happy that I'm going out on a date tonight. Aren't you glad I won't be lonely?

[Henry and Cynthia both wince]

Vincent: [trying to hide his disappointment] Oh yes, terribly, I hope you find someone as good as I have.

Gina: That's not likely, he dosn't sound like the creepy type.

Vincent: Well, I'll go out and try my luck with my 'date' and you have yours and we'll see who makes out the best. Goodnight Henry, Goodnight Cynthia. Goodnight Gina. [he gives her a rather spiteful look before walking out the door rather covertly.]

[J m HofMarN]

Scene 5 Gina and Charles return to her appartment after dinner.

Charles: I can honestly say that was the most fun I've had in a long time!

Gina: Oh same here, it was great to go somewhere different and meet some new people.

Charles: Ah I figured you'd like it. Me and the guys always watch the packers at that bar.

Gina: Speaking of which, you said you worked at a firm that imports stuff from Wisconsin? What's that like.

Charles: Oh yes it's a great company and I make a good bit of money. Really I wouldn't want to work anywhere else.

Gina: I don't think I'd want to be anywhere else now. Hmmm it's kind of hot, better take off this coat. [she sets her coat on a peg and sits down in a chair, Charles follows suit opposite her.]

Charles: So what do you do?

Gina: Oh, I'm wealthy.

Charles: That must be a great strain.

Gina: Only because I always have to consider what I'd do if I weren't wealthy!

Charles: haha, maybe you could start a dairy farm!

Gina: No, I think I'd much rather kill myself.

Charles: Oh but a creature so beautiful as you could never remove your presence from the world. How would I take you to good movies, or bring you to try gourmet food?

Gina: Well you're a flatterer, let's get to bed then! Oh and I would miss food. But only because it tastes good. You know I'd starve if food didn't taste so good!

Charles: That was quick! If you don't care for food what about... entertainment, maybe some play? [said with a gleam in his eyes]

Gina: Oh that sounds interesting, what did you have in mind?

Charles: [a bit nervous] Well, I was thinking you could pretend to be a cheerleader from Madison.

Gina: W...What?

Charles: Or maybe Oshkosh... and tell me about how you like cheese.

Gina: Couldn't we just not do that and then have sex?

Charles: It'll be fun, where's your sense of adventure. After this I'll sack you like Bret Favre, promise. Now just you pretend to be from Milwaukee and then we'll do it.

Gina: [rather confused and very nervous, but trying to play along] well alright I guess... Ummm... I'm from Milwaukee?

Charles: [clearly becoming aroused] Oh man you're making me hot. Talk about your family's cow farm!

Gina: Ummm... We have lots of... Oh for god's sake really, isn't there a chat room for people like you?

Charles: [with an exhausted sigh] You'd think there would be. Oh believe me I've searched!

Gina: Go search some more!

Charles: Oh always discriminating. Well here's a clue, toots! We're here! We fantasize about cheese heads! Get used to it! [He nods stubbornly, obviously no longer in the spirit.]

Gina: Well not here you don't! Out! Out! [She buries her head in a pillow miserably as Charles exits.]

[SimeSublime]

I found that very amusing, if quite odd.

[J m HofMarN]

Well that's part of what I'm going for here. I want to show the complete insanity of romance in a way that amuses as well as horrifies.

Fun fact: I picture Charles as being played by Jack Nicholson. I do not know why.

[Icey]

I find that.... strangely allouring, and I can't stop giggling at the thought of Charles saying those things. That fetish... is... the penultimate fetish.

[J m HofMarN]

I'm really glad you're liking it Icey, these skits are what I really wrote the play to do. I actually came up with Charles' character during that talk about porn in the lobby. The next character will be a little more traditional in his origins.

[SimeSublime]

So, Icey, what's the ultimate fetish then?

[Icey]

Black dudes, dressed up like schoolgirls. Observe:

This post has been edited by Icey: 11 May 2005 - 05:51 AM

[SimeSublime]

Damn, thats hot.

[J m HofMarN]

Don't be so quick guys, there's still plenty more weirdoes to be showcased in this play. I think Nigel is going to give that black fellow a run for his money.

[Just your average movie goer]

Sorry I've never replied to this. But you know I've been reading it. Good stuff. Vincent is a bit of a jerk though but he's funny enough.

The first weirdo is an interesting specimen, isn't he? I look forward to seeing the rest of the looneys.

[J m HofMarN]

Scene 6 The Wizzledorf GINA sits at a table. Enter SCOTT. He sits down across from her.

Gina: I'm Gina, you must be Scott. It's great to meet you. Would you like to order.

Scott: Oh please, I'm famished.

Gina: You know I've never heard a guy use that word before...

[Enter the waitress, she begins taking orders.]

Gina: I'll have the king crab legs and whatever kind of salad you guys feel like making. Surprise me!

Scott: Could I please get a strawberry daquirri, and a salad?

[Gina and the waitress both look at him a bit odd, but the waitress slips off to fill the order.]

Gina: So, what made you decide to go out on a date with me?

Scott: Heh... well that's a funny story actually, and I really don't want to offend you and ruin the moment.

Gina: Oh no... don't tell me. You thought I sounded like your mother or something right?

Scott: What? No of course not! I sound more like my mother than you do!

Gina: Is that necessarily a good thing?

Scott: It is if you consider... Oh I shouldn't say I've been very very bad!

Gina: Whatever it is, BELIEVE me, you're not going to jerk me around too much more than I already have been.

Scott: Well... I'm gay.

Gina: WHAT?

Scott: Nono please don't be mad I just thought, you know, "blind date, bad experience, it'll get all my heterosexual thoughts right out of me." You weren't supposed to be good looking or intelligent or anything.

Gina: ...Sorry?

[The waitress returns with their meals and asks if they would like to pre order dessert or some drinks.]

Gina: Bring me a drink... Something fruity...

[Exit waitress]

Scott: You know I take offence at that.

Gina: I'm sorry, I'm just going through a bad time in my life. How long have you been gay? Does your boyfriend know you're doing this?

Scott: I don't have a boyfriend per-say. I'm not sure how long I've been queer really.

Gina: Well I'd imagine you'd be gay ever since you had sexual relations with someone of the same sex.

Scott: About that... I... Well... havn't.

Gina: [raising a brow angrily] I think I want to strangle you.

Scott: Please please let me explain. I was just having kind of mixed feelings. I mean I didnt really get girls in high school so I figured I must be gay, but then I realized I had trouble getting guys as well. I thought I could just put all of that to rest with a blind date, and if I flubbed it than I wouldnt ever have to see the person again.

Gina: Aren't you people supposed to be sensitive or something?

Scott: Oh come on don't stereotype me like that. Just because I'm gay...

Gina: [her anger overcoming her as she nearly yells, cutting off his words] If you are gay you're doing a really poor job of it sitting here on a date with a member of the opposite sex!

Scott: Well at least I'm trying!

Gina: You're not trying at all! If you were trying you'd be off listening to the frickin village people!

Scott: I came here to have a bit of fun and maybe get to know a member of the opposite sex.

Gina: You came here to try to get some with a lame sob story about being gay!

Scott: Now you're just being a big meany! Although I have to admit I certainly do feel a lot less heterosexual now. Thanks, seriously that helped a lot. Now that I think about it... I know where I stand its all so clear. I really owe you for this, now I finally know for sure!

[Gina looks as though she'll come across the table and attack him when he hops up, paying for the meal and a generous tip and leaving with the light of an epiphany on his face just as the waitress comes back and offers Gina the drink.]

Gina: [speaking through gritted teeth, her one hand covering her eye and straddling her temples as she pushes the beverage away with her free hand] Add. more. liquer...

[Slade]

Haha! Wonderful. Keep them coming.

[Just your average movie goer]

Yes. That was funny.

[J m HofMarN]

Slade- Hey, glad you like it, good to see you're reading.

JYAMG- Now this is an honor, I'm really glad youre still checking out my stuff even with barely any description. I guess I kind of wanted to see if my stuff could work on dialogue alone like Shakespeare and it seems that it can.

EVERYONE: THIS IS A WARNING:

The next chapter will be fairly fucked up. Not graphic or anything, just a lot weirder than the previous two. The word spanking is used. I appologize in advance that such a thing came out of my mind but once again I hope you'll be amused as well as horrified.

This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 12 May 2005 - 04:52 AM