[Just another wretched fan]

These take care of the 70/78 problems found, I think.

Change the title and opening crawl.
16-18 year old Anakin
Absolutely no Jar Jar
No Yoda. (Will not appear until ESB).

Easiest changes to make will involve dubbing over voices and deleting scenes.
Next “simple” changes will involve replacing CGI with CGI.
Easiest additions will involve new scenes to be filmed.
Example, cut out a Jake Lloyd cockpit shot and replace with new actor Anakin cockpit shot.
Hard part will be forest-gumping existing Jake Lloyd scenes that involve other actors.
Hardest part will be kidnapping Ewan to do a few additional scenes.

1. Make Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn refer to one another as partners, and not as Master/Padawan. They are both knights of equal rank. (come on, Liam did a good job and was the best actor in the film)

2. Dub over battle droid voices. Replace battle droid speech with cool binary speech wherever possible.

3. Remove corny Neimoidan accents. Change name of race of Gungans and Neimodans. Instead of a trade federation, just call them the (New-name-for-neimoidans). Make them like interstellar vikings trying to capture a new world. Or even make the neimoidans one of the clone races. Hell, they all look like one another, i'll believe they're clones. See, now the invasion of Naboo can be a battle in the Clone Wars. A race of clones invaded Naboo. The other jedi can be busy trying to keep the peace in the other many different clone wars, (with different types of cloners) raging throughout the galaxy.

4. Delete use of term “Droideka” replace with term “hard ass motherfucker.” (Destroyer Droid will be fine, I guess)

5. Dub over Gungan accent. Digitally erase Boss Nass. Change name of Gungan race to something less retarded.

6. Completely erase or reshoot all Gunga-city scenes. Have Jedi land, get rescued by amphibian race, learn about underwater route, and use force to save themselves from the big fish. (Delete scene if it doesn’t make sense in final cut.)

7. Edit palace scenes to delete political bullshit. During escape scene, delete R2-D2 reward scene.

8. Digitally insert scene where Amidala’s protocol droid, C-3PO, meets battle-hardened R2-D2. Insert witty, not corny, dialogue.

9. Keep Watto. Dub part of dialogue that makes his species immune to force.

10. Tone down Sebulba

11. Land on Tatooine. Search for repair parts, meet Watto and 16-18 year old Anakin.

12. -Build on Anakin’s hatred of slavery, need for change in galaxy, more control/order.

13. Replace Shmi (who really didn’t serve a pupose except for a touching goodbye scene) with Lars family who are slaves and have adopted Anakin. Or, maybe keep Shmi b/c the actress does a good job, but remove virgin birth dialogue. (Anakin will therefore not turn to the dark side for the “I want my mommy” reason)

14. Digitally remove all midichlorian dialogue.

15. Delete baby Greedo and all other dumb kids, naturally.

16. Insert some sort of scene where Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon get hint of force sensitivity.

17. Anakin uses force to win pod race, maybe smiles a few times when opponents defeated.

18. Delete Pod Race Announcer

19. Aftere seeing Anakin’s skill, Obi-Wan extends offer to Anakin to join him to save Naboo/Alderaan. Insert moving "surrounds us, binds us" dialogue in which Obi-Wan describes force to Anakin.

20. Possibly change name of Naboo to Alderaan, insert line of dialogue from ANH. “come with me to Alderaan and learn the ways of the force.”

21. Add a scene where Owen doesn’t want Anakin to leave on the damned fool crusade to save Naboo/Aldaraan.

22. Darth Maul still attacks. Come on that was a cool scene.

23. Remove senate scenes and cut Jedi council scenes. Insert a dialogue between Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon about training Anakin. Maybe insert a line where Obi-Wan states “I know I can train him as well as Yoda trained me.”

24. Change Darth Maul’s name, if necessary

25. Replace Darth Maul with Christopher Lee. If Impossible, dub over Darth Maul’s voice with Christopher Lee’s. Insert a few scenes to give him a few lines of solid dialogue.

26. Allow him to kill Qui-Gon Jinn and escape until episode 2. Re-edit end of duel. Obi-Wan doesn’t chop him in two, just knocks him over the edge, maybe scars him badly. …Or cuts out his vocal cords so in epII Maul will sound like Christopher Lee…..idk. We think Maul is dead but we get a clue that he survives. (We need a reoccurring villain to hate. Anakin needs to hate him too, so he can willingly kill him later in the PT).

27. Leave Droid/Gungan battle as is. It wasn’t that bad. Delete any occurrences of retardation.

28. Add a scene saying “we have more fighters than crew, we need every pilot we can get”

29. Have Anakin, who we already know is an accomplished pilot, volunteer and jump in the cockpit. Use the force (Have dead Qui-Gon voice tell him to use it) to destroy controller ship.

Scenes to brainstorm then insert:

Allow more contact between Palpatine and Anakin.

non-Dawson’s creek like flirt scenes between Anakin and Amidala.

damn...i just deletely the full film to 20 minutes...oh well. its quality!

This post has been edited by Just another wretched fan: 26 April 2005 - 02:52 AM

[StarWarsIsUs]

You'll enjoy our fanfic prequals, then.

[Casual Fan]

I have a theory that The Phantom Menace was destroyed by Attack of the Clones . Before the second movie came out, everything that didn't make sense in TPM could be defended on the grounds that Lucas was working with a complex and subtle backstory and everything would make sense in the second movie. Of course then the second movie was actually released.

There was nothing in TPM, except maybe the midichlorians and the Jedi Council's predeliction for co-opting species with impossible anatomy as its members, that couldn't have been worked into the background of an interesting and coherent universe for the second movie. The Gungans could have been quietly dropped, or mated with the Wookies to produce Ewoks, or something.

[floppydisk]

Great ideas, JAWF. Has anyone on the forum actually made a fanfic rewrite that's good?

[Lord Aquaman]

Sounds cool, JAWF. How long till we get your AOTC Fix?

[Just another wretched fan]

Sounds cool, JAWF. How long till we get your AOTC Fix?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

AOTC is beyond repair, man.

Now that we have forrest gump technology, In theory ILM can make a special edition TPM with my changes. Its quite easy to replace CGI with CGI and dub over animated voices with better voices. Deleting deleting deleting is easy, too
The real trick will be the new scenes involving Padme and the new 18 year old actor, palpatine and the new actor, and qui-gon and obi-wan. How can you dub over their voices with new dialogue with out making it look like a godzilla movie?

This post has been edited by Just another wretched fan: 26 April 2005 - 08:56 PM

[Mnesymone]

Its a pretty good fix - it'd be cool to see it.

Some things are still tetcy but its a heckload better than the damn movie.

[Xombie]

Digitally replace pointless Queen Amidala award ceremony for droid with a scene of Queen Amidala spanking her handmaiden for...um...something or other.

On second thought, digitally replace The Phantom Menace with Natalie Portman doing naked pilates.

[Xombie]

Of course anyone could improve TPM with editing. A better question is: Could you make it MORE stupid?:

My suggestions: Change it digitally so that instead of building C-3PO, eight year old Anakin designs and builds a minature working prototype of the Death Star.

And baby Greedo also gets a virgin birth.

And give Jar Jar an ewok sidekick.

Have the ewok and not Anakin pilot the ship that destroys the central hub ship.

Have Palpatine declare "Those ewoks will be the death of me."

Have Yoda communicate his lessons to his child students with rap music.

Digitally insert George Lucas into the senate scenes to lecture the leaders about how "Democracy falls to tyranny every time"

Digitally replace Anakin's mom with Bea Arthur.

Replace Darth Maul's horns with antlers.

[Lord Aquaman]

Replace Darth Maul's horns with antlers.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Or just digitally replace Darth Maul with Toad from X-Men.

How about digitally replacing Jar Jar with Abe Sapien (from 2004's Hellboy).

This post has been edited by Lord Aquaman: 27 April 2005 - 10:36 AM

[Just another wretched fan]

Of course anyone could improve TPM with editing. A better question is: Could you make it MORE stupid?:

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

good job on all of those, man, you really got me laughing. I really needed that.

[DragonLord]

Me too =) Ingenious.

[Despondent]

Have the ewok and not Anakin pilot the ship that destroys the central hub ship.

Hilarious list.

[xenduck]

thats a great fix! im really impressed, and the other lists are pretty f*ing funny. but i wonder, how many movies have you guys made?

[CowboyCurtis]

I hope you're not starting the ridiculous argument that if we haven't made a movie, then we ought not to criticize them..... because otherwise I will be forced to ignore you.

This post has been edited by CowboyCurtis: 27 April 2005 - 11:31 PM