[Voodoo Dog]

A POEM ON THE SEXUAL METAPHOR

Sexual metaphors, mexual setaphors, what more can I say?
I met her for sex, yes I met her for sex, but she screamed and ran away.

DUM DA DAH!

[SimeSublime]

<song>
You say that there isn't a chance,
That we two could have a romance.
You just need a little more time,
But in the meantime....

Is it OK if I stalk you?
I just want to make sure you're OK,
And behaving while I am away.
Is it OK if I stalk you?
Don't mind me I won't get in your way,
And although I'll see you everyday,
You won't see me.

You've stated in terms very clear,
That you don't require me here.
So to your conditions I bow,
But for now...*for now*

Is it OK if I stalk you?
I just want to make sure you're OK,
And behaving while I am away.
Is it OK if I stalk you?
Don't mind me I won't get in your way,
And although I'll see you everyday,
You won't see me.

I will be in the vacinity no matter where you go,
Which is a good thing what with all of the nutcases out there, so...

Is it Ok if I...
Is it Ok if I...
Is it Ok if I...
Is it Ok if I...
Is it Ok if I...
Is...
It OK if I stalk you *stalk you, stalk you*
Don't mind me I won't get in the way,
And although I'll see you everyday.
You won't see me because...
I'll be concealed in my car...
At the back of the bar...
In the restraunt behind the piano...
The man over there with the hair...
And the moustache and glasses which I wouldn't normally wear...
'Coz my eyesite is fine...
And with nightvision goggles I see even better,
They flatter you more then the closed circuit video.

Is it Ok if I stalk you?
I just want to make sure your OK,
And behaving while I am away.
Is it OK if I stalk you,
Stalk you,
Stalk you,
Stalk you,
Stalk stalk stalk stalk stalk stalk stalk stalk stalk stalk you?
Stalk you...
Stalk you.
</song>


-Tripod

This post has been edited by SimeSublime: 01 May 2005 - 02:31 AM

[jariten]

Don't fall in love with me yet
We only recently met
True I'm in love with you but
you might decide I'm a nut
Give me a week or two to
go absolutely cuckoo
then, when you see your error,
then, you can flee in terror
like everybody else does
I only tell you this cause
I'm easy to get rid of
but not if you fall in love
Know now that I'm on the make
and if you make a mistake
my heart will certainly break
I'll have to jump in a lake
and all my friends will blame you
There's no telling what they'll do
It's only fair to tell you
I'm absolutely cuckoo

-Magnetic Fields

[Slade]

Damn it. Those were hilarious. I thought you'd written them at first and was going to ask to father your children. But no.

[Voodoo Dog]

A SONG ABOUT THE WONDEROUS CREATURE KNOWN AS LARA CROFT

I just wrote a song that I'd like to share with y'all. Its about that wonderful moment in a teenage males life when he discovers the stunning beauty of MS Croft for the very first time. It happened to me when I purchased the game Tomb Raider 2 at a local shop when I was 15. The shops name wasn't the Mex however. I had to change it to get this fucking thing to ryhme.

(Sing to the tune of "Oh Susannah!")

I first laid eyes upon you girl, while strolling through the Mex
And when I saw your beauty girl, I thought of having sex
Now Mars is great and Sonics cool, please don't get me wrong
But you make me begin to drool, I had to write this song

Oh dear LARA! Now come alive for me
I want to bone you now dear girl, feel great as I can be
Oh dear LARA! Now won't you shag for me?
I want sex right now with you girl, you mean that much to me

END

That's two I've written in a row without fucking up! I'm getting pretty good at this!

[SimeSublime]

I dislike everything she stands for in the gaming industries. They make a crap game, so give the protagonist big breasts to apeal to the masses. In the end, gamers end up with crappy games and a worse reputation then we already have.

[floppydisk]

Dude, that song rocks!

[Slade]

I'm not a big fan of women with flat faces, triangular breasts, and who are made up of about 12 polygons.

But kudos for that song anyway.

[Voodoo Dog]

I can't help but notice that this thread seems to have died...oh well. I'll soldier on anyway.

If you had been following the other thread like this that suffered a hideous fate at the hands of a certain moderator, you would know that I suffer from another humiliating quirk. Namely cock-teasing. For some reason the thought of sexual frustration really blows my gasket and I have no idea why. To you guys, it must seem like getting off on being hungry or thirsty. I would like to defend my bizarre fetish by saying

YOU ALL ENJOY BEING TEASED TOO!

Well those of you who like looking at pictures of the opposite sex in uniforms or their underwear anyway. Pictures like these seem even more popular at times than pictures of people naked. The fucks with that? Because you like being teased that's why! Underwear and uniform pictures are designed not to reveal, but to suggest the frustrating fact that the picture was taken just before the lass revealed her goodies or just at the wrong angle to see up her skirt. This doen't stop them being sexy. rather it makes them more sexy. This is the reason strippers don't just walk out naked and go "Ta da!". They strip slowly and sensously to tease us.

YOU'RE ALL PATHETIC LITTLE SUBMISSIVE FREAKS LIKE ME! ADMIT IT! ADMIT IT!

[Slade]

Please don't utter that last phrase again or I'll sick the wrath of Dr. Seuss and washing machines on you. I've done it before, and if I have to I'll draw my guns again...

But to humor you: Teased, sure. Left frustrated, no. Now let me go back to my unintentionally celibate life and leave me be!

*Shuffles off to his cave to sulk.*

[floppydisk]

Wait, since when have you and washing machines made a truce? Last I knew you were taking care of the washing machine mafia.

[Slade]

Err, sorry. I get my washing machines and dishwashers mixed up sometimes. You'll feel the wrath of dishwashers.

[Voodoo Dog]

(In the words of that one person every single Alien film)

Kill me...kill me...

I was just reading those pee desperation thingies again, looking for laughs and reasons to get outraged over lack of respect for weak bladder. Both I found in abundance, but I also found something else. I found a particular story that actually aroused me. *breaks down* It was about my own little kink! It was about femdom! It was about lesbian femdom! And no, the pee thing still freaks me out. And the horrible thing that happens at the end just turns my stomach. But up to then it was pretty fucking hot, pee or no pee. Please tell me I'm not a freak. Please. Or just shoot me. It'll probably be for the best.

I'm going to attempt to give you a link that won't piss off Heccubus. Just the URL with hashes added to stop it turning into a link. Simply cut and paste it into the address bar, remove hashes and Bob's the relative of your choice. If it aint okay Hecc, then tell me and I'll stop doing it. I'll hold you in a much higher regard if you do this rather than delete the thread and then fire a PM at me saying I had misunderstood one of the rules. Cheers.

ht#tp://m#em#bers.eas#ysha#g.co#m/fema#ledesp#eration/un#dine18.ht#ml

Seriously, I'm starting to think of this as a conspiracy. Not only do they try to convert innocent people to their perversions by involving s&m, they also mock my national holiday and use it as an excuse to get their jollies! Saint Patrick's day pee dance indeed!

ht#tp://me#mbe#rs.easy#shag.co#m/fem#alede#sper#ation/nite#diver1.ht#ml

Think I'm talking bollocks eh? Think that depraved little loonie was merely enjoying a situation served up at the hands of cruel fate? Then take a look at this!

h#ttp://m#em#bers.e#as#ysha#g.co#m/fe#malede#sperat#ion/gilli#an06.h#tml
When I read about the fate of this poor sweet girl at the hands of that BITCH, I had to suppress an urge to kill something. What gets me is that this is no stupid fantasy situation like the inflation porn. There is a good chance some pervert will do this in the real world. They might do it to us. They might do it to someone we love. It would be easy. I just put a briefcase in my bed. You know why? Because I rest my fucking case that's why! we have to kill these bastards. We have to kill them before they kill us.

This post has been edited by Voodoo dog: 18 May 2005 - 04:40 AM

[looktothesky]

Wow, this thread hasn't been erased yet? I thought it died, but I guess not.

[Voodoo Dog]

If a thread exists for the worship of pornography, then I will do all I can to make sure it doesn't die. Glad to see you're back Sky. As the only woman on earth to actually enjoy pornography, we need you. How comes you don't think porn degrades women like every other girl I know?

LOOOOOVE the new avatar by the way. You little Jezibel!