[J m HofMarN]

In the name of Bruce Campbell, Starwars and Tad the Banana, I make a request to his holiness Pope Slade. I ask that Seanbaby, of www.seanbaby.com be canonized as a saint of the chefelflic church. Since this is the first request of its kind I will speak of the process of canonization for those who may wish to nominate others.

First, the prospective saint must be no longer living updating. Once they are shown to be dead offline, then you can ask for official permission to look into their virtues.

Second, if they are found to be virtuous they must be recognized as nifty people!

Third, they must have performed a myracle, such as a 48 hour tetris marathon, watching the entire starwars holiday special, or performing a stunt they saw on Jackass successfully.

Fourth, they must perform another myracle.

Now, as for my candidate.

To the best of my knowledge seanbaby no longer updates.

He has been a relentless crusader for good causes, such as making comics encouraging kids who repeat stunts from Jackass to eat broken glass, making fun of lots of ignorant people, and continuously mocking the stupid warning lables that appear on everything, and the people who sue those who do not put enough warning lables on things. Truly, he is a virtuous fellow and deserves to be honored.

As for myracles? Well, he has set off a large array of fireworks, glue, and plastic toys in his driveway and managed to avoid both burns and arrest while photodocumenting the entire thing as shown here:

http://www.seanbaby....l/fireworks.htm

You would think that nearly dying for his faith once would stop him but oh no, he decided to risk life and limb and, indeed, stomach. The next fourth of july Seanbaby (soon to be known as Saint Seanbaby) not only made a Japanese meal out of food that was entirely labeled in a language he did not speak (and ate it!) but he set off a fuckload of fireworks illegally once again. A true role model. Hail Saint Seanbaby!

http://www.seanbaby....mericarules.htm

[Laughlyn]

Although I would truely love to see Seanbaby declared a saint, despite his past humours conflicts with the clergy (I'm sure pope slade will overlook these things), my prayers are still for a second coming.

[floppydisk]

Saint Seanbaby! Yay! Now must leave thie fire alarm just went off!1

EDIT: Okay, I'm back. Some moron pulled the fire alarm. Seanbaby definitely deserves to be a Chefelf Saint ™ for his outstanding contributions to internet humor.

This post has been edited by floppydisk: 04 May 2005 - 10:51 AM

[Slade]

I think a not-updating cutoff needs to be instituted to properly replace death as a prerequisite for beatification and canonization. And what about sporadic/very minor updates to a site, like basic upkeep and the occasional forum post?

However, I will review the case of Seanbaby and get back to you. I suppose this is a little unorthodox, but does anyone else have any reccomendations for Sainthood? I actually have a list of people that i think would be deserving of canonization, but we need to do things one at a time.

And you don't want a second coming. Haven't you read Revalations? We're going to be swarmed by zombies and the Four Horsemen, and we need seven years of the anti-christ first.

[J m HofMarN]

Thank you, your holiness! You know, Seanbaby recently came to me in a vision email, and he had this to say:

>From: "Seanbaby"
>To: "J.M. Hoffman"
>Subject: Re: Congratulations! You are being considered for sainthood!
>Date: Wed, 04 May 2005 13:50:52 -0700
>
>It is an honor to be nominated as a saint.  I promise that when I'm
>granted the powers that go along with my station, Jean Claude Van
>Damme will be my Chief Justice of Doing the Splits while I levitate
>over the crushed bodies of my enemies, all of whom have been punched
>in the balls by my Chief Justi-- I've said too much.  Thank you.
>
>Seanbaby

This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 04 May 2005 - 04:28 PM

[Slade]

After careful consideration, I shall both beatify and canonize Seanbaby for acceptance into the sainthood. I declare his birthday to be an official feast day, where everyone shall be united in their mockery of old curmudgeons and stale bread. And there must be at least one person who glorifies the genius and sacred tradition of face punching through a large scale dance number.

[floppydisk]

I am extremely pleased to hear that St. Seanbaby is in the pope's good graces. When is his birthday, anyway?

[Voodoo Dog]

Are we allowed to make serious requests in a jokey thread? If so, I would like to nominate the following candidate for consideration by His Holiness, Pope Slade the First.

Karl Marx

I geniunely believe that the poor man was trying to make the world a better place with communism. It was a pretty good idea before it was perverted by that bastard Stalin. No really, it was. He believed in a future world full of happiness and tolerance where all labours and rewards were shared equally. I don't know about you, but that sounds pretty sweet to me. Yes, he may have made the hideous mistake of saying religion was an aberation, but the other church lead by a man in a great big pointy hat has made intolerant people saints in the past. Pius X was canonised, and he wanted to destroy all within the catholic church who preached tolerance towards other religions and those with sexual preferences other than heterosexuality. He also believed that women should be permantly attached to their husbands and the kitchen stove, in that order. If a person like that can be made a saint, then so can mister Marx!

If we aint allowed to make serious requests in a jokey thread, then feel free to slap me across the nipples repeatedly. Please do. I enjoy that kinda of thing. Unless it happens to be a man that does it, in which case I will respond by castrating the bastard.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

This post has been edited by Voodoo dog: 07 May 2005 - 02:45 PM

[Slade]

It's up to you to find the miracles, not I. But I hereby give you permission to research Marx.

Remember: It takes one miracle to beatify, and a second to canonize.

Edit: List of potential Internet Saints that I've thought of:

Jared Seaman
Christopher Livingston
Jacques Redcloud

They all fit the critera of not having updated in quite a long time. Ms. Corvax recently suggested to add Nate Redcloud, AKA ChefElf to the list. I'm not sure if he can be considered not updating... Certainly there's no more of him at L&E. Does he do proper updating here?

This post has been edited by Slade: 07 May 2005 - 07:12 PM

[Citizen-X]

Ohhhh Hoffmarn ur such a Tool.....

[Slade]

I'm going to be civil and blunt. If you start in with the Nazi crap, I'm going to can you.

You're pushing it by presumably insulting JM, but since I don't even understand the insult, and I can't take a post seriously when it's littered with AIMspeak, I'll leave it for now.

I'm sorry, I'm not in a good mood. Just read the rules before you post, Citizen-X.

This post has been edited by Slade: 07 May 2005 - 11:11 PM

[floppydisk]

Nate still updates at L&E and here every once in a while. And I assume C-X's comment was a joke (rolley eyes seggust humor). I agree that Karl was a cool guy and communism is a great idea, but because of the greed inherent in human nature, it'll never work. But make a separate thread if you want to argue this, I don't fell like talking about communism here.

And how about adding Jon Gunter to the list? I haven't seen his website, because it's not up anymore, but I gather he was hilarous.

This post has been edited by floppydisk: 08 May 2005 - 08:31 PM

[Slade]

I forgot about Jon! Of course! Somebody get on researching Jon's miracles!

And I apologize again, it was just a bad time to see someone supporting the ss. When I posted that.

This post has been edited by Slade: 08 May 2005 - 08:39 PM

[floppydisk]

Your holiness, I formally nominate that Migue Roya (author of FCIPH.com), be cannonized in the Chefelfic Church.

First Myracle

Miguel was a poor Mexican immigrant. He moved to America in search of a better life, and found only pictures of fat chicks in party hats. Lots of them. Against all odds, and in The Face Of Adversity, Miguel not only succeded in making hilarous captions for these pictures, but attracted a famous internet humourist (Seanbaby) to digitally adopt him. His humor alone has brought him from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs.

Second Myracle

Miguel, with limited education in the language of American, manages to make a website that is not only hilarous, but one that rivals the best websites on the internet. Did I mention he is nearly illeterite?

I'm gonna look so stupid if Miguel's still updating, but I haven't seen anything new in his site, so I'm gonna assume here....

[Slade]

Hmm... this will take some deliberation... I'm not quite sure if he's saint material... miracles, perhaps, but...

I'll get back to you.