[Dr Lecter]

Mmmm alot has changed, look at that damn list. You can thank the corrupt world we live in for that.

[Slade]

No... everything's pretty much the same.

[Mnesymone]

That was the point I believe - it's been made in numerous forms before... Still, two years ago it was '91 again - Die Hard Movie, pending towards a war in Iraq and bush was in power.
Then last year it was still '91 - economy was listing, pending war in Iraq and bush in power... now it's '92 again though we might regress again soon.

[Voodoo Dog]

Nothing has ever really changed EVER. People have always been complete bastards and will always be complete bastards. If you have ever seen a pub brawl you will know everthing there is to know about humanity. As to the future check out my sig. Unless I have decided to change it by the time you read this, in which case I'll look a bit of a tit.

[floppydisk]

<sound_check>
<video_check>

<begin_feed>

<broadcasting>

Hello, and welcome to Chefelf5 News. Cardinal/pirate floppydisk reporting.

As you all know, recently an alien menace has landed on our fair NightLife shores. An alien menace that we have been trying to contain, and so far have failed. The aliens are a peculiar breed, relying not on thier physical strength, nor thier superior intellegence. How are they winning, you ask? I think a picture will speak louder than words here.



They land on our planet disguised as toupes and beards, attach themselves to our elderly, and drain the lives from them.

We have only one hope left. The pirates and ninjas and generic pirate-ninjas of the NightLife Anger Clan must work to protect our shores from these foreign invaders at all costs. I'm sure that many pirates and or ninjas will lose thier lives in the battles, but I think that is a risk we must take.

Consider the alternative:



To arms!

[J m HofMarN]

Wow, some of the stories here really arent fit to print these days.

[floppydisk]

If I had the resources, that would've been a video newscast...

[Mnesymone]

Satirical News Thread Dug Up!

Though dormant for quite some time, the ChefElf 5 News Service has been unearthed. Angry pirate Floppydisk calmed down long enough to head up an expedition into the screening room and dig up the old Satirical News Network Station.

Though he has since returned to being an angry pirate, his undertaking was picked up by a suspicious looking man somewhere between Che Guevara and Sub-Zero. This revolutionary ninja vampire, known only as J.M. Hofmarn, had this statement to make about the rediscovery of the Chefelfic newstation.
"This is a great moment for me... I mean, for Chefelf. Within these hallowed halls lie records of Tiger Woods eating his own shoulder and old wars. For those of us who once worked at thIs Glorious old establisHmenT Today is of even greater importance, as it HEralds a return to the unParralelled fOrmer glory of the WEb and gives us the oppoRtunity to once again make satirical and meaningless news and say "Fight the power" in subliminal messages."

After this baffling statement, we bring you live to the dig that I am walking towards right now, you see, the dig is a really big hole in the ground with the newstation right at the bottom as you can see behind me.... eeeee.... eeeee.

New Voice: Well that's it for our intern, and that's it for our story - I'm Mnesymone, good evening.

[floppydisk]

New Info on Toupe Beasts!

The highly dangerous and often mysterious aliens the public have dubbed "Toupe Beasts" are a little less mysterious as of today. It has been proven that the beasts don't actually come from space, they come from Atlantis.

When they mate, they release spores into the atmosphere, which float up above the earth's atmosphere. They grow up to a certian height, until they finally grow so heavy that they drop out of the sky, hence everyone thinking they were aliens.

The confusion comes when you discuss how exactly these beings came into creation. Did they evolve from any of the various sea life, or were they genetically engineered by the Atlantians? Only the pirates and ninjas of the Anger Clan can find out, as they are sceduled to raid Atlantis any day now.

This has been floppydisk reporting for Chefelf5 News. Goodnight!

[Mnesymone]

Sea life - The Atlanteans have perfect and perfectly ordained haircuts and would never use wigs or toupees.

Meanwhile, some weird evolution of sea life might assume the form of a toupee.

[J m HofMarN]

Jellyfish perhaps...

[Slade]

Or maybe a pufflmur!

[floppydisk]

Even more info on the infamous (and quite possible retarted) "Toupe Beasts"

Once again, for the Chefelf5 News Team, this is floppydisk reporting.

New information on what have come to be know as simply "Toupe Beasts" has recently been discovered.

The Atlantians are known for thier amazing hair dos. Consequently, the Atlantians absolutely hate baldness in any form. They hate it so much in fact, that they are prone to rampantly killing innocient civilians just for seeing baldness.

The beasts were created to automatically attach themselves to any bald Atlantians so as to prevent rampant killings.

Even though they were created for a noble purpose, they are effectively decimating our population. The beasts drain some life from thier host to stay alive. Unfortunately for us humans, the Atlantians have a much stronger life force than us, and consequently we are drained much faster.

The Atlantians created them from a Universal Constructor, able to use nanotech science to create any concievable thing in a matter of seconds. The universal constructor is also the only thing that can be used to create a virus to decimate the Toupe Beast population. I only hope someone in the Anger Clan knows how to use a computer.

As for the Atlantians? I'm sure a little counseling will help them overcome thier fear of baldness.

This has been floppydisk. Goodnight.

[Emu]

I only hope someone in the Anger Clan knows how to use a computer.

Oh I doubt it.

</jest>

[Mnesymone]

No Floppydisk - my Atlanteans... though it is possible that the sea-life form which is the toupee beast arose out of the sea following the Atlanteans they do not use insane nanotech to make toupees - what is the point of a streamlined-population genetically advanced race if they grow bald... also their technology is idealised - though they use submarines and semi-submersible craft which are armed with projectile weapons, the enforcers have a strong duelling honor - they wield melee weapons with extraordinary proficiency.

Make your own Atlanteans if you want them to wear protective toupees - my guys are peace-loving and only fight to hone their skills until the Enforcer's Mandate is given, allowing them to harm others to defend their society.