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ANGER - Keep it away from the forums. (Warning: Now Contains Pirates)

#1621 User is offline   Deepsycher Icon

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 03:07 PM

I will sail by the name Drunken Soul.
QUOTE (J m HofMarN @ Oct 31 2007, 01:20 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
DS: RE: twenty posts you made:
Ok, you walk into a pirate hangout and announce that you have treasure, or a means to procure treasure, that you're unarmed and that you're not a pirate. It's not even a second before men with tattoos and knives in their teeth circle around you, watching eachother to see who will beat the living tar out of you, take your map, money, boots, clothes, and whatever else they can cut off as a trinket, and then leave you for dead in an alley.


Drunken Soul: Something I call treasure I now don't want. I come in rags to a pub without all those luxuries apart from a piece of paper. The end result through the traps I set at a particular place... basically the treasure was not the treasure they were thinking about.

When they come back bad tempered to find me then I will be no stranger to pain, before I know it I would be dead whilst being educated fully as a pirate.

This post has been edited by Deepsycher: 31 October 2007 - 03:17 PM

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#1622 User is offline   Spoon Poetic Icon

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 04:38 PM

HUZZAH!!!

I tells me crew ta gather up tha treasure and put it in our ship's hold. We'll determine how ta split it later. After they finish, they are to repair what damages been done to our ship, and then make ready to set sail (not going anywhere yet, though). I want to ask the captured prisoners for any relevant information, and if any men want to join me crew, they're welcome (though I will also inform my loyal crew to keep a watchful eye on them until they've proven their loyalty). Those that don't will stay in the brig until we make port somewhere, and then I'll decide what ta do with tha curs.

Oh, and I hide some treasure in MY secret captain's swag chamber, too. For makin' bargains and tha like. smile.gif

This post has been edited by Spoon Poetic: 31 October 2007 - 04:42 PM

I am writing about Jm in my signature because apparently it's an effective method of ignoring him.
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#1623 User is offline   barend Icon

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Posted 31 October 2007 - 06:20 PM

QUOTE (J m HofMarN @ Oct 31 2007, 01:20 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Barend- They failt their courage roll and every one of them offers themselves to you. They are of course mortal so theres a limit to what they can do. The captain alone protests, especially when you see the map, but the first mate draws a gun and tells him to quiet down. The captain does, and you can do whatever you like now.


((I take them aboard my ship, letting them bring all food and wine/water off theirs, put a hole in their ship and make them swear an oath to me as they watch their captain go down, strapped to the mast, with his ship))

Repeat after me!

I swear by the seven seas and seven hells... To follow Barebones Barend... With unquestioning, uncompromisin', loyalty.... To whatever end but for rewards beyond my imagination in this life and the next in which I'll live like a king... for powers and wealth beyond reckoning and all the rum and wine we find... As long as I remain loyal... Or otherwise have my soul torn from my body to be taken to untold torment as my lifeless flesh rots for eternity in the belly of the mighty cracken of the abyss save my codlings which shall be nailed to the hull as a reminder to others.... And so I confirm life long fealty to the undying ship of Barebones Barend, to fight for him and protect his interests at all costs.
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#1624 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 02 November 2007 - 03:12 AM

Bond- Alright, you make some noise and this alerts the torturers, who regretably arent involved in guarding the facility. They've run out of creativity with their General's departure, and are now just going to beat the crap out of you. I made a courage roll for you, and you failed, so you're going to have to give up and tell them something so they'll stop pummeling you.

DS- UM... yes. They crucify you and now your education as a pirate is complete.

Spoon - You just defeated a far larger pirate ship and singlehandedly murdered the captain and looted treasure he'd been keeping from the crew. They're really not too keen on messing with you now, and your crew, and many of the more easy going of the other crew are happy to start loading the treasure on to what is now your flag ship. It's not long before the ship you're on begins to float a bit higher in the water and can get off the sand bar if you want. Your first mate asks you if he can take the captain's post on the new vessel and split the crews up to ensure loyalty. In other words, he wants half of your crew on the new vessel, and the crew of the new one will be split up so they wont all be on the same ship. When you make the offer of either the brig or sailing with you, every member of the ships crew you just conquered salutes you as their new captain.

Barend- Many of the Spaniards, good catholics all of them, are rather worried about swearing an oath to a servant of Satan, or at least a servant of one of Satan's servants. It's the Lieutenant who rallies them, ever eager to be helpful and get into your good graces. He draws the sailors attentions away from their captain and begins reciting the oath quite readily, the crew following along except for a few men who choose to jump over and try to save their captain.

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- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#1625 User is offline   barend Icon

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Posted 02 November 2007 - 03:37 AM

((I'm just going to assume those men jumping over are shot by my undead crew. If not I'll make a small hand guesture to my first mate indicating that such a thing should definatley be done.))
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#1626 User is offline   Bond Icon

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Posted 02 November 2007 - 07:53 AM

QUOTE (J m HofMarN @ Nov 2 2007, 04:12 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Bond- Alright, you make some noise and this alerts the torturers, who regretably arent involved in guarding the facility. They've run out of creativity with their General's departure, and are now just going to beat the crap out of you. I made a courage roll for you, and you failed, so you're going to have to give up and tell them something so they'll stop pummeling you.


I yell, "I know why the caged bird sings! Ah, me -- water, water, everywhere, and not a drop to drink! Sing, Muse, the rage of Peleus! KUMBAYA!!!"
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You only live twice:
Once when you're born
And once when you look death in the face.

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#1627 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 02 November 2007 - 12:26 PM

Barend- Sure do. And even if a few get away its not like theres much out here unless they can ride sharks or something. And I dont think I feel like rolling a shark riding check.

Bond-

"Aw damn it we broke his brain..."

"Well what do we do now?"

"Miguel is going to kill us if we dont get something out of him."

"Its your fault. Youre sposeda hit so as they start talking, not go batshit insane!"

"My fault? Yous the one that kicked him in the goolies!"

"Alroight. It's important that we dont panic. All we have to do is get something out of him that wont ensure we take his place."

"And ow do ye intend to do that? All we've learned is that he might know why the caged bird sings!"

"Simple. Look at his underwear. Every pirate mother will sometimes stumble out of her rum induced stupor, forget what to call her child when asking for more rum, and thus, label her offspring's arse. And ow many fruit of the loom stores ave ye seen in the Caribbean eh?"

So, they put their plan into action, and are soon off to tell the General of their order that you gave your name as "I. R. Glorp" Your mum never was one for the book learnings and "grammare"

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#1628 User is offline   Slade Icon

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Posted 02 November 2007 - 05:17 PM

I quirk an eyebrow toward me fellow captain and then address the priest. "A wager, you want? We'll already be doing your lord's work by ridding the seas of Barebones, but I suppose I'm in the mood for a wager, but I can't speak for Captain Roughknuckles. Name your terms, Padre."
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#1629 User is offline   Otal Nimrodi Icon

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Posted 02 November 2007 - 06:03 PM

Aye, I'm not sure ye be quite seein' the point. If'n me fellow cap'n an' I WISHED we could blow yon mission away an' take every drop o' holy water we can. But, let's just say I'm certainly startin' to feel mighty religious, so I'll take ye up on the offer.
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#1630 User is offline   Bond Icon

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Posted 02 November 2007 - 07:32 PM

QUOTE (J m HofMarN @ Nov 2 2007, 01:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Bond-

"Aw damn it we broke his brain..."

"Well what do we do now?"

"Miguel is going to kill us if we dont get something out of him."

"Its your fault. Youre sposeda hit so as they start talking, not go batshit insane!"

"My fault? Yous the one that kicked him in the goolies!"

"Alroight. It's important that we dont panic. All we have to do is get something out of him that wont ensure we take his place."

"And ow do ye intend to do that? All we've learned is that he might know why the caged bird sings!"

"Simple. Look at his underwear. Every pirate mother will sometimes stumble out of her rum induced stupor, forget what to call her child when asking for more rum, and thus, label her offspring's arse. And ow many fruit of the loom stores ave ye seen in the Caribbean eh?"

So, they put their plan into action, and are soon off to tell the General of their order that you gave your name as "I. R. Glorp" Your mum never was one for the book learnings and "grammare"


I lie about for a while, then yell "Barbados! They're in Barbados! ARRRRR!!!"
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Once when you're born
And once when you look death in the face.

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#1631 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 03 November 2007 - 01:29 PM

Slade and Otal- The cleric is quite adamant, and points out that holy water has to be blessed by a priest such as he before it will be holy.

"As I said" He explains "You'll owe me a favor, a good deed to be called upon at a time of the Lord's need. That's all... Just a small thing."

The priest nods and then starts for the church, bidding you both to follow. He grumbles when all you have to carry the stuff in is spent rum bottles, but he never the less gives you four bottles of holy water and then asks you to leave the town before there is any further commotion. He says the good lord will carry him back to you when the need is there.

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#1632 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 03 November 2007 - 01:52 PM

Bond- The men return swiftly looking all excited and scurry off to fetch Sime. One of them had been eating a jelly donut which he dropped at your feet. If you pass a high enough dex check you could snatch it with your toes and kick it up, catch it in your hand and then have a bit of a snack. I don't know why the chains are so loose, but I just like being able to make rolls.

Sime- An excited torturer, his face smeered with jelly donut, approaches.

"General! General! We've broken him! It took hours of intense psycological combat wherein I faced my will against his own! I were at the breaking point many times because of his fiendish mind games, oh he's a tough one! I tried every torture known to man, and he laughed at me he did! But finally he told me, he told me they're in Barbados! I don't know who, but I came to find you as soon as he began to talk!"

Slade & Otal - You guys can still turn down the godfatheresque offer or ask more questions of the priest.

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#1633 User is offline   Slade Icon

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Posted 03 November 2007 - 01:58 PM

"I'd still like to know what sort of good deed we'll be having to do for you, father. I must confess that I find the motives of a priest who expects armed pirates to bargain for holy water to be used to send hellspawn back to hell slightly suspect. I had better not be signing up to be an errand boy or political pawn, to risk my neck and that of my crew to rid the world of a scourge of the seas, that's all. I expect this favor to be a real, good, honest, just deed. And we appreciate your willingness to cooperate. We'll be on our way."
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#1634 User is offline   Bond Icon

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Posted 03 November 2007 - 03:56 PM

QUOTE (J m HofMarN @ Nov 3 2007, 02:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Bond- The men return swiftly looking all excited and scurry off to fetch Sime. One of them had been eating a jelly donut which he dropped at your feet. If you pass a high enough dex check you could snatch it with your toes and kick it up, catch it in your hand and then have a bit of a snack. I don't know why the chains are so loose, but I just like being able to make rolls.


All right, I snatch it with me toes and kick it up, catch it in me hand and then have a bit of a snack. Meanwhile, that sinister fellow comes in, followed by those two mangy guards. I can smell the dog's rotten breath as he approaches... sick.gif
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And once when you look death in the face.

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#1635 User is offline   SimeSublime Icon

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Posted 04 November 2007 - 10:14 AM

I give him a cold, hard stare. "You may want to consider finding something useful...unless of course you would prefer to join him".
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