[Chyld]

Right, its time I finally got off of my fat arse and wrote that My Fool Is A Crock story.

I whirled around, and decapitated another smelly peasent with a fine blow from my greatsword. This was most annoying - did the peasents in other kingdoms stage an uprising every single Friday as well? It wasn't a good state of affairs, as no-one wanted to be employed as a guard by a monarch who was attacked every week after dinner.

As the last uprising wretch was hacked down, I turned to my fool, Imberly, who was busy wiping the blood from his two axes.

"Good hunting, Imberly?" I asked
"Why, yes my lord", he said, "I make it three score and two today."
"Sounds about right", I mused. There did seem to be an awful lot of bodies lying around today. Who was going to grow the royal hops for the royal pint of lager, was all I was concerend about.
"Ah great, now we need to move these bodies into a mass grave" he proposed. This was a difficult task, with only five people in the castle. Ourselves, two guards and the cook had to drag out the latest carcases, dig a big hole, and stick all these bodies in by ourselves! The peasents would normally do this, but they were a useless, rebellious sort.

"This life gets me down", I sighed, sitting on a small pile of bodies, and resting my feet on someones head, Then I had a flash.
"Imberly, when was the last time you did a proper fools routine?" I asked, slightly cheered. This would surely amuse me!

But Imberly looked rather sheepish at this, and pawed the ground with his toe.
"My Lord..." he started.
"Oh god..." I moaned. It was one of those days.
"I have served you for six years, and I started on a Friday. I only just graduated from The University of Fools when you hired me..."
"You mean the former Clownthorpe Polytechnic?" I observed.
"Yes. I was hoping to learn the finer points under your previous fool, but..."
"I know" I butted in. Wakshaw was supposed to tell Imberly the finer points of the art, but he gor a peasents pitchfork through the kidneys before he could.
"And ever since then, all I've done is fight peasents, dig mass graves, and play croquet..."
"What's wrong with croquet?" I demanded, eyes blazing. The royal croquet ground was the finest in the land!
"Well, you've dug twenty mass graves in it since I got here, and its rather lumpy now. And its quite hard to concentrate with the arms sticking out of the ground."
I sighed.
"We'll have to replace you, then", I sighed.

Just then, a peasent previously thought dead rose up, a pitchfork in hand. I didn't have the chance to cry out, before it went into Imberly's back and out his front. He didn't get a word in before he collapsed to the floor.

Decapitating the useless wretch, I sighed.
"Why can't I have a palace that isn't full of crocks and corpses?"

A bit rushed, but at least I've finally done it...

[Just your average movie goer]

That was great, Chyld, a very original story with a quirky perspective on life in the middle ages (and some nice brief social commentary). Good work, mate.

[SimeSublime]

Short and sweet. Well done.

[Slade]

Hehe! I loved it. Makes me want to read HS White's story about Wart. I read an excerpt once and loved that.

This post has been edited by Slade: 04 January 2005 - 12:58 PM

[J m HofMarN]

Slade- You mean T H White. Once and Future King. Read it at your earliest convenience and pay special attention to the final third of the book.

Chyld- Excellent stuff! Reminds me very much of the attitude fo the nobility in Tale of Two Cities. I liked it very much.

[Chyld]

See, not bad for some crap I made up on the spot. What can I say? My best writing is done in a singular, rushed draft...

[Chyld]

Now you can see my version in glorious monochrome here. Its got a slightly different line somewhere in it, but otherwise its identical to the original. Therefore, there's no reason to visit it. Why'd I put it up then? Why not, is the question...

[SimeSublime]

To bump your post count, one would think

[Chyld]

Ah, but we have the Q&A Session thread for such shameless postcount-inflating...

[SimeSublime]

Oh well, may as well make use of this whilst it lasts

[Chyld]

And yet, nobody even acknowledged my story effort...

[SimeSublime]

There were a few of us, but not a single Brother Redcloud. Perhaps you should yell at Nate.

[Chyld]

Well, I meant the "Tales of..." one, that's finally been bumped. I've come to terms with this one.

[Icey]

Very good story Chyld, seems like just the thing that Kings would feel like.

Best way to get attention is voilence, so I reccomend begging.