Chefelf.com Night Life: More of my fanfic... - Chefelf.com Night Life

Jump to content

Star Wars Fan Convention

  • (3 Pages)
  • +
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3

More of my fanfic... Sorry, can't think of a clever title

#1 User is offline   Helena Icon

  • Basher Extraordinaire
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,327
  • Joined: 01-June 04
  • Location:UK
  • Interests:Current age: 22<br /><br />Current occupation: Auditor<br /><br />Interests: Reading, computer games, music, and Star Wars (obviously).<br /><br />Talents: Can't act, can't dance, can sing a little.<br /><br />Loves: Terry Pratchett's 'Discworld' series.<br /><br />Hates: Harry Potter. Surely I can't be the only one?
  • Country:United Kingdom

Posted 27 December 2004 - 09:20 AM

I know that a lot of people here enjoyed my parody of Knights of the Old Republic. I've been hesitant about posting my more serious stuff, but Supes read through my other stories and said he liked them, so I thought I'd post one of them here to test the waters, as it were.

'A Losing Battle' takes place 4 years before the start of the game (which is set 4000 years before the events in the movies). There are minor spoilers for anyone who hasn't played KOTOR, but not too many. The setting: Revan, a young Jedi Knight, has been waging a bloody war against the Mandalorians who attacked the Republic - against the wishes of the Jedi Council. His forces are close to victory, but he himself - without really being aware of the fact - is beginning to fall to the Dark Side.

I hope people will find it an interesting alternative to how Anakin's fall is handled in the movies. I'd welcome any comments, criticism, etc...

A Losing Battle
QUOTE
The sandpeople had women and children. We know this because Anakin killed them how could he tell? The children might be smaller but I never saw a sandperson with breasts. Did they hike their skirts and show him some leg or something?

QUOTE
Also, I can see the point of wanting to kidnap a human and use her as a slave, but they didn't. They tied her to a flimsy easel for a month. It's assumed they had to feed and give her water. What for? Was she purely ornamental? I can understand them wanting the droids, you can sell those for a lot of money, but a chick who's only skills are finding non-existand mushrooms and getting randomly pregnant, you're not going to get much.

- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
0

#2 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

  • -
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 4,140
  • Joined: 10-April 04
  • Gender:Not Telling
  • Country:Nothing Selected

Posted 28 December 2004 - 01:34 AM

Helena, that is absolutely amazing. You portray very realistically the decaying of the soul, a man's descent into darkness. It's well explained, thoughtful and most importantly, convincing. I especially liked the ending - how his hatred of Mandalore has turned into an obsession. That whereas he was once fighting to save countless worlds, he is now lusting for revenge. It's great and it shows a very realistic fall to the dark side ~ of the kind that we should have seen in the prequels.

I especially liked how even he realises that the words "A jedi doesn't give in to hate." has no meaning for him now. He knows what is happening to him but he is too fatigued and worn-down now to fight against it.

Also, all of that aside, this was a very strong piece of writing in its own right.

Wonderful work, Helena.
0

#3 User is offline   Helena Icon

  • Basher Extraordinaire
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,327
  • Joined: 01-June 04
  • Location:UK
  • Interests:Current age: 22<br /><br />Current occupation: Auditor<br /><br />Interests: Reading, computer games, music, and Star Wars (obviously).<br /><br />Talents: Can't act, can't dance, can sing a little.<br /><br />Loves: Terry Pratchett's 'Discworld' series.<br /><br />Hates: Harry Potter. Surely I can't be the only one?
  • Country:United Kingdom

Posted 28 December 2004 - 08:09 AM

Thanks, Movie Goer. Just to check - you did read all the chapters, not just the first one?

Since I've had a positive response so far, I suppose I might as well post the rest of my stories:

A Beautiful Friendship
This takes place over ten years prior to A Losing Battle and is told from the POV of Bastila Shan, the heroine of KOTOR. You boys may find it a bit 'Sweet Valley Jedi', though.

Hiding
Mushy romantic stuff, albeit with some considerably darker themes. Read at your own risk. Takes place after the end of the game, so there are major spoilers.

Republican Rhapsody
Nothing to do with political parties, but a parody of the song 'Bohemian Rhapsody' sung by KOTOR characters. Again, major spoilers.
QUOTE
The sandpeople had women and children. We know this because Anakin killed them how could he tell? The children might be smaller but I never saw a sandperson with breasts. Did they hike their skirts and show him some leg or something?

QUOTE
Also, I can see the point of wanting to kidnap a human and use her as a slave, but they didn't. They tied her to a flimsy easel for a month. It's assumed they had to feed and give her water. What for? Was she purely ornamental? I can understand them wanting the droids, you can sell those for a lot of money, but a chick who's only skills are finding non-existand mushrooms and getting randomly pregnant, you're not going to get much.

- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
0

#4 User is offline   Supes Icon

  • Sunshine Superman
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,334
  • Joined: 30-October 03
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Sydney, Australia
  • Country:Australia

Posted 03 January 2005 - 05:01 AM

QUOTE (Helena @ Dec 28 2004, 08:09 AM)
Thanks, Movie Goer. Just to check - you did read all the chapters, not just the first one?

Since I've had a positive response so far, I suppose I might as well post the rest of my stories:


Well I'm not going to say, I told you so! I am, however, going to say:

SEEEEEEE I TOLD YOU!!!! wub.gif
Luminous beings are we... not this crude matter.
Yoda
0

#5 User is offline   Helena Icon

  • Basher Extraordinaire
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,327
  • Joined: 01-June 04
  • Location:UK
  • Interests:Current age: 22<br /><br />Current occupation: Auditor<br /><br />Interests: Reading, computer games, music, and Star Wars (obviously).<br /><br />Talents: Can't act, can't dance, can sing a little.<br /><br />Loves: Terry Pratchett's 'Discworld' series.<br /><br />Hates: Harry Potter. Surely I can't be the only one?
  • Country:United Kingdom

Posted 03 January 2005 - 11:15 AM

Well, the response so far has indeed been 100% positive, but then only two people appear to have read the stories. I wish more people would at least have a look at 'A Losing Battle', since how to portray a Jedi falling to the Dark Side is a topic we seem to be continually discussing in the Star Wars forum.
QUOTE
The sandpeople had women and children. We know this because Anakin killed them how could he tell? The children might be smaller but I never saw a sandperson with breasts. Did they hike their skirts and show him some leg or something?

QUOTE
Also, I can see the point of wanting to kidnap a human and use her as a slave, but they didn't. They tied her to a flimsy easel for a month. It's assumed they had to feed and give her water. What for? Was she purely ornamental? I can understand them wanting the droids, you can sell those for a lot of money, but a chick who's only skills are finding non-existand mushrooms and getting randomly pregnant, you're not going to get much.

- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
0

#6 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

  • -
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 4,140
  • Joined: 10-April 04
  • Gender:Not Telling
  • Country:Nothing Selected

Posted 04 January 2005 - 12:15 AM

Perhaps some advertising in the Star Wars forum would be in order. I personally would like top see Jariten read A Losing Battle - so he can see that not only do we think Anakin's fall to the dark side could be handled better but that some of us could do a very convincing job of it ourselves. And Helena, your explanation for someone's fall to the dark side is brilliant.
0

#7 User is offline   Helena Icon

  • Basher Extraordinaire
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,327
  • Joined: 01-June 04
  • Location:UK
  • Interests:Current age: 22<br /><br />Current occupation: Auditor<br /><br />Interests: Reading, computer games, music, and Star Wars (obviously).<br /><br />Talents: Can't act, can't dance, can sing a little.<br /><br />Loves: Terry Pratchett's 'Discworld' series.<br /><br />Hates: Harry Potter. Surely I can't be the only one?
  • Country:United Kingdom

Posted 04 January 2005 - 10:27 AM

The idea of 'advertising' my own stuff makes me cringe - it's with being English, you see... However, you might have a point about it getting more attention in the Star Wars forum. I'll think about it.
QUOTE
The sandpeople had women and children. We know this because Anakin killed them how could he tell? The children might be smaller but I never saw a sandperson with breasts. Did they hike their skirts and show him some leg or something?

QUOTE
Also, I can see the point of wanting to kidnap a human and use her as a slave, but they didn't. They tied her to a flimsy easel for a month. It's assumed they had to feed and give her water. What for? Was she purely ornamental? I can understand them wanting the droids, you can sell those for a lot of money, but a chick who's only skills are finding non-existand mushrooms and getting randomly pregnant, you're not going to get much.

- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
0

#8 User is offline   Slade Icon

  • Full of Bombs and/or Keys
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Head Moderator
  • Posts: 8,626
  • Joined: 30-November 03
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Columbia, SC
  • Interests:I like stuff.
  • Country:United States

Posted 04 January 2005 - 01:09 PM

I have to go to class soon, but I promise I'll read the whole thing when I get back and before I start my late night online gaming session.
This space for rent. Inquire within.
0

#9 User is offline   Helena Icon

  • Basher Extraordinaire
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,327
  • Joined: 01-June 04
  • Location:UK
  • Interests:Current age: 22<br /><br />Current occupation: Auditor<br /><br />Interests: Reading, computer games, music, and Star Wars (obviously).<br /><br />Talents: Can't act, can't dance, can sing a little.<br /><br />Loves: Terry Pratchett's 'Discworld' series.<br /><br />Hates: Harry Potter. Surely I can't be the only one?
  • Country:United Kingdom

Posted 17 January 2005 - 10:37 AM

Supes, if you're interested, I've just begun another story:

Destiny's Child

Please note that at no point in the story is there any mention whatsoever of Midichlorians. wink.gif
QUOTE
The sandpeople had women and children. We know this because Anakin killed them how could he tell? The children might be smaller but I never saw a sandperson with breasts. Did they hike their skirts and show him some leg or something?

QUOTE
Also, I can see the point of wanting to kidnap a human and use her as a slave, but they didn't. They tied her to a flimsy easel for a month. It's assumed they had to feed and give her water. What for? Was she purely ornamental? I can understand them wanting the droids, you can sell those for a lot of money, but a chick who's only skills are finding non-existand mushrooms and getting randomly pregnant, you're not going to get much.

- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
0

#10 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

  • -
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 4,140
  • Joined: 10-April 04
  • Gender:Not Telling
  • Country:Nothing Selected

Posted 17 January 2005 - 10:39 AM

Helena, that link didn't work. Try to post it again. I'd like to read it too. smile.gif
0

#11 User is offline   Helena Icon

  • Basher Extraordinaire
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,327
  • Joined: 01-June 04
  • Location:UK
  • Interests:Current age: 22<br /><br />Current occupation: Auditor<br /><br />Interests: Reading, computer games, music, and Star Wars (obviously).<br /><br />Talents: Can't act, can't dance, can sing a little.<br /><br />Loves: Terry Pratchett's 'Discworld' series.<br /><br />Hates: Harry Potter. Surely I can't be the only one?
  • Country:United Kingdom

Posted 17 January 2005 - 11:23 AM

QUOTE (Just your average movie goer @ Jan 17 2005, 04:39 PM)
Helena, that link didn't work.  Try to post it again.  I'd like to read it too.  smile.gif

It works for me, but I only recently posted the story so it might take a little while until everyone can see it. Have you tried pressing the 'refresh' button a few times?
QUOTE
The sandpeople had women and children. We know this because Anakin killed them how could he tell? The children might be smaller but I never saw a sandperson with breasts. Did they hike their skirts and show him some leg or something?

QUOTE
Also, I can see the point of wanting to kidnap a human and use her as a slave, but they didn't. They tied her to a flimsy easel for a month. It's assumed they had to feed and give her water. What for? Was she purely ornamental? I can understand them wanting the droids, you can sell those for a lot of money, but a chick who's only skills are finding non-existand mushrooms and getting randomly pregnant, you're not going to get much.

- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
0

#12 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

  • -
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 4,140
  • Joined: 10-April 04
  • Gender:Not Telling
  • Country:Nothing Selected

Posted 18 January 2005 - 12:08 AM

I tried. I just keep getting this "Story not found" message.

If it's not too big, maybe you could just post it here.
0

#13 User is offline   Helena Icon

  • Basher Extraordinaire
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,327
  • Joined: 01-June 04
  • Location:UK
  • Interests:Current age: 22<br /><br />Current occupation: Auditor<br /><br />Interests: Reading, computer games, music, and Star Wars (obviously).<br /><br />Talents: Can't act, can't dance, can sing a little.<br /><br />Loves: Terry Pratchett's 'Discworld' series.<br /><br />Hates: Harry Potter. Surely I can't be the only one?
  • Country:United Kingdom

Posted 18 January 2005 - 08:59 AM

The link definitely works for me. However, the link to my profile page is here; you can reach the story from there.
QUOTE
The sandpeople had women and children. We know this because Anakin killed them how could he tell? The children might be smaller but I never saw a sandperson with breasts. Did they hike their skirts and show him some leg or something?

QUOTE
Also, I can see the point of wanting to kidnap a human and use her as a slave, but they didn't. They tied her to a flimsy easel for a month. It's assumed they had to feed and give her water. What for? Was she purely ornamental? I can understand them wanting the droids, you can sell those for a lot of money, but a chick who's only skills are finding non-existand mushrooms and getting randomly pregnant, you're not going to get much.

- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
0

#14 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

  • -
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 4,140
  • Joined: 10-April 04
  • Gender:Not Telling
  • Country:Nothing Selected

Posted 18 January 2005 - 11:01 AM

Great. I've found it!

That was some very powerful stuff there. I was really moved by the by first part with the two families on each side of the barrier. There was something very real about this and you handled it with mature sensitivity and delivered a scene that was convincing and authentic.

You have a good grasp on writing about serious subject matter and this really comes across in this latest piece and your other fan fiction.

I have a small question though. At the top of the story, it says Part I. Is there a Part II yet or is it forthcoming?

Anyway, really good work. I wish more people would take the time to read it. However, if they don't, then I can honestly tell you that it's their loss.

Keep on writing, Helena. I hope one day you get the recognition you deserve.
0

#15 User is offline   Helena Icon

  • Basher Extraordinaire
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,327
  • Joined: 01-June 04
  • Location:UK
  • Interests:Current age: 22<br /><br />Current occupation: Auditor<br /><br />Interests: Reading, computer games, music, and Star Wars (obviously).<br /><br />Talents: Can't act, can't dance, can sing a little.<br /><br />Loves: Terry Pratchett's 'Discworld' series.<br /><br />Hates: Harry Potter. Surely I can't be the only one?
  • Country:United Kingdom

Posted 19 January 2005 - 10:09 AM

Yes, there will indeed be a Part Two, though I'm not sure how long it'll take as I have exams coming up (and I'm not very well at the moment, which doesn't help). I hope you're looking forward to the scene where Revan finds his long-lost mother dying in a Mandalorian camp, then goes beserk and kills everyone in the vicinity.

(Just kidding. wink.gif )
QUOTE
The sandpeople had women and children. We know this because Anakin killed them how could he tell? The children might be smaller but I never saw a sandperson with breasts. Did they hike their skirts and show him some leg or something?

QUOTE
Also, I can see the point of wanting to kidnap a human and use her as a slave, but they didn't. They tied her to a flimsy easel for a month. It's assumed they had to feed and give her water. What for? Was she purely ornamental? I can understand them wanting the droids, you can sell those for a lot of money, but a chick who's only skills are finding non-existand mushrooms and getting randomly pregnant, you're not going to get much.

- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
0

  • (3 Pages)
  • +
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


Fast Reply

  • Decrease editor size
  • Increase editor size