The Tragedy of Shmi and Midichloriansalone.
A play, by J M Hoffman.
-Opening scene, SHMI is out mushroom hunting while being whipped by the cruel SLAVE DRIVER DROID.
Shmi- Oh woe is me, to live a life of constant and pointless torture and be forced to hunt mushrooms. I doth wish my secret lover would come carry me away.
Slave driver droid- There shall be none of that ye wench. Get to the mushrooms straight away or I speed my whip to thy backside!
Shmi- Oh if thou knewest mine husband thou wouldst not say such things. He was an honorable man named Midichloriansalone.
Slave driver droid- What meanest thou? Dost thou speak of yon little things that enable men to use yon force?
Shmi- I know not of what thou speakest, my lord. Midichloriansalone was my husbands name but he left shortly after our son's birth, he did sayeth that he was unable to be a father considering his obligations.
Slave driver droid- Tell me truely of what his obligations were, or I shall throttle you thoroughly.
Shmi- I know not. All he told me was that he hath a magic easel that could heal well nigh any wound unless one of his blood should betray him.
Slave driver droid- Thou liest! -he beats her-
Shmi- I confess! Beat me no more my goodly lord! My husband is indeed a member of the Tatooine underground railroad.
Slave driver droid- Tell me his name then! Speak lest ye feel my backhand!
Shmi- Midichloriansalone! -This said as MIDICHLORIANSALONE appears and soundly defeats the slave driver droid-
Midichloriansalone- Dearest of mine own bosom! How came you by this plight? I always dreamed of being able to rescue you!
Shmi- Mine own husband! Take me in thy arms! The world groweth dark!
Midichloriansalone- Fear not my heart. I shall strap you straightaway to my magical healing easel.
-Exeunt MIDICHLORIANSALONE and SHMI. The slave driver droid stirs on the ground-
Slave driver droid- A thrashing like that is one seldom come by and seldom left unavenged. Cursed shall be the names of these renegades 'pon my lips until the day my hurts are repaid. Upon my head, I will not read ere both are dead. I go to my master.
-Exeunt SLAVE DRIVER DROID scene opens on the Lars ranch-
LARS- Why comest thou here in such poor condition, loyal servant?
Slave driver droid- because poor conditions come upon me. Shmi is escaped and I fear I may not live to revenge myself upon her.
Lars- Did none see what hath happened?
Slave driver droid- None but the two rebellious and wanton slaves.
Lars- There may be hope yet for their recapture. Her son cometh straight away and into his mind I shall plant the seeds of doubt. Go ye, get thee to a droid repair facility! -Exeunt SLAVE DRIVER DROID as Lars speaks an aside- Too often hath Shmi defied me. Methinks this time shall be her last. For her husband now revealed, shall soon feel his own sons saber flash!
-The scene moves to a village of rebel slaves and Tusken raiders as MIDICHLORIANSALONE ties SHMI to the magical healing easel-
Midichloriansalone- Here my love wilt thou be safe. Thy injuries are dire but if the power of my magic healing easel shalt hold through the night you shall be saved.
Shmi- I fear neither of us can be saved my lord. For Lars is a vengeful man once his ire awaketh.
Midichloriansalone- There is yet hope. I feel a great disturbance in the force. Perhaps it is our son come to despatch yon villain.
-Meanwhile, at the Lars place, ANAKIN talks with LARS-
Anakin- Dost thou mean that my goodly dame hath been taken and tortured by sand people?
Lars- Would that it were not so young Anakin! Oh woe is me, and she too be my wife this next day!
Anakin- Me thinks that thou dost over-act. Perhaps ye should to speak truly lest ye feel the cut of my saber.
Lars- Truly I do speak sir. Thou shalt find thy mother in the sand people village. Tend to her, and kill the one who holds her, for he is a villain.
Anakin- Always hath my goodly companion Palpatine told me to trust people who aren't Jedi. Thou dost not seem to be one, and so I shall go and I'll do and I'll do and I'll run them through!
-The scene cuts to the tent containing the magical healing easel. SHMI and MIDICHLORIANSALONE are within.-
Shmi- Thy easels power doth lessen my lord.
Midichloriansalone- Impossible! I shall go out to discover the reason for such. Fear not my love, for you shall be safe.
-Exeunt MIDICHLORIANSALONE, enter ANAKIN.-
Shmi- My son? Is that you? I can see that thou hast betrated thy father... I am sped... -Dies-
Anakin- Oh cruel fate! Why dost thou mock me!
-Reenter MIDICHLORIANSALONE-
Midichloriansalone- What hast thou done my son? Thy mother dead and by thy betrayal! Only by thee could the powers of yon magic healing easel be anulled! Life holds no more laughter for me, and thus I must speed it to a close! Out, out brief candle! -He falls upon his own sword-
Anakin- What ho! Thou wast my father! Thou wast my mother! Both dead by mine own foolishness! The capital of my crimes weighs heavily 'pon my shoulders and to spare the weight I too must die -He falls upon his own sword-
-Enter LARS family and Sanpeople, narrator speaks-
Lars- From the loins of this cursed desert a trio of starr cross'd wierdos take their life. Not but their own deaths could end our strife... Or something.
Sandpeople- Verily and well hast thou spoken. Let us celebrate by randomly shooting at ye olde pod racers!
-Exeunt all, que curtain. Fin-
This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 03 January 2005 - 11:29 AM