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Why The Empire Strikes Back is rubbish Becuse it really is

#16 User is offline   Hannibal Icon

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Posted 26 November 2004 - 02:07 PM

Fun Fact #2


John Milius says at one point that he thought George Lucas was going to get into making pornography because it was less stressful and more lucrative than working in the Hollywood system.

Source: Easy Riders Raging Bulls, now available on video.
"Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities also has the power to make you commit atrocities."
~ Voltaire (1694-1778)


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#17 User is offline   Despondent Icon

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Posted 26 November 2004 - 09:58 PM

QUOTE (Hannibal @ Nov 26 2004, 02:07 PM)
Fun Fact #2


John Milius says at one point that he thought George Lucas was...



I know. you told us last time.

Empire has earned its place in the hallowed hearts of many true fans.

I'll agree that it was a delightful post which began this thread. I've laughed long and hard these past couple of days, and I'm glad the forum has contributed. but your aim is like throwing darts at a dirigible in my mind. Ok, so you've a chance to bring it down so throw (yawn, chuckle. chortle.) You may amuse, but you won't change my mind concerning ESB. Perhaps now a number of us can appreciate Jariten on another level. but that's a subgroup to themselves.

Had been sending probes it said. So, what makes you think they just started a day ago? I can live with this. Well, what's for lunch tongue.gif

The Han and Luke Hoth hell of frost episode: I can accept this also. Every James Bond flick begins with him risking his life somehow. What's the point of that? We know Bond won't be hospitalized for the movie.

The energy is cheap, so are lives spent lament was a good point. Since they didn't slow the empire's progress much, why not simply evacuate as they had that reasonable ability. The sooner the better right? leave this wastehole of set piece and interesting change-of-climate behind and the sooner the better. I still like the breath-frost better than swimming with robes.

bang the falcon back to life was a decent gag. A sense of stability in time of change. Disco was dead and New wave had washed, while actual living interested star wars fans got the sequel they had indeed waited for. And I liked the little gun. It bothered me more where the falcon went from three landing struts to four, but you don't seem to mind. Forget I brought it up.

Luke's cutting class and taking off has always shown me an easy exit. I'm not sure that's a good lesson.

Vader and the emperor: the son of skywalker. Later film A Christmas Story would present a similar reaction to Vader's; Ralphie, at Santa's throne forgets his quest for the gun and in a drifted state agrees "(duh) football..." Still, we were introduced to the crux of the six (nine? twelve? what was the betting line back then?) film series. The central character of the emperor who was recast for Jedi and subsequent prequels.

Artoo in bespin at the sill: that always bugged me too. And it was a little like a house of fun adventure. But I actually liked that facet.

overall a hilarious post, and you're not changing my mind. smile.gif
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#18 User is offline   Xombie Icon

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Posted 27 November 2004 - 02:16 AM

Just imagine how bad Lucas porn would actually be:

Leia (a college sophomore): Thanks, Luke, for helping me move into this beachhouse.

Luke (a member of the football team): No problem Leia. (Stares at Leia)

Leia: But we've tracked sand all over the house.

Luke: I hate sand. Its gritty and hard. Its not soft and wet. (Stares at Leia for five minutes) Like your pussy.

Leia: Mmmmmm. Let's fuck.

Boomchickaboomboomchikaboomboom

After the release of his hit, Ass Humpers, Lucas rereleases it the following year as Ass Humpers IV: A New Rump, claiming that its actually the second in a projected 15 trilogies. After only three movies, however, Lucas retires to concentrate on his ass toy merchandising empire.
Twenty years, a stomach stapling, and two bankruptcies later, Lucas rereleases Ass Humpers to video in a "special edition" that he calls "Humpovision," a bizarre 3D process that make the asses on screen appear to come off the screen. The momentary interest in the rerelease convinces Lucas that the time has come to complete his "masterpiece."
The films are met with universal scorn. As critics point out, as opposed to the original trilogy, the new Ass Humper films contain barely any ass humping at all except for obnoxious product placement of a variety of his THX butt toys. Instead half the film is taken up with a white man in black face walking around like some lost minstrel clown saying things like "I do declare, I shore do be lookin for an ass humper." The character, Juju Blackie Black Binks, is considered so racially offensive that the Ass Fuck Video Review Monthly refuses to review it. Fans of the original trilogy hold out hope with each film. "Just wait!" they declare. "Ass Humpers 1 and 2 are just the set up. The third one is gonna be just balls to the wall ass humping!" Alas, the third film proves the greatest dissappointment of all as it is nothing more than one long shot of Lucas in his kitchen, apparently drunk, ranting to the camera about the IRS, unnamed "bitches" and "no talent fucks" like John Milius and Steven Spielberg.
Clearly Lucas has lost whatever touch he might once have had with his audience.
Even now, Lucas lives as a hermit, at his ranch working on yet another special edition of his original trilogy. For this one, he delclares, all the beautiful women will be digitally replaced by sock puppets. "I know this will upset some of the fans," he tells Whateverhappened to thoselosersfromthe70s.com "But this was always my vision. Back then we didn't have the technology to assfuck a sock puppet. We had to use live actresses. But now, at last, my vision is complete"
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#19 User is offline   jariten Icon

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Posted 27 November 2004 - 06:52 AM

QUOTE
Perhaps now a number of us can appreciate Jariten on another level. but that's a subgroup to themselves


yeah I heard about that. I think the group is called 'star wars fan convention' or something...
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#20 User is offline   njamilla Icon

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Posted 27 November 2004 - 11:33 AM

Oh, Azerty. You know the best part about ESB was how cheezy it was. And despite all the technical flaws, it was the quirkiness of the characters which made SW different from Space 1999, The Angry Red Planet, Zardoz, and Silent Running. It was adventure and the sequel wasn't a carbon copy of the original.

OK, so it's not food for the brain. I'll give you that.

Like your pussy.

ROFLOL
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#21 User is offline   littlejerryseinfeld Icon

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Posted 27 November 2004 - 02:21 PM

where is JYAMG when we need him??
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#22 User is offline   Hannibal Icon

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Posted 27 November 2004 - 04:14 PM

Fun Fact #3


"I'm going to make five times as much money as Francis on these science-fiction toys and I won't have to make 'The Godfather,'" he boasted to cult filmmaker John Milius. "I've made what I consider the most conventional kind of movie I can possibly make."

Source: "Skywalking" The Life and Films of George Lucas, available at libraries everywhere.
"Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities also has the power to make you commit atrocities."
~ Voltaire (1694-1778)


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#23 User is offline   Stongbah Icon

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Posted 27 November 2004 - 11:05 PM

Would you kindly remove yourself from this universe?
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#24 User is offline   Hannibal Icon

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Posted 28 November 2004 - 03:28 AM

Fun Fact# 4


"I'm going to go from complete success to complete failure," he told me, without a wink or a smile. On the contrary, Lucas said he anticipates utter rejection from his fans once Star Wars concludes.

Source: Roger Friedman, Fox News
"Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities also has the power to make you commit atrocities."
~ Voltaire (1694-1778)


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#25 User is offline   jariten Icon

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Posted 28 November 2004 - 04:48 AM

Hannibal you seemed to calm down with posting all this random shit for a while now it looks like your back on it again.

just stop it. NO ONE CARES
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#26 User is offline   Hannibal Icon

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Posted 28 November 2004 - 05:09 AM

Yes, because you demand it. Yes, oh of course I will. They're hardly random. Stop your whining.
"Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities also has the power to make you commit atrocities."
~ Voltaire (1694-1778)


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#27 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 28 November 2004 - 06:00 AM

Fun fact #7530000000



George Lucas, in a conversation with Oscar Wilde, once commented "I like to kill people sometimes, but only on tuesday."

Source: Things that never happened and the people who hallucinated them.

Fun fact #7530675400



George Lucas wants to make money off of Star Wars. No, really it's true! Can you imagine the audacity! Why, sometimes he even says things he might regret later on!

Source: C++ Technical manual.

Fun fact #Ate



This one time, I was really drunk, and then George Lucas comes up to me all like
"Whassup, whassup, what you want" And I was like "Man I don't want nothin wit you." and he was all like "yeah, that's right. Now go make me a sandwhich biatch."

Source: This one guy I met on AOL who is, like, totally reliable.


In non satyrical news, Xombie, that was incredibly funny, especially the part about sock puppet technology. I'm sorry your work got lost amid Hannibal's random and groping Lucas bashing but stick with us, he'll tire himself out.

This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 28 November 2004 - 06:06 AM

Quote

I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#28 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

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Posted 28 November 2004 - 10:55 AM

That was great, JM! smile.gif

Oh and Hannibal... can you just sod off and don't come back? Or is that too much to ask?

This post has been edited by Just your average movie goer: 28 November 2004 - 10:56 AM

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#29 User is offline   Chefelf Icon

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Posted 28 November 2004 - 11:05 AM

QUOTE (J m HofMarN @ Nov 25 2004, 07:32 PM)
I have dispatched the three ghosts of trilogies past to come to your house and teach you the true meaning of starwars.

You didn't like Yoda, you didn't like the battle of Hoth. Is it possible you just dont like anything?


But don't you realize, that's exactly what a Prequel gusher would say about a prequel basher's arguments?
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#30 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

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Posted 28 November 2004 - 11:06 AM

Oh yeah, the main point of this thread....

Well, I love The Empire Strikes Back. It is a showpiece of the Star Wars saga. It's got flaws... plenty of flaws.

How about Darth Vader's plan to get Luke... torturing his friends on the off-chance that Luke might sense it through the force and know exactly where to find him.

But the thing is that despite all this, it's an incredible movie.

Now I don't think anyone has to like it if they don't. It's okay not to like it.

However, if you don't like the showpiece of the entire Star Wars series, then I just wonder why you'd bother hanging around a Star Wars forum. That's all.
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