[Chyld]

Well said, methinx. But methinx there's more stupid cunts like said trout-nose in the Universe.

I was watching some drivel with Tara Parker-Tomkinson in it (it may well have been I'm A Celebrity Hasbeen, Get Me Five Minutes Of Fame Before I Fade Away"), and I was intrigued. Who was this dopey woman, and what was she famous for?

"That Tarablablabla, what's she famous for?" I asked my venerable mother.

"Dunno. I think she's related to the Royal Family" came the reply, approximated.

We now have two examples of women who are famous for having lots of money, and that's about it. Jesus Christ, even the idiots who act in Eastenders are famous for a reason - they"act" in a soap full of Cockney wankers. It's a bad reason, but at least its a reason.

Knife 'em all, I says.

[LsTr_Of_SmG]

I agree although personally I'd shoot them less of a mess and not as incrimanting as you dont get as covered in blood... Or you can use the way of the ninja

[Jane Sherwood]

But a knife is so much more fun! It has more of a personal touch and gives you more room for creativity than just shooting someone does. With a gun, it's just a "bang" and they're dead, but with a knife, you can make it last as long as you like...



...Although, blood is hell to get out of clothing.

[Chyld]

Plus, with non-ranged implements of pain, you can do it to music! Knife to the 1812 Overture! Chainsaw along to the aforementioned "Gilded Cunt"! Smack the bitch up to the Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up"! Etcetera!

[SimeSublime]

Rather then a knife, may I suggest a scaple. It's just that much more sinister.

[Brick McRunfast]

Scalple has the advantage of sharpness, but it lacks the range of a butcher knife or the inherent drama of a chainsaw.
On the plus side, if your victim is chained/strapped down, the salple is an excelent torture tool. Slash your initials into their abdomen, carve a smiley into their nipple, whatever tickles your fancy.

[Yahtzee]

Yeah, you keep talking about physical mutilation like the bunch of nerdy posers you are. If you'd read the article more closely you'd know I don't want to physically torture her - references to stomachs exploding aside - or kill her. I want her to be psychologically ruined. I want her spirit crushed.

Steal someone away and chainsaw her to bits will only make her the martyr, the tragic figure. I want to see her left with nothing, with absolutely no-one who can help her, in a world that holds her beneath contempt. That is the only fate I would be satisfied with. After that, rape and death becomes the optional extra.

[Brick McRunfast]

After that, rape and death becomes the optional extra.

Ah, but what fine extras they are.

By the way, you would have an amazingly hard time lowering Paris Hilton. Even if you succeded in stripping her of all she had, I think she'd lack the awareness to know what happened.

[Icey]

If physical torture would only give her what she wants luxury should only increase her psychological torture, but then again she's used to having everything...

So what we really need is a Prince Charming to sweep her off her feet and marry her, then introduce TONS of sexually appealing men which she will cheat on him with, torturing her soul and ripping her from the insides, ultimately leading to suicide! Too bad about the other twats that got to shag her, don't know how it would affect them.

[FastEddie]

You can't really win by killing these people. A really dehabilitating disease would probably work to crush her ego a bit. Something along the lines of leprosy. Alternatively, dumping them in a hostile environment with no money, tv cameras or points of reference would probably work pretty well. I could sleep better at night knowing that paris hilton was lost and alone in, oh, say, Iraq. Or somewhere in africa.

[J m HofMarN]

The problem is no matter where you put her it will turn into a reality show. Even Afghanistan.

"Oh this burqa is SO not my color. Hey who's that guy over their in the beard and the robes condemning the US. He's like TOTALLY hot."

No. Yahtz, take my suggestion. Do things properly and just challenge her to a duel. There are enough of us on here to spread it around and you can't very well be arrested for just asking someone to fight you since it's not a threat. We could start a web campaign and everyone could post a little banner on their site that says "Paris Hilton should have a duel with Yahtzee" and we could bother the hell out of people on her message boards and stuff. Hell if they think it would get good ratings they might even have her agree to it. Duels were made for this kind of thing and I'm a quite decent swordsman so I could loan you a weapon and some helpful hints.

What does everyone say could our boy Yahtzee take this blonde twat? Huh?

This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 16 November 2004 - 08:01 AM

[Chyld]

I personally do like the "psychologically wrecking her" approach, but a duel works equally as well...

"In the red corner, Yahtzee, slightly famous for being cynical, and writing a load of well-renowned point-and-click games.

In the blue corner, Paris Hilton, very famous for little good reason at all."

Hell, I'd watch it, film it, and handle the betting...

[Jane Sherwood]

Yeah, you keep talking about physical mutilation like the bunch of nerdy posers you are. If you'd read the article more closely you'd know I don't want to physically torture her - references to stomachs exploding aside - or kill her. I want her to be psychologically ruined. I want her spirit crushed.

I did realize that, I just wanted to have a bit of fun. But calling us nerdy little posers? I'd like to see you put your money where your mouth is...

I am actually indifferent to Paris Hilton. Maybe it's because I haven't had proper access to a TV since August, but I couldn't care less about the spoiled little bitch. To me, she's one of those people who don’t even deserve to be thought about.

Psychological torture? That's more of Azrael's area...

[Dark Comet]

Maybe if every person on the planet ignored her, she'd vanish in a puff of logic or something.

[Brick McRunfast]

Nah, she'd grow three hundred feet taller, spines would shoot out of her back, and she'd become Uber-Hilton. I've seen it happen, and it ain't pretty.