Chapter ten: The dramatic cliffhanger
We sat down outside the dark and horrible castle as the battle raged on inside. There was the sound of dice being rolled and arguments about "stats" and "disciplines" and "saving throws" and all sorts of other mysterious things.
I decided to take the opportunity to get to know Gilliam better before his impending death arrived.
"Heya Gilliam." I said cheerfully as we all looked to the castle, concerned about our friend who stabbed us sometimes.
"Hi." He said as he looked to the dark structure.
"Would you tell me a bit about yourself?" I asked.
"Well of course. I was created on Tuesday like everyone else. My mother was a tailor. She sewed my new blue jeans." I noticed he wasn't even wearing blue jeans but thought it best not to interupt for now. "My father was a gambling man down in..." I cut him off, getting tired of his story as he didn't really require any history what with his certain demise and all.
"That's touching. Shut up now." With that I walked away to talk to someone who actually mattered.
"Hello my dwarven friend, howabout a pint to while away the time until we learn the destiny of our companion?" I asked pleasantly, producing a tankard of ale from nowhere-
"Please don't, I'm horrible with liquer..." He pleaded.
"Damn it man you're a dwarf so get drinking!" I chided him.
He downed the tankard as quickly as he could, groaning a bit as he did and I looked at him expectantly for the natural "ach laddy" and whiping of beard.
"Ach laddy..." He said petulantly before whiping his dripping chin.
"Much better!" I praised him. "So what mountain do you live under?"
"Ummm... a tall one I suppose." He guessed.
"What was your job there?" I inquired.
"Ummm..." He stopped for a hiccup. "mining." He improvised.
"Mining what?" I asked curiously.
"Ummm... corn???" He replied in confusion as he began to sway a bit. "I like corn... I'm sorry but I'm not very good at this, of course I had to be a good sport about it and all since that nameless wizard asked me."
"I thought you knew his name." I said.
"I thought
you knew his name!" Cried my dwarven allie and began to laugh drunkenly.
Phil passed by just at that moment and we both looked at him. "Hello there. Worrying about SW I see."
"No, actually I was wondering just what your na..." I tried to ask but he stopped me.
"I said... Wondering about SW I see." His voice was firm, more stating that we'd been wondering about SW than asking.
"Oh ummm yes of course. I hope he's ok." I nodded.
"Hey! I know a guy named SW!" Laughed the dwarf as he wobbled.
"Ummm I'm sure you do. I'm sure he'll be ok, he's a strong one." Replied the wizard.
"What exactly do you know about him? He seems dark and mysterious... laddy." The swaying dwarf remembered to add 'laddy' into his words and we both nodded our approval as the wizard spoke to allay our curiousities.
"All I can say," Said Phil sagely. "Is that he is not as dark as he is unknown. However he is more of an enigma than he is dark but less mysterious than he is an enigma. Also he is more unknown than mysterious. Could it be said that he is as dark as he is mysterious?"
We both blinked and quickly shut up, fearing the wizard's superior knowledge of equations, though Crotch did fall over once while I spoke.
"So you think he's ok?"
"I'm not sure." Replied Phil. "Actually I've been trying to find out whether he's as dark as he is mysterious ever since we left."
"Ah." Nodded Gilliam in understanding as he came over. "You guys don't mind if I go to look for some healing herbs incase SW is hurt when he comes out, do you?"
"Not at all, feel free to go off alone." We all said.
We waited for about an hour, hearing cries of "Let me see your character sheet!" and "That's not what it says about that spell in my book!" coming from the castle and not daring to venture forth to see what was going on. Finally we went off after Gilliam.
The scene that greeted us when we entered a nearby grove of trees was one of unspeakable horror. There were arrows everywhere and blood as well and salt, suggesting that some horrible ritual had been cast to torment his eternal soul.
Pinecone knelt down and growled. "These are orc arrows."
"How can you tell?" I asked. "Is it because of your superior elven sight?" I asked rhetorically.
"How could he not tell you numbnuts, who else goes about shooting adventurers?" Asked Randylyl the mad as he picked one up.
"Speak only when you have given up madness for reason!" Yelled Phil, apparently edgy over our beloved colleague's death.
"Oh Gilliam!" Cried Zorbilliam. "We hardly knew ye! Not that we tried too hard or anything but... I need to be held!" He broke down into sobs as Crotch tried to soothe him. "He was my bestest friend. I love him man... We were tight you know." He paused to hiccup. "Wow my stomach feels like its eating itself..." Crotch began to cry then and wondered off to vomit.
However as we all began our lament the bushes rustled. Assuming it was an errant orc Phil took an apple from his pack and cast a throw apple spell. To our great surprise Gilliam popped out of the bushes, narrowly avoiding what could have been a deadly apple.
"Hey guys, I met some orcs and they invited me to their village for dinner. They're not so bad once you get to know them." This drew gasps from the rest of us and Pinecone, mindful of his races enmity that had existed against orcs ever since tuesday, spoke up first.
"What you mean. There blood everywhere." He demanded.
"Oh that, the orcs slaughtered a deer to eat and we were so happy we dropped our quivers and ran to their village to start cooking it. We were going to pick our arrows up on the way back." He explained.
"Orcs slaughter deer?!" Raged Pinecone. "Orcs must die!"
"No no!" Gilliam protested. "They even did it kosher, right Rabbi Inbal?" He pointed to a figure dressed in black with two strands of curly hair coming out infront of his ears from beneath an odd hat. "Rightorouni!" Called the figure, giving a thumbs up and speaking in an accent that sounded like someone speaking common while clearing their throat.
Phil smiled at this and nodded. "Thank you Gilliam, I think we've seen all we need to see. We know what happened right guys?"
"You mean that the orcs are plotting with the Jews to take over the world laddy?" Asked Crotch.
"Precisely. And I think duchess Clin-ton may be involved as well. We must slaughter them all!" This drew a cheer from all the party except Randylyl.
"Oy Givault!" Cried Rabbi Inbal.
"But if the assumption that the Jews already control all the world's wealth is correct than why would they need to take over? And couldn't they afford better foot soldiers than orcs and... Damn it you could at least wait to murder the Rabbi til after I finish. Hey where are you going? Why are you moving so quietely towards the orc village?... Guys... Guys?"
Randylyl's voice trailed off as we left the scene of the first slaying and moved into the orc village, hacking them to death as well and then returning to collect Randylyl, who went into one of his fits of madness upon seeing us and had to be forcibly dragged with us to prevent his wondering off.
"Blarghable!" He cried. "You could at least wash the blood off your hands before touching me!" He ranted, probably talking to himself or something. We made it back in good time since he was light and as we arrived infront of the looming fortress we saw a figure staggering out of it...
This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 21 November 2004 - 08:00 AM