[Just your average movie goer]

A great chapter, JM. I liked the alternative narrative voice at the start too. But having a go at the whole collapsing castle thing was brilliant.

[Despondent]

I dug it too. As usual, when it all falls apart, things really come together for me.

[J m HofMarN]

Regretably this project must go on hold for a time while I work on something more graphic and interesting. I need someone to direct me to a place where I can host a few images without a great deal of signing up and without spending a dime.

[Madam Corvax]

Regretably this project must go on hold for a time while I work on something more graphic and interesting. I need someone to direct me to a place where I can host a few images without a great deal of signing up and without spending a dime.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

imageshack.us

This piece of knowledge was shared with my by JYAMG a long time ago, but it was only a couple of weeks ago that I actually used it. No registration, no money necessary. It worked for a lamer like me, so I can't wait for this "more graphic" thing

[J m HofMarN]

Ummm forget the more graphic part. The prequels are my work for the next week or so. I spent about 5 hours tonight working on Ep 1 and by the time I was done iwth the plot it looked like a chapter from a novel so I just posted it sans images. I really wanted to put pointy ears, brown hair and a chef hat on Yoda though...

[J m HofMarN]

Alrighty, let's get some more reviews going and I'll see about restarting TEAMJOGTG

[SimeSublime]

Ready and waiting to see what happnes. And you can't drop it now, you haven't reached the gnomes yet!

[J m HofMarN]

Good heavens I nearly forgot the gnomes. At the moment they're on the other side of the continent so that might take a while, but it'll happen.

[J m HofMarN]

Chapter twelve: In which our heroes meet the foot elves.

It's strange, between major events or things of particular pertinence to the story the heroes generally don't do anything except boring marching and it can be passed over quietely by the chronicler. However our journey was different. At one point we all thought Gilliam had been eaten by a bishonin (a creature who's face is that of a girl but who's body slightly resembles that of a man) but it turns out he made friends with it. Luckily we were still able to kill it.

Next we entered into a lengthy adventure with a halfling boatswain on a part of the river of misery. He taught us that it's not the size of the boat, it's the quiver of the river. He especially made sure that Crotch learned this lesson. Make of this what you will.

After that Pinecone entered into a pleasurable series of events that taught the party the true meaning of Ash Wednesday, even though it wasn't wednesday at the time and the holiday had only been invented on wednesday to celbrate the one day aniversary of the world. Also, I died but I came back so it's ok and we overthrew three evil overlords and one of the dark gods.

Like I was saying nothing of great interest happened on our way to the mountains of death.. Of course this might be blamed on the laziness of the author but when I thought of this I suddenly developed some sort of strange foot fungus, and quickly banished the thought.

When we began to have adventures that are of significant interest to be documented here, we were in the foothills of the mountains of death. They are called so because they are home to the valley of death. The valley of death is home to the glen of death. The glen of death is home to the cabin of death. Near to the cabin of death lies the shed of death. In the shed of death can be found the box of death and some shovels and rakes and various other yard care implements not particularly death-ish. However, in the box of death is the jar of death. In the jar of death is the breath mint of death. It is spearmint flavored. It was named by an idiot.

From the breath mint of death all the other things of death gained their names and so on and so forth. Such is the lore that Phil told us about the mountains of death. However at the moment the mountains of death were beyond the foot hills of death and in these foot hills dwelled the most detested race on the planet - foot elves. It is rumored that the evil robear created the orcs from a create your own orc kit he bought at evil mart. Failing that theory (called "creationism") it is also rumored that they were a natural evolution of the foot elves, trying to make themselves a less hideous race. This theory of evolution is commonly known as "craziness".

Anyhow it was in the foot hills of the mountains of death that we met the foot elves. They took the form of large feet with pointy ears.

"Hello" Said one of the horrid creatures.

"Oh dear gods, why have you forsaken us!" Cried Zorbilliam. "Not the foot elves!" He lamented his fate.

"We're not as bad as they say you know." Said the foot elf, who smelled of foot.

"Ach laddy, they're even worse than normal elves!" Grunted Crotch.

"Speak not poorly of us master dwarf. Our bows would be able to skewer you from a great distance. And our elven ears can hear the slightest murmur behind your beard. Remember that you are in a foot elf village, and hatred has existed between elves and dwarves ever since tuesday."

"Why is that? And how the hell could you wield bows now that I think of it? You're just feet." Asked Randylyl the mad.

The foot elven spokesman looked crestfallen. "That dosn't mean we don't have feelings. We're not supposed to be feet, the Dee-Em just thought it would be funny to play a joke on us the son of a b--" He stopped speaking as he was suddenly smashed by a meteor and another of the foot elves came to continue as we stood in awe of the god's power.

"Elves are named for the places they reside. Thusly there are wood elves, sea elves, strait elves, not-strait elves (we're kinda careful around these guys), plains elves, chef elves, and foot elves."

He looked as though he would continue but Randylyl butted in, as he is a lunatic and all. "That's rather silly. How could elves live inside chefs? Do they pay rent?"

"No of course not! Chef elves is just the name for kitchen elves because chefelves sounds better. And don't even ask why high elves are called high elves. They council hard but they can party harder!"

"And we're going to seek advice from them why?" Randylyl asked the party.

"Because you fool, they are wise and ancient." Replied Phil with limited patience.

"But how ancient can they be if the world only began on tuesday?" Asked Randylyl.

"I cast spell: Throw randylyl into a foot elf!" Cried Phil the unimaginably powerful wizard. With but a slight push of Phil's hand against Randylyl's chest the insane one flew back several feet and stumbled into a foot elf.

"Ew grossness I have foot elf on me!" He cried.

"Ew grossnes I have non-foot human on me!" Wailed the elf.

Just then, and for no apparent reason, the god of the foot elves chose to descend. A giant paper cut out foot was lowered down and smashed the town to bits, for the foot elves had apparently been disloyal to their god. And so we decided to carry on and start into the mountains of death where we made camp, but not quite so camp as to be cheeky.

This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 03 December 2004 - 08:25 AM

[SimeSublime]

That was great. Nice to see you back on track. To be honest, I much prefer this to the Starwars prequels.

[Just your average movie goer]

Saying it's better than a bunch of movies none of us can stand is hardly praise, Sime.

Don't worry, JM. I thought it was fantastic. You are doing a A-class job with this and as Sime already said, it's good to see this project going ahead again. We've missed Glamis and his mates.

[Chyld]

Only just found said story, and is good.

When we began to have adventures that are of significant interest to be documented here, we were in the foothills of the mountains of death. They are called so because they are home to the valley of death. The valley of death is home to the glen of death. The glen of death is home to the cabin of death. Near to the cabin of death lies the shed of death. In the shed of death can be found the box of death and some shovels and rakes and various other yard care implements not particularly death-ish. However, in the box of death is the jar of death. In the jar of death is the breath mint of death. It is spearmint flavored. It was named by an idiot.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

For example...

[SimeSublime]

My bad, I meant to say I prefer Glamis over JM's prequels, which were good, but nothing compared to this.

[J m HofMarN]

Thanks for all the encouragement guys, this means a lot especially now. There'll be a new chapter tonight, god willing.

[Despondent]

I suppose the valley of death contains Death's Vale

keep it up, commie. I mean Hoffie. Whatever, you're a decent guy.