Chefelf.com Night Life: ReLaTiOnShIpAdViCe!1! - Chefelf.com Night Life

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ReLaTiOnShIpAdViCe!1!

#1 User is offline   Creaux Icon

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Posted 03 November 2004 - 02:00 AM

Ok. So, I'm in a new town, and at a new school, and have to meet all new people. Typical transfer student situation. So, I got pretty depressed for loneliness, especially girl-friend wise, as I haven't had a normal relationship for over a year.

I've met a handful of girls up here, some of which have expressed interest in me, relationship-wise. Now, I'm sort of picky when it comes to girl friends. I really don't think I could be a boyfriend to one of the two even if I tried to make myself. But, I do think they are cool people, and I do want to keep them as friends.

The point of this isn't so much asking about how to find a girlfriend, as I'm patient (and I have more possibilities yet, dammit!), so much as how to let someone know I'm not interested in a kind manner.

Complicating the matter is the fact that my no. 1 prospect is in the same circle of friends (anime club) as one of the people who wants my bootie.

Any advice?
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#2 User is offline   Slade Icon

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Posted 03 November 2004 - 10:54 AM

Yow... I wish I could help you, but I've only had one relationship, and I wouldn't call it normal, or educational, in any way. I'm still on square -3 in the relationship department. Not only can I not find one, I wouldn't know what to do if I did. But my own griped are beside the point.

Speaking from my vast lack of experience, I say let these people know you're not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with them, and if they truely are your friends, they won't try to fuck everything up with the other girl.
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#3 User is offline   Amber-Nicole Icon

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Post icon  Posted 03 November 2004 - 05:43 PM

http://www.aimgirl.com/talk/


...Nope. I'm only kididng. Please don't go there. Unless you want a good laugh. biggrin.gif
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#4 User is offline   Laura Icon

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Posted 03 November 2004 - 06:07 PM

Honestly, if I were in the situation-- which is, as I understand it, somebody (call them Sir Edmund Hillary) apparently wants to date me, and I don't want to date them, but I want to keep them as a friend-- I would just pretend not to notice Sir Edmund's advances and keep hanging out with him/her in strictly platonic situations (generally in big groups). I would NOT allow myself to be caught in a date-like situation with Sir Edmund. Meanwhile, I would continue to look or not look for a relationship elsewhere, as if he/she were not an issue (in keeping with my feigned lack of realization of his/her interest).

If forced into a direct realization-- like if Sir Edmund cornered me and asked me out or told me he/she liked me-- I would simply say "I'm sorry, I'm not looking for a relationship right now." Or, if I was dating/interested in someone else, I would say "I'm sorry, my affections are engaged elsewhere" but decline to say where. Or, "I'm really sorry-- I'm just not interested." DON'T-- and this is key-- DON'T SAY WHY. At most, shrug and say "Matters of the heart are always confounding. I'm awfully sorry if you're upset. I hope we can still be friends."

The basic tenets of my method of interpersonal interactions are: avoiding confrontational situations, not saying anything unless confronted, and if confronted saying something diplomatic, apologetic, and honest, yet vague. The advantages are numerous; if you're mistaken, you won't make an ass of yourself; and if you don't call attention to the situation, it's more likely to blow over uneventfully. The main disadvantage is that it's not very satisfying for melodramatic people. I guess you also run the risk of leading her on by not saying anything right away, but you don't want to look like a jackass by presuming that she likes you.
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#5 User is offline   civilian_number_two Icon

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Posted 03 November 2004 - 10:48 PM

I'll try to read between the lines: This gal is giving you all sorts of positive attention, and everyone and their dog already thinks of the two of your asa couple, since you like the attention and you've been leading her on. Meanwhile, she's not as pretty as this other girl you find attractive but aren't sure about. You're afraid to make your move on the pretty girl, since you might fail, and in failing will piss off the girl who likes you, who you would like to keep around since you get a kick out of her, even though you're leading her on and will eventually get called on it.

If I'm wrong, I apologize. However if I have called this, you're screwed. You have short odds on winning over the pretty girl right now, since she thinks you're with the other one, and you'll look like an idiot trying to make it with two girls from the exact same social set at the same time. Pretty thing won't want to be the bad girl, and unless she's let you know she's interested in you, she's interested in somebody else, possibly not even in the Anime club. You are guaranteed to piss off the girl who's already made a fool of herself for you, and all of her friends as well, including any guys who might actually be interested in her.

The long shot: If friend-girl hooks up with another guy before you ask out hotty hot stuff, then you're off the hook. Since this occurs in about 1 in ever 1000 romantic situations of this sort, I can count on you getting knocked to the pavement by both girls pretty soon, left all alone to commiserate with your little yellow-haired talking dog (Anime club ... work with me people).


I would support Laura 100%, as I usually do (she's usually right), except as I said above, I think you're holding out on us. Come on: what happened at that Hallowe'en party?
"I had a lot of different ideas. At one point, Luke, Leia and Ben were all going to be little people, and we did screen tests to see if we could do that." -George Lucas, in STAR WARS: the Annotated Screenplays (p197).
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#6 User is offline   Creaux Icon

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Posted 03 November 2004 - 11:04 PM

Well, the 2nd anime club meeting I have attended was last Thursday, and a Halloween party was announced. I had been chatting with a few people there, but not to any great legnth. I overhear someone say that they need a way to get there, and as I have a car, I volunteer my services, as this is a good excuse for me to get to the party, and I want to meet people, and this girl is a person.

I arrive to pick her up, and by chance, we're both wearing maroon-based medieval outfits. Ok. We chat about light stuff on the way there. She takes things like astrology WAY seriously. Some of her mannerisms irk me slightly. anyway, at the party, she keeps trying to be alone with me, and as we were the first two guests to show up, there are some times, but I generally tried to avoid one on one situations.

Another girl at the party seems to be smart, energetic and reasonably attractive, and not vaugely annoying, for want of a nicer word. But of course, I'd feel like SUCH an ass making a direct move on her with the other girl about. She has a camera, and me, her, and the girl I gave a ride to play with the camera, taking silly pictures and such. Hell, I'll post some when I get digital copies, mayhap. I tried to spend a good but non-creepy ammount of time with the girl that I liked.

But that tells most of the story, actually. Girl number gave a car ride to has IMed me a few times, and I have had actual reasons to be busy (although I did chat about nothing in particular with her for about a half hour, so I'm not being cold, I don't think). She has asked me if I'm doing anything this weekend, and I actually am, a female (non-romantic) friend from home is visiting. But, I didn't say that, I just said I was busy. Eh.

This post has been edited by Creaux: 03 November 2004 - 11:05 PM

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#7 User is offline   SimeSublime Icon

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Posted 04 November 2004 - 01:31 AM

At the bottom of this page. No shit



Edit: Dammit, I wanted to see how sad the details were, but when I posted the ad refreshed itself and the link is gone.

This post has been edited by SimeSublime: 04 November 2004 - 01:32 AM

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#8 User is offline   civilian_number_two Icon

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Posted 04 November 2004 - 05:05 AM

Ok, that's not as bad as I made it out to be. I still retain boasting rights for guessing a Hallowe'en party was involved.

If you have succeeded in keeping things neutral with the annoying girl, and have contact info for cool girl, then I guess go for it. She's probably already got other prospects, and that's why she wasn't all over you like annoying girl was, but hey? If you're being honest, and you're not juggling the annoying girl as a possible back-up, sounds like you got nothing to lose.

You can get shot down, and annoying girl will be a little colder toward you, unless she's totally desperate for attention, which case she'll take your failure as good news and ignore the bad side of it.

The bad side being FOUR MORE YEARS OF BUSH!!!!!
"I had a lot of different ideas. At one point, Luke, Leia and Ben were all going to be little people, and we did screen tests to see if we could do that." -George Lucas, in STAR WARS: the Annotated Screenplays (p197).
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#9 User is offline   barend Icon

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Posted 04 November 2004 - 06:58 AM

hmmm...

to make up for my drought...

i say...

play them off aginst each other...

or better yet. make them fight... last girl standing goes out with you...
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#10 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

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Posted 04 November 2004 - 10:55 AM

Obviously, you don't listen to Barend's advice on this matter. As for advice from me, I have none to give you. I know nothing about this stuff.
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#11 User is offline   Chefelf Icon

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Posted 04 November 2004 - 11:20 AM



Sorry, that's all I have to offer. sad.gif
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#12 User is offline   Chyld Icon

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Posted 04 November 2004 - 11:24 AM

They're not prejudiced in their sales, I see...


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#13 User is offline   Reader Icon

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Posted 04 November 2004 - 03:07 PM

QUOTE (Just your average movie goer @ Nov 4 2004, 10:55 AM)
Obviously, you don't listen to Barend's advice on this matter.

Why did we let Barend's 'advice' column die? He gave really good advice about all sorts of crazy stuff.

On topic: If you feel unworthy of this 'reasonably attractive' lady, give up. Go with the one who likes you. At least for a while. You can still get something out of it. While 'going out' you can be a really bad boyfriend too. What's she gonna do about it, break up with you? "Mission accomplished" you'll think when it happens.
That's my lame advice.
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#14 User is offline   Amber-Nicole Icon

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Post icon  Posted 04 November 2004 - 06:05 PM





http://adfarm.mediap...tyZ1QQstrkwZQ20

Lame. it just goes to an Ebay search results page for keyword "boyfriend."

This post has been edited by Amber-Nicole: 04 November 2004 - 06:07 PM

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#15 User is offline   barend Icon

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Posted 04 November 2004 - 08:33 PM

QUOTE (Reader @ Nov 4 2004, 03:07 PM)
QUOTE (Just your average movie goer @ Nov 4 2004, 10:55 AM)
Obviously, you don't listen to Barend's advice on this matter.

Why did we let Barend's 'advice' column die? He gave really good advice about all sorts of crazy stuff.

you know... i forgot all about that...

the thread was called ASK BAREND... someone go there now and ask me something...

as for Movie Goers remark...

hey, man! if you're not part of a new problem you're part of the old problem so back off!!!
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