[J m HofMarN]

So let's say you're throwing a party for a bunch of wall scrawling tobaccy chewin towel head killin god lovin friends of yours. Naturally you'd serve freedom fries. But what can you put on the freedom fries that is equally stupid and patriotic? Why, W Ketchup of course.



You'll notice that it has fifty states written on top. This is to remind its consumer base how many states are in their country. You'll also notice, for some reason, some men in Chinese hats are about to assassinate George Washington. What the fuck?

My only consolation to the utter idiocy of this idea is that this company is going to be out of business in 24 hours.

[Just your average movie goer]

That is... disturbing.

[SimeSublime]

I think it would be funny if they called it Tomato Sauce instead of Ketchup.

[Creaux]

Ahhh, a blanket of acceptable taste to override any annoying pockets of taste differentiation.

[J m HofMarN]

Right-wing recipe: Uncle Dubya's freedom fries.

Deep freedom fry some liberty potatoes. Drain on a god bless America paper towel. Sprinkle with sovereignty salt and justice pepper. Top with W ketchup. Next put a democracy gun in your mouth and blow out your brains onto the platter. Don't worry, you weren't gunna use 'em anyhow.

[reiner]

I was hoping it was going to be White ketchup. Would be an interesting color for ketchup. Much better than those other colors they seem to have for ketchup nowadays.

This is about as bad as those W stickers i see on every SUV.

[Chefelf]

It's great that there's a giant banner ad now advertising W ketchup on the top of this thread. Now we can't even make fun of anything without inadvertently advertising it.

[SimeSublime]

I see French Fries rather then Freedom Fries, so its not all bad.

[reiner]

As linked from the banner...

Wow. How non-partisan. How the hell does buying ketchup support one political party or another?

[Chefelf]

Wow. How non-partisan. How the hell does buying ketchup support one political party or another?

I think it's because of John Kerry's wife, Theresa Heinz Kerry.

[SimeSublime]

But wouldn't that make Heinz America's tomato sauce just as much as W?

[Jen]

Oh Sime, you handsome fool. Don't you see? Heinz ketchup was created by an American family, and then one of the scions of that family (a Republican senator) married a woman (who was born in Mozambique!!!!). Later, when said scion was deceased, his wealthy widow married a man who would later run for president AGAINST GEORGE BUSH!

Thus, as you can clearly see, both because a woman who born in Mozambique AND later married John Kerry was once married to a son of the Heinz family, Heinz ketchup is as un-American as all get out!


Fun fact: According to her bio on the Kerry website, Teresa Heinz Kerry is a former appointee of the first George Bush to a state delegation! Bet that sticks in his craw! ("She was first introduced to John Kerry by Senator Heinz at an Earth Day rally in 1990. In 1992, she met Kerry again at the Earth Summit in Rio de Janeiro when President George H. W. Bush appointed her as part of a State Department Delegation representing U.S. non-governmental organizations." ) If she can be so ungrateful as to then marry John Kerry, clearly she is evil,

[J m HofMarN]

Speaking of freedom fries did you know that due to massive campaign contributions from french fry manufacturers the Bush administration revised health rules to allow frozen french fries to count as a fresh vegetable? This is almost as bad as Reagan trying to get Ketchup and Pickle relish counted as vegetables. (even though neither are made from vegetables)

[J m HofMarN]

By the way Chef, do you think you could open a condiments wing in the Extinct Beverage Museum?

[SimeSublime]

Urg. That is why I think it should be illegal for political parties to accept private funding.