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BULLETPROOF MONK ...

#1 User is offline   barend Icon

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Post icon  Posted 20 October 2004 - 02:40 AM

BPM was on the old cablle last night... and i decided to watch it...

now, i was expecting this to be a relativley crappy movie...
However I was totally blown away and impressed...




at just how truly shit it was...

who the fuck wrote that fucking script? a nine year old?!? WTF!!! the fights were lame... the one liners left the room in an uncomfortable silence...
NAZI gets scratched in face by little monkey and falls to the ground... DRAMATIC ZOOM ON FACE... "I hate monkeys"

WTF!?!

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh... and the bad street tough with no shirt and an british accent...
FUNZO??? or something "mister funtustic will see oo now"

FUCK ME DEAD!!!!

and his girlfriend? beats up stiffler... he tells her in mid fight she's beuatiful... and she falls in love with him on the spot...

i tell you what!!!

the little dickhead who came up with this lame ass movie has alot to answer for...

his movie making experience as far as i can tell is:

watching the last indiana jones movie...
watchinf a B-Grade late 80s action flick (probably staring Lorenzo Lamas)
seeing a preview of a kung fu film...
and forgetting anything of importance...

I dub this film:

sir WORST FUCKING FILM EVER MADE!!!

it made the prequels look good for fudge sake!!!

yell.gif yell.gif yell.gif yell.gif yell.gif


everyone has a goal in life... and this fucker's was too make a movie worsae than 'holow man'

A JOB WELL DONE!!!!!
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#2 User is offline   SimeSublime Icon

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Posted 20 October 2004 - 04:23 AM

Glad to hear that I made the correct choice in avoiding it.
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Posted 20 October 2004 - 05:19 AM

I actually had the misfortune of watching it some time ago. I do not really know what you are upset about. This was quite good compared to such masterpieces as Lara Croft and Something Completely Forgettable, Mortal Combat, Battlefield Earth and finally... Kung-Pow. Aha, and all Jean Claude Van Damm flicks.

But I agree, this film does make prequels look good.
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#4 User is offline   barend Icon

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Posted 20 October 2004 - 07:44 AM

I think sime, you should go see it...

i can't do the film justice....

it's so much worse than i made it sound...

i look forward to watching it awake!!!
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Posted 20 October 2004 - 09:56 AM

Mortal Kombat and Tomb Raider were made for very specific audiences. I loved MK as a kid, but watching it now is utter crap. I never liked TR, movie or game. I didn't think Battlefield Earth was all that bad, but I saw it years ago and my opinion may have changed now. I haven't seen Kung Pow, but I thought it was a piss-take, and as such is kind of exempt. Van Damm movies just plain suck.
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#6 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

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Posted 20 October 2004 - 10:43 AM

I just read this thread. Barend - that may be your single greatest post.... I laughed out loud so many times then. So elegant and direct.

Indeed this film must be a truly craptacular piece of shit.

I have a question though... is it bad enough that we can derive humourous entertainment out of its shittiness?

Or is it so terrible that to watch it causes you immense suffering of the kind that one experiences when watching The Man With The Golden Gun?
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Posted 21 October 2004 - 12:33 AM

QUOTE (Just your average movie goer @ Oct 20 2004, 10:43 AM)
I just read this thread. Barend - that may be your single greatest post.... I laughed out loud so many times then. So elegant and direct.

Indeed this film must be a truly craptacular piece of shit.

I have a question though... is it bad enough that we can derive humourous entertainment out of its shittiness?

Or is it so terrible that to watch it causes you immense suffering of the kind that one experiences when watching The Man With The Golden Gun?

I do not know the answer to JYAMG question. I have to watch it again.
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Posted 21 October 2004 - 06:24 AM

Though The Man with the Golden Gun did have a good climax, regardless of the quality of the rest of the movie.
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#9 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

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Posted 21 October 2004 - 07:21 AM

Sime, it had a stupid Haunted Mirror Maze like the crappy ones at sideshow fairs ...

... and THE MIDGET!!!!

Words cannot describe my disdain for this irritating, skin-crawling, annoying, annoying, annoying character! ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! GODDAMN IT! It is making my blood boil just thinking about it. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#10 User is offline   barend Icon

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Posted 21 October 2004 - 10:24 AM

this film should been seen to be beleived...

you will laugh...
the same way you would if you saw a complete stranager slip on a bannana peel and fall over in the street cracking his skull open and sending his brain in one peice thirty meters through the air and into your lap...
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Posted 21 October 2004 - 10:55 AM

Yeah, I'd laugh at that. Or not.

And JYAMG, Nicknack was cool. And Bond just locked him up in a briefcase. It was funny.
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#12 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

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Posted 21 October 2004 - 11:22 AM

And he should have thrown him over the side of the boat...

and also saying that NickNack is cool has lost you some respect points. You will need to work hard on regaining your credibility.

Taking back that "NickNack is cool" comment would be a good start.


Barend,

I may just see this film... morbid curiosity is making me want to see how bad a film can really be.
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#13 User is offline   SimeSublime Icon

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Posted 22 October 2004 - 02:46 AM

Bah, he was funny. I orrigionally made the post in jest, but now I'm going to stand by it.
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Posted 26 October 2004 - 03:34 AM

i actually liked bullet proof monk...
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#15 User is offline   barend Icon

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Posted 26 October 2004 - 07:11 AM

*gasp* for shaaaaaaaaaaaame
>>The Adventures of Heinrich Von Bastard<< (A Web Comic)

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