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Auctioneer: Our first item up for auction is a pastrami on rye. Do I hear two hundred?
Rich texan: I'll give ya two hundred fer 'er!
Auctioneer: Two hundred it is do we see two fifty? Ok sold to the gentleman in the cowboy hat for two hundred dollars US. Our next item up is sandwhich version 2.0, made by Microsoft chairman Bill Gates.
Bill Gates: In this sandwhich I've fixed a lot of the bugs that existed in the version 1.0 which allowed hackers to infiltrate the sphinctor of the woman who bought it. The bread is now italian and I've also put one of those neat little tooth picks in it that has a flag with a little Windows symbol on it. Also you'll notice that this sandwhich dosn't have as many problems with falling apart as its predecessor did. I've also used illegal marketing practices to ensure that my sandwhich is the only one with olives on it. That'll teach those bastards who think they can get by making penguin sandwhiches. [in joke]-Tries to continue going into technical detals but is suddenly hacked to death with an axe over a one year period- [/in joke]
Auctioneer: That's fabulous Mr. Gates. Do I hear four hundred thousand?
Rich Englishman with monocle: Here here.
Auctioneer: Four fifty then?
Rich Englishman without monocle: Certainly!
Auctioneer: Five hundred thousand for this lovely sandwhich?
Rich Englishman with monocle: Right here -scowls at REWOM-
Rich Englishman without monocle: I say you're being a right cad about this.
Rich Englishman with monocle: I made the first bid!
Rich Englishman without monocle: Well I'm roight hungry. I've not had lunch!
Rich Englishman with monocle: You could go buy any sandwhich at one of those wretched Subways and I'm sure that for five hundred thousand they could even put tartar sauce on it.
Rich Englishman without monocle: Tartar sauce on a sandwhich are you quite mad? I don't want just a sandwhich I want Microsoft sandwhich version 2.0
Rich Englishman with monocle: Well I'm hungry, you can have the next one.
Auctioneer: Is there another bid gentlemen?
Rich Englishman without monocle: Oh very well, no he can have it. Twit.
Auctioneer: What?
Rich Englishman without monocle: I said nothing
Auctioneer: Right then, sandwhich goes to the gentleman with the monocle for five hundred thousand. Next item up for bid is George Lucas' definitive sandwhich. Mr Lucas if you would please.
George Lucas: What I was trying to do with this sandwhich was capture the essence of my genius. I made it all by myself with the help of my kitchen staff. The prosciutini and provolone are perfectly matched with eachother and put on a stunning performance.
Auctioneer: Do I hear seven dollars US?
Rich kid: IT'S SHINEY I WANT IT! BID ON IT DADDY!
Rich father: Seven it is.
-The bidding continues for a while until it's up to six thousand-
Rich kid: DADDDYYYYY I WANT THE SHINEY SANDWHICH!
Rich father: Very well you horrid brat. Six five and that's my final offer.
Auctioneer: Six thousand five hundred going once, going twice, sold!
Rich father: Ah this looks delicious and despite being made by a complete idiot it tastes super!
Rich kid: It tastes alright but it's not all that interesting...
George Lucas: I can fix that. It's a little known fact that my really definitve vision for this sandwhich involved raw ground beef and tin foil but we didn't have any in my kitchen at the time. -Heaps a pile of tin foil and ground beef on the sandwhich-
Rich father: Damn it this tastes like crap and it hurts my teeth! I want the orginal sandwhich!
George Lucas: The orginal sandwhich no longer exists. I have changed the sandwhich. Pray that I do not change it any further.
Rich kid: YAY!
Auctioneer: Next up is a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich. Do I hear seven hundred thousand?
-and I'm running out of material, so I'm done.-
This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 24 October 2004 - 12:06 AM
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