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Man Mistakenly Cuts Off Penis, Dog Eats It Tuesday, October 5, 2004

#1 User is offline   Chefelf Icon

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Posted 05 October 2004 - 06:46 AM

QUOTE
Man Mistakenly Cuts Off Penis, Dog Eats It
Mon Oct 4,10:41 AM ET

BUCHAREST (Reuters) - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken's neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency said Monday.

It said 67 year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.

"I confused it with the chicken's neck," Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying. "I cut it ... and the dog rushed and ate it."

Doctors said the man, who was brought in by an ambulance bleeding heavily, was now out of danger.

http://story.news.ya...&u=/nm/penis_dc


This man is clearly making the whole thing up. I can't even buy the whole "mistaking for a chicken's neck" thing but then he sends his story FURTHER over the top by saying "then my dog ran up and ate it". Why not add, "then two clowns working for the government forced me to make it into meatloaf for them to serve their emperor"?

Thanks to SJordan for this one!
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#2 User is offline   Chyld Icon

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Posted 05 October 2004 - 09:14 AM

QUOTE (Chefelf @ Oct 5 2004, 12:46 PM)
"I confused it with the chicken's neck," Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying.

What do we add first? Disbelief? Scorn? Permenant rejection of invitations to dinner? There's only a slight difference between the head of a penis, and the head of a chicken...
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Posted 05 October 2004 - 10:48 AM

The moral of the story is: If male, try to hold back that burning desire to kill chickens naked.*

*Especially if your penis looks like a chicken.

Secondly, let there be some sympathy for the poor guy, truth telling or not. I can't imagine what the reality of the situation might be if he indeed is lying.
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#4 User is offline   jyd Icon

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Posted 05 October 2004 - 02:38 PM

it cant be true. okay chicken on tree stump, check. penis conveniently resing on tree stump next to chicken, check. chicken hat on penis, check. hungry chicken head / penis eating dog, check.


edit: or maybe the chicken just saw a shooting star

This post has been edited by jyd: 05 October 2004 - 02:39 PM

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Posted 05 October 2004 - 03:45 PM

Wow.

This guy is the world champion at covering for crazy girlfriends. So: he's sleeping, and his girlfriend goes crazy and decides to slice off his penis and flush it down the toilet. Now, rather than turn her in, or, I don't know, kill her, her comes up with the chicken story.

I have now officially heard everything.
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Post icon  Posted 05 October 2004 - 05:02 PM

gross! dry.gif
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#7 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 05 October 2004 - 05:07 PM

It is fundamentally impossible. He had to be lying. You would have to hold the supposed chicken down. Unless he eas holding the chicken between his legs on the chopping block which would have been not only weird but dangerous and awkward. Moreover it's totally unatural to swing anything down towards that area of the body. Your natural instincts tell you not to because you may harm your sex organs. Unless one is completely insane their reflexes would kick in and they would be in no way able to take this action, whether it was their penis or a chickens head or not matters ltitle, it's the fact that he was chopping down there that matters. Plus if you think about it that's just a really awkward motion to make.

I would surely like to know how this story develops though because if he had to make up that stupid of a story to cover for it the real story must be absolutely incredible.

Assuming that this falls into the realm of possibility for a moment, let me ask you this: Is the dog guilty of rape since the man was clearly unwilling or necrophilia since the organ was dead. Or both? I don't understand how people can argue that dogs are so great when they go about shooting people and raping old Romanian men! (note, joking)

Then again... maybe this is that pig fucker from the south who fled to Romania to hide and the dog was just taking vengeance on him, like some sort of non-giving up bloodhound pig fucker finding dog.

This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 05 October 2004 - 05:15 PM

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Post icon  Posted 05 October 2004 - 07:19 PM

Ugh. Okay, if you really think about this...Did he have an erection? I mean why was it up there? Does the man have a chicken fetish, perhaps? And I'm not a guy, so I wouldn't know, but don't you feel that when it happens? You would think a guy would notice if his penis weren't hanging between his legs. I have arms. Certainly I can feel the difference between my arm hanging by my side, or it being up in the air. Now I realize that I have more control over my arm than a man has over his penis, but one would think that you would feel both, whether you were controlling it or not.
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#9 User is offline   barend Icon

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Posted 05 October 2004 - 09:10 PM

clearly you people are refusing to suggest the obvious...

so i will....

the man wanted oral pleasure from a dog, and probably put some edible substance on his wang to entice the beast, who then bit it off...

and came up with that story so there would be a less depraved excuse for the creature to have ingested it...

disgusting but likley...



now, if you'll excuse me... i'm going to go throw up!!!
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Posted 05 October 2004 - 10:26 PM

WHAT THE FUCK. HOW THE HELL DO YOU MISTAKE A PENIS FOR A CHICKEN HEAD. WHY WAS HE NAKED TO BEGIN WITH, DOES HE SLAUGHTER ALL HIS ANIMALS WHILE NAKED. SWEET CHRIST HE MUST HAVE EITHER A DEFORMED PENIS, OR A DEFORMED CHICKEN.

hey, thats it, all of his chickens are heinously malformed.

or maybe he's LYING.

i'm about to blow chunks.





i sure hope that a human arm has more control than a penis: "news flash, man cuts arm off with his penis, mistaking it for a.............cookie jar..........."
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#11 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 06 October 2004 - 12:03 AM

I'm not sure about your dog+wang theory. Cutting something leaves distinctly different marks than a dog's bite and the hospital staff would likely notice this. So I'm going to say that the guys wang must have been severed by a cutting rather than a chewing motion. I really think the Chefelf.com crime solvers (or maybe just us) need to try to gather more information in order to figure things out. Quick, to the mystery machine!

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#12 User is offline   barend Icon

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Posted 06 October 2004 - 02:31 AM

i say it were bit off, dang it!!!

he probably chopped off what was left to make it look like a clean cut to corobir- corba- er... back up his story!!!

This post has been edited by barend: 06 October 2004 - 02:32 AM

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Posted 06 October 2004 - 03:32 AM

The strange thing is that a euphumism for masturbating is called killing the chicken
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#14 User is offline   Slade Icon

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Posted 06 October 2004 - 09:42 AM

I believe the euphemism is "choking the chicken." And while that's only a substitution and an extra letter away from "chopping the chicken," people still don't mistake wangs for chickens. If there is any validity to this story at all, the man was under the influence of some serious LSD or other hallucinogen. And I still raise an eyebrow at a person mistaking his wang for a chicken. There's no feathers on it.
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Posted 06 October 2004 - 01:02 PM

QUOTE (Slade @ Oct 6 2004, 09:42 AM)
And I still raise an eyebrow at a person mistaking his wang for a chicken. There's no feathers on it.

Speak for yourself! laugh.gif

I still say this guy's girlfriend cut his penis off and he's covering for her. Either that or he went crazy in some quasi-religious way, and he's made up this story to stay out of the quasi-religious nuthouse.

Time will tell, I hope.
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