[Xombie]

David Cronenberg:
A young boy is taken from his mother by religious cultists who see him as the one who can bring "balance to the Force." The boy does indeed begin to show amazing supernormal powers but it is revealed that the power is actually the manifestation of microscopic parasites that have infested every life form in the galaxy. The parasites play their hosts off against each other in a war between the artificial constructs of Light Side and Dark Side. By the film's end the boy has totally given himself over to the control of the microparasite organisms and joined the religious cult in return for the illusion of victory and momentary power.

[Give Me The Originals Dammit]

Welcome to the boards ernosttomlinson, and those were some fine examples you had btw!

[ernesttomlinson]

Thanks for the welcome!

[SouthernRonin]

Just thought I'd throw one in here.

Robert Rodriguez: Everyone in the movie is cast with Latin actors, with Antonio Banderas as the lead. Ewan McGregor is replaced by Cheech Marin, and the character's name is changed to Obi-Juan. A great performance from the unknown playing Anakin: still cute and spunky, but now he's entertaining and interesting, too. Rodriguez re-orchestrates John Williams' original trilogy score in 20 minutes with grungey electric guitars from a digital synthesizer. Look for Steve Buscemi as Nute Gunray and a cameo by Tarantino as Darth Chatter. To cap it off, the whole thing is shot for $1.50, and that's only because Banderas broke the first feminine razor "comlink" Rodriguez supplied him.

[Lord Aquaman]

That's good stuff. Directors are as follows -

Ridley Scott - Coruscant now bears an uncanny resemblance to LA of 2017 from "Blade Runner". Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor or whoever) is a burned out Jedi dispatched to find some rebel Siths that appear to be led by Darth Maul (or are they?). Along the way Obi-Wan meets an emotionally repressed freighter pilot who is ridiculously powerful in the Force - Anakin Skywalker (Jared Padalecki), who's just trying to scrape out a living for him and his live in girlfriend Padme (Alexis Bledell). Obi-Wan persuades Anakin to give him a hand with the Sith and join the Jedi Order, and the rest of the film pretty much writes itself as Anakin and Obi-Wan go chasing some half-naked Sith crazies through a deserted building. Rutger Hauer, Eric Bana and Orlando Bloom appear unbilled as Jedi.

Tim Burton - The heroes are now even more underwritten while the villains are much more interesting by virtue of their panache ala Burton's Batman films. Basically the same as Lucas's plots only now there's a darker visual style - and pop music by Prince/the Artist Formerly Known as Prince/whatever the hell he calls himself now!

Wolfgang Petersen - the Jedi all inhabit a Troy like fortress city and are desperately defending it from some blood thirsty Sith who want their queen back - except she's having an inter-species affair with Anakin Skywalker!

Mel Gibson - pretty much the same as Lucas except for extended scenes of Obi-Wan, Anakin and other heroes being brutally tortured and crucified.

Ron Howard - Obi-Wan (Val Kilmer) and Yoda (Warwick Davis) must protect baby Anakin from harm, unaware of the child's dark future.

Joel Schumacher - remember Batman Forever? Pretty much the same thing.

Mark Steven Johnson - Ben Affleck as Anakin, Jennifer Garner as Padme, Colin Farrell as Obi-Wan: just as craptacular as "Daredevil" if slightly less crappy than PM and AOTC as they are.

[Lord Aquaman]

And Terry Gilliam - Anakin Skywalker, long-suffering Jedi student, has bizarre fantasies where he chases a naked girl in a floating cage, then becomes obsessed when he meets her real world equivalent - Padme. All the while he and Obi-Wan are over burdened with Jedi papework.