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SUPER-DUPER TITANIUM ALLOY DVD BOX SET changes to the future DVD's..

#1 User is offline   Little Jerry Seinfeld Icon

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Posted 23 September 2004 - 02:24 AM

you all know lucas will put out another super-duper-titanium alloy version when all 6 movies are finished...

1. this time, han never even shoots greedo, instead he offers him some death sticks and runs away, protecting himself from greedo by using chewbacca as a wookie shield

2. boba fett sounds like an angry peter jackson

3. the vader/emporer scene in jedi includes a bald hayden christiansen

4. carrie fisher's dialogue is redubbed to sound more wooden, so it ties into the PT better

5. han solo will now have hoop earrings

6. luke's saber in STAR WARS will now be double-sided, and curved slightly to the left

7. lucas will digitally remove his own gizzard

8. cliff clayven, a rebel who appeared in ESB, will now appear in the cantina scene, sitting next to a alien that resembles norm petersen

9. in ESB, mark hamill's face will be digitally remastered to look more naive

10. in the re-remastered star wars scene, jabba the hut will be upgraded to an actual jabba-sized slug that lucas will create using the latest DNA technology

11. in the famous ESB cloud city scene, when leia says 'i love you', han's line has been re-dubbed to say 'yipee!!'

does anyone have any other possible additions???
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#2 User is offline   Chefelf Icon

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Posted 23 September 2004 - 08:31 AM

How about replacing all of James Earl Jones's Darth Vader lines with new dialogue ad-libbed by Gilbert Gottfried?
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#3 User is offline   Paladin Icon

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Posted 23 September 2004 - 12:34 PM

How about having all references to 'Sand people' being changed to Tuskin Raiders?

Actually, that sounds pretty possible!
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#4 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 24 September 2004 - 03:05 AM

In order to fit with episode 2 AotC, while the group is on Tatooine people will just randomly get kidnapped and tied to sticks by sand people and then die.

Also, Lucas is just going to give up on Obi Wan mentioning Yoda trained him. The line "Was I any different when you trained me?" will be replaced by "I may or may not have been different when someone, possibly but not necessarily you, trained me. Or I may have just been trained by Midichlorians alone, who knows? Always in motion the past is."

Lando Calrissian will now be a horribly stereotypical soul-brotha portrayed by Chris Rock or Dave Chapelle, whoever they can drag into it. He will call Darth Vader his homie and when Vader eventually screws him over he shall say "How you gunna play me like that?"

The asteroid field they fly into will be replaced with actual photographs of Lucas' fecal matter.

However the audience will have trouble noticing the asteroids as the entire trilogy will be composed of Lucas' fecal matter.

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#5 User is offline   Give Me The Originals Dammit Icon

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Posted 24 September 2004 - 03:47 AM

A few changes I think will be made are:

Yoda will Now train Luke to use the Crane Kick, much like Mr. Miyagi taught Daniel in The Karate Kid.
When Luke finally confronts Vader, using the move Yoda taught him,Vader will easily block Luke's pathetic attempt. Vader then puts his hands on his hips throwing his helmeted head back laughing. Vader then points at Luke saying in his newly dubbed voice (provided by Jackie Chan) "Your Kung Fu is not as good as mine!" An epic martial arts battle ensues with Luke using Banthaa style and Vader using Womprat style.

To make the movies more family friendly, Vader will no longer choke his lackey's with his dark powers of the force but rather make them stand in the corner and think about what they have done.

Han Solo and Chewbacca run through the Death Star corridors, only stormtroopers aren't chasing them but a gigantic boulder. Han's blaster is CGI'd over so now he is holding an ancient Mayan statue.

Stormtroopers will now look like red shirted ensigns from Star Trek, just to show how expendable they are.

John William's music will be replaced by "Gonna Fly Now" the theme music from Rocky when we see Luke training with Yoda on Dagooba. Yoda's speech will be dubbed over so instead of that backwards talk he now has a hard street accent, who constantly calls Luke a Bum.

A bonus disc will be included containing the documentaries "George Lucas: I'm making a Shitload of money off of you geeks." and "Star Wars: Remember when it used to be a good movie?"
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Posted 24 September 2004 - 06:29 AM

When Luke confronts Vader, they will call each other crude insults for a while until Vader stops and says. "It is clear that this contest cannot be decided by our witty one-liners but by our skills with a lightsabre."

They will then both draw out their lightsabres and Luke will launch his attack, shouting "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" like Super Grover.

To make it more consistent with Episode II, the lightsabre fight will only last thirty seconds and there will be no long shots, just extreme close ups of Luke and Vader's faces so you can't see what's going on.

And there will be absolutely NO MUSIC during the chase through the asteroid field.
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#7 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 24 September 2004 - 10:58 PM

In order to make the characters less likeable (and thus more equal to those in the PT) Lucas will take a que from "Harrison Bergeron" and put a clown nose on everyones face anr use some editing to make all the voices scratchy and annoying. He shall also digitally eliminate Leiah's breasts and make Darth Vader trip and fall once in a while to make sure there's no way he can be at all menacing. Also there will be more references to poodoo and there will be new Dragon Ball Z style dialogue during all of the duels, like this.

Darth Vader: When I last left you my midichlorian level was only twenty thousand. Now it is twice that of master Yoda!

Obi Wan: IMPOSSIBLE! Noone has a midichlorian level that high!!!

Vader: Your Midichlorian level is low old man.

Obi Wan: If you strike me down I will lose all my Midichlorians and therefore become weaker than you can ever imagine. Fuck, you killed me. I guess I'm gone now.

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