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The bone molester- spin off from the news forum Help us JYAMG, You're our only hope

#1 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 20 September 2004 - 05:17 AM

Ok me and Barend need to make this film happen but we need your help to do it, JYAMG. With your directorial talent and our production and writing skills there's no way we can go wrong. Here's a list of characters so far.

Spirelli- Christopher Walken
Other Villain- Rutger Hauer
Hero- Bruce Campbell.

The basic plot is that some bootleggers are smuggling in corpses to california and an honest cop is on a crucade to stop them. I think we should also include his partner (who is near retirement) getting kiled in the process.

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#2 User is offline   barend Icon

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Posted 20 September 2004 - 10:48 AM

John Saxon.
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#3 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 21 September 2004 - 01:25 AM

Works for me. Alright, let's go with some plotting. Here's what I'm thinking.

We introduce the movie with Schwarzeneger making his decree against necrophilia. The national anthem plays and everyone's happy. Meanwhile the two villains realize there is money to be made and go to start smuggling in corpses. However they both agree that they won't be able to do it unless they can get rid of the one man who stands in their way... The camera then cuts to Richard Omorse as he's doing something cool and looking bad-ass. The credits roll and the movie begins.

What do you think?

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#4 User is offline   barend Icon

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Posted 21 September 2004 - 02:38 AM

the national anthem should be performed by the crowed gathered at assembly where Arnie makes his decree... and the anthem should be changed to 'five foot one' by iggy pop....

i just like the idea of a patriotic crowd refraining in unicence "i wish life could be, sweedish magazines" over and over...

and when the camera zooms in on Bruce Campbell, he's lighting a cigar with the pilot light on his police issue flame thrower, and says:
"the only way a perp is commiting necrophilia in my town... is over my dead body!"

then 'cold Ethyl' by Alice Cooper plays as he walks down the street...

then: "I'm going to catch every last one of you Post Mortem Pimps!"

opening credits...

Barend and J M Hoffman present....
a film directed by JYAMG.

DEAD GIRLS DON'T DO LAUNDRY

This post has been edited by barend: 21 September 2004 - 02:40 AM

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#5 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

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Posted 21 September 2004 - 06:03 AM

Whoa... you have been getting into that news forum. Hmmm.... your main villain needs to be the guy who's purchasing the corpses. Have you got a candidate for this necrophile?

Maybe we could make him Arnold Schwarzenneger himself. And have all that stuff about him making necrophilia illegal just some cover to keep the police off his scent.

Over to you, the production team.
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#6 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 22 September 2004 - 05:38 AM

Alright Barend your opening is defiantely superior to mine. Let's do lunch.

And JYAMG this is certainly the kind of direction we hired you for. I think adding in teh Scwarzeneger twist would be a brilliant move. But who are we going to get to play the governor? Any ideas?

Ok here's the story lines we need to tie together and hopefully resolve in the end. You two are free to add to this (isn't it funny how we're doing things Lucas hasn't done since the late eighties)

Cop wants to stop necrophilia and avenge his partner

Cop wants to find love with token love interest

Crooked Irish cop betrays main character, hinting at greater betrayal to come

Governor turns out to be pulling the strings of the two main bad guys by pitting them against eachother. (As to what he had to blame by this I'm going to go out on a limb and say that he told each crime family that they had to muscle as many people into voting for him as they could or he'd shut down their corpse operations) I'm also thinking that the revelation about his evil intentions could in some way be linked to Ronald Reagan. I'm a horrible monster.

The atmosphere I think we should go for is part "The untouchables" part "Casino" and part forties detective movie. In fact maybe campbell could be a private dick and not a cop at all. We can say he left the force when his partner was killed by the bad guys long ago. And then some hot chick (love interest) comes in to ask him if he can research her father, who she believes is being sold to the corpse trade.

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#7 User is offline   SimeSublime Icon

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Posted 22 September 2004 - 09:39 AM

Perhaps you could kill off the love interest(or perhaps a side love interest)so that the villians can try to temp Corpse O'Morse into taking part in the necrophilia?
The Green Knight, SimeSublime the Puffinesque, liker of chips and hunter of gnomes.
JM's official press secretary, scientific advisor, diplomat and apparent antagonist?
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#8 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

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Posted 22 September 2004 - 07:09 PM

Nah, I hate it when we lose the female characters.... it makes it seem like there's nothing worth watching the rest of the movie for.

J M, the ideas sound good. I love the crooked Irish cop idea. I don't know why.... it just sounds like a cool stereotype.

Maybe we could bend reality a little bit and set this movie in the 1950s like LA Confidential.

Bruce Campell as a private detective sounds cool.

And can the token love interest be a black girl? That'd be nice.
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#9 User is offline   barend Icon

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Posted 22 September 2004 - 07:45 PM

no, we should set it today, but slowly introduce 50s themes...

it's like Tarenteno films... you could be forven for thinking they're all set in the 70s
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#10 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 22 September 2004 - 08:19 PM

Sime- I don't know, women aren't supposed to die in these movies, although the idea of a love triangle does sound decent.

JYAMG- Yeah, me too, there's just something great about having a crooked Irish cop in a film.

I don't know, what we're really looking to do is to connect modern california to the prohibition era and just generally draw on that. It's exactly like one of those prohibition movies cept with corpses instead of booze. I wonder if it would be too silly to have the cops raid a screweasy and dump all the bodies out of barrels into the gutter and then just walk away.

Hmmm I like the way you think. Do you have any ideas for who can play her? I'm really not sure on the subject, if we want to keep her a proper token love interest she'll have to be a blonde white woman who's only vocabulary is the words "Oh, help me you tall dark mysterious man" If you feel you can make hte multiracial angle work than by all means let's run with it.

Barend- Excellent thinking, We can do a cotton club typed scene and maybe we can shoot the whole thing in black and white.

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#11 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

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Posted 23 September 2004 - 03:30 AM

I'd say for the sake of taste, leave any corpses out of the whole movie. They're just something that's referred to... not something that should be onscreen. Otherwise the film could end up looking like Bad Boys 2, which was one of the worst movies ever made.

However, the girl in that film, Gabrielle Union, is a real sweetie. She'd be great for the love interest.


This post has been edited by Just your average movie goer: 23 September 2004 - 03:32 AM

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#12 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

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Posted 23 September 2004 - 03:33 AM

Mmmm..... yummy....


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#13 User is offline   civilian_number_two Icon

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Posted 23 September 2004 - 05:26 PM

Sweet Jesus Christ! What is she wearing?




Anyway, considering the UNTOUCHABLES angle, I figure by the end the government shuld find that the criminilization of necrophilia only paved the way for an underground industry. So then they legalize it instead, and put it under giovernment ownership. Right after all of his efforts to put the crimelords behind bars, Bruce Campbell is asked:

"What do you plan to do now that necrophilia is legal?"


<Pause>


Bruce: "Have a cold one."


BAM!!!


ROLL THEM FUCKING CREDITS!!!!!!!!!


tongue.gif tongue.gif tongue.gif tongue.gif tongue.gif tongue.gif tongue.gif tongue.gif tongue.gif tongue.gif tongue.gif tongue.gif tongue.gif tongue.gif tongue.gif
"I had a lot of different ideas. At one point, Luke, Leia and Ben were all going to be little people, and we did screen tests to see if we could do that." -George Lucas, in STAR WARS: the Annotated Screenplays (p197).
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#14 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 24 September 2004 - 02:49 AM

Civilian- It looks as though she's manages to stretch her panties enough that they count as a top as well...

Hmmm that could work as a hilarious epilogue but we should end the movie on a higher note, like the arrest of our villain and our hero running for governor.

JYAMG- Ummm... I like her ummm... Qualifications... she's definately well endow errr I mean... qualified....

I agree about not showing the corpses, but we could use a picture of the cops dumping out barels and just have "thud thud" sound effects rather than splashes.

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#15 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

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Posted 24 September 2004 - 07:14 AM

Hmmm, you're right... she IS wearing something. Yes, I thought you would find her well endo... er... qualified.

Glad we feel the same way about no corpses in the film. Perhaps when the cops throw the barrels out, the soundtrack can mask any sounds that it would make.

Regarding the ending, I quite like Civilian's. cool.gif

As for finishing on a higher note, I don't think our hero is the kind of guy who'd run for governor. He's one of those lone cowboy types who, when all is said and done, rides off into the sunset...

.... although not literally of course, otherwise he'd be burnt to a crisp. cool.gif
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