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Predict the plot and win a prize!

#1 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 23 October 2004 - 11:34 PM

Ok, to get the talk of ep 3 going on I think we aught to have something like an office pool going (only preferably without money involved, as we are all poor as dirt, except for Chefelf who lives the high life off of the revenue of his webcomics and other business ventures) I'm not looking for someone to predict the story or really what will happen.

What we need to do is get obscure details, horrible lines, things that will and won't be left out (emphasis on will) and questions that will and won't be answered (emphasis on won't) try to predict how Jar Jar dies, and of course awful lines, and stupid plot mistakes. The winner will get a prize to be delivered at their house, at midnight, by Christopher Walken. We'll only know who won when ep3 comes out but it could also be fun to see as the previews come around. Here's my predictions.

Jar Jar gets to say "Meesa got a bad feeling about this..."

Jar Jar dies at the hands of Palpatine, likely by force lightening.

Yoda dosn't fight Palpatine and instead flees.

Anakin says something like "If you really loved me you'd turn to the dark side" (how romantic!)

Yoda will, at one point in time, say "A mystery this is"

Yoda will handle the exposition to tell us about Palpatine's treachery "Betrayed us the chancellor has. Made him dictator we should not have."

Palpatine will be revealed as Sidious in overly dramatic fashion.

Palpatine, I guarantee, will say "You have outlived your usefulness" to someone.

Anakin will look evil for an uneccessarily long time before anyone notices.

Mace will get an overly elaborate death, possibly involving a trap.

Dooku will further confuse everyone by continuing to say that Palpatine is evil.

The significance of the death star plans, and the plans as a whole, will be ignored.

There will be no mention of Midichlorians.

The prophecy will be ignored.

Anakin and Padme will have hardly any lines while they're married.

Anakin and Padme's parting will be horribly acted.

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#2 User is offline   Paladin Icon

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Posted 24 October 2004 - 01:34 AM

I can't think of any because I really don't care... Episode III WILL suck. I predicted that when I finished watching Episode II, as it was the crappiest action movie I've ever seen!
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#3 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

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Posted 24 October 2004 - 01:45 AM

Jar Jar's death will be what turns Anakin over to the dark side...

Jar Jar - Oh, Annie. Meesa so cold. Tell Boss Nass that I won't be coming home for Christmas. Oh, Annie. It's so dark. It's so dark. Pleasssa hold me. Meesa scared... meesa don't want to be deleted off the computer.

Anakin - DAMN! This is all Obi Wan's fault! RAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!



Obi Wan will in fact be on the other side of the galaxy. Naturally, he will have had nothing to do with this.



The Death Star won't be ignored. In fact, it will be completed and operational and blasting planets left, right and centre. Lucas used it in two movies already. How could he pass up an opportunity to re-hash it one last time?

Yoda's going to see Palpatine obliterate an entire star system, full of innocent, cute CGI midget people and he's going to say. "I may be going out on a limb here and please don't get offended if I'm wrong, but I get this feeling that something's kind of going on... like I can almost sense a little bit of the dark side in you, Palpatine."

Yoda and Palpatine will both fight like rubber balls bouncing around the room. Whereas Yoda will fight like a CGI animated Gonzo, Palpatine will fight more like Grover.



We will also never find out what Dooku's motivation was for seceding from the Republic.



Somebody WILL say "The name of this heroic wookie is.... Chewbacca."
More than a few people in the audience WILL groan.



Anakin will accuse Amidala of cheating on him, kind of like Othello, with just as much evidence (ie. none).


Somebody will get their heart ripped out of their chest and then scream in agony as they are slowly burned alive because this will be "a darker film"... or something similarly inappropriate for anyone.
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#4 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 24 October 2004 - 03:22 AM

Movie goer- I think Anakin accusing Amidala of cheating could be a lovely romantic moment.

"Oh Amidala. You're like this spoon. So hot from being held in my hands, so curvacious. And if you're ever unfaithful to me I'll use it to carve out your heart and feed it to you."

"Oh Annie. You're such a silly boy. Let's have sex."

"I don't know Amidala, you're getting kind of fat..."

"Yes, fat is exactly what that is..."

"I blame Obi Wan. He's such a dick. But he's like my father. He's like my father's dick. Well, if Midichlorians had sexual organs I mean."

"Oh Annie, you blame Obi Wan for everything. Even your malfunctional problems."

"I told you baby, ever since he hit my johnson with that lightsaber I havn't been the same. Though I sure did a good job of pleasing you about nine months ago right before you started getting sick all the time and knitting baby clothes... Hey wait a minute!

-Visibly nervous- "Yes Annie?

"Did you change your clothes while we were talking just now?"

This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 24 October 2004 - 03:28 AM

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#5 User is offline   Just your average movie goer Icon

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Posted 24 October 2004 - 03:44 AM

Mate, I was in stitches from laughing so hard. That was brilliant. Kudos.
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#6 User is offline   Helena Icon

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Posted 24 October 2004 - 06:05 AM

I can't think of any of my own at the moment, but I definitely second these ones:

QUOTE
Anakin says something like "If you really loved me you'd turn to the dark side" (how romantic!)

QUOTE
Palpatine will be revealed as Sidious in overly dramatic fashion.

QUOTE
Anakin will look evil for an uneccessarily long time before anyone notices.

(Come on, this one's already started.)

QUOTE
There will be no mention of Midichlorians.

QUOTE
The prophecy will be ignored.

QUOTE
Anakin and Padme's parting will be horribly acted.

QUOTE
Yoda and Palpatine will both fight like rubber balls bouncing around the room. Whereas Yoda will fight like a CGI animated Gonzo, Palpatine will fight more like Grover.

QUOTE
We will also never find out what Dooku's motivation was for seceding from the Republic.

QUOTE
Somebody WILL say "The name of this heroic wookie is.... Chewbacca."

(Or words to that effect, anyway.)

Actually, I do have one: The final duel between Anakin and Obi-Wan will be heavy on gore and special effects, yet entirely devoid of any dramatic or emotional resonance.
QUOTE
The sandpeople had women and children. We know this because Anakin killed them how could he tell? The children might be smaller but I never saw a sandperson with breasts. Did they hike their skirts and show him some leg or something?

QUOTE
Also, I can see the point of wanting to kidnap a human and use her as a slave, but they didn't. They tied her to a flimsy easel for a month. It's assumed they had to feed and give her water. What for? Was she purely ornamental? I can understand them wanting the droids, you can sell those for a lot of money, but a chick who's only skills are finding non-existand mushrooms and getting randomly pregnant, you're not going to get much.

- J m HofMarN on the Sand People
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#7 User is offline   civilian_number_two Icon

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Posted 24 October 2004 - 11:22 AM

Ok: I predict a five-minute dialogue scene between someone and someone else, rounding out all of the story elements that the series hasn't touched. Delivered all in clumsy two-shots, first takes all (no rehearsal).

I predict cute aliens, and lots of toys to go with General Grievous.

(Hey! He's a General! That means he won't end up on the battlefield, right? because, like, nobody but Patton would be that stupid, right? No, wrong ... he's a high-ranked ROBOT, and e'll end up on the battlefield. Think of him like a Sergeant, and we can all fail to enjoy the film for reasons apart from its dumb insitence on misusing military designations.)

I also predict I won't watch the thing.
"I had a lot of different ideas. At one point, Luke, Leia and Ben were all going to be little people, and we did screen tests to see if we could do that." -George Lucas, in STAR WARS: the Annotated Screenplays (p197).
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#8 User is offline   Jordan Icon

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Posted 24 October 2004 - 11:40 AM

QUOTE
I also predict I won't watch the thing.


Why? You can't possibly enjoy the hate list to it's full potential if you don't watch the movie. I've said before I'll slang you a copy of ATOC.


QUOTE
We will also never find out what Dooku's motivation was for seceding from the Republic.


I'm still scratching my head about his character in AOTC.


I predict that when OB1 and Anakin duke it out on the lava, we will have no idea what the duel is over. The final fight scene will have the same impact as when Van Damme battled 'wild thing' in blood sport.

This post has been edited by Jordan: 24 October 2004 - 11:40 AM

Oh SMEG. What the smeggity smegs has smeggins done? He smeggin killed me. - Lister of Smeg, space bum
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#9 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 24 October 2004 - 04:14 PM

Maybe they'll rehash dialogue from the OT.

"Right now Anakin you are but the student. I am the master."

"Only a master of holding me back, Obi Wan! It is clear that this contest cannot be decided through our knowledge of the force (I mean, what are we, Jedi knights or something?) but through our prowess in lava surfing!"

This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 24 October 2004 - 04:16 PM

Quote

I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#10 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 24 October 2004 - 04:26 PM

Movie Goer- Thanks for the comments, naturally you're free to use all my lines in any of your outings. You mentioned that he might use the death star and I wouldn't be too surprised. He dosnt have to do anything in keeping with the OT so who's to say ep3 won't end on a happy note?

"Little Annie, suddenly only six years old again because it's cuter that way, screams down the ship-sized trench that had to be put on the death star leading to that silly hole they always put in it. Anakin was teh last one left and started spinning cuz its a cool trick. "Yippie!" The evil general grievous was about to shoot him but suddenly Jar Jar screamed out of hyper space and blasted grievous off course. "Yousa good to go Annie letsa be blastin this thing and goin home!" Everyone rejoiced at Jar Jar's redemption and the death star was destroyed. Oh yeah and Yoda went off on a vacation to some shit-hole planet and Annie sent his kids to boarding schools on Tatooine and Alderaan. Then he slaughteredd all the Jedi, even the women and the children, because they tied his uncle to some scaffolding or something. Amidala still loved him but her head exploded and he was sad and Obi Wan went and founded a retirement community on Tatooine. Oh yeah and I think there was some crap in the script about the rise of the empire, but that's not important."

Oh this reminds me, Amidala's death will have zero bearing on the plot line whatsoever. She'll probably just choke on some chicken wings or something while watching one of the huge CGI battles.

This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 24 October 2004 - 04:31 PM

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#11 User is offline   ernesttomlinson Icon

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Posted 24 October 2004 - 04:31 PM

I'll make this simple prediction: Lucas will overuse the Kubrick Thousand-Yard Stare (you know, the one where the protagonist glowers creepily at the camera from under lowered eyebrows; think Jack Nicholson in The Shining or Vincent D'Onofrio in [i]Full Metal Jacket) like crazy. Hayden Christiansen will never use any other facial exp​ression.

I'll go out on a limb too and predict that Jar Jar won't be in the film. His purpose is served and Lucas needs him no more.
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#12 User is offline   Jordan Icon

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Posted 24 October 2004 - 05:03 PM

QUOTE
"Only a master of holding me back, Obi Wan! It is clear that this contest cannot be decided through our knowledge of the force (I mean, what are we, Jedi knights or something?) but through our prowess in lava surfing!" 


Too funny. The ' decided through our knowledge of the force" line is even despised by loyal PT fans
Oh SMEG. What the smeggity smegs has smeggins done? He smeggin killed me. - Lister of Smeg, space bum
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#13 User is offline   Despondent Icon

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Posted 25 October 2004 - 12:43 AM

QUOTE (civilian_number_two @ Oct 24 2004, 11:22 AM)
Ok: I predict a five-minute dialogue scene between someone and someone else

I predict cute aliens, and lots of toys to go with General Grievous.

I also predict I won't watch the thing.

I don't think we'll have dialogue scenes of that length. Action scenes, twice as long; there will be plenty of those.

I can see him being the heavily promoted toy. Don't know much about him yet but I'm sure that's likely to change.

And that's a loss for the greater good.
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#14 User is offline   Paladin Icon

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Posted 25 October 2004 - 02:22 AM

QUOTE
I'll go out on a limb too and predict that Jar Jar won't be in the film. His purpose is served and Lucas needs him no more.


I'm sad to say that I have to dissapoint you. But Jar Jar Binks IS in Episode III, since they say so at the IMDB.

Here's the link

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Scroll down a bit to see the credits.
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#15 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 25 October 2004 - 06:50 AM

I predict the opening scrawl will read:

"Anakin made friends with Palpatine and started to hate Obi Wan but then he became evil and we now join a flashy CGI battle, already in progress"

-cut to a fuckton of droids fighting a fuckton of clonetroopers-

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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