[Just your average movie goer]

Question -

Some people (I won't single anyone out) believe that the prequels are films worthy of the name Star Wars and find lots of depth and powerful messages in there.

Perhaps they're right... but if so, I think they must have seen different versions of these movies from the ones I saw. However, even if they are, how are we supposed to see these things when Lucas fills these movies with idiocy and stupid visual gags?

Some examples -

Episode I

The dumb Trade Federation aliens, who also provide a derogatory stereotype with their put-on fake Asian accents.

Jar Jar Binks - who spends the whole movie talking in a stupid voice, steps in Bantha shit and gets his tongue caught in something.

The Trade Federation droids, none of which look remotely dangerous and keep saying "Roger, roger" to each other.

Jar Jar Binks doing a somersault dive, while Obi Wan and Qui Gon pull out they magical Jedi underwater gear - out of thin air!

Giant Fish trying to eat each other.

Boss Nass, fat ugly CGI guy, smiling and shaking blobs of saliva everywhere.

"The droid's name is (all together, audience) R2-D2!"

The two-headed commentator at the pod-race, sounding a lot like football commentators from this far away planet called Earth.

Jabba the Hutt falling asleep at the pod-race.

Gungans fighting robots with giant blue beach balls.

Anakin accidentally flying into the main reactor of the droid ship and blowing it up - all by a happy chance.


Episode II

A bounty huter, hires another bounty hunter, who uses a droid, that carries some insects to try to assassinate Amidala.

Bounty Hunter Two, seeing Obi Wan hanging onto her flying droid for dear life, wants to kill him and she has a big gun with a sniper scope. But instead of shooting Obi Wan, she shoots the droid!

Anakin jumps out of an airspeeder and falls 600 feet before catching onto another airspeeder that was moving at high speed. Um... BULLSHIT.

Bounty Hunter One, seeing that the Jedi have caught Bounty Hunter Two, shoots Bounty Hunter Two instead of the two Jedi. Surely Dookoo could have found another bounty hunter instead of this guy?

Obi Wan goes to a 1950s Diner and meets a guy with four arms who has just got off work from Monsters Inc. And that's not the last Monsters Inc. cameo.

Yoda and a bunch of toddlers tease Obi Wan. Hahaha!

Anakin and Amidala play MEGA MAN in a factory.

Threepio goes spinning around on a conveyer belt, looking as limber as Gumby, and R2-D2 decides on the spur of the moment that he can fly!

Threepio swaps heads with an assassin droid and joins the assassin droid army. He says "Die Jedi scum!" Hahaha.
Then R2 pulls his head off and puts it next to his body. He says "I am beside myself." Hahahha! Get it?! Beside myself! A - hahahahah!
Then R2 drags his pieces out of the arena and he says "Oh, what a drag."

I have NEVER been so embarrassed in my life! I felt like disappearing, vanishing under my seat and sneaking out quietly so nobody would know I'd been in the theatre watching THAT rubbish!

Monsters come to kill Anakin, Amidala and Obi Wan - they too are from Monsters Inc. Amidala had Randell assigned to kill her.

Samuel L. Motherfucking Jackson comes into the arena and says "This party's over."

Yoda's English gets even more muddled up - "Around the survivors, a perimeter create." So now he chops up the different clauses of his sentences as well. And this is when he is commanding troops! I thought orders are supposed to be direct.

Yoda gets an exp​ression on his face that we should NEVER, EVER have seen... and then goes Kung-fu fighting in Super Grover style.


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.................. the list could go on and on. It is painful just thinking about it.

The point of it all is, is that if Lucas wants his movies to be taken seriously, then he should not fill them with such unintelligent rubbish. It detracts from any possible merits the films might have.

This post has been edited by Just your average movie goer: 23 August 2004 - 07:50 AM

[Paladin]

I have NEVER been so embarrassed in my life! I felt like disappearing, vanishing under my seat and sneaking out quietly so nobody would know I'd been in the theatre watching THAT rubbish!

Same here, except it was different for me. When I watched Episode two, I felt anger, disgust, and general dismayel and boredom. The scenes were so bizaare and inane to me, and many were just plain wrong. When the movie ended, my first feeling was angery dissapointment. My first thoughts were 'George Lucas is gonna have a hard time making the finale' and I still hold those words to be true.

I'm gonna need another world to replace Star Wars, and I think that that world should be of my own creation, and not that of another silly producer.

[Just your average movie goer]

Welcome back, Paladin! Long time, no see. Hope the trip went well.

Yeah, I really do think that the prequels and the upcoming newer Special Editions will pretty much kill Star Wars. And I think it's going to leave a huge void.

And honestly, I think for many of us, it would be much better to create something of our own to replace it... than wait for some unintelligent producer to do it for us.

Next time I set foot in my home country, I really must pick up all the bits and pieces of my various fiction projects, including the science fiction ones.

I'm really interested in continuing those now.

[Paladin]

Well, technically I'm not really 'back', I'm just surfing the net at my Cousins internet cafe. I've been very busy and in a lot of physical pain (I got 1st degree burns on my shoulders which forced me to spend two days cooped up in my Grandma's house). Anyway, I'll be back in Dubai in a few more days. But I think I'll spend the rest of my vacation at my cousins place till then.

I've found lots of (mostly obsolete and hardly working) list of websites that help people in creating their own Sci-fi/Fanatasy worlds to write stories about and RPG in. I should download as much as I can since most of those websites have been abandoned for YEARS and could go dead at any moment (and many of them already have). I think I also need to do extensive research on many ancient cultures/societies, seeing that I'm a freak for realism and perfection.

My world is going to be a copper age/early bronze age world (at least, I hope it will be). This is because I've absolutely had it with 'high' fanatasy that are as common as dirt all over the movies, video games, novels and other such media.

But before I really get started, I'm going to write a few more full lengthed Fanfics and stories. I need to perfect my writing skills before I do my world. That could time a while though, but I'm confident that I can pull it off.

[Just your average movie goer]

Good luck with it. Sorry to hear about the burns. That's terrible. I hope you're recovering as quickly as you can manage. Hang in there, mate.

[Madam Corvax]

JYAMG- thank you for starting the threat. You see, I can never take prequels seriously - for my part. That is why I am so reluctant to take part in Prequel-defending topics. I simply cannot be bothered to discuss seriously somebody else's silly ideas which do not stick together. It isn't worth defending. Maybe I am not "open-minded" enough about it, but sorry, that is how I feel.

[HK 47]

You know, the more I hear other people describe the flaws in the PT in their own words, the more ridiculous and absurd they become. It's really beyond awful. It's more stupid than any concievable parody.

Imagine actually working on the PT, and discovering all this during the process. I wonder how many excited Star Wars fans got to work on The Phantom Menace? What did they feel? Could they actually see where this was going? I can just imagine myself in the role as CG animator...

George: "In this scene, I want Jar Jar to jump 30 feet into the air, screaming and spinning like a maniac before he plunges into the water".
HK-47: "What?"
George: "You heard me, it'll be fun! By the way, I just figured out what the Gungans weapons will look like!"
HK-47:"Like what George..."
George:"Like giant blue beach balls! And they bounce too!!"
HK-47:"Okaaaay..."

You touched one of my new favorite reasons JYAMG. Zam Wessel, the bounty hunter.

A bounty hunter, hires another bounty hunter, who uses a droid, that carries some insects to try to assassinate Amidala.

Did you notice that it actually looks like she just walks a few feet on the very same platform where she was handed the insects in a previous scene, and then inserts them into the droid. Jango couldn't do that himself?

She is also a shape shifter. When exactly is that important to her role? In the split of a second when Anakin is looking at her in the cockpit? Because she certainly doesn't use this power to any effect whatsoever in the rest of the film. Not even in the damn club. Here's an idea why George went in this direction: "It was only a lizard kids, not a real person".

And why doesn't Obi-Wan and Anakin pursue Jango with the same tenacity as they did her? They f**king see him just after he kills her! Grab a new speeder and use those shortcuts Ani...

[Just your average movie goer]

It is insane, isn't it?

I like your point about working on these movies... and I think it's interesting to note that Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman were not familiar with the old movies at the time they were hired. I think this may well have been deliberate.

If they'd hired me to play Anakin (firstly, I'd say "I'm flattered but I'm not tall enough for the part."), I'd be excited... but when I got to the studio and read the script, I'd be out of there.

I'd say "No way, George. If you want to destroy the childhood memories of millions of Star Wars fans, you can count me out."

And then I'd storm out of there (most likely breaking something on the way out ).

This post has been edited by Just your average movie goer: 23 August 2004 - 07:08 PM

[civilian_number_two]

Once again I am rewarded for never having seen AOTC. Why you ask? Because I get to ask ARE YOU SERIOUS? and really mean it! Did that really happen? I knew 3P0 had been blown up, which to a careful observer completely revoves the drama from that moment in EMPIRE, since we know repair is possible, even relatively simple. So I knew Lucas had already made that weak decision, and I knew about the head swap and the "Die Jedi Scum" but really? He says "I am beside myself" and "this is a drag?" Jeebus, those are like lines from a Mad Magazine parody, not STAR WARS!

[jariten]

at the risk of turning this into another 'old republics ethics' thread...i'll keep my mouth shut. apart from the stuff i agree with. such as

Jar Jar Binks-

while i dont dislike this character, there were times when Lucas used him to excess, there were times when he was just too much

1. the farting

2. during the gungan/droid battle (which i hated, primarily because of Lucas' claustophobic direction which gave us no sense of the scale/size of the battle) energy balls chase JJ down a slope. when he sees them, he pulls an awful "yaahhhh!!" type face, and tries to exit screen right. but his eyes remain on the screen for a second longer. Looney tunes should have no place here. easily TPM's worst moment.

3. JJ's whistling after he flung the fish at Sebulba. cliche.

4. JJ faints. predictable. cliche.

5. "exsqueeze me!" gagggggghhhhhsg77777w8888,,,;;;;''''!!!!!!!! i can just picture Lucas sat at his desk chuckling to himself after writing that one.

i didnt mind his jumping into the water bit. in fact, heres all the points where i laughed.

1. "oh, goober fish!"

2. how wude! (when R2 bumps into him)

er...

ok, it took AotC for me to really start to like him, and to see what Lucas is doing with him, and where hes taking him.

[barend]

2 things... because that's all i want to add at this point.

ep1. THE PLANET CORE UNDERWATER BYPASS!!!!
HOLY FUCKAMOLE`
seriously wahat the fuck, buck? that's the dumbest idea since... well ever!!!
How can there be a fucking river running through the planet fucking co-fucking-ore???????

sorry about the sass mouth... it just really irritates the living ....

SECONDLY....
i think chefy may have outlined this... maybe it was me (i don't know)... someone said it i think...

but Jangos head should have fallen out of his helmut!!!
that would be hilarious!!! and i would have given a standing ovation if it had happened!!! it could have landed on little bobas foot... then he could have hoped around in pain.

"hey kid,
your dads dead,
and he hurt your foot,
with his head"

it's mean... but i really needed something lighthearted after that creapy "romance"

[Paladin]

Good luck with it. Sorry to hear about the burns. That's terrible. I hope you're recovering as quickly as you can manage. Hang in there, mate.

I got those burns when I went to the beach and stayed out in the sun for hours on end. I can handel it now, but I think about 2 or 3 days more and they should be 90% healed. I still have trouble putting on and taking off my shirts, though.

Once again I am rewarded for never having seen AOTC. Why you ask? Because I get to ask ARE YOU SERIOUS? and really mean it! Did that really happen? I knew 3P0 had been blown up, which to a careful observer completely revoves the drama from that moment in EMPIRE, since we know repair is possible, even relatively simple. So I knew Lucas had already made that weak decision, and I knew about the head swap and the "Die Jedi Scum" but really? He says "I am beside myself" and "this is a drag?" Jeebus, those are like lines from a Mad Magazine parody, not STAR WARS!

Yes, we are serious! The whole scene with C3P0 having his head knocked off and connected to a soldier droid's head was real. But here's the wang, the whole idea was so ludicrus that I almosted wanted to cry. The way that 3P0 keeps talking as R2 drags his head across the arena is so dumb it it's beyond simply childish. I think that even childrens shows would have more serious jokes on them than that!

ok, it took AotC for me to really start to like him, and to see what Lucas is doing with him, and where hes taking him.

How is that possible? Jar Jar in AOTC had a very small, but ever so important role. When I saw the scene where Palpatine expresses his doubt that any Senator would propose to give him emergancy powers, I instantly knew that Jar Jar would do it, and when I saw him speaking in the senate scene, I wanted to cry and shout out loud, but I was in a movie theater and I didn't want to disturb the other people watching it.

but Jangos head should have fallen out of his helmut!!!
that would be hilarious!!! and i would have given a standing ovation if it had happened!!! it could have landed on little bobas foot... then he could have hoped around in pain.

That would have been pretty morbid AND funny at the same time, but Star Wars humor was never into that sort of thing... still, where DID Jango's head go?

George: "In this scene, I want Jar Jar to jump 30 feet into the air, screaming and spinning like a maniac before he plunges into the water".
HK-47: "What?"
George: "You heard me, it'll be fun! By the way, I just figured out what the Gungans weapons will look like!"
HK-47:"Like what George..."
George:"Like giant blue beach balls! And they bounce too!!"
HK-47:"Okaaaay..."

OK, you're going to love this part. The energy that the beach balls use is actually MINED! That means theyt have electricty or power mines around... I've heard to naturual gas, but even this ridicules beyond hope!

ep1. THE PLANET CORE UNDERWATER BYPASS!!!!
HOLY FUCKAMOLE`
seriously wahat the fuck, buck? that's the dumbest idea since... well ever!!!
How can there be a fucking river running through the planet fucking co-fucking-ore???????

Maybe the planet core was just a name that they called, but even that is stupid since it's so damn confusing. Plus, just how far away is Theed city from the Gungan city? It can't possibly be all that far, and there's no reason to hurry all that much, since Padme/Amidala would continously refuse to sign the treaty for a long, long time.

it's mean... but i really needed something lighthearted after that creapy "romance"

The 'Romance' in AOTC was probably the worest part of the movie, other than the arena fight. The music that they play and the way they run around laughing is stupid, there's no other way to put it. Even the Lion King provided WAY more convincing romance than the crap they curned out in the movie. Maybe Lucas needs to do more ripping off from Disney from now on.

[Just your average movie goer]

QUOTE 
George: "In this scene, I want Jar Jar to jump 30 feet into the air, screaming and spinning like a maniac before he plunges into the water".
HK-47: "What?"
George: "You heard me, it'll be fun! By the way, I just figured out what the Gungans weapons will look like!"
HK-47:"Like what George..."
George:"Like giant blue beach balls! And they bounce too!!"
HK-47:"Okaaaay..."




OK, you're going to love this part. The energy that the beach balls use is actually MINED! That means theyt have electricty or power mines around... I've heard to naturual gas, but even this ridicules beyond hope!

Um.... I am speechless. Oh my God.

Mined? Mined? Lucas is even more stupid than I thought (and I didn't think that could be possible). Add another one to the Reasons to ... er... Strongly Dislike the Prequels.

[Despondent]

I wanted to cry and shout out loud, but I was in a movie theater and I didn't want to disturb the other people watching it.

I don't think it would have mattered. Anyone who would've minded would certainly qualify as "disturbed."

Good points Paladin. I just couldn't help myself.

[Paladin]

My last post suffered from bad keyboard egronomics, which is probably why I did all those typos. It's amazing what a difficult keyboard can do to my writing at times.

As it is doing now. :angry:

Um.... I am speechless. Oh my God.

You'd better believe it. Even though my memory is a bit sketchy, I do believe that he did say they were mined!

This post has been edited by Paladin: 24 August 2004 - 10:51 AM