[Slade]

Dear Barend,

Some idiots just had a a dishonorly duel in my backyard, and one left the other there to die. I'd like to get the critically injured one some medical attention, but he's mumbling incoherently and waving a pistol around. How should I handle this situation?

Concerned and Cautious

[barend]

Dear barend,

I did as you advised, won the duel and left my opponent to die. And since I figured he wouldn't be home any time soon, I broke into his house and stole all of his worldly possessions. So I was wondering, do you know of any good fences I could contact?

Yours,
Friendly Neighborhood Gentleman Thief (No, seriously!)

dear Friendly Neighborhood Gentleman Thief (No, seriously!),

congratulations on your recent victory and aquisititons.

do I know of any good fences you could contact?

there are plenty of good fences you could contact. In fact, you've probably got one around your house marking the perimiter of your property. I don't know what response you're expecting from them as they're only made of wood and old nails, but there should pleanty in your loacl area. and most of them are built sturdily enough to resist a little contact.

yours
the orchistrator of trechery
barend.

Dear Barend,

Some idiots just had a a dishonorly duel in my backyard, and one left the other there to die. I'd like to get the critically injured one some medical attention, but he's mumbling incoherently and waving a pistol around. How should I handle this situation?

Concerned and Cautious

dear Concerned and Cautious,

dueling pistols traditionally only have the one shot, so i wouldn't worry, just hit him with a shovel and start digging a shallow grave.

...and don't forget to slip the mediator in as well.

er... should there be one in your yard... as... er... has been known to happpen in these situations.

:cough:

barend

[TruJade]

Ok B,
I need your help

One of my close friends
did a Tife Ass thing to me,

Like hooking up with a guy i like
(and she knows i like him)

and then documenting it.
Meaning the Bia-tch took pictures

than had the balls to
send them to my best friends

as if she (my BF) wouldn't tell me
about them or send me the pics.

I'm not gonna lie, dude i'm PISSED
What do i say and how do i act toward her?

[Otal Nimrodi]

Dear Barend

In my half-dead hysteria, I seem to have threatened to kill everyone.

How would you advise I do this without getting up? I think my spine's broken.

-Still dying

[barend]

Ok B,
I need your help

One of my close friends
did a Tife Ass thing to me,

Like hooking up with a guy i like
(and she knows i like him)

and then documenting it.
Meaning the Bia-tch took pictures

than had the balls to
send them to my best friends

as if she (my BF) wouldn't tell me
about them or send me the pics.

I'm not gonna lie, dude i'm PISSED
What do i say and how do i act toward her?

what exactly is happening in these pics?

either way, your "friend" is a cow!

but i'm going to need an inventory of revenge material, as i know nothing about this vile hussey.
surely you must have something over her.

i recomend a duel to the death. i know a few tips to help you win.

Dear Barend

In my half-dead hysteria, I seem to have threatened to kill everyone.

How would you advise I do this without getting up? I think my spine's broken.

-Still dying

just do whatever the nice man with the shovel says.

[SimeSublime]

Dear Barend,
Tife Ass? What does this odd term mean?
-Out Englished.

[TruJade]

Quick Note
'Tife' was a typo
the word is Trife...

perhaps that will help you
B, in your definition
Which i anxiously await.

As for my revenge plot
its still a work in progress
But know this

I will be avenged
No one escapes my clutches
No one...

[Gobbler]

*sigh* I could listen to this girl forever.

[barend]

Quick Note
'Tife' was a typo
the word is Trife...

perhaps that will help you
B, in your definition
Which i anxiously await.

As for my revenge plot
its still a work in progress
But know this

I will be avenged
No one escapes my clutches
No one...

no, i knew what you ment. i just needed more data to form an adequatley diabolical plan.

but screw it, just shave her head in her sleep or something.

Dear Barend,
Tife Ass? What does this odd term mean?
-Out Englished.

dear Out Englished,

a trifle assholistic.

[TruJade]

Okay just an update
on the 'Trife Ass friend' situation
So we talked.... aka
her face met my fist.

She was full of "Oh i'm soo sorry
and "You know what it's like at parties
when you're drunk and horny."
Naturally, i was having none

of those lame ass excuses.
After i vented my anger verbally
She dropped to the floor,
i told her never to mess

with me like that again
One last kick to the face for
good measure, like my sister taught me
(thank you sis) and now, finally....

the healing of our relationship
and her face may begin.
I'm usually not that violent
but it felt pretty good.

But really thanks B,
for the advice on shaving heads.
I just might use that next time
And i'll call it the Barend Special in your honor

[barend]

actually kicking people in the face is the 'barend special' but cool, thanks.

nice one.

the world needs less horny people scoring at the expense of their friends happiness.

you dealt with this wonderfully.