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Cocoon — a utopia in the sky. Its inhabitants believed their world a paradise.
Under the Sanctum's rule, Cocoon had long known peace and prosperity.
Mankind was blessed by its protectors, the benevolent fal'Cie, and believed that tranquil days would continue forever.
Their tranquility was shattered with the discovery of one hostile fal'Cie.
The moment that fal'Cie from Pulse — the feared and detested lowerworld — awoke from its slumber, peace on Cocoon came to an end.
Fal'Cie curse humans, turning them into magic-wielding servants.
They become l'Cie — chosen of the fal'Cie.
Those branded with the mark of a l'Cie carry the burden of either fulfilling their Focus or facing a fateharsher than death itself.
A prayer for redemption.
A wish to protect the world.
A promise to challenge destiny.
After thirteen days of fates intertwined, the battle begins.
Ah so we have cocoon and pulse. I wonder what they call their world of cocoon for short? Also, theres some mischief with the good falcie and the bad falcie and the bad falcie make lcie and the lcie do......... something with a focus or suffer "fateharsher". And that little bullshit haiku? I wished to protect the world once, but then I challenged destiny, and let me tell you, never challenge destiny to a hot dog eating contest. Vomit and half digested wieners everywhere, there was!
But, like any great RPG, a poorly written description and uncreative, non immersive terminology isnt what counts. What counts is the characters. So lets look at them!
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This solitary young woman speaks little of herself – even her true name is a mystery. She is known to others simply as "Lightning."
I am amazed. I am amazed that these jackasses used one sentence of a two sentence description to point out that the main character is known to others by her FUGGING LISTED NAME! That doesnt make her sound mysterious, that's just dumb. You could say the same of any character if you were an idiot who needed to take up space in a character description. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe all games would benefit from some half assed intrigue. Lets see: "The mysterious plumber is known to others only as..... Mario!"
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Vanille is an endearing young woman with a relentlessly sunny disposition. Her bright personality gives no hint of the dark resolve that lies within.
First of all, I already want to put her in the front line of my battle order and watch her face get shredded. Second of all, I hope you get to meet her sisters. Assuming they keep up the insane flavor theme, I'm pretty sure their parents expected them to grow up to be porn starlets. "Tonight on Skinemax, we'll bring you the Neapolitan sisters in "Chocolate covered strawberries and vanilla creme!"
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Hope has enjoyed a markedly uneventful youth on humankind's haven of Cocoon.
His name is a four letter word. Fitting, because I can think of several four letter words to apply to anyone who thought this was a way to gain our interest in their character. Jesus guys, are you even trying? I hope in the actual game book they give him some more depth. Maybe tell us about how he had above average scores in Biology, or his membership in glee club. I cant WAIT to recruit this guy now!
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Fang is a mysterious woman who is working with the Sanctum military despite bearing the mark of the detested l'Cie. She has a strong-minded personality and is unconcerned with trivialities.
Another great fantasy name. And watch out for this one, because she's unconcerned with trivialities! As opposed to the usual rpg character who is, ya know, concerned with trivialities to the point of being OCD. Speaking of, that would make for a very interesting party member! I'll kick fang out of the party and recruit an obsessive compulsive hand washer. "Time to go question fate and challenge destiny or something!" "No... the hands are not clean... must wash the hands.... not clean... NOT CLEAN!" His special attack will be a gout of germex to the eyes. OWNed!
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An irrepressible, fiery young man, Snow dives headfirst into danger using nothing but his powerful physique as a weapon.
In game speak I think this means "bring a lot of potions for this jackoff"
There is one character whose description and name dont enrgage me... But it points out that he carries around a chocobo with him (insert Soviet Russia pun) and then reveals that he looks like this
So, we have our tough guy/girl, our monk, our uh.... guy with good scores in biology, and finally FF13 allows us to fill the hole in every adventuring party's line up, the role of "creepy learing middle eastern child molester"
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Sera is Lightning's younger sister and Snow's fiancee. Always showing concern for Lightning, she has an inner fortitude that allows her to make her own decisions without relying on her older sister.
Holy fuck! A character that can make her own decisions without relying on her older sister? Ok, where's the game guide, I need to get her first. That power is going to tear the hell out of any enemy I face! Damn if only Vivi or Celes or Vincent had been this cool. But clearly, no other RPG character holds a candle to Sera. Especially because she's one of the only two people in the damned game with an actual made up name. Or maybe Sears didnt offer enough cash and they made an eleventh hour letter switch...
So there you have it. I know the cinematics will likely be shiney, I know that summoning will do moderate damage and take up ten minutes of your precious life while looking super cool.... But for gods sake dont buy this game until these people learn to write proper ad copy!
This post has been edited by J m HofMarN: 25 February 2010 - 02:57 PM