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WBB CH 18 one of my best

#1 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 21 June 2006 - 12:31 PM

Check out this chapter. From here on out Chad's storyline gets moving and there'll be an interesting chapter with Trent next.

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
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#2 User is offline   SimeSublime Icon

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Posted 22 June 2006 - 08:59 AM

Ooh, the plot thickens. I noticed that a few of your paragraphs seem to overly describe the way characters are feeling. I'm reminded of the Robot Devil in Futurama "You can't just say how your characters feel, that makes me angry".
The Green Knight, SimeSublime the Puffinesque, liker of chips and hunter of gnomes.
JM's official press secretary, scientific advisor, diplomat and apparent antagonist?
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#3 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 22 June 2006 - 12:27 PM

Hum... I'm not sure what I can do about that. I know it's better to show how characters feel rather than tell about it, but in this situation I'm trying to establish a few things because I don't have a great deal of time to get my relationships fleshed out. I hope it dosn't seem hurried. Do you have any suggestions or examples of things I could work to better effect?

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
0

#4 User is offline   SimeSublime Icon

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Posted 23 June 2006 - 03:11 AM

If I could write I'd be a writer, sorry.
The Green Knight, SimeSublime the Puffinesque, liker of chips and hunter of gnomes.
JM's official press secretary, scientific advisor, diplomat and apparent antagonist?
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#5 User is offline   J m HofMarN Icon

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Posted 23 June 2006 - 11:51 AM

Touche. I'll just pay extra attention to it when I edit the novel. Thanks again.

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I don't know about you but I have never advocated that homosexuals, for any reason, be cut out of their mother's womb and thrown into a bin.
- Deucaon toes a hard line on gay fetus rights.
0
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