[El_Gostro]

I'm not asexual,I just suck at picking up girls,and dates(I could write a manual on how to screw those up)!
But I digress...

[Gobbler]

El_Gostro, on 16 September 2009 - 09:32 PM, said:

(I could write a manual on how to screw those up)

Go on, I'm listening.

[Casual]

Kirel, on 12 September 2009 - 03:58 PM, said:

I am an asexual. As such, people like to tell me that I don't exist, nor does any other asexual. Some also prefer to say that anyone who identifies as asexual must be either sexually repressed or brain-damaged and incapable of emotion, like some sort of naturally occurring Cyberman. In response, I've decided to unleash a libido-destroying virus upon the world make a list of "Awesome Asexuals" that I can put on my wall and point at so people will shut up about the whole thing. It may or may not include pictures.

Now Yahtzee has sorta-kinda maybe identified himself as an asexual, but I'd like confirmation of the fact. I would ask for confirmation of sufficient awesomeness as well, but I suppose writing the Chzo Mythos games qualifies. (Speaking of which, might Trilby also meet the criteria? Maybe? Please?)

Also, if anyone can name another sentient being, real or imagined, who is both awesome and entirely uninterested in sex, let me know.

Doesn't he make frequent references to girlfriends he's had/has? Also no asexual would talk about triple cunted hookers this much.

[Kirel]

Casual, on 16 September 2009 - 06:26 PM, said:

Doesn't he make frequent references to girlfriends he's had/has? Also no asexual would talk about triple cunted hookers this much.

You make a valid point.

[Thaluikhain]

Well, he is being paid to talk about triple cunted hookers.

Mind you, from my innate masterful skills of psychology, and my in-depth study of Yahtzee via his webcomics, freeware games and ZP reviews, it does seem a bit odd for him to claim to be asexual despite having been in apparently happy sexual realtionships up until fairly recently.

BTW, I do (sort of) know a girl who says she is asexual (I've no reason to distrust her on this) and spends alot of time complaing about how awkward it is...she can't tell her family or her work that she's not like the otehr girls and she's not interested in boys.

[David-kyo]

Since when is not giving a shit about unimportant stuff a bad thing that provokes such angst in her? Did I miss a meeting?

This post has been edited by David-kyo: 17 September 2009 - 11:52 AM

[AdamM]

Wait, so first asexuals are self-important fakers attempting to hide their own inadequacy, and now you find it unbelievable that they could possibly have social anxiety stemming from their deviation from the norm? Are you taking the piss or something? No-one could possibly have this much cynical twattish seeping out of every pore.

[Thaluikhain]

David-kyo, on 18 September 2009 - 03:50 AM, said:

Since when is not giving a shit about unimportant stuff a bad thing that provokes such angst in her?

Her family and workplace are full of people with very traditional views, who'd be obliged not to be understanding.

[David-kyo]

AdamM, on 19 September 2009 - 09:21 PM, said:

Wait, so first asexuals are self-important fakers attempting to hide their own inadequacy, and now you find it unbelievable that they could possibly have social anxiety stemming from their deviation from the norm? Are you taking the piss or something? No-one could possibly have this much cynical twattish seeping out of every pore.

Anyway, I don't regard other people's opinions to have greater importance to me than my own, and I do believe in the freedom of choice. If someone thinks they work that way, I will respect their choice, even though I won't understand them and considering the differences between our sets of values, we'll probably never become close friends.

So what?

This post has been edited by David-kyo: 20 September 2009 - 02:09 AM

[Casual]

Gobbler, on 16 September 2009 - 09:17 PM, said:

Go on, I'm listening.

Just noticed this I too am an authority on this matter. I will share my years of wisdom!

1) Don't leave your house or do anything social where members of the opposite sex may be present. If woman can't get to you they can't make you part of their sexual games!

2) Hang around with a group of other guys no sane woman will go within ten feet of. If you hang around with guys who are ugly or smell and have no social skills you could look like a male model and chances are you'll still get a wide berth.

3) Dress like your mum still buys your clothes. Designer names are a no no. Buy your clothes from super markets and make sure they don't fit well so you never look good. Most women won't go near a badly dressed guy.

4)If you do end up at a social event (A BIG no no given rule 1 but sometimes it happens) make sure the male to female ratio is at least 4 males to every female. Hopefully you'll be nothing compared to the other guys at the event and you won't get a look in.

5) Try to develop a crippling personality disorder. That way even if a member of the opposite sex does attempt to communicate with you your lack of social skills and apparently broken brain should scare her off.

I could go on but I think I have the major bases covered.

[Kirel]

So even though Yahtzee has now identified as celibate, and doesn't appear to fit my personal definition of an asexual (though I think he fits AVEN's?), I am putting him on my Awesome Asexuals list anyway. Why?

Because he wrote this.

"It's like I've eaten spam a few times from a few popular brands and in a few serving suggestions, and found I'm not really keen on spam, 'cos it's salty and slimy and looks like something you might find in the alien queen's litter box. But I've found myself in a world that's completely obsessed with spam. People spend their entire lives in pursuit of spam. Every single advert on TV sells their product by placing it alongside spam. Movies have to work in at least one spam scene to reach the broadest audience. People break up and get divorced because they don't exchange enough spam. Soldiers are given time out to go have some spam. Low-risk prisoners are given spam visiting rights. People die for spam. Entire economies have been based around spam. Selling spam is the world's oldest profession. The lack of spam has been linked to mental disorders. The only thing getting teenagers through difficult puberty is the thought of one day getting to have spam of their very own.

And when I explain to people that I'm not that into spam they tell me I must be some kind of hopeless cissy girl, or that I just haven't found the right spam yet. It feels like when a theist says "I'll pray for you." Or when a parent of some hideous mewling womb dropping says "You'll understand when you have one of your own." Quite infuriating. It's just tinned meat, guys."

DEAR GOD THANK YOU FOR BEN CROSHAW, SERIOUSLY. Yahtzee, you have said exactly what asexuals everywhere are thinking every day, and said it in an amusing way. I thank you.

[Thaluikhain]

Though his last para, which you haven't included, was really hilarious.

[Gobbler]

Congratulations Kirel, you actually managed to create a topic which shows that Mr. Croshaw is still lurking these forums from time to time. We should all take the chance to insert our very own subliminal messages and see if they'll zebra cow zebra cow pop up in one of his next videos.

[AdamM]

I've always maintained Yahtzee reads what we post, if only to pretend it's a cross-section of some wider Internet opinion when he writes about it.

It also sounds like David-kyo really likes Hungary and has a certain disdain for a number of other countries. Perhaps this is symptomatic of his inability to get on with anyone different from him?

[David-kyo]

AdamM, on 21 September 2009 - 11:53 AM, said:

It also sounds like David-kyo really likes Hungary and has a certain disdain for a number of other countries. Perhaps this is symptomatic of his inability to get on with anyone different from him?

Yes.

Actually, I fucking hate this place.

This post has been edited by David-kyo: 21 September 2009 - 06:11 AM