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Superman Returns . . . . . . and crash lands

#1 User is offline   Jedi_Arco Icon

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Posted 28 June 2006 - 01:51 AM

Please... do not see Superman Returns.

I have a full review coming soon. I'm currently out of state and am relying on the wifi connection on my bro's laptop not giving out, so the review may take a couple of days. That and the fact that I have to let the utter disappoitment that is Superman Returns settle in my brain a bit. crying.gif

Suffice it to say that Superman Returns is a waste of time and money. I do not recommend this movie to anyone. And this is coming from someone that was very interested in this film from a long time ago. Someone that tried to shoot down the naysayers and look for hope no matter what I heard. I was wrong. I went into this film hopeful and determined to give it a chance. I wasn't going in completely blind though. And my expectations weren't too high, since I didn't want to be let down.

It was a pointless effort. This film is a waste. I'll go into more later, as I'm tired from driving and it's late and the wifi might decide to disconnect me at any moment, but please don't see this movie. If you decide you must, buy a ticket for Cars or Nacho Libre or some other movie and sneak into Superman. I garauntee you'll want to walk out after the first hour and a half or so.

More coming soon.
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Posted 28 June 2006 - 09:18 AM

Out of the dozens of reviews I've heard, either "professional" or friends going to see it or posting about it online, this is the only truly negative one I've seen thus far.

Take that for what it's worth. Personally, I'm dying to see it tonight.
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Posted 28 June 2006 - 09:44 AM

C'mon! Write that full review! ohmy.gif
I wanted to see this movie... sad.gif
PRECIOUS VELIUS....
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Posted 29 June 2006 - 04:31 AM

And just because you didn't like the movie, we won't like it too? Anyways, I pray that I will like it, because I've been dying to see this movie.

So, what's wrong with the movie according to you?
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Posted 30 June 2006 - 02:37 PM

I saw it. It's too long for the story it has to tell, about what would happen if Superman went away fro a while and then came back to find that the world had moved on. Only, they hadn't moved on, because everyone was happy to see him. Happy like crazy. Kate Bosworth looks just beautiful in this one, so hooray for that, and Kevin Spacey is as annoying as ever. I think nevertheless I liked the movie, but won't say why to avoid spoilers, but it's that kind of "liked it" that includes the proviso "probably won't watch it ever again." I certainly don't think it's a failure, but I don't see any reason for repeated viewing.
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Posted 30 June 2006 - 03:27 PM

Thanks for not spoiling it. I had to stop two podcasts when they got to extended reviews, but were favorable.

I hope the worldview of this forum will appreciate the non-canonical line: "truth, justice, and ... all that stuff". sleep.gif
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#7 User is offline   Jedi_Arco Icon

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Posted 03 July 2006 - 03:49 AM

Hi all, sorry for the tease and then no review. I just got back to Florida from a week away and I'm hoping to sit down sometime later today (it's 4:45am as I'm writing this) to do a thorough review of Superman Returns.

I have to caution all, it will be SPOILER FILLED!!!!! I'll repeat at the start of the review, just in case someone misses it here.

And I want to point out that I'm a huge comic geek from way back and have access to one of the biggest Superman fans EVER. With his help and input I intend to point out why this movie is far from worthy of being called Superman.

Also, an interesting sidenote before the full review: the box office on this movie is not going well. So far it's 5 day total - that's FIVE day total, not just the weekend - is only 84 million. Very disappointing considering this moive cost well over $200 million to make, plus another $60-100 million on the marketing campaign alone. And with Pirates next week, it's only going to go downhill from there.

This leads me to a startling conclusion. The word-of-mouth on this film is bad, and it's trickling down to others, from people that have seen it already (most likely at the Tues night previews) to avoid this film. I know I'm not the only one who ran out and told people not to see it.

Anyway, I don't mean to anger or upset anyone, and it is just my opinion and mine alone. I merely wish to share why I thought this movie was bad, not just as a Superman film, I was prepared for that already, but as a film in general.

I hope to post it later today, once I've gotten some rest. Please, I'm not trying to insight an online riot here, or incur any flaming (but I know it's unfortunately inevitable sometimes) I only want to help give people a reason not to see and understand why I didn't like it. And to make sure it does die at the box office and spare us all from a sequel. rolleyes.gif
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Posted 03 July 2006 - 01:35 PM

Yeah, it didn't look that good to me. It seemed a gloriously B movie from what I saw.

But from me... That's a good thing.

Plus, Lex Luthor in this one looks rather amusing.
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Posted 03 July 2006 - 02:08 PM

Oh come on, he's a short bald man with a psycho complex. He's got to look rather amusing after the Austin Powers movies.

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Posted 03 July 2006 - 04:01 PM

Gene Hackman Lex was a joke. Spacey is a little over the top I hear, but not awful.

Michael Rosenbaum Lex from Smallville is pretty good.
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Posted 03 July 2006 - 08:22 PM

QUOTE (Jedi_Arco @ Jul 3 2006, 01:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi all, sorry for the tease and then no review. I just got back to Florida from a week away and I'm hoping to sit down sometime later today (it's 4:45am as I'm writing this) to do a thorough review of Superman Returns.

I have to caution all, it will be SPOILER FILLED!!!!! I'll repeat at the start of the review, just in case someone misses it here.

And I want to point out that I'm a huge comic geek from way back and have access to one of the biggest Superman fans EVER. With his help and input I intend to point out why this movie is far from worthy of being called Superman.

Also, an interesting sidenote before the full review: the box office on this movie is not going well. So far it's 5 day total - that's FIVE day total, not just the weekend - is only 84 million. Very disappointing considering this moive cost well over $200 million to make, plus another $60-100 million on the marketing campaign alone. And with Pirates next week, it's only going to go downhill from there.

This leads me to a startling conclusion. The word-of-mouth on this film is bad, and it's trickling down to others, from people that have seen it already (most likely at the Tues night previews) to avoid this film. I know I'm not the only one who ran out and told people not to see it.

Anyway, I don't mean to anger or upset anyone, and it is just my opinion and mine alone. I merely wish to share why I thought this movie was bad, not just as a Superman film, I was prepared for that already, but as a film in general.

I hope to post it later today, once I've gotten some rest. Please, I'm not trying to insight an online riot here, or incur any flaming (but I know it's unfortunately inevitable sometimes) I only want to help give people a reason not to see and understand why I didn't like it. And to make sure it does die at the box office and spare us all from a sequel. rolleyes.gif


I guess that's what happens when you hire an actor and actress who look like high schoolers rather than adults to play Superman & Lois Lane, respectively. The late Christopher Reeve was in his mid-20s, but he looked like a man, where as Routh still looks like he should be playing high school jocks (or at least the Hollywood idea of a high school aged person).
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Posted 03 July 2006 - 08:24 PM

I liked it.

Keven Spacey makes a nice movie Lex. He makes the 'Looney Luthor' and adds in the 'Pissed off because he was in jail for five years' aspect. I have no idea who the girl was, but I don't follow Superman that often (at all).

But yes, it is long. Which is the main reason I won't be watching it a second time. But it is a great way to just piss away an afternoon.

Lastly, what does Bryan Singer have against Lois Lane. That poor woman had more knocks to the head than a boxer in the fighting ring.
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Posted 04 July 2006 - 01:49 AM

QUOTE (Despondent @ Jul 3 2006, 04:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Gene Hackman Lex was a joke.


you what?

Gene Hackman owned that role... and every other role he ever did and even a few he didn't just because he rocks so much... even that fight he lost at that cafe, he technically won as far as i'm conceared because he didn't hit below the belt like the other guy did, and more importantly because at the end of the fight he was still gene hackman, and not some double parking asshole!!!

i don't really want to see this movie... but i do want to see kevin spacey's interpretation of luthor...
and i'm curious to see how brian singer handled it...
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Posted 04 July 2006 - 02:10 PM

Gene Hackman owned Lex. I just want to get that out there. Of course, it was the old school Lex. You have to remember, there have been multiple takes on the characters in the Superman universe, just like any other comic out there. Comics can get very convuluted (sp?) and confusing after so many years and so many different writers and their ideas. DC has an ingenious way of handling this. Every so many years they do a Crisis. The first was in the mid eighties and was called the Infinitey Crisis. They exlpained the reason for so many different versions of their heroes and powers by "discovering" there were two different earths, each existing in it's own dimension, and each with it's own interpretation of the different DC heroes and villians.

Now, Lex in the Donner movie from '78 is a great character, but he is the pre-Crisis Lex. The evil scientist/criminal mastermind that is a little funny. Hackman nailed it, and much of the credit goes to Donner for capturing the character so well. All the characaters in it for that matter. But everyone needs to understand that Superman: The Movie was the Golden Age, Pre-Crisis Superman et al. Nowadays, post-Crisis, Superman has been depowered a bit, and Lex is now basically an evil Bruce Wayne. Lex is a billionaire industrialist who feels he is Metropolis' golden child and not some alien from another world that he doesn't trust. Anyone that has seen Superman: The Animated Series should be very familiar with the current Lex Luthor character. That's the Lex that should've been in this film. For me, I would've loved to have seen anyone other than Lex and have him as merely a background character that could've been set up for the second film.

This movie should have been a relaunch of the series; a restart. Not a continuation of the old series.

Longwinded, I tend to be. My full review is forthcoming and I warn you... it is LONG.
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Posted 04 July 2006 - 06:20 PM

Okay, here it comes... it's huge guys, but you asked for it.

I apologize in advance for the size of this, but I wanted to cover everything, or most everything.

Again, I'm sorry for the size.

Okay, here we go...

First off, anyone who read my X-Men 3 review already knows that I'm a huge comic nerd. And I mean in that the good way. I’m also pretty forgiving when it comes to movies based on comic book characters. Spider-man for instance got some things wrong (the webshooters man! Not organic!) but it’s a fine movie that captured the essence of Spidey and what makes him such a great character. And I know that there are many out there that disagree with my take on X3, but it had a huge story to tell, was the shortest of the three, and had a late production start with a release date that was already set in stone. And as I said of it then, it worked within the universe they had established in the previous two films.
And while I don't consider myself an expert on Superman, I do know more than the average joe. My brother, on the other hand, is someone I consider to be a Superman expert and has more knowledge about the character than anyone else I know. That being said, he and I saw this movie at the Tuesday night preview and were both thoroughly disappointed. With his help, and my own personal knowledge about film (I'm a film/theatre major and have done some student stuff) I hope to share why I don't like this movie at all.

I also have the help of some friends who have seen this movie as well, and were also very disappointed with it. I have (technically) seen this twice, so I'm not posting this after only one viewing of said film.

********** SPOILER WARNING****************

I cannot, unfortunately, go into the reasons why this film is so terrible without going into spoiler territory. For those who want to keep reading, I'll TRY my best to cover non-spoiler material first, and then give another warning when spoilers arise.

Up, up and away . . .


SUPERMAN RETURNS

Where to begin? I did not walk into this movie expecting it to be the end all be all of comic book flicks. My brother and I actually went in with our expectations low, considering there really hasn't been a truly correct version of Superman ever on film. Even the Donner film from '78 isn't completely accurate on many levels, however it is the closest anyone has ever come to capturing Superman on the big screen. Smallville has done the best job of capturing Clark, albeit while taking some major liberties within the Superman mythos. The liberties taken on that show are more forgivable because it is dealing with things that haven't been covered before, either in comic form, or through another medium. They even have Lex right for goodness sake, but that's neither here nor there; we're talking about Superman Returns and the Donner film exclusively.

Why this movie doesn't work:

1) The Requel -
For one, it was huge mistake to try and make what some are calling a requel. In other words, a redone sequel to the first two Superman movies from '78 and '80 respectively. In my opinion, a huge opportunity was missed by not making this a complete relaunch of the franchise. Too many plot holes are opened up, and too many questions are left unanswered. Did Zod and the other evil Kryptonians attack the planet or not? It’s never touched upon here and no one seems to bring it up. When Kitty asks Lex if he had ever been to the Fortress of Solitude before, he gives that sly grin to the camera. So..?? Has he? I guess so. Confusing much? If Singer felt it was worth the trouble of trying to stay in continuity with the originals then he shouldn’t beat around the bush. Has Lex been there before or not? Yes or no.

By making this a sequel to Superman and Superman II they decided to possibly alienate a large portion of the audience. They assume that most everyone has seen both Superman: The Movie and Superman II before going to the theatre to see Superman Returns. While this may be true to some degree, not everyone has done so. Unfortunately most kids that I know don't like to watch those "old movies" from yesteryear because they are simply older. Even some friends of mine that are 10 years my senior feel that it is time to move on from the Donner movie. It’s been done; it’s time for something fresh.

The film makers should have taken the time to do a complete relaunch. Refresh the origin. I understand that the way Donner chose to do the first Superman is brilliant and timeless, but that doesn't mean it has to stay that way. It's time to move on. Batman Begins got it right. A total relaunch, ignoring all that came before and starting from scratch to redefine the character and his purpose. And I know that there was less of the Batman origin established in the Burton flicks, but considering all the changes made to Batman (ie - the suit, the feel and look of the film, his characterization, the supporting characters, the villains) and the fact that the Batman franchise is much younger than Superman, I’d say it was time that Superman got a relaunch too.

I'll get into the Donner/Singer similarities in the following section here as this movie is full of it.


2) Script / The Movie Itself -
In a word: Boring. Monosyllabic characters; uninvolving plots; one dimensional characters; little to no action; and nothing that truly engaged me as a viewer. Plus, the plot it did have was predictable in every way. It is at this point I will point out the way that this film is almost completely the same as Superman: The Movie that Richard Donner made in 1978.

What lies ahead may be considered by some to be SPOILER, but please read a little to see. I will tell you for sure what is definitely spoiler when it comes up, but I don't consider the following to be spoiler material at all.

It worried me when the film opened with a paragraph for the audience to read. It was almost as though they decided that instead of filming the text from the script they just threw it up on the screen. Basically, astronomers discovered that Krypton may still be out there so Supes decides to leave to find out. He tells no one and just leaves. That is NOT like Superman at all. He would never just up and leave and not tell anyone. He's too good to do that. But I got over that and decided to give it the benefit of the doubt. The audience is also informed that it has been five years since he left.

Both the Donner and Singer films open with an establishing shot of Krypton. Albeit the one in this is much more brief, lasting only a few minutes compared to Donner's 30min. The look of Krypton is identical to the one in the Donner film, even down to the way the camera pans over the large dome on the planet. It then moves back to Smallville, just like Donner's. Only nothing happens here, and what little that does happen is so glossed over and fast one wonders why it was even included at all. He crashlands again, wakes up in his old bed, and has a flashback to when he was a boy first discovering his powers. He informs his adoptive mother that he is the last of his kind and that Krypton was destroyed. He learns that the world he knew has moved on without him and even decided they don't need him and that he is merely a pleasant memory. This lasts all of 10min and we're back in Metropolis.

He gets his job back at the Daily Planet. How you ask? Because someone on the staff died! wacko.gif It doesn't show Clark having to earn it back, trying to fit back into the world he left behind. He apparently didn't let anyone know he was leaving as Clark either, he just up and quit. Jimmy is the only one to question where he's been before being interrupted by Perry White, and the subject is never brought up again.

Lois meanwhile has moved on. He learns she's won a Pulitzer for her article "Why the world doesn't need Superman" and has a fiancé' and a son. She is currently on assignment on board an experimental plane carrying a new space shuttle in an attempt to launch from the Stratosphere, when Clark arrives back to work. Now I ask you, who doesn’t see the setup for disaster here? Predictable.

Clark/Supes feels lost and alone in the world he chose to turn his back on. What did he expect? There is no reason to sympathize with a character who chose to ostracize himself from the world that took him in as an adopted son. He seems to me to be an ingrate. Did he really expect the world to stop while he was gone? Did he expect Lois to wait for him when he gave her no warning that he was leaving in the first place? Anyway...

Meanwhile, we learn Lex is out of prison, has married an elderly billionairess on her death bed, and convinces her to leave him everything as she passes. Now Lex has the means to execute his brilliant plan. The same plan from Superman: The Movie. Land land land. Only this time, instead of just buying up cheap desert to the East of the fault line and sinking California into the ocean driving up the value of his land so he can sell it to the highest bidders, he’s going to use “advanced alien technology” to build a continent of his own and sell it off in segments to the highest bidders! While slightly different from the Donner film, it’s still the same damn plot device.

Where is the Luthor that is Superman’s mental superior? He’s not even a criminal genius in this one as Gene Hackman so loudly and proudly proclaimed in the first movie.



***Okay, I’ve been as good as I can be, now we’re going balls out and bringing on SPOILERS! I have also marked where the SPOILERS end so you can jump down to that if you’d like***



*****************SPOILER alert!!!!*********************



Here’s my problem with Lex. While the Lex in the Donner movie was fun and entertaining, he was the golden age Lex. The criminal mastermind Lex Luthor that was a type of evil mad scientist. It was only a few short years later that the character was revamped and made into a more believable villain in the comics. The best way I can think to describe him now is an evil Bruce Wayne. He’s a billionaire industrialist who feels that he is the rightful son of Metropolis and should be receiving all the praise and admiration that some alien is getting. He is jealous of Superman and wants to bring him down and show the world that Superman is nothing special. But he’s brilliant in that he uses his financial power and connections so as to never be connected with any of the crime in the city or attempts on Superman’s life. He’s a combo of the Kingpin and Bruce Wayne if you will.

The Lex in Superman Returns has a line that he gives to Kitty about how he intends to give “fire to the people”. And 20 minutes later we learn he doesn’t intend that at all. He intends to destroy the people. Another missed opportunity. How cool would it have been to see Lex selling off the Kryptonian technology to third world countries, or on the black market, or for a laugh selling it on eBay and actually giving fire to the people? Instead, he’s going to sink almost all of the continental United States. You’ll notice California was spared this time around. Bringing fire to the people indeed.

After all this establishing as to who the major players are and what they’ve been up to, the inevitable “Superman to the rescue” scene happens. I must note here that I was enjoying the movie somewhat at this point. It was slowly building, I was looking past some of the plot points and little irritating things as I so often try to do and just enjoying that I was about to see Supes onscreen again. And the plane sequence was actually very entertaining. I’d say the only thing in the movie that was. And then, it crashes and burns. Not the plane, Supes saves that of course... the film.

It starts simply enough. Supes saves the plane, enters it, and makes eye contact with Lois. Behold, the only chemistry between the two characters for the rest of the film! And then what does Supes say? The exact same line he said to Lois in Superman: The Movie after he saved her from the crashing helicopter. Wait a minute... crashing helicopter... crashing plane... similarity? I think so. And then, just in case you didn’t already see it, after he flies away Lois faints. Just like in Superman: The Movie. I have two problems with this. One, it’s a rehash of something we’ve seen and was funny the first time around, but just redundant now. Two, Lois Lane wouldn’t faint. Period. That is not her character at all. It worked in the first movie because no one had ever seen Superman before. A man flies up out of nowhere and not only grabs you and flies you to safety, but he also stops a helicopter from falling 40 stories with one hand, and flies it back to the roof too!! That’s faint worthy. That’s cute when she faints. Lois fainting on the plane doesn’t work. It’s nothing she hasn’t seen before and Lois is tougher than that. And I can hear you out there going “But she hasn’t seen him in 5 years and she got over him and now BOOM he’s back!” Yes, but the real Lois, the Lois Lane in the comics, would be mad at him! Mad for leaving. Mad for not explaining himself. Mad for not coming to her first. She should’ve balled her fist and glared at him as he flew away. That would be much more dramatic.

After the saving of a flying vehicle scene, we are treated to Superman flying around and accomplishing miscellaneous good deeds. Only they bare a striking resemblance to the heroic deeds he performed in Superman: The Movie.
S:TM - shots of police cars racing through the city chasing down some bank robbers. Superman cornering them. The crooks fight him with a false sense of security by sneaking up on him and bashing him in the head with a crowbar. It does nothing to him, of course, and the criminals are next scene being delivered to the cops.
SR - shots of police cars racing through the city to the front of a bank as it’s being robbed. Superman cornering them on the roof. The crooks fight him with a false sense of security and a gattling gun. It does nothing. The criminal then shoots at him point blank and hits his eyes as we are treated to the $225 million dollar special effects of the bullet bouncing off his eyeball. Slight laugh, much like the crowbar incident in S:TM, and we next see the crooks being delivered to the cops.

There was more, but I think I made my point. Each scene of Supes doing a good deed is almost identical to the ones in the Donner movie, but with some twist to it.


And now we get our intro to the biggest mistake of the film (and of Superman’s): Lois Lane’s son.

Again, predictable. The writer’s spent tons of time making sure that the audience hears of all the medical problems with the kid. His many allergies, what he can and can’t eat, his asthma, his bad grades in p.e. but his great grades in science, etc... “Well, shucks! He couldn’t be Superman’s kid, look at how weak and vulnerable he is. Hyuk!” <—sarcasm folks.

But seriously, how predictable. Did they really think this might throw off any intelligent viewer to the fact that they were probably going to make the kid his? If anything, it makes it obvious that that is going to be the big “twist” at the end of the film. It was at this point that I really started to worry.

As the film drags on we see Lex playing with his yacht, Kitty being a horrible replacement for Ms Teschmacher, and four random goons doing goon-y things. Where is Otis anyway?

Eventually the big scene with Lois and Superman happens. Again, Singer must have had a copy of Donner’s film on hand because it looks and feels almost exactly the same as when Superman met her for his first interview. The wind blowing at his entrance; the hopping down off the ledge to meet her; the witty banter and shared glances. Except the chemistry wasn’t there. Singer goes so far as to give us another flying scene with the two of them. I will say that I liked Singer’s better... not because it looked better, I actually think the flying looks more believable in the ‘78 movie. No, I like his better because he chose to leave out any kind of voice over by Lois as she and Superman are flying across the city. Instead, he gives them a small conversation.

Does anyone else see it yet? How he just took Superman: The Movie, made slight changes here and there, but basically made the exact same movie? It’s nothing more than that new Hollywood buzz word: a REIMAGINING of Superman: The Movie. Only not as good. It’s Brian Singer doing his best to make a Richard Donner film.

As the movie progresses Superman eventually figures out Lex’s plan, Lois tracks down Lex and shows us all what a neglectful mother she is having forgotten her son at school and then dragging him into a potentially dangerous situation. She, of course and predictably, tracks down Lex and gets caught doing it.

Oh, and Lex gets more Kryptonite! From, apparently, the same place he got it before in Superman: The Movie. How do I know this? Because it says so on the placard underneath the stone he steals. Wasn’t there only the one stone? Was there a second? Did the first movie happen or not? You see why it’s a bad idea to make this movie tie into the first two yet?

Lex has Lois and child held prisoner as he goes to sow the seeds of his new continent. He uses the crystal technology he stole from the Fortress of Solitude and encases one of the crystals within the stolen Kryptonite. He then has henchman Kumar launch the crystal into the ocean and begins his grand creation.

Meanwhile, Lois manages to get a message to the Daily Planet and now has both her fiancé’ and Superman coming to her rescue.

Now comes the part where I literally wanted to get up and walk out of the theatre. I almost did. I had to hold myself in my seat.

As Lois and son are being guarded, she has her son go to the piano on the ship to practice and distract the guard. Nice mom, using her own son as a distraction tool. The thug watching them joins the kid in a duet. Of course, and predictably, the goon catches Lois as she sends her S.O.S. and proceeds to beat the crap out of her. He is just about to bash her head in when out of nowhere the piano comes flying across the room and into the henchman. Now, the writers could’ve fooled everyone here. Another missed opportunity. I was hoping the camera would pan over and Superman would be standing there. That we were led to believe it was the kid, but lo and behold, Superman came and saved Lois. Alas, he was not there. The kid is, apparently, the son of Superman.... LAME!!!!

Just minutes later his powers must have left him as he and mommy are so easily dragged into the kitchen and locked in. When Lois asks mini-Supes for help, he gives a pitiful look and just says he’s sorry. We then learn, from the three remaining goons, that the piano killed the other one. So now we have a pint-sized murderer on our hands. Nice. Nothing says Superman movie more than a 5 year old killer.

**I’m really trying to be as short as possible with this, I just have to much I want to touch on. Please, bare with me.**

Superman is on his way to save Lois and child but is stopped halfway there when Lex launches an attack on the city. You see, when the Kryptonite continent is forming it’s splitting the land underneath the ocean and basically creating a fault line underneath Metropolis. Much the same way that Lex causes the fault line in California to split apart in Superman: The Movie. : ) So Superman abandons his mission of saving Lois to go and save the city first and avert a major catastrophe. Again, just like in S:TM, he saves the city before he saves Lois. Carbon copy.

Superman stops the city wide destruction and is just in time to save Richard White (Lois’ fiancé’), Lois and child just in the nick of time. Again, the writers seem to have forgotten that they made the kid Superman’s son, because he’s doing nothing. Just 10 minutes before he threw a piano across a room to stop some thug from bashing mommy’s head in, and now mommy is unconscious and both she and daddy are going to drown and the kid is doing nothing. It makes no sense! Has the kid forgotten how to open a door?

Superman saves them, helps Richard take off in his sea-plane and goes off to face Lex on the Kryptonite continent.

Here’s another major problem. Even Donner got Kryptonite right. When Lex first reveals that fist-sized lump of it in S:TM, Superman cringes and falls backward in pain and weakness. It’s that potent. Superman describes it in the Man of Steel storyline in the comics from a few years back. He says that even the smallest piece of Kryptonite can be felt by him from yards away and it’s like “chewing on tin foil.” That same small piece, if placed on his person, feels to him like “A million tiny needles piercing my entire body.” It’s simple stuff, and Singer and the writers screwed it up. All they had to do was watch an episode of Smallville and they could’ve seen how it affects Kal-El. Superman shouldn’t even be able to fly anywhere near that island, let alone land on it. He would’ve been unconscious from the Kryptonite long before setting foot there. And even if it was less potent, he still would’ve felt something. Why not get the hell out of there? He knows that Lex knows his weakness. He should’ve turned around as soon as he felt even the slightest twinge of Kryptonite wash over him.

Of course, our new Superman isn’t nearly this smart and is beaten almost to death. I liked this scene. No no, not because I hated Superman in this movie, but because it was powerful. It was brutal. It would’ve been such a great scene if it weren’t in this movie. If it were Metallo exposing him to his Kryptonite power source and laughing as his thugs beat Superman, it would’ve been great. It’s not even bad here watching Lex gloat over him. But even this scene cannot save the movie.

We then get the Kryptonite shiv in the back. Who didn’t see that coming a mile away. If the scene where Lex first pockets it wasn’t enough of a giveaway, the line earlier in the film about how if you’re not careful in prison and make friends with the right people, you’ll get a shiv in the back, should’ve been a dead giveaway.

Superman escapes, and Lois has since convinced Richard to turn the plane around and help him because she’s afraid he’ll die. And then, somehow, they manage to find Superman floating in the middle of the ocean with all that chaos around them of that island forming. I mean, the Coast Guard in helicopters that can hover can barely find people floating on the surface in bright orange colored life vests, and Supes jr. and mommy spot him flying at around 100mph in a plane? Come on!

Lois again shows why she’s an unfit mother by risking her life to jump into the turbulent sea to rescue Superman. Now, I hear you out there. Look at the symbolism. Lois is saving the man that has saved her so many times before. I get it. It’s being shoved in my face, how could I not? But she shows no concern for her son, or future husband. Does she want to leave them a widow and motherless? Is she really that selfish? I think Richard should get the kid in the oncoming custody battle. laugh.gif

They fly away with Supes, Lois pulls the Kryptonite from his back, and he leaves to back again! To the same damn island of Kryptonite!! WTF?!?!? But not before recharging his batteries by flying up to the sun. That was an incredible shot; gorgeous. But now he flies back to the island. What? Does Kryptonite not affect him as long as he knows it’s Kryptonite? It doesn’t make sense. The shiv in the back nearly kills him, and yet he can carry an island, almost the size of Hawaii made of the stuff and he’s not falling over? Inconsistent!! Nevermind the fact that Superman is not that strong.

Again, the Superman being presented here is the pre-Crisis Superman. In comics, things get very convoluted over time. So many different writers, with so many different ideas, over so much time, the water tends to get a bit muddy. It got so bad in the DC comics, and Superman became so powerful that he could turn back time by flying around the planet and blow out stars with his breath, that they had to reset things. It was called the Infinite Crisis and it happened in the mid-eighties. It basically re-established Superman’s basic powers and scaled it down a bit. He’s still the toughest badass in DC and could probably stand toe to toe with the Hulk, but he can’t lift islands!

Superman Returns should’ve been a post-Crisis Superman and actually make him have to solve problems instead of just carrying them off into space.

And how is it that Lex can push him around just 10 minutes earlier, after Superman had only been standing on the land for mere moments, and now Superman can lift the whole thing for minutes and have chunks of Kryptonite the size of his head just inches from his hands? It doesn’t work! Poor writing.

Oh, and another thing, now Superman is a murderer. As he lifts the island away, it starts to crumble and break apart. Lex and co. make a run for the chopper but the three remaining goons, Kumar included, are crushed beneath a huge Kryptonite pillar. Wrong wrong wrong! Superman would never knowingly endanger anyone. Not even a criminal that just beat the crap out of him. He should’ve done a fly by, grabbed them by their collars and thrown them into the sea to pick up later. He is guilty, in this movie, of second degree murder as far as I’m concerned. Superman would never, NEVER do such a thing. It just shows that neither the writers, nor Singer really studied the character, they just watched Donner’s movie, but even he knew not to kill the bad guys.

Anyway, Lex and Kitty get away, and Supes hucks the island into space. Kitty throws out the rest of the crystals. And why anyway? Why does she chose now to do that? And why does Lex keep her in the chopper? Even the Lex in this movie isn’t above sacrificing his own and I thought for sure he’d kick her out of the chopper as she flew away, but he didn’t. Oh, and Superman must have some pretty good balancing skills to keep those crystals from rolling off the edge of the island where she dropped them.

Superman falls to earth and crash lands. Where you ask? Somehow he lands back in Metropolis. Nevermind the winds carrying him, or the fact that he wasn’t over the city to begin with. Oh no, he must land in Metropolis, it’s more dramatic. We are then treated to a horrible sequence of him being taken to a hospital as they try, and fail, to revive him. Someone should’ve told the writers and Singer that the whole needle in the arm thing was done, and done better on Smallville. : ) And how is it that gattling gun bullets don’t penetrate his suit, but the doctor’s scissors do? Hmm....

Another opportunity was missed here. They should’ve introduced Dr. Star and Star labs. He is one of Superman’s most trusted allies in the comics and the Animated Series and a very integral part of his life in Metropolis. He should’ve been introduced here and at least met the injured and near death Superman. Wasted opportunity, but this movie is full of them.

Of course we get the obligatory visit from Lois, and the last moments that she and her fiancé’ Richard will ever be truly together again. And she, of course, takes Supey jr. with her. And how is that just moments before we saw Supes getting his suit cut off of him, and now it’s folded neatly in the chair at the foot of his bed?

Now comes the biggest plot hole in the entire movie. And that says a lot because there are plenty of them. Lois whispers to Superman, apparently, that the child is his. And, predictably, he wakes from the coma! Not right away, that’s not dramatic enough, they had to make the audience wait a whole 3 minutes before showing the bed empty, the suit gone, and the window open.

Plot hole: how does Lois know that Superman is the father? If Singer is making this a sequel to Superman II, which he has said it is, then Lois should have no recollection of ever being with Superman. He kisses her at the end of that film and wipes her mind clean. She doesn’t remember Zod, or the Kryptonians, or the Fortress, or the fact that Clark is Superman and that they consummated the relationship. Right? So, how does Lois know? Does she think he snuck in and got her pregnant, or is she willing to just not know how she got pregnant with his child and is just happy that it’s his because it won’t be so hard for her to leave Richard? And if she knows for certain that it’s his child because she remembers sleeping with him in Superman II, then she must also know that he’s Clark, right? See? You can’t do this and have it make sense. Not if you want it to be a true sequel. It makes no sense. Does she have selective memory? Or does she know that Clark is Superman? Lame lame lame!!

We then have Superman breaking and entering into Lois and Richard’s house and speaking to his bastard son as he sleeps. And we are treated to the uninspiring and unoriginal idea of Brandon Routh speaking those amazing lines from Superman: The Movie. Lines performed by the late great Marlon Brando and written by a real screen writer, Tom Mankiewicz. It’s not touching, it’s a reminder of how good the first movie was compared to this and how bad this one is.

He leaves, lets Lois know he’ll be around and we get the exact same flying sequence from the end of Superman: The Movie. I defy you; watch the Donner movie side by side with this one and it’s same sequence, shot for shot!! Only the Donner version looks better because it’s really Chris Reeve (God rest his soul) and not some horrible CG model of him. Singer even ends on the same shot and pose of Superman: flying above the earth, his hands falling to his hips, a slight smile, and fly off screen to the left. Ugh!!


*************** END SPOILERS*****************


3) Cast:
I liked the cast, funnily enough. I just didn’t like the writing. You can’t do much as an actor without a good story to work with, and there just wasn’t one here. Plus, why did they cast so young? If it’s a sequel to the previous movies, why not get actors who look like they could be in their thirties? Routh was a fine Clark/Superman but he had nothing to work with, and would’ve fit the movie better had it been a restart, because of his youthful look. The same goes for Kate Bosworth as Lois, who was so poorly written and so not like Lois Lane. Kevin Spacey is an actor that is hit or miss with me, but is usually pretty good at what he does. He is no Lex Luthor. I can hear Singer on the set, calling the three of them over to his monitor and putting on S:TM and saying “Okay, now watch Gene Hackman, and Margot Kidder, and Chris Reeve... got it? Now go do your best impression of each. And..... ACTION!” Seriously.

They all were fine as a cast, but could’ve been so much better with a good script, a director who wasn’t trying to impersonate Donner, and a post-Crisis take on the Man of Tomorrow.

The best characters/acting came from Jimmy Olsen, who was spot on perfect with his comic counterpart, and Perry White, who was also very close to his comic incarnation. Also, James Marsden as the created for this movie Richard White was very good. There were times on screen when he looked more like Superman than Superman. I think he’s even more heroic than Supes half the time.

The worst were Kitty Kowalski, an invented moll for Lex who can’t hold a candle to Miss Teschmacer from S:TM, and the kid, Jason Lane. I thought the kid from The Omen was bad, this kid was worse. Both completely useless and unnecessary characters that added nothing to film but stupidity (Kitty) and awful plot device (Jason).

Again, the main cast was fine. They are all good actors, they just had nothing to work with.


4) Directing:
I don’t know what happened here. Singer was doing his best to impersonate Richard Donner. For those who don’t know, Richard Donner and Brian Singer’s parents are close family friends. Singer even stayed with Donner and his wife in California when he was trying to break into the business. Maybe this is Singer’s way of trying to pay respect to Donner and saying “Look at me and the way you influenced me Mr. Donner. Thank you.” I don’t know.
Either way, it’s not Singer’s usual stuff, and is probably the worst thing he’s directed, not that he did much directing, he just watch S:TM and copied it.


5) Score:
Beautifully done by John Ottman, although I would’ve loved to have heard a new theme. The old theme, while iconic and classic, is slightly dated. Even Ottman agrees with that, and has stated in a couple of interviews that he and Singer actually got into arguments over the theme. Ottman wanted it gone, Singer wanted it back, so they compromised and it’s there, but tweaked and not as prevalent. I would’ve loved to hear what Ottman may have done since his score on X2 was incredible and the defining sound of the X-Men for me. Another missed opportunity.

OVERALL:
A bad movie. Boring. Slow. Poorly edited. Poorly directed. Predictable.

The only things the movie has going for it are the score (which could have been great if it was
new), and the cast (who are fine actors, they just had no script or director to work with).

And where is the $225 million budget on this thing? I didn’t see it up there. The effects didn’t look like they cost that much. Unless it all went into digitally coloring Brandon’s eyes to the proper shade of blue. They did that digitally you know? Why not use contacts? Would’ve been cheaper and they could’ve hired some decent writers. : )

I know I will be flamed for this review. I am prepared for it. However, those of you who think this is a good movie, I’m happy for you. I really wish I could like something about it. I cannot. And I don’t think I’m in the minority on the “didn’t like it” front either. The box office on this movie has been disappointing so far, despite what some fanboys are saying.

Consider this:
-The movie cost a reported $225 million dollars. The studio won’t comment, which means it cost at least that much. Believe me, if it cost less they would’ve corrected this speculation a long time ago.
-The marketing campaign is reported as being between $60 - $100 million more.
-The weekend totals were only $52.1 million.
-The five day total since it’s sneak preview Tuesday night, that’s FIVE day total is only $84.2 million.
-Those numbers are not good.

It seems to me the word of mouth is out on this movie, and it’s not good. I think a lot of people are very disappointed in this film and, like me, ran out and told everyone they could after seeing the preview not to waste their time and money on it. The box office will only get worse, especially since Pirates of the Carribean 2 is out this coming weekend, and it will be a powerhouse to contend with. Superman Returns is a bust. It did pull a Hulk. Tons of hype, a huge budget, special effects, but no story structure and nothing to suck in the viewer.

As my brother and I watched this movie in the theatre we noticed all the different people there. Men, women, children, older people, middle aged, black, white, asian, hispanic, etc... It was amazing to see. As we watched we looked around to see other people’s reactions. They were twisting in their seats, or looking around too; some people were leaving. Others were enjoying it though, and I’m happy for them. But the thing that stands out to me is the kids. We sat next to a family with five kids ranging from 2-10 years old. We overheard the oldest, dressed in his Superman t-shirt just like his dad, ask if they could leave yet. The movie was only an hour in and he wanted to go. The dad said no, and it’ll get better. Thirty minutes later the same kid asked again and added that he was tired and wanted to just go home and sleep. They stayed. Well, until the hospital and then they just gave up. Can’t blame them.

I wanted to like this movie. I was prepared not to like it as a Superman film and to just enjoy it as a film in general. Sadly, I couldn’t. I wasn’t expecting a visual effects extravaganza. I wasn’t expecting a brainless popcorn flick. I just wanted a movie to like, even just a little. I can’t. It is not a good movie. I think that time will tell all, when this movie fades away and is recognized as bad once the initial luster of a “new” Superman film is lost, and the Donner film will still be regarded as the best of the Superman films. I think SR will be regarded in about the same was as the first Superman III and Superman IV.

And Christopher Reeve is, was, and will always be Superman.

I wanted to believe a man could fly again . . . I don’t.

Superman Returns . . . and crash lands. 3 out of 10

Let the flaming begin.
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