patriotic bumper stickers
In a mere matter of days the United States and Britain are going to defy the popular opinion of both the citizens of their respective countries and of the world to invade Iraq. I can say this with a reasonable degree of certainty given the blatant disregard for the rest of the humans on Earth displayed by the Bush Administration and the UK's... um... Prime Minister Cabinet or whatever it is that they have.
We're all sick of the "9-11-01 Never Forget" and various other boring "God Bless America" and "In God We Trust" and whatever other rubbish bumper stickers are being sported by Americans these days. It's just getting pretty tired. This is why I've taken it upon myself to jump the gun, so to speak, with this new line of bumper stickers to get everyone geared up for the exciting war that is to come. Online store to follow.
"Hans Blix is Da Bomb!"
That's right, kids! It's the UN's chief weapons inspector Hans Blix! Show your support for the hardest working Swede in the Middle East by putting this beauty on the bumper of your car. It's time that this magnificent gentleman gets the credit he rightly deserves. Jump on the bandwagon now before his new reality show, Blix Flix, airs next fall on Fox.
We all know it but few have the courage to come right out and say it! Show your disdain for the peace-loving cowards of Europe with this flashy bumper sticker.
Dear Saddam ...
Too many people are blinded by the magnificence that is Saddam Hussein's fabulous facial hair. It's gone on for too long! America has to unite and tell Saddam: "No! It's not okay to do what you're doing just because you have a gorgeous upper lip! Now is the time to disarm, you beautiful, beautiful man!"
Let's face it: Americans are fantastic! Other nationalities just don't quite cut it by comparison. This is why newspeople will cheerfully deliver the line: "A bus with 100 people drove off a cliff today in Nepal." Everyone watching just sort of goes about their business without breaking stride. I mean, Nepal? Who even knows where that is? But occasionally there will be grim pause as the newsperson lowers his or her paper and takes off their glasses to deliver an additional stinging line: "There was one American on board!" Now this trivial piece of news means something! Damn.
"Oops! I Washed My Flag!
We've all done it. In an effort to show your patriotism--and to have the cleanest flag on the block--you just kinda toss it into the wash without a second thought. Let the world know that even though you're a clumsy, bubmling idiot you still suppor the good 'ol US of A! You can let them know at the same time that these colors do, in fact, run.